Teaching on kindness
“Mostly, I want to be kind. And nobody, of course, is kind, or mean, for a simple reason.”
MO
Mary Oliver

In her poignant reflection, Mary Oliver expresses a profound yearning: "Mostly, I want to be kind. And nobody, of course, is kind, or mean, for a simple reason." This statement invites us to explore the complexities of human behavior, suggesting that our actions stem from deeper motivations and experiences. The stakes of this inquiry are high; understanding the roots of kindness can illuminate our own intentions and the fabric of our relationships, ultimately guiding us toward a more compassionate existence.

Oliver's words resonate with a universal truth about the human condition. They compel us to consider not only our desires for kindness but also the intricate web of emotions and circumstances that influence our actions. By acknowledging that kindness and meanness are not merely choices but rather reflections of our inner landscapes, we open ourselves to a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. This exploration is essential in a world often marred by division and misunderstanding, where the cultivation of kindness can serve as a transformative force.

The image / the metaphor

At first glance, Oliver's quote presents a straightforward desire for kindness, yet it is layered with rich imagery and nuanced verbs. The phrase "mostly, I want to be kind" evokes a sense of longing, suggesting that kindness is not merely an action but a state of being that we aspire to embody. The juxtaposition of kindness with the acknowledgment of meanness introduces a tension that invites reflection on the complexities of human nature. This tension is palpable, as it hints at the struggles we face in navigating our intentions and the realities of our interactions.

Diving deeper into the metaphor, we find that Oliver's words serve as a mirror reflecting our shared humanity. The notion that "nobody, of course, is kind, or mean, for a simple reason" suggests that our behaviors are often shaped by a myriad of influences—our upbringing, our experiences, and the societal norms that surround us. This complexity invites us to consider the layers of understanding that lie beneath our actions, urging us to approach ourselves and others with compassion and curiosity. In this light, kindness becomes not just a goal but a journey of exploration into the depths of our character.

In the speaker's tradition

Mary Oliver's contemplative poetry is deeply rooted in the natural world, where she often finds reflections of human emotions and experiences. Her work resonates with the concept of dharma, the idea that each being has a unique path and purpose. In this context, kindness can be seen as an expression of our true nature, a manifestation of our interconnectedness with all living things. By recognizing that our actions are influenced by a multitude of factors, we can cultivate a more profound understanding of our own dharma and the role kindness plays within it.

Furthermore, Oliver's exploration of kindness aligns with the Buddhist concept of sunyata, or emptiness, which teaches that our perceptions and identities are not fixed but rather fluid and interdependent. This perspective encourages us to see beyond the surface of our actions, recognizing that kindness and meanness are often responses to our own suffering and the suffering of others. In her poem "Wild Geese," Oliver invites us to embrace our place in the world, suggesting that by acknowledging our shared struggles, we can foster a deeper sense of compassion and kindness toward ourselves and others.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching might resonate: a colleague at work consistently undermines your ideas in meetings. In this moment, the instinct may be to respond with frustration or defensiveness. However, if we apply Oliver's insight, we might pause to reflect on the underlying reasons for their behavior. Perhaps they are grappling with their insecurities or feeling threatened by your contributions. By approaching the situation with kindness, we can create an opportunity for dialogue and understanding, transforming a potentially adversarial interaction into a moment of connection.

Another application of this teaching could arise within our personal relationships. Imagine a friend who is distant and unresponsive, leaving you feeling hurt and confused. Instead of reacting with anger or withdrawal, Oliver's wisdom encourages us to consider the complexities of their situation. They may be dealing with personal challenges that we are unaware of. By extending kindness and reaching out with empathy, we can create space for healing and reconnection, embodying the very essence of what it means to be kind.

A reflection

As we contemplate Mary Oliver's profound words, we are invited to ask ourselves: What motivates my actions toward others, and how can I cultivate a deeper sense of kindness in my daily life? This question encourages us to reflect on our intentions and the underlying emotions that drive our behavior. By engaging in this inquiry, we can begin to unravel the complexities of our character and foster a more compassionate approach to ourselves and those around us, ultimately contributing to a kinder world.

Artist
Mary Oliver

Wisdom from Mary Oliver.

Got Questions?

Mary Oliver expresses a deep yearning for kindness, suggesting that it is a fundamental aspect of her character. She acknowledges that human behavior is complex, indicating that our actions—whether kind or unkind—are influenced by various factors beyond simple choice.
You can apply this teaching by consciously reflecting on your interactions with others. When faced with conflict or misunderstanding, take a moment to consider the underlying motivations of both yourself and the other person, allowing kindness to guide your response.
Yes, the themes of kindness and the complexity of human behavior are prevalent in many contemplative-poetry texts. Poets like Rumi and Thich Nhat Hanh also explore the interconnectedness of all beings and the importance of compassion in our interactions.
While kindness often refers to the actions we take toward others, compassion encompasses a deeper understanding of their suffering. In this context, kindness can be seen as a manifestation of compassion, where we respond to others' needs with empathy and care.
Mindfulness meditation can support living this teaching by helping you cultivate awareness of your thoughts and emotions. By practicing mindfulness, you can develop a greater understanding of your motivations and learn to respond to others with kindness and compassion.

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