Transcript
[0:00] When we speak of ourselves and think of
[0:02] ourselves, the problem is we are so many
[0:05] different levels simultaneously.
[0:08] And this little bit that we think we're
[0:10] in charge of, we we're extraordinarily
[0:13] misguided in thinking this tiny bit that
[0:16] we're conscious of is actually the
[0:17] captain of the ship. It isn't at all.
[0:20] There's this other part of it that knows
[0:22] what our true destiny is and will not
[0:25] rest until we reach it. And our destiny
[0:30] is purity of heart so that we can see
[0:32] God. Okay. What is the word? The word
[0:35] purity is kind of an odd word in the way
[0:38] in our context. Purity means well think
[0:41] of it just in terms of like purifying
[0:43] gold. Pure gold. There's there's uh
[0:47] there's things in there that are not the
[0:49] same as the gold. And the gold is going
[0:51] to shine better if you can get all those
[0:53] impurities. and they're impure because
[0:56] they're not the same as as the essential
[0:59] substance.
[1:01] So our essential substance is divine, is
[1:05] blissful,
[1:07] is is is uh free, is not compelled, is
[1:11] able to just live by divine law joyfully
[1:15] and effortlessly.
[1:17] Um, and then there's all these
[1:18] impurities that said, "But I would be
[1:20] happier if I would be happier if I would
[1:22] be happier if I would be happier if and
[1:26] and we tend to call that me." But our
[1:30] higher self knows that's not that's not
[1:32] us. So we keep we keep trying to purify
[1:35] ourselves. Whether we know that or not,
[1:37] that's what we're actually doing. The
[1:38] heart is not yet pure and it's propelled
[1:41] to have experiences
[1:44] that will will educate us as to as to
[1:49] what is re what is eternally real. Who
[1:52] am I? What is the real source of my
[1:55] suffering? What is the real source of my
[1:57] joy?
[1:59] And we we we do not learn by somebody
[2:03] making a dogmatic list of what we're
[2:05] supposed to do. It's just we don't we
[2:08] might be um forced to cooperate. We
[2:13] might be too afraid not to cooperate. We
[2:16] might be um it might be an appropriate
[2:19] instruction for us and the right karmic
[2:22] experience is to try but gradually we
[2:25] move step by step. We are compelled to
[2:28] be involved with one another. The first
[2:32] the there are five stages. I believe in
[2:33] the first three stages we are forced to
[2:37] constantly be with one another and we
[2:40] are generally speaking we get to suffer
[2:43] from one another because we have to find
[2:46] out what is true and what is not true.
[2:49] We have to find out where happiness
[2:51] really comes from. And very very very
[2:54] you have to be extremely highly advanced
[2:58] before you can continue that process
[3:01] without the compelling force of all the
[3:05] demands that are put upon us. Now, the
[3:07] part of the reason I I've gone to so
[3:09] much trouble to say this is we we have a
[3:14] certain amount of energy to progress, to
[3:18] change ourselves, to make to to learn
[3:22] and expand.
[3:24] And we need every ounce of energy that
[3:27] we have in order to be able to do it.
[3:29] But a tremendous amount of our energy is
[3:33] committed to rebelling against the
[3:36] necessity to do that,
[3:39] you know, and we we just we just want it
[3:42] to be different. Ask yourself, how much
[3:44] energy do we spend just saying I want it
[3:47] to be different?
[3:50] when when I went through early in my
[3:52] life one of the first, you know, of the
[3:55] parade of disappointments deep, I'm I I
[3:58] can't even at this point make light of
[4:00] how I felt. Just total heartbreak.
[4:04] And I realized that
[4:07] this that my heart was broken because
[4:10] what had existed had ceased to exist
[4:14] because everybody in the story had had
[4:17] turned the page.
[4:20] Because this happens, doesn't it? We
[4:22] don't stay the same. We start in one
[4:24] place and even know sometimes external
[4:28] events intervene, you know, like death
[4:31] or accidents or everything. But things
[4:35] change and then it simply doesn't exist.
[4:41] And so I was you uh given to tears as
[4:46] one is and I was was spending many weeks
[4:50] in a state of great sadness. And then
[4:53] one day I realized that what I wanted
[4:58] what I had what had been true had ceased
[5:01] to exist.
[5:03] And no, no power in heaven or earth
[5:07] could bring the past and make it the
[5:09] present or the future. And therefore, if
[5:13] I was going to weep over that fact, I
[5:16] would never stop crying cuz what would
[5:19] ever make me to stop crying?
[5:23] And it didn't in any way
[5:27] change the way I felt because I was
[5:30] griefstricken.
[5:32] But I also just had to ask myself, you
[5:34] know, how do I want to live?
[5:38] And I wasn't sophisticated enough to
[5:40] really understand the metaphysics of
[5:42] these things. But it was just a very
[5:44] practical question. But you see, my
[5:47] higher self was trying to instruct my
[5:49] present self,
[5:51] which is you can be as mad as you want
[5:53] about reality,
[5:55] but reality always wins.
[5:59] And so at a certain point we have to ask
[6:01] ourselves well as my dear friend once
[6:03] asked me she was a wonderful healer and
[6:06] I described to her uh something that I
[6:09] was thinking and doing and so on and she
[6:11] just so sweetly just kind of you know
[6:13] looked at my face with all her loving
[6:15] heart and said and how is that working
[6:17] for you [laughter]
[6:20] and I had to say not very well. Well
[6:23] then how much longer do you want to keep
[6:24] doing it? You know like what do you
[6:26] think is going to happen? So there is a
[6:29] point and this is why we're all involved
[6:32] with each other because nothing breaks
[6:35] our heart as much as each other. Isn't
[6:38] that so? And it's so annoying. It's just
[6:40] so annoying. But see, we have the
[6:42] thought in our mind that we're here for
[6:45] it to all be beautiful and easy and
[6:47] pleasurable.
[6:49] You know, I'm I'm just going to sit
[6:50] right where I am and it's just going to
[6:53] arrange itself around me. And that's
[6:55] what it means that I was made for joy is
[6:58] that it all matches. It's, you know, it
[7:01] all it all fits exactly what I'm shaped
[7:03] like now and everybody fits right into
[7:05] it. And and that's just a fundamental
[7:09] misperception
[7:11] about why we're even here. We're not
[7:14] here to be comfortable and to just get
[7:18] things the way we want. Now, the
[7:20] opposite of that is also false. Nor are
[7:22] we here to suffer. I this is this is
[7:25] what the poor Christians did when they
[7:27] made the crucifixion instead of the
[7:29] resurrection the definition of
[7:30] Christianity. The more you suffer the
[7:32] more you're like Jesus. That was like a
[7:35] super bad mistake. I was with Swami G in
[7:38] Europe. We would have been in probably
[7:40] we were in Florence and we went to the
[7:42] Uitzi and we looked at a great deal of
[7:44] beautiful religious paintings there and
[7:48] painting after painting was Jesus on the
[7:50] cross in countless ways and we came out
[7:52] and Swami G in his simple way he said
[7:54] you know I think it's time for a new
[7:56] theme he said [laughter]
[7:58] he said I think we've taken that one
[8:00] about as far as we need to take it.
[8:03] [laughter]
[8:04] So the opposite is not that misery is
[8:07] our lot but we are here to learn and
[8:10] whether we think learning and changing
[8:13] is miserable or merely challenging
[8:18] but useful in the end. You see it's not
[8:21] has nothing to do with the
[8:22] circumstances. It's just how we regard
[8:24] it. We are forced through this narrow
[8:26] channel because we need to scrape away
[8:28] our misunderstandings
[8:30] so that we can embrace who we really
[8:32] are.
[8:34] So first you have to understand we have
[8:36] to understand this about every everyone
[8:40] everybody is on a journey
[8:43] and and everybody is on their own
[8:46] journey
[8:47] and even if you give birth to the child
[8:52] what to speak if you merely fall in love
[8:54] and make pledges to one another
[8:57] everybody is still on the individual
[8:59] journey about your own children the
[9:02] mother and the Father create the
[9:04] physical vehicle for the soul to express
[9:07] its destiny. But the mother and father
[9:10] do not create the soul or its destiny.
[9:13] And that darling little baby, and I love
[9:16] darling little babies. They're just so
[9:19] marvelously fun and adorable little
[9:21] children. That child is a fully formed
[9:26] consciousness. Has its full
[9:28] intelligence, its full spiritual
[9:30] realization. It just doesn't have the
[9:32] means to tell you about it. But that
[9:35] doesn't mean it's not experiencing it or
[9:37] expressing it. It's just doing it in an
[9:40] age appropriate manner. But you are
[9:44] guiding. You have a responsibility. You
[9:46] have a huge responsibility to do the
[9:48] best you can do for that soul. But
[9:51] you're not creating it. You don't own
[9:53] it. Now there's more to say to your
[9:56] question about how you should
[9:58] appropriately convey to that child what
[10:01] what you have found useful in your life.
[10:03] And I do not feel a hands-off approach
[10:05] is the best way to do it. But there is
[10:08] an appropriate way which has to do with
[10:10] your own understanding of yourself and
[10:14] the world around you. I have in the
[10:16] course of my many years in community,
[10:19] I've I've done hundreds of hours,
[10:22] probably thousands of hours of
[10:24] counseling and probably at least half of
[10:26] it is about romantic relationships
[10:29] because that's what causes us the most
[10:32] grief, isn't it? You know, we just get
[10:35] ourselves into this these expectations
[10:39] and then the darn thing is in these
[10:41] relationships there's always two people
[10:45] and one of them is not me.
[10:49] You and you know it's easy to laugh at
[10:53] that but it's it's when that begins to
[10:56] assert itself and we think that we've
[10:58] been betrayed. We think that somebody
[11:00] didn't keep their promise to us. all
[11:02] these different things when actually all
[11:05] that happened was at some point it
[11:07] becomes self-evident that there's two of
[11:09] us and that we are not creating each
[11:13] other's destiny and that even though
[11:16] there may be a tremendous intersection
[11:19] it's just that there's an intersection
[11:22] there's never when we're talking about
[11:26] incarnated spirits we're always separate
[11:28] we're always separate even when we don't
[11:31] have bodies We're still individual jas
[11:35] and all that every relationship every
[11:38] single relationship is about friendship.
[11:40] The highest form of love is friendship.
[11:44] It's and and for this reason and now the
[11:47] ideal the most obvious ideal
[11:50] relationship is mother love because
[11:53] mother love in its ideal form is
[11:56] completely without regard for itself.
[11:59] I mean even the physical body is taken
[12:01] over and the physical body is sacrificed
[12:04] for the sake of the child. And of course
[12:08] we're not talking about men and women.
[12:09] We're just talking about an ideal. But
[12:11] it's it's symbolically manifested. But
[12:14] the mother is compelled to take care of
[12:17] that child. So even whether she wants to
[12:20] or not, the the child's life depends on
[12:24] it and she's compelled to do it. She can
[12:26] do it joyfully. She can do it willingly
[12:29] but she has to do it. Okay. Friendship
[12:32] even and then we get involved in
[12:35] parental to child, you know, parent to
[12:37] child, child to parent, husband to wife,
[12:40] all of these there's there a form sets
[12:44] in and that form inevitably involves
[12:47] certain expectations
[12:50] and compelling expectations. The only
[12:52] form of love that is completely free is
[12:54] friendship.
[12:56] You just express it because you want to
[12:59] or you withdraw it because you want to.
[13:02] And so master said that's the highest
[13:04] form. That's why last night I was
[13:05] talking about friend being one of the
[13:07] bavs. And in the Gita um I I was
[13:11] speaking of that last night. I believe
[13:13] Krishna calls Arjun a friend and in the
[13:17] Bible as I was saying last night Jesus
[13:18] calls his disciples friend. And there's
[13:21] a very subtle and extremely deep message
[13:23] there. Now when romance, when sexuality,
[13:26] when passion, when when commitment to
[13:29] raise children together all set in all
[13:31] of these expectations, and I know
[13:33] expectations is a cliche, so just saying
[13:36] that alone is not really solving the
[13:38] problem, but we do get in the position
[13:41] where this is what is supposed to happen
[13:44] and we and then when it doesn't happen,
[13:46] we get in war with reality, don't we?
[13:50] And then we start trying to compel the
[13:52] people in our lives to do the things
[13:54] that they are supposed to do. And how's
[13:57] that working for you? You know, how is
[13:59] that working for you? Now, the problem
[14:02] is the problem is we get close to people
[14:06] and when they start behaving badly, it's
[14:09] not merely that we selfishly want them
[14:11] to behave in a different way so that all
[14:12] feel better. We also panic for their
[14:15] sakes. We get really worried that, you
[14:18] know, you're doing the wrong thing.
[14:19] You're going to get bad karma here. You
[14:21] need, however we phrase it, you're going
[14:22] to go to hell forever. You're going to
[14:24] get bad karma. You know, it's all sort
[14:26] of the same thing. But we want them to
[14:28] be different. And we may want them to be
[14:30] different for very strong reasons. But
[14:33] what happens then? We get compelled by
[14:36] the lack of peace in our own hearts. And
[14:39] instead of acting with calm
[14:41] understanding of what might be best,
[14:43] we're we're we are compelled. We have
[14:45] compelled hearts. We do not have pure
[14:47] hearts. We do not have free hearts. And
[14:49] so we get to practice. We get to find
[14:52] out what this is. So the the the
[14:54] fundamental thing we have to understand
[14:56] is dissonance, disharmony, heartbreak,
[14:59] grief, loss.
[15:02] That doesn't mean anything's going
[15:04] wrong.
[15:06] It just means that this is the karma
[15:07] that I was born to face. And yes, part
[15:11] of what we do when we face hard karma is
[15:15] we have to gather our intelligent forces
[15:18] and our willpower to figure out what to
[15:21] do about it. And that's why the karma
[15:24] comes. It's an unlearned lesson. Karma
[15:27] is the the the best most useful
[15:29] definition that I know of for the word
[15:31] karma is it's an unlearned lesson. this
[15:36] whatever it is has the power to persuade
[15:39] me that life is not joyful
[15:42] that God does not love me that things
[15:45] ought to be different than they are
[15:48] which is not the truth of things but
[15:50] that that truth is so high that just
[15:53] merely to be able to say it doesn't mean
[15:55] that my spontaneous reaction is to learn
[15:58] that. So we get to practice and part of
[16:02] what that practice is about is we get to
[16:04] experience often just the pit of misery.
[16:09] just the pit of misery because and this
[16:13] is so unfortunate until
[16:17] the suffering of continuing as we are
[16:22] looks worse than the effort required to
[16:26] change our attitudes.
[16:29] We will not put out the effort to do it.
[16:32] And it's it's you know it's it's it's
[16:34] it's adjusted to the micron.
[16:37] you know, if I'd rather just continue to
[16:40] suffer and be in grief rather than
[16:42] really face myself, put out the energy,
[16:45] have the humility to admit, to forgive,
[16:49] to do all these other things. You know,
[16:52] I' I've said the word forgiveness. So,
[16:53] let me put that in here at the moment.
[16:55] Personally, I've never liked the word
[16:57] forgiveness and alternately
[16:59] Swami G sometimes speaks for it and
[17:02] sometimes speaks against it. So, I have
[17:04] I have his authority on both sides of
[17:05] this one. Forgiveness is a beautiful
[17:07] word. It's it's obviously a marvelous
[17:09] concept. But what I don't like about it
[17:12] and this is what Swami has said at
[17:14] places is it's I who am forgiving you.
[17:19] You know because I am magnanimous and I
[17:21] have raised my consciousness to a higher
[17:23] spiritual level and you poor misguided
[17:26] twerp that you are. [clears throat]
[17:28] [laughter]
[17:30] I forgive you.
[17:32] Now, now the result of that is to
[17:36] release anger, to stop feeling like I'm
[17:39] a victim. It's to stop feeling that
[17:42] reality has betrayed me, that something
[17:44] has gone wrong. So, the result is what
[17:46] we're trying to get. We just have to
[17:48] accept it. This is what is because
[17:50] forgiveness implies that a wrong has
[17:52] been done to me and now I'm going to
[17:54] magnanimously let it go. But you see, no
[17:56] wrong is ever actually done to us.
[17:59] opportunities are given to us and but
[18:02] that's not to say that people don't
[18:04] behave badly. Some people behave
[18:07] monstrously.
[18:08] So there's a difference between
[18:10] pretending that everything is just
[18:12] perfect and everybody does just what
[18:14] they're supposed to do and actually
[18:16] realizing that the way the way this
[18:18] person behaved is is nightmarish. They
[18:21] you know nobody should be subjected to
[18:24] what I was subjected to. But rest
[18:27] assured that person's karma is worse
[18:30] than yours.
[18:31] Because when dark energy goes through
[18:35] someone and maybe deposited on another
[18:39] an innocent child or what whoever it's
[18:42] deposited on, it's already one step
[18:45] removed. No matter how horrific it is
[18:47] when it lands. Where the real poison
[18:51] takes place is in the person who
[18:54] channels who becomes a channel for that.
[18:56] Because in order to do many of the
[18:59] horrific things that are done in this
[19:01] world, a person has to open themselves
[19:03] to extraordinary dark energy. you know,
[19:06] to be an abuser of children, to be a
[19:09] sexual predator, to be
[19:13] a torturer of others. It just and so
[19:16] they the trace of the power of the
[19:19] darkness is what they're going to have
[19:21] to deal with, you know. So, it's not we
[19:24] don't have to worry. Retribution will
[19:27] come and but let's think of it
[19:29] differently. They will have the
[19:30] opportunity to learn what is real, what
[19:34] causes suffering because it's a profound
[19:36] unlearned lesson from them. So why ruin
[19:39] my life? Because they have a hard
[19:42] lesson, right? You can feel great
[19:45] compassion, but we have to just accept
[19:49] that this is what has happened. Now the
[19:51] next step is that you ask the question,
[19:53] well, why is it happening to me?
[19:56] And the answer is because I have
[19:59] something to learn. And this is very
[20:01] hard. I was saying at breakfast I had in
[20:04] this lifetime I I had a I've had a
[20:07] charmed life and and but I know when I'm
[20:10] talking to a room full of people I don't
[20:12] I don't know what's in this room. I
[20:15] don't know what some of you may have
[20:16] been through. And believe me, I'm not
[20:19] when I'm saying this to you, I'm not
[20:20] being even slightly glib. I understand
[20:22] this. Especially things that happen to
[20:24] us when we're children. you know, when
[20:26] we just don't even understand.
[20:29] But the difficulty with the law of karma
[20:33] is that if it's true anywhere, it has to
[20:36] be true everywhere.
[20:38] Which is why very few people want to
[20:40] really accept it.
[20:42] It's especially hard if one feels that I
[20:45] have been the victim. And by any
[20:48] objective standard that our society
[20:49] would look at, you have been
[20:53] because you've been subjected to
[20:55] somebody's very, very dark energy. Now,
[20:58] to think that you're being punished is a
[21:01] terrible way to think about it. But to
[21:04] think that there is nothing for you to
[21:06] learn from this experience is a
[21:09] forwardmoving helpful way. And my
[21:11] question is always, you know, how has
[21:14] this made you a better person?
[21:17] What is it that you would not what good
[21:19] thing would you not have learned if you
[21:22] hadn't been through this experience?
[21:23] That doesn't take you all the way to
[21:25] saying, "Oh, I'm so glad it happened."
[21:27] But at least it can begin to turn the
[21:31] energy.
[21:32] And so in all our experiences with
[21:34] people, whether we've been betrayed by a
[21:37] lover or somebody has just died and God
[21:41] has just taken away from you that which
[21:44] you were not ready to give up or you
[21:48] never got something that you really
[21:49] thought you you should have or worse,
[21:52] you got it and it just disappointed you
[21:54] and now what are you going to do? You
[21:57] know, these are all just this is life.
[21:59] This is the progress. This is the
[22:01] propelled heart forced into these
[22:05] situations so that we can rise and rise.
[22:08] A woman friend, an acquaintance, she
[22:10] came to our retreat many years ago when
[22:13] I was uh running uh the weekend running
[22:16] a lot of the programs. This would be in
[22:18] the 70s and 80s. And
[22:21] she came all the way from Sweden, which
[22:23] was more unusual at that time. Now
[22:25] people travel more to be in our
[22:27] community because we were the only
[22:29] community at that time.
[22:31] And she came because she had been gifted
[22:34] with a wonderful woman as a sister, her
[22:36] her her biological sister. They were
[22:38] close in age. They did everything
[22:40] together. They planned that they would
[22:43] marry. They would have children. They
[22:44] would live next door to each other.
[22:46] Everything was all planned. And then in
[22:48] her mid20s, her sister got cancer and
[22:51] died.
[22:52] And the woman in front of me was just
[22:55] beyond herself with grief. She just
[22:57] didn't know. But as she explained it,
[23:01] she said,
[23:03] "I I suffered as I had never suffered
[23:05] before. And because I suffered, I prayed
[23:08] as I had never prayed before. And
[23:11] because I prayed with that intensity, I
[23:14] felt the presence of God as I had never
[23:17] felt it before." And as a consequence,
[23:20] she found autobiography of a yogi. Came
[23:22] from Sweden to California, was there to
[23:25] learn to to meditate, to do ka, all
[23:27] those things. I took a great risk, but
[23:29] it came out of me to say it. I said,
[23:32] "Well, then would you say your sister's
[23:35] death was a tragedy or a blessing then?"
[23:38] And I mean, she just looked horrified
[23:41] when I said that. But you see, the
[23:43] question had to be asked.
[23:46] Do you think her sister promised her
[23:48] before they were born that she was going
[23:51] to be an enormous catalyst for her for
[23:53] her growth and then just kept her
[23:55] promise?
[23:57] I I mean I can't say yes or no but
[24:00] exactly the same situation. Which side
[24:03] do you look at it
[24:05] from?
[24:07] So when we're working with people now
[24:10] this is where I was going to say a
[24:11] moment ago when I have done a lot of
[24:15] counseling for a lot of couples which I
[24:18] don't do anymore. I've done enough I
[24:19] feel um
[24:23] occasionally and it did happen. I would
[24:26] meet a couple that were actually
[24:27] mismatched. It just the energy just was
[24:31] never going to go anywhere.
[24:33] Most of the time, the majority of time,
[24:36] let's just say the problem was within
[24:38] each of them.
[24:40] And of course, because they were not at
[24:42] peace with themselves, they found it
[24:44] impossible to be at peace with each
[24:46] other.
[24:47] And and to be fair about this, when I
[24:50] say the couple was mismatched, I mean
[24:52] like there was they were fundamentally
[24:54] one was a bad person and one wasn't or
[24:56] something like that. But you could also
[24:58] be very uneven in what I'm just saying
[25:02] that, you know, my happiness comes
[25:05] because I've made a deliberate decision
[25:06] to be happy. And I may decide that your
[25:09] decision never to be happy is just too
[25:11] much of a drain on my decision to be
[25:13] happy. I'm not uh in in our present age,
[25:18] separation and divorce is just part of
[25:20] how the story goes. Lifelong marriage is
[25:22] not necessarily a victory.
[25:24] You know, sometimes [laughter]
[25:27] sometimes it's just, you know, an
[25:29] exercise in endurance
[25:31] [laughter]
[25:33] in which nobody wins. Right? So please
[25:36] understand but but we are responsible
[25:39] for our own happiness and no nobody can
[25:42] make you happy
[25:44] and especially romance in our particular
[25:47] time and to a certain extent the romance
[25:48] of having children tells us that oh if I
[25:52] just do this then happiness will be come
[25:55] with it
[25:57] and then because of the way uh God
[26:01] creates this universe the miasma comes
[26:04] in and we really get we just think it's
[26:07] true. We just think it's true. And
[26:09] because our cultures now have no um no
[26:13] stories, no true stories. No culture
[26:16] does. Um meaning everybody's idea of how
[26:20] to how to be a person comes from uh
[26:25] fictional sources generally created by
[26:28] people who don't have very high
[26:29] consciousness. movies, novels, romantic
[26:33] music, television shows, pornography.
[26:37] I mean, and this is this is how people
[26:39] build their character. And then they go
[26:41] out and they try to make fiction work.
[26:47] You know, I had this one woman tell me,
[26:48] "Oh, I want a relationship just like"
[26:50] and then she mentioned this movie. And I
[26:53] I mean, that was I just looked at I
[26:54] said, "That's fiction."
[26:58] And and I even had to say it wasn't even
[26:59] good art. You know,
[27:03] it's like honey, you are doomed. You
[27:06] know, you are really you're really
[27:08] doomed. It's never going to happen like
[27:10] that. We have to start by understanding
[27:13] that if I don't make myself happy,
[27:16] nobody will ever be able to make me
[27:18] happy. And I must bring into every
[27:22] friendship and every relationship I
[27:24] have. I have to bring somebody into that
[27:27] relationship meaning me
[27:30] because if I really bring myself with
[27:32] clear values
[27:34] a clear understanding of we can be
[27:38] wonderful friends. Friends are wonderful
[27:40] and marriage itself is just a unique
[27:43] kind of friendship with a unique
[27:45] challenge because of the great danger of
[27:48] overfamiliarity. It's just that we're
[27:50] constantly we we we we don't own each
[27:53] other.
[27:54] Everybody has their own destiny and
[27:56] we're always interested in each other's
[27:58] destiny
[27:59] even if it contradicts a little with
[28:01] mine. But bear in mind a friend
[28:05] also takes on what is the reality of of
[28:09] the friend. That's why Jesus said, "I
[28:10] call you friend, not servant, not
[28:13] disciple." When you take on a a partner,
[28:17] you don't have the freedom of your own
[28:18] karma anymore.
[28:21] Which is why lots of us are unmarried
[28:24] because then we just my karma is enough,
[28:28] you know, but I've lived through the
[28:30] other. I understand it. It has it has a
[28:32] tremendous capacity to help you purify
[28:35] your heart. But when it starts working,
[28:39] don't think it's going wrong,
[28:42] but respond to it. I have to there's
[28:44] something more I have to learn here
[28:46] about how to be a true friend and how to
[28:48] really help. And sometimes what you have
[28:50] to learn is I've done enough.
[28:53] You know, it's not like you you can't
[28:56] ask them to sacrifice their destiny. I'm
[28:59] not talking about parents and children.
[29:01] That's very different. But friend to
[29:03] friend, you can't ask them to sacrifice
[29:05] your destiny, but nor should you
[29:07] sacrifice your own.
[29:09] You know, you are not more important
[29:11] than the people you love, but nor are
[29:14] you less important.
[29:17] And and that's where it gets very very
[29:19] tricky.
[29:21] And is it easy? Oh, heavens, no.
[29:25] Does it eventually give us the capacity
[29:27] to see God by purifying our hearts? Yes.
[29:31] That's called the pearl of great price.
[29:34] And what is that price? Courage.
[29:37] Courage. Courage. courage,
[29:40] honesty, humility, discipline.
[29:43] But the other question is, do you have
[29:46] an alternative that's going to work
[29:47] better? We can just stand in the
[29:51] stairway and demand that the sun rise
[29:53] hours before it's going to rise. And we
[29:55] can just do that for as many
[29:56] incarnations as we want to.
[29:59] Divine Mother gives us free will. But
[30:01] then when we're really ready to work,
[30:03] now here's the hard part. It's it's it's
[30:07] hard and grief is real and heartbreak is
[30:10] real
[30:12] and you know when you read a a thick
[30:14] book and you have different chapters
[30:17] very often there's a lot of chapters
[30:18] that don't end well
[30:21] you know and so the other thing that we
[30:23] hold in our minds is that every every
[30:25] piece has to end well but it doesn't if
[30:29] you just look around you see many many
[30:32] many many
[30:34] things are unres resolved. The
[30:36] incarnation ends and it's not resolved.
[30:39] You never really get your mother to
[30:41] understand your point of view. You know,
[30:43] you never really get your the one true
[30:45] love of your life back in your life. You
[30:48] never really get to have the children
[30:50] you wanted to have.
[30:52] But at the end of the book, all of those
[30:57] lessons resolve themselves. So the
[31:00] comfort and it's small comfort I admit
[31:02] is that if it's not the happy ending
[31:06] it's not yet the ending.
[31:08] >> You know those who thirst after
[31:11] righteousness will be satisfied.
[31:14] But there's no timeline on that promise.
[31:17] And this is where reincarnation is both
[31:19] essential and and I find a great
[31:22] comfort. We just push the story as far
[31:24] as we can push it. I was in a situation
[31:26] once where I had this really hard karma
[31:29] with someone and uh and and then uh I
[31:33] was going to be relieved of the
[31:34] circumstances
[31:36] and Swami G said to me
[31:39] um well perhaps the karma is over like
[31:42] that and and he just he let me have that
[31:44] for I mean he let me enjoy that for
[31:46] about 10 seconds maybe even as long as
[31:48] that. Yippee and then he said but I
[31:52] don't think so. [laughter]
[31:56] But then he said what was very
[31:58] interesting. He said but you've taken it
[31:59] as far as you can take it. You know it's
[32:02] like this this chapter is just going to
[32:05] stop here. And he said you you just have
[32:08] a lot you have to grow in other ways
[32:10] before you're going to be able to deal
[32:12] with this. See so one of the things that
[32:13] happens through human relationships is
[32:15] humility.
[32:17] I'm not that good.
[32:21] And that itself, you see, is a huge
[32:23] learning. I'm just not that good. In
[32:26] theory, a person should be able to
[32:28] master this, but not this person.
[32:32] You have to grow in other ways. And he
[32:34] said, "And don't worry, in this lifetime
[32:36] or in a future lifetime, it'll come back
[32:38] and you'll have a chance." Or he said,
[32:40] "If you figure it out, you know, and the
[32:43] other person doesn't, then they get to
[32:45] work it out with a surrogate. you don't
[32:47] you're not going to be compelled by
[32:49] their ignorance. You know, they'll
[32:51] they'll have to learn the lesson, but
[32:52] not necessarily with you. Very
[32:54] comforting, isn't it? Yeah. So, the only
[32:58] only thing is and don't even pretend for
[33:00] a minute that you're not going to that
[33:02] you will never love again. Regardless of
[33:04] why you think you're not going to, you
[33:07] will because you will be compelled.
[33:11] Your heart will compel you. the the
[33:14] river wants to get to the ocean and
[33:16] it'll just keep pushing.
[33:18] [sighs]
[33:19] And there we go. I was asked a specific
[33:21] question about grief and I want to touch
[33:23] that before I finish here. Grief to me
[33:26] is fascinating. Especially what I don't
[33:30] understand is the relationship between
[33:31] time and grief.
[33:34] Because when you're grieving, you feel
[33:36] that you'll never recover.
[33:39] a a wonderful definition of grief which
[33:41] is not mine but is brilliant. Grief is
[33:44] great love with no way to express it.
[33:50] Wow. Isn't that just exactly what it is?
[33:52] But it the the the origin point of grief
[33:55] is unexpressed love. Either
[33:59] stopped by betrayal, stopped by death,
[34:03] stopped by changed karma.
[34:06] Okay. But time somehow mitigates the
[34:09] intensity of that. Not that you still
[34:12] can't burst into tears 25 years later,
[34:16] but you won't be crying all the time. I
[34:18] think it's simply that other more vivid
[34:21] impressions come in front of you because
[34:23] it's not like the essential heartbreak
[34:25] ever stops, but you come to accept it.
[34:28] This is the way I'm shaped. And also
[34:30] more deeply you may realize as many
[34:32] people do I wouldn't be the person that
[34:34] I am and meaning in a positive way if
[34:38] this hadn't happened. So is it a curse
[34:41] or is it a blessing? I don't know. But
[34:43] the other thing about grief is
[34:46] this is the way we're made. I was saying
[34:49] at breakfast there there's when when
[34:51] yogaandanda's
[34:54] most advanced female disciple sister
[34:56] Ganamata died yogaandanda said I saw her
[35:00] merge into the infinite light. I mean
[35:03] what could be more magnificent than
[35:05] that? He knew she was free. But when he
[35:08] conducted her funeral, he wept and he
[35:12] and he he uh exclaimed, "Oh, yoga and
[35:17] sister, we will never be yogaandanda and
[35:20] sister again." And then his his he tears
[35:24] ran down his face because something
[35:29] beautiful was over.
[35:32] And and that's just how we feel, you
[35:35] know. We know that that we know that
[35:38] eternity exists and we mourn when when
[35:43] it things evaporate.
[35:46] But he knew that she was free. So we are
[35:49] all these things at the same time. And
[35:51] even stranger is the more unusual is the
[35:55] story of Sri Ramakrishna, an avatar of
[35:58] the late 1800s in India. They lived in
[36:00] the Kali temple near Dakashwar outside
[36:02] of Kolkata.
[36:05] And he was a very very odd and unusual
[36:08] incarnation.
[36:10] And he one of his he was a priest in
[36:14] this temple and he lived there and his
[36:17] nephew
[36:18] took care of him because he he needed to
[36:21] be taken care of. He couldn't relate to
[36:22] this world sufficiently. So Hedai was
[36:25] his caregiver and his companion for many
[36:27] years and then Hai became ill and died
[36:30] and Ramachrishna was there and he took
[36:33] Hai's spirit out of his body and you
[36:36] know sent it into the light. So then
[36:38] Ramachrishna's there and Hai has died
[36:41] and Ramachrishna who was very childlike
[36:43] in the way expressed himself just
[36:45] sobbing uncontrollably. Oh, you know my
[36:48] my best friend who died is gone. Who
[36:50] will bring me my tea in the morning? Who
[36:52] will sit with me and watch the sunrise?
[36:55] Who will talk to me about the
[36:56] scriptures? Who will walk by the Ganes
[36:58] with me? He would just sob and sob and
[37:01] then just like that without there being
[37:04] any transition. He would start dancing
[37:06] in ecstasy and talk about watching
[37:09] Freda's spirit rise up into the light.
[37:12] And now he's free. And then without any
[37:15] transition he would be weeping again. So
[37:18] all of it happens at the same time.
[37:21] We can know that there's a divine plan
[37:24] and yet we can be just so moved by the
[37:28] humanness of it. Very very odd.
[37:34] And and it's it's important to be humble
[37:38] in all of this and not think that we're
[37:40] doing it wrong. you know, we're not
[37:43] doing it wrong. This is oddly and
[37:45] weirdly just the way it happens.
[37:48] And the more we can feel the river going
[37:52] to the sea and not think that we're
[37:55] making some mistake because we're riding
[37:57] all those waves. Um the sooner the heart
[38:01] becomes purified and the sooner we won't
[38:04] have to do this anymore or we can do it
[38:08] in such a way as to serve others and not
[38:12] really we won't be compelled. That's the
[38:15] word that I use. I say sometimes, divine
[38:17] mother, I don't care what my future
[38:20] lives are like. I don't care how you
[38:21] want me to live. I just want to be free
[38:24] to follow your will and not be compelled
[38:28] by so many unlearned lessons. So that's
[38:31] what we're asking for, not to not to
[38:34] avoid them. A a priest in Chicago, I
[38:37] read this statement, he's been canonized
[38:40] by the church or something.
[38:42] Father Solano is his name. He said,
[38:45] "Pray not for tasks equal to your
[38:49] strength.
[38:51] Pray for the strength equal to your
[38:52] tasks." Isn't that obvious?
[38:55] So what you say to divine mother is all
[38:58] right it's okay if you send this to me
[39:00] but you've got to send me the power to
[39:02] do
