Transcript
[0:02] this is day three of the februari 95
[0:08] seven day retreat in spring water
[0:19] amazing change this morning waking up to
[0:24] a white world with all the shades of
[0:30] grey and brown and yellow
[1:02] one question it was brought up white why
[1:09] sit quietly
[1:21] and another one this quietness is
[1:26] marvelous can I bottle it up and take it
[1:28] home not just the quietness but what
[1:35] unfolds in the quietness usually the
[1:44] question comes up closer to day six but
[1:47] in this retreat several people have
[1:49] already asked
[1:57] and then this came up maybe well start
[1:59] or this so many voices in this mind also
[2:05] many voices heard I don't remember the
[2:11] examples that were given if any were
[2:13] given do this don't do this I ought to
[2:17] do this I can't do it conflicting voices
[2:25] opposing voices and then the questioner
[2:29] asked and then who hears all that is
[2:31] these are these all different sides of
[2:33] me and then one side of me hearing all
[2:36] of that
[2:46] why complicated and put an extra name on
[2:51] what is happening voices are heard or
[2:58] sentences heard perceived somehow it's
[3:03] not clear at all what the mechanism for
[3:05] this is I don't know whether anybody
[3:07] knows how inner voices don't do this or
[3:10] go ahead tomorrow you can start not
[3:13] doing it and then what what is hearing
[3:18] that what is saying it what what is the
[3:21] this reading of the display in in the
[3:24] mind there's no no answers to this as
[3:28] far as I know people do send me article
[3:31] C&A about the latest brain discoveries
[3:34] and research I haven't read anything
[3:36] about this yet and yet it is all
[3:40] observable it is visible palpable
[3:49] palpable by that mean feel the emotions
[3:52] that go with a certain thought the
[3:55] thought may not even have registered
[3:58] when Edna has not heard it or perceived
[4:00] it but the anxiety is there cringing
[4:03] tightening up so the mind wants to have
[4:12] answers make order out of chaos and the
[4:22] way it has learned to make order out of
[4:25] chaos as by labeling things explaining
[4:28] things giving names to processes
[4:32] descriptions explanations and yet can we
[4:40] stick as bare bones as possible to
[4:44] what's happening what is registered what
[4:46] is perceived thoughts first this thought
[4:49] and that thought then another thought
[4:52] opposing both of them are greeting with
[4:54] one of them and the perception of all of
[4:59] that
[5:01] but can give another name to it we can
[5:04] say it's one constantly flowing stream
[5:08] of consciousness is that helpful
[5:11] sometimes a word is helpful in
[5:15] eliminating more complicated conceptions
[5:19] one flow of consciousness may eliminate
[5:23] this quandary of how many how many Me's
[5:28] are there how many voices and then on
[5:32] top of it the one that perceives that is
[5:35] conscious of it so does it help
[5:38] facilitate things to say is one stream
[5:40] of consciousness flowing in flux all the
[5:50] time some thoughts obviously palpably
[5:54] more powerful than others dominating
[6:00] squeezing others our door saying just
[6:03] like teachers say this is true this is
[6:06] false all registered or taped and
[6:14] playing or programmed and playing in
[6:17] this organism and not just individually
[6:20] but collectively obviously very
[6:26] obviously we affect each other with our
[6:29] thoughts we affected by thoughts that we
[6:32] pick up read here media books newspapers
[6:37] scriptures we adopt certain thoughts
[6:44] that agree with a system that's already
[6:46] established or within need or a longing
[6:51] and it all takes place in one huge
[6:55] consciousness it's not really divided
[7:02] into you and me
[7:04] but they can't not that cannot be proven
[7:06] to anyone can only be discovered here
[7:09] right now not in the future discovery is
[7:16] always here right now here now peep
[7:31] maybe it helps to have a unifying
[7:35] concept because the mind may temporarily
[7:38] let up to try to figure this one out it
[7:41] will quickly want to figure out
[7:43] something else
[7:51] so you could ask wow how do you know
[7:54] this how do you know that this is all
[7:56] one stream of consciousness this voice
[7:59] in that voice the fight among voices
[8:07] because it's all perceived freely it can
[8:12] all be freely perceived or become
[8:14] transparent be transparent in a quiet
[8:20] being quiet listening quiet attending
[8:24] although i don't know physiologically
[8:30] what this quiet attending is but it is
[8:33] it goes with a certain state of body
[8:37] mind which is permeated with quietness
[8:42] stillness and then things become quite
[8:48] crisply transparent thoughts and fights
[8:51] domination and that the fact that the
[8:57] process itself is going on because you
[9:03] can say well unconscious of all of this
[9:05] I'm conscious of my thoughts I wasn't
[9:08] before I came here Oh too much lesser
[9:10] degree but now I'm really becoming
[9:13] conscious of it if there wasn't
[9:19] consciousness of these opposing in our
[9:21] voices one wouldn't be able to report
[9:24] them so being conscious of them is what
[9:29] I don't know what it is but my question
[9:32] rather than what is it and get an
[9:37] explanation for it may be a sort of an
[9:39] external explanation in terms of
[9:42] electrochemical processes my interest is
[9:46] is it not just consciousness of the
[9:51] voices this is right this is wrong but
[9:55] awareness that this is going on do you
[9:59] see the difference
[10:04] not just hearing these voices are these
[10:07] thoughts reading them but aware that
[10:12] these are thoughts inner tapes playing
[10:16] or whatever word one wants to give to it
[10:18] the words are flexible sort of a free
[10:26] space that sees what's going on within
[10:34] and isn't is not this total absorption
[10:39] in the content of the thoughts you're
[10:43] good you're bad you're neither you're
[10:46] both but the fact that this is going on
[10:50] and that it is thought mostly coming out
[10:56] of conditioning the way our parents our
[10:58] preceptors friends teachers religious
[11:06] leaders whoever the books the way they
[11:11] talked that way they spoke and wrote
[11:14] deeply ingrained deeply imprinted upon
[11:19] each new growing body mine we don't even
[11:27] know how much is brought along with an
[11:32] sperm and egg already all kinds of
[11:36] programs of thinking in certain ways we
[11:40] know very little about this yet
[11:49] so awareness if we use that word very
[11:52] carefully it's not a thing it is open
[11:55] space freedom clarity not the words but
[12:00] the actuality of it that reveals
[12:03] thoughts going on and that is not drawn
[12:07] into thoughts to seize it as going on
[12:32] all of this is it's just sort of started
[12:36] here in a talk I've started in the
[12:38] meeting and we it is unfolding if you're
[12:43] not clear about it if it's confusing
[12:46] then let's bring it up in a meeting and
[12:49] look some more alone and together
[12:57] because part of what is going on in a
[13:02] retreat like this is to to make
[13:04] conscious and beyond that to bring into
[13:07] awareness all these processes that go on
[13:11] in human beings like you and me and the
[13:13] rest of the world and keep us so
[13:17] confused so intolerant of each other of
[13:22] ourselves so defensive of ourselves and
[13:28] so aggressive toward others so
[13:33] self-righteous so clinging to what we
[13:36] think is the truth or the rightness of
[13:39] our own opinions and with that the
[13:44] wrongness of other opinions and the
[13:47] arrogance I'll abilities off of my point
[13:51] of view and your point of view coming
[13:57] time and time again to this absurd
[14:00] conviction that by killing each other or
[14:02] fighting each other we can resolve
[14:05] irreconcilable ax t of positions and
[14:12] question into that in oneself what are
[14:17] these seemingly irreconcilable ideas I
[14:22] have a right to be angry but I shouldn't
[14:25] be angry bad to be angry but yet it's
[14:30] good to express anger all of these
[14:31] different feeling opinions
[14:41] how to be with that other than with
[14:45] force suppression repression punishment
[14:49] guilt annihilation destructing I I'll
[14:55] find some ways of controlling my
[14:58] thoughts and then the repressive nison
[15:05] and lack of understanding in that
[15:16] so how to approach this bundle of
[15:20] contradictions and confusion it is me
[15:30] the pain that goes with the suffering
[15:32] the sorrow anguish
[15:42] and spurts of explosions of violence all
[15:48] observable in oneself because oneself as
[15:53] it turns out upon patient inspection
[15:57] represents all of humankind in one way
[16:00] or another there's no need to go out and
[16:07] study others it's all here in oneself
[16:10] potentially or actually changing from
[16:14] one day to another the feelings the
[16:17] emotions the moods how how to deal with
[16:24] it as word is so so frequently use how
[16:27] to deal with one's anger and sorrow once
[16:31] conflicts and contradictions pains fears
[16:39] I'm not mentioning the joys because
[16:43] they're there no problem enjoy a joy is
[16:45] no problem it's in the moment and if it
[16:50] has really not become thought and memory
[16:53] yet it comes and goes and leaves no
[16:58] trace doesn't demand anything but
[17:03] thought of course comes in and says how
[17:05] can I perpetuate this keep it repeat it
[17:09] then becomes a problem because it's not
[17:13] possible thought cannot bring about the
[17:21] spontaneity of joy this moment I can
[17:26] only create what we're using these two
[17:30] words by definition create pleasure the
[17:36] pleasure of remembering the pleasure of
[17:38] anticipating that's thought created
[17:41] memory created so how to deal with
[17:53] what is experienced as problems and
[17:58] there's no one here who does not
[18:02] experience problems pains fear
[18:13] anxiety about the future fear at the
[18:18] thought of uncertainty maybe terror at
[18:22] the thought of not continuing
[18:51] usually they the conditioned response
[18:54] which comes for most people at first is
[19:01] to think about it to try to figure out
[19:04] our problem musing about pondering
[19:09] obsessing as it is called these days
[19:14] round and round and round and or may be
[19:18] conscious of this but is there a deeper
[19:20] awareness of obsessing and wondering
[19:24] what to do about it and not knowing what
[19:26] to do about but seeing this turning
[19:29] churning treadmill the wheel hamster
[19:37] trying to get out of supposedly hamster
[19:40] has fun doing it and will one understand
[19:47] for oneself come to that understanding
[19:51] somehow or other that figuring out a
[19:55] solution may not bring a solution for
[19:59] certain problems usually technical
[20:02] problems figuring out is very
[20:04] appropriate may bring solutions or
[20:09] answers but our psychological problems
[20:14] or spirituals called spiritual problems
[20:16] wondering what Emma why am I here why
[20:19] was I born and have to die comes a point
[20:27] where thinking more about it is like too
[20:31] much food comes a certain nor shiet more
[20:38] thinking about it all no one has one has
[20:42] thought enough about it just brings
[20:46] headaches or endless more ruminations
[20:50] with no relief maybe the experience of
[20:56] people here some of them all of them I
[20:59] know it very well myself
[21:04] and amazed how thought we'll just not
[21:09] tired of trying some more thinking it is
[21:12] it's it's conditioned nature to try to
[21:18] figure things out by projecting
[21:19] possibilities and combinations going
[21:22] over the past to be aware of that as a
[21:31] an interesting phenomenon to be watch
[21:36] dispassionately is that possible and
[21:44] then starting another way which is not
[21:48] the way of figuring things out maybe as
[21:55] ancient as that because records of
[22:02] people sitting often in these early
[22:05] seals from Asia and Egypt sitting often
[22:09] among animals or trees this ancient way
[22:17] of sitting quiet is a different way from
[22:20] figuring things out and to find out what
[22:24] it is all about being quiet retreats
[22:27] like these are held in a beautiful spot
[22:34] the country just recently I was asked to
[22:39] write an article for our anniversary
[22:43] issue of the newspaper and I recollected
[22:47] how it was seeing this land for the
[22:51] first time I won't say anymore else you
[22:54] won't read the article
[23:03] so listen we're coming to this other
[23:06] question why I said quietly I'm doing
[23:11] this for maybe one has done it for a day
[23:14] or two and nothing seems to happen or at
[23:17] least one thinks nothing is happening
[23:19] and as long as the evaluative thinking
[23:22] is going on there's a lack of
[23:24] sensitivity towards actually happening
[23:28] all the time which comes more into the
[23:33] foreground gains in color and depth as
[23:39] the evaluative expectant thinking
[23:46] becomes tangential more background but
[23:50] not I'm talking here in a very condensed
[23:53] way this may take a long time and
[23:56] there's lots of time to do it is there
[23:59] your whole life a few people here how as
[24:02] old as I am maybe Noah no I don't think
[24:06] anyone and for me it's my whole life the
[24:10] whole rest of my life is no doubt about
[24:13] it to be here and discover and be quiet
[24:17] not all the time do a lot of talking
[24:26] without pressure because that is part of
[24:30] of sitting down quietly with one's
[24:33] problem when sorrow or confusion or fear
[24:37] pain anger patiently being with it
[24:44] although one doesn't maybe know what
[24:46] that means a lot of people keep asking
[24:49] what do you mean by being with something
[24:51] I don't understand can't describe it
[24:57] either very clearly but when it happens
[25:02] it's clear and there is no golf chasm
[25:12] between a an imagined me observer and my
[25:19] pain or fear then there's just what's
[25:21] going on openly clearly and not
[25:28] pressured by expectation to stop to be
[25:34] overcome to go away to conquer
[25:46] so
[25:47] so I'm concerned from my experience it's
[25:52] now as much as one lifetime generation
[25:57] of sitting quiet retreat so I do a lot
[26:01] of talking but I said that does not mean
[26:03] that there isn't the quietness and
[26:05] looking mostly with people or and talks
[26:10] and we're talking together as far as I'm
[26:12] concerned looking at things together
[26:17] there's no alternative to be inquired
[26:22] with what is upsetting or turmoil in or
[26:29] outside the confusion inside outside to
[26:33] sit with it to be with it maybe walk
[26:36] quietly whether I'm not seeing it is all
[26:39] in the posture but to spend quiet time
[26:44] with the way one is at this moment and
[26:55] not know all about it and try to figure
[26:58] it out but come into this amazing state
[27:02] if you will of not knowing and realizing
[27:07] that with not knowing the brain and body
[27:12] quiet down from the habitual thrust of
[27:16] having to know and having to be in the
[27:19] know or figure it out that pressure is
[27:24] gone sitting down quietly not knowing
[27:28] what will happen not knowing what is but
[27:32] there for any any fresh touch with it
[27:36] that is obscured by all the layers of
[27:39] knowledge about ourselves all the labels
[27:43] will give ourselves all the identities
[27:47] we we assume that we talked about
[27:50] yesterday at great length that obscures
[27:53] the simplicity of what is going on
[27:57] moment to moment here right now
[27:59] in grief or fear sorrow confusion hatred
[28:10] to sit with it if you will put it this
[28:13] way it's always problematic on the
[28:16] language is that how do you see it's
[28:19] dual dualistic but the being here as one
[28:26] is at this moment is not dualistic
[28:28] unless thought makes it so positing for
[28:34] that for the ten millionth time that
[28:36] there's an eye who has this and has to
[28:39] get through it is suffering from it is
[28:42] the victim of it and to become aware how
[28:47] this way of putting it creates more
[28:51] problems on top of the existing ones
[28:53] it's most interesting and enlightening
[29:02] that's why earlier in the talk the
[29:06] differentiation or distinction was made
[29:08] between just being conscious of
[29:11] something or to be aware
[29:24] so why why sit down quietly I don't know
[29:27] if I've ever answered it and the first
[29:30] response to the person who brought it up
[29:32] was you gotta gotta find out for
[29:34] yourself here we are we have somehow or
[29:38] other made this decision to come to a
[29:41] place like this I think the brochures
[29:44] and application forms make it quite
[29:47] clear that it's a retreat in silence and
[29:52] person wasn't shocked at this or
[29:55] surprised it's sort of rather I had a
[29:57] feeling where it was coming from one
[30:00] needs to be reinforced in in the meaning
[30:04] of it is it really meaningful because
[30:06] these thoughts that one may be conscious
[30:09] of but not deeply aware say what are you
[30:11] doing this for you could now be in
[30:14] Florida on the beach or maybe in the
[30:17] rain I supposed to have rain in Florida
[30:20] too but you know this is bantering or
[30:24] doubt needling of thought it's a
[30:29] different thing to be battered and
[30:31] needled buy it and engulfed by doubt or
[30:34] to see how this is what's going on right
[30:36] now how interesting because they're only
[30:43] another thought say no no it's good for
[30:45] you I've read it's good for you and
[30:46] other people have had enlightenment by
[30:48] sitting quietly maybe i'll get that to
[30:52] listen to all of these manifold voices
[30:57] in quietness without taking sides that's
[31:03] the beauty of it letting it all speak
[31:06] and sound off in in vast space of not
[31:14] knowing what's right or wrong
[31:19] I know voice will come up while you talk
[31:24] about vast space it doesn't feel vast
[31:25] here or fees as tight as tight could be
[31:31] what is this tightness in addition to
[31:35] being conscious of it can it be a deeper
[31:37] awareness of it what is it really not
[31:40] know it as tightness any longer because
[31:44] that doesn't get anywhere because
[31:46] tightness is bad and tighten as one
[31:48] space the word implies its own agonies
[31:53] and solutions and so forth but not to
[31:57] know what this is it is so uncomfortable
[32:01] or frightening or frustrating see I have
[32:07] to use words cuz we're talking with each
[32:09] other but sitting by oneself let the
[32:14] words come and go but they don't tell
[32:15] the truth they point taught something
[32:19] that I don't know what it is and maybe
[32:22] by not knowing and quieting down in this
[32:25] not knowing the Gulf and Kasim will
[32:28] disappear they'll be just this not yet
[32:33] known but alive throbbing palpitating
[32:42] vibrating with the birds
[32:54] I say with the birds because it's not
[32:57] confined in the way I have thought and
[33:00] everybody else has taught me that this
[33:03] body is just an individual thing
[33:07] separate from all these other 10 million
[33:09] individual things so finding out it's
[33:15] not so
[33:24] in listening quietly not knowingly not
[33:33] defining leaf I really truly don't know
[33:40] where this body whatever his ends and
[33:43] the birds begin last retreat one woman
[33:52] who was giving a talk she said that Bell
[33:56] winnett silence it goes right through me
[33:58] is not out there it's right here when
[34:04] self-wringing if you will
[34:22] you can say well wait a minute I put a
[34:25] tape measure from here to that Bell and
[34:27] it'll read exactly how many meters our
[34:30] feet of distance there is between that
[34:33] Bell and you okay so it measures meters
[34:37] or feet but it cannot possibly measure
[34:40] separation because there is none that
[34:44] sound crazy it doesn't if if it's true
[34:49] for each one of us and there's no
[34:53] measurable separation between us it
[34:56] doesn't exist except in thought and
[35:05] imagination and I'm not saying that this
[35:08] body is welded or fused with other
[35:11] bodies obvious obviously it is not but
[35:16] the thinking well didn't fuses it with
[35:19] concepts which are not representative of
[35:21] truth and it is these concepts of
[35:28] thinking that need to be brought or come
[35:31] into awareness and question
[35:39] and separate identity as one of those
[35:47] concepts to which with this body mind is
[35:51] fused as though it was truth but it's
[35:56] not prove it it's not provable it but
[36:01] it's experience about by each human
[36:04] being who sort of his interested in this
[36:09] although it has to be careful with that
[36:12] you recall a man coming here a couple of
[36:15] years ago he never came again I had
[36:20] never come here before he felt a little
[36:24] bit out of place that I got that feeling
[36:27] being here but he wanted to talk with me
[36:30] I don't know what I've ever mentioned it
[36:33] in a talk some experience that he had
[36:38] had in Vietnam just had come back to him
[36:40] recently you want to talk with somebody
[36:44] about because he remember that at the
[36:49] time that he spoke about it to people
[36:55] there then he was not in this understood
[36:58] was 38 sort of spaced out gone kooky he
[37:07] had been on a commando no one had
[37:10] volunteered for this because the
[37:12] commander was to capture an enemy
[37:15] infested he'll have been tried to be
[37:19] captured for a long time no one
[37:22] volunteered so people were picked and he
[37:24] was one of them and he said he does not
[37:30] recall how he made it to that helicopter
[37:34] just 11 mass or mess of fear and no
[37:41] energy but somehow they got in there
[37:47] flying this mission
[37:54] and convinced that he was going to come
[37:57] out of it alive and then suddenly
[38:00] something changed I wish I had written
[38:03] it down the way he described it because
[38:06] his initially clumsy language changed
[38:10] they described the state of no division
[38:16] no fear no enemies and just love freedom
[38:25] no fear and then he said the amazing
[38:29] thing was they never found this hill it
[38:31] didn't exist was may some mistake was
[38:36] all he said so they returned alive so he
[38:42] wasn't in a retreat sitting quietly
[38:49] although probably for a moment
[38:52] everything dropped sometimes happens
[38:55] when we see there's no way out no
[38:57] solution
[39:06] what's say then to hold on to and when
[39:10] nothing is held on to everything is
[39:12] revealed as it is and amazingly what was
[39:21] revealed was love no enemy
[39:37] but sitting down quietly today all that
[39:42] may be revealed as enemies all memories
[39:47] and all the stuff I don't have to list
[39:50] it it's it's therefore for each one of
[39:53] us to be with quietly spaciously
[39:57] patiently and subspace for the crows and
[40:08] Jays and snowflakes falling all over the
[40:14] place wherever they land as just snow
[40:21] whiteness
[41:12] we will end here for today
[41:23] you