How to Allow Emotions in Meditation and Chronic Pain Recovery

Picture someone sitting down to meditate with a sore back and a head full of noise. Within a few minutes, an unexpected surge of anger arrives, aimed at a partner who has done nothing wrong. The mind rushes in: why am I angry, this isn't fair, I shouldn't feel this. Soon the meditation has become another test to pass. That tangle of impulses, judgments and attempts to get it right is the territory covered in a 53-minute video by coach, mentor and IFS practitioner Jonty Hikmet, titled "How to Allow Emotions for Chronic Pain & TMS Recovery." Hikmet argues that allowing an emotion is a counterintuitive skill, one that most people struggle with because they have spent a lifetime learning to manage, calm and push down what they feel. He walks through six things to understand about allowing emotions during meditation and in everyday life, and his central claim is that the moments people think are getting in the way of practice are often the practice itself.

Why Does Allowing Emotions Matter for Chronic Symptoms?

Hikmet frames the work within a mind-body approach to chronic symptoms, which explores the relationship between the nervous system, emotions, learned responses to danger, and what the body experiences. He is careful about the limits of that claim. "That doesn't mean every symptom is caused by an unprocessed emotion," he says, and he adds that recovery does not require anyone to uncover some enormous hidden trauma.

What he does describe is a pattern many people recognize. We learn early that anger isn't acceptable, that sadness is weakness, that fear must be overcome, or that everyone around us needs to stay happy. Over time we become very good at controlling what we feel, often without noticing. The goal of the work, as he describes it, is to gradually teach the system that emotions are not something to fear: to feel anger without acting on it, fear without rushing to eliminate it, grief without explaining it away.

Crucially, he insists the work is not about intensity. "We're not trying to force ourselves to have enormous emotional experiences," he says. "We're not measuring recovery by how intensely we can feel something." The aim is greater comfort with whatever internal experience is present, however large or small.

Do Emotions Have to Make Sense to Be Allowed?

The first principle is that emotions do not have to be rational, proportionate or convenient. In everyday life, Hikmet notes, we rightly consider others, behave respectfully, and avoid lashing out. But the emotional system doesn't follow those social rules. In meditation, anger toward a supportive partner can surface without any logical cause.

Hikmet's key distinction is between allowing and agreeing. "They confuse allowing an emotion with agreeing with it," he says of people who struggle here. "But those are two completely separate things." You can notice anger without believing someone deserves it, notice jealousy without endorsing its story, and notice fear without concluding that something dangerous is happening. Meditation offers a space to observe an emotion without acting it out or shutting it down.

What If You Can't Tell What You're Feeling?

The second principle addresses a common worry: that if you cannot name an emotion, you are failing. Hikmet treats naming as a skill rather than a requirement. Many people sit with a heaviness in the chest, a lump in the throat, or a general sense that some state of being is happening. The invitation is to stay present with those sensations without demanding a label. Recognition often comes later, or never, and the practice still counts.

Why Do Resistance and Protective Parts Belong in Meditation?

The third principle is the one Hikmet calls among the most important. When you try to allow an emotion, another part of you often arrives to object, perhaps saying this is pointless, that feeling fear means something is wrong, or that emotions will make the physical symptoms worse. Hikmet's view, drawn from IFS practice, is that these protective parts are not obstacles to be cleared. They are welcome in the room too.

Resistance, in this framing, is information. If a part pushes back, the practitioner can acknowledge it: yes, I see you, and I notice you are worried. Allowing the resistance becomes the same act as allowing the original emotion. Hikmet is clear that this is itself a skill being learned, and that a protective part does not need to be argued out of existence before meditation can proceed.

Why Does Searching for Emotions Get in the Way?

The fourth principle warns against a trap that can turn meditation into an investigation. People begin hunting for the right emotion, wondering whether they feel enough, trying to decode what the feeling means, or digging for the biggest memory they can find. Hikmet describes this as trying to figure things out again, and he advises returning gently to the present experience. The instruction is simple in wording and hard in practice: let's just feel it. Searching keeps the mind in control, which is exactly what the practice is trying to loosen.

What Does It Mean to Let Go of Control?

The fifth principle is about control, which Hikmet identifies as the quiet engine behind most of the confusion. Many people sit down to allow emotions and then find they cannot let go, watching themselves try to do allowing correctly. He suggests the same loop shows up in ordinary life: a feeling builds, is suppressed for hours, and then peaks suddenly, sometimes in ways that leave people lashing out. Letting go of control does not mean giving up responsibility for behavior. It means no longer insisting that an emotion disappear on schedule before it can be felt.

How Do You Allow Emotions Without Being Overwhelmed?

The sixth principle addresses the fear that allowing will swamp you. Hikmet describes the difference between allowing an emotion and becoming consumed by it. In the consumed state, the emotion becomes the whole world, and the self feels lost inside it. Allowing keeps a small amount of observing space open alongside the feeling. He notes that it is easy to turn every meditation into an effort to tolerate unlimited emotion, which is neither realistic nor the goal. Instead, he encourages a more measured approach, moving between the difficult material and steadier ground, a pattern he describes as pendulation rather than total immersion.

"It's a skill that we're learning. This is going to be a relief for a lot of people."

— Jonty Hikmet, "How to Allow Emotions for Chronic Pain & TMS Recovery" (2026)

How Does Allowing Work in Everyday Life?

Hikmet is explicit that meditation and ordinary life are two different environments. In meditation, emotions can arise in any order, at any intensity, for any reason, and nobody needs to respond. In daily life, responsibilities and relationships require choices about when and how to express an emotion. Allowing in daily life therefore means noticing a feeling, letting it have room, and then deciding, with some distance, how to act. Therapy, journaling and reflection can help people explore what is happening inside them outside of meditation, without requiring a crisis to do so.

What Do You Actually Do With All This?

Hikmet's closing synthesis is practical. Sit down, name nothing in particular if nothing comes, notice what arrives, and when an objection or a search begins, turn toward that too. Keep the window of experience manageable. Let emotions be what they are without grading them. Expect the practice to feel awkward at first, because it runs against a lifetime of emotional management. He describes allowing as a capacity that develops with repetition, not a state that must be achieved perfectly in a single session.

Where to go from here

If this approach resonates, the most useful next step is the full video, which works through each principle with extended examples and guided moments of practice. Hikmet also invites viewers to book a complimentary conversation through his site, and he offers a free community and course through his Skool page, both linked from the video description. Readers exploring chronic pain, TMS, anxiety or other mind-body symptoms should treat these ideas as one perspective within a broader care picture, and check with a qualified clinician about their own health. The core takeaway holds regardless: you do not have to make your emotions make sense, understand them, or control them before you are allowed to feel them.