Transcript
[0:02] So today I would like to talk with you
[0:07] about the issue with having issues.
[0:14] Anybody here has issues?
[0:18] Anybody?
[0:25] So let's start here in the present
[0:28] moment.
[0:33] to
[0:35] maybe bring alive something
[0:39] uh a little issue that maybe as you're
[0:42] sitting here you are carrying
[0:47] now as I say this
[0:51] there's a bit of a danger
[0:53] because issues tend to have quite some
[0:58] attraction action. And so I mention
[1:01] issue and maybe the biggest issue in
[1:03] your life comes alive anybody
[1:08] and um the issue with big issues like
[1:12] that
[1:14] is that we can be swept away by them.
[1:19] they can become us
[1:22] and this then suddenly it is no longer
[1:25] I'm having an issue but maybe then it
[1:28] becomes I am the issue
[1:33] also recognizable for anybody.
[1:39] So the invitation if you want is to
[1:44] bring up or recognize a small issue.
[1:49] Maybe something that is alive in you in
[1:52] the present moment.
[1:55] Maybe it's something related to the past
[2:00] or maybe something about the future.
[2:07] So, I give you you a few moments to see
[2:10] what comes up for you.
[2:26] So,
[2:28] how is it to experience this?
[2:34] Does having an issue
[2:37] feel like there's something around that
[2:41] issue feels more real
[2:45] or maybe feels
[2:47] contracted?
[2:51] Maybe it will feel more real than the
[2:54] breath you are having right now
[2:58] or the space in this room.
[3:03] Maybe you notice that there's a kind of
[3:06] burden around having an issue and a kind
[3:08] of itch, to fix, to solve,
[3:14] to figure it out so I can be left alone.
[3:28] And how would it be
[3:32] to say
[3:35] hello to that?
[3:39] Hello myself. Hello my issue.
[3:45] Hello my feeling that I am having about
[3:49] the issue.
[4:38] So in Plum Village,
[4:44] if you come to Plum Village with the
[4:46] idea of having um amazing deep spiritual
[4:51] experiences,
[4:53] Some people come back a bit disappointed
[4:57] because there's so many people around.
[5:00] There is so little silence and on top of
[5:03] that they make me clean the toilets, do
[5:06] service meditation and I have to share a
[5:09] room with a person.
[5:12] So
[5:14] the joke is a little bit like here in
[5:16] Plum Village we don't give you high
[5:19] spiritual experience but we give you
[5:22] issues
[5:25] and particularly we give you the chance
[5:28] to learn how to deal with your issues.
[5:33] How can we learn to deal with our issues
[5:36] in community?
[5:39] So let's start with myself. Um my issue
[5:45] was that I had to give this dmer talk.
[5:51] We've just come back out of our lazy
[5:54] days. There's a kind of like our
[5:55] holidays and um my family loves to come
[5:59] here and they came two weeks even before
[6:01] the lazy day started. And then I spent
[6:04] two more weeks with my parents.
[6:13] Yes,
[6:17] it's always a nice reflection to be with
[6:19] your parents.
[6:22] Somehow you can uh recognize your
[6:25] practice
[6:28] and also recognize all of those habits
[6:30] and seeds that have been transmitted to
[6:33] you by your parents.
[6:36] Well, I afterwards I realized
[6:39] one of the big issues in my family is
[6:43] that we all including me think that
[6:47] we've very clearly communicated
[6:52] and then expect the other person to
[6:54] fully understand us.
[6:57] Um and yet never we do. Um so that is
[7:00] the kind of tension that I've noticed
[7:02] and I put my finger on it. Ah, and how
[7:06] often do I have that as well also here
[7:09] with my brothers in the community that I
[7:12] think I've communicated so clearly. Why
[7:15] am I not being understood?
[7:22] Anyway, the the switch from being with
[7:25] my family and then going to the
[7:27] community and then we had a ceremony,
[7:28] beautiful ceremony yesterday. that was a
[7:31] lot of things that I was trying to
[7:34] handle and then I had said yes I will
[7:36] give the dharma talk um and I realized
[7:40] oh no um too much on my plate
[7:45] so um I had an issue
[7:48] um I need to give this dharma talk and I
[7:50] don't want to give this dharma talk how
[7:52] am I going to solve it so I thought the
[7:55] best solution is I'm just going to ask
[7:57] another brother
[8:00] And so I asked him and he said no I'm
[8:03] already giving dharma sharing um uh
[8:06] sorry I was like oh okay. So then I
[8:11] thought okay next solution I'm going to
[8:13] ask another brother. So as I was about
[8:18] in the process of asking this other
[8:20] brother came into the kitchen and I met
[8:24] my young brothers and one of this
[8:27] brother where is he brother Nyhub where
[8:30] is he over there? Yeah you will come
[8:32] later. Um he um then said to me he's
[8:38] like oh are you going to give the dharma
[8:40] talk? How wonderful. I have friends
[8:42] coming tomorrow.
[8:47] And then I felt, oh
[8:51] now,
[8:54] okay.
[9:00] You're going to get it, brother.
[9:04] So I went to my little deck
[9:07] and I sat there.
[9:11] Dharma dog, big thing.
[9:14] And I sat in my chair
[9:21] and I recognized
[9:25] this is an issue.
[9:33] And at the same time,
[9:36] is this the only thing that is
[9:38] happening?
[9:44] As I was sitting in my chair,
[9:48] my practice kicked in.
[9:53] What else is happening in the present
[9:55] moment?
[10:00] I have my breath.
[10:05] Are you breathing?
[10:08] Do you feel you have a breath?
[10:14] That you have a body?
[10:19] That is actually quite pleasant to have
[10:22] a body that makes contact with the
[10:24] ground.
[10:33] But I have an issue.
[10:35] I need to solve this issue.
[10:39] Don't talk to me about breath and my
[10:41] body. I need to solve something.
[10:46] But I have my body.
[10:50] Can I tolerate
[10:52] coming back to the present moment
[10:57] to see the birds, to hear the birds, to
[11:01] see the green,
[11:04] to see the flower.
[11:22] Something happens when I allow myself to
[11:24] be in touch with that which is alive,
[11:31] in touch with the flower.
[11:40] I started to feel bit by bit more alive.
[11:47] bit by bit.
[11:53] The present moment became my home.
[11:58] Bit by bit,
[12:01] there was a refuge being offered for
[12:03] myself in the present moment
[12:08] where my issue could rest in.
[12:14] and a smile came up.
[12:17] I said, "Okay."
[12:20] I will do this.
[13:18] So in my search
[13:21] for
[13:23] this dharma talk I realized in my
[13:27] practice that I had an issue
[13:32] namely there was this word and I
[13:35] couldn't find this word the word was
[13:38] about what happens in the present moment
[13:41] when I lose my freedom.
[13:44] Something is there. I'm suffering
[13:47] because of it. But I couldn't put my
[13:49] finger on it.
[13:51] And in my search of a word,
[13:54] I landed on the word issue.
[14:00] Now issue is an interesting word in
[14:02] French. Comes from French. And
[14:05] originally it meant like the exit, the
[14:09] fire exit. It's issue the sukua did we
[14:12] say?
[14:14] So it's an anflowing out from one space
[14:18] into the next and that became in legal
[14:20] terms at one moment like the legal
[14:22] outcome or something and then from that
[14:25] it became an issue as there is the
[14:29] content of something that is a problem.
[14:32] Now there's another word
[14:35] that can describe the same thing and we
[14:37] also use it and that word is matter.
[14:45] What's the matter? When do we use it?
[14:48] What's the matter? We use it when there
[14:51] is something going on that is wrong.
[14:53] That's the problem.
[14:55] Now matter originally comes from the
[14:58] word mother.
[15:00] the content of something, the substance
[15:02] of it, like the matter, my matter of my
[15:06] body is made of mother earth. But it
[15:09] also became to be known like the matter
[15:11] of something that is going on.
[15:16] But then at one moment it also became to
[15:21] know as a problem.
[15:24] But the interesting thing is it has two
[15:27] meanings.
[15:29] The
[15:31] essence of something,
[15:36] the substance,
[15:41] the content.
[15:50] And the second meaning and the second
[15:53] aspect of it is
[15:57] how you
[15:59] experience
[16:04] that as a problem.
[16:11] A burden is another word.
[16:17] It just meant that which you carry.
[16:23] But that also became problems, a burden.
[16:27] You are a burden.
[16:30] Nice thing about the word burden is you
[16:32] can lay it down.
[16:38] Now I only in this talk I only want to
[16:41] give you one insight
[16:44] and it's very simple but it is so
[16:46] incredibly powerful if you know how to
[16:49] practice that
[16:51] and believe me I have to continue
[16:56] practicing with it in my life because it
[16:58] is so tricky
[17:00] because so many times when I have an
[17:04] issue
[17:07] the issue, the essence of it,
[17:11] how I want to, how I want to deal with
[17:14] all of that is to solve it.
[17:21] Recognizable for anybody.
[17:27] We're angry
[17:30] out there.
[17:32] There's where the problem is. And we go.
[17:39] Yesterday as I was sitting at lunch, a
[17:43] brother came to me
[17:46] and this brother said to me,
[17:49] "Oh, dear brother, um, I just wanted to
[17:51] share something with you." I said, "Yes,
[17:56] there um, yeah, I saw an aspirant." An
[18:00] aspirant is somebody who wants to become
[18:02] a monk.
[18:03] I saw an aspirant and he was doing yoga
[18:07] during working meditation.
[18:10] I just wanted to uh let you know are you
[18:12] the right person to say this to or
[18:15] should have should I have told him
[18:17] myself?
[18:21] And so I asked the brother,
[18:26] "Brother,
[18:30] when you see something like that,
[18:33] what comes up for you?"
[18:38] Because there's an issue and you feel
[18:41] something about it.
[18:45] Maybe I didn't ask him, but maybe
[18:48] there's irritation.
[18:50] Maybe there's a sense of like, oh no,
[18:52] he's doing something wrong and it might
[18:54] negatively influence his experience and
[18:56] then he might not be able to be ordained
[19:00] or maybe a feeling of why is he not
[19:04] working while I have to work
[19:07] and then a sense of kind of like let me
[19:09] tell him can come up.
[19:12] These kind of stories can all come up in
[19:16] our lives
[19:18] also recognizable for anybody.
[19:26] But what is really happening in that
[19:28] moment?
[19:31] Because there's a huge risk in when we
[19:34] are irritated with another person and
[19:37] we've already judged a person that any
[19:41] action of body, speech and mind will
[19:43] carry that irritation with it
[19:48] and then that person will have to deal
[19:50] with that.
[19:54] So in order to give feedback,
[19:58] you have to be aware of what are the
[20:01] seeds and mental formations, the
[20:03] emotions
[20:04] that are in me right now that are about
[20:08] me
[20:10] because I'm carrying the irritation.
[20:13] I'm carrying the judgment
[20:16] which is a great thing because
[20:21] changing the situation and the solution
[20:23] is out there and that cannot be done
[20:24] right away.
[20:27] But the feeling and the emotion and the
[20:29] impact that is having to you in the
[20:32] present moment,
[20:35] you can always do something with that in
[20:37] the present moment.
[20:44] So I recommended to this brother
[20:49] to in that in a moment like that to just
[20:51] be honest. You could come to the brother
[20:55] or to the aspirate and say I'm really
[20:58] confused. I have a very strong
[20:59] perception. It is working meditation and
[21:02] I see you do yoga.
[21:05] It's really true.
[21:09] would have given the opportunity to the
[21:10] aspirin to say, "Oh,
[21:14] oh, thank you, brother, for saying that.
[21:16] I just finished my work."
[21:19] Because that what was going on. I
[21:20] checked.
[21:27] I told the brother and he said, "Oh,
[21:28] wrong perception."
[21:34] We can be so sure of our perceptions
[21:37] and so often we are wrong because we are
[21:40] not taking care of the feeling that is
[21:42] below it. It is carrying an urgency
[21:46] because of the feeling below it.
[21:49] And that is where we can take care of
[21:52] them.
[21:56] So
[21:58] essence of this dharma talk
[22:01] don't solve
[22:03] first few okay I will repeat this over
[22:07] and over again so hopefully in the end
[22:09] of it you will get it
[22:11] or maybe
[22:13] yeah maybe if you already get it then
[22:15] just stay for the entertainment
[23:06] So in the time of the Buddha, the Buddha
[23:09] also had to deal with issues
[23:12] Um and one of the times he had to deal
[23:15] with issues was um when he gave the
[23:17] sutra on the knowing the better way to
[23:19] live alone.
[23:21] There was a group of monks who saw
[23:24] another monk and that other monk he was
[23:27] living on his own. Yeah.
[23:30] He um he went alone to do arms rounds.
[23:34] He went alone to eat. He went alone to
[23:37] practice meditation. He was not with the
[23:39] community.
[23:42] What would the Buddha say of that?
[23:46] And so they came to the Buddha and
[23:48] reported to the Buddha, "Dear Buddha, we
[23:51] saw this monk
[23:55] and he was eating alone and going on
[23:57] arms around alone and meditating alone."
[24:01] And the Buddha was like, "Oh, okay.
[24:04] Let's call this monk forward." And he
[24:06] asked, "Dear monk, is it true?" And then
[24:09] they repeated again. And then the monk
[24:11] repeats again. They do that because of
[24:12] the memorizing of the sutras, because of
[24:15] the oral tradition.
[24:20] And then the Buddha gave a teaching on
[24:23] knowing the better way to live alone
[24:28] because I think the Buddha recognized
[24:32] two issues.
[24:35] One of the issue was why was this monk
[24:38] living alone?
[24:40] Was he avoiding the issue of being with
[24:43] the community?
[24:47] The other issue he recognized was why is
[24:50] it an issue for these monks that he is
[24:54] doing that
[24:56] both are not free?
[25:03] And so he gave his teachings on that
[25:06] when you're burdened by things that
[25:08] belong to the past or daydream about
[25:11] things in the future and you are
[25:13] enslaved by then you are not free.
[25:22] So I int so I would want to propose to
[25:26] rename the sutra to knowing the better
[25:29] bay to have issues.
[25:38] So talking about issues brother can you
[25:41] please come up here?
[25:43] So he I I told him I warned him kind of
[25:46] like that I would do this and he said
[25:48] are you ready brother and he said yes I
[25:51] have been waiting for this moment to
[25:53] come for the whole of my life.
[25:57] Your literal words.
[26:02] So
[26:04] So dear brother
[26:06] a little bit louder. Louder. Can this
[26:08] one be louder? Yeah.
[26:11] So my dear brother, how do you handle
[26:16] issues?
[26:21] >> Breathing in, breathing out.
[26:24] >> And and and and we do need to say that
[26:27] the brother is almost one year a monk
[26:30] and I Okay, it's time for him.
[26:34] >> Well, um you did give me an issue that I
[26:37] could not avoid. Uh
[26:41] but um yeah, I think
[26:48] by recognizing what's actually going on
[26:51] in the present moment, it helps it helps
[26:53] a lot uh to touch joy
[26:57] to um
[26:59] see what I can find in the in the
[27:01] present moment that uh can balance the
[27:06] the difficulty I'm having
[27:09] and uh by doing so I feel many times
[27:12] that uh yeah it's it's easier to to hold
[27:15] it
[27:16] >> it's easier to to make space for it.
[27:19] >> Are you doing it right now
[27:22] >> to the best of my abilities? Yes.
[27:26] So, so the brother and I also shared a a
[27:29] cooking team and um a lot of our
[27:31] training actually happens in the cooking
[27:33] team when you have to cook for large
[27:35] quantities of food and um I was his uh
[27:39] team leader and at one moment you
[27:41] remember this moment.
[27:42] >> I remember clearly.
[27:44] >> I was quite upset.
[27:47] >> Yeah. He he he I had communicated very
[27:52] clearly and he
[27:55] um put two things together that were
[27:58] supposed to be separate
[28:00] and I let him know
[28:04] >> by rolling your eyes
[28:05] >> by rolling my eyes. There are people I
[28:08] rolled my eyes. So please what happened?
[28:12] Um
[28:14] so um I uh I breathed with it
[28:20] >> and uh during the period of time until
[28:22] we were meeting the next time to cook
[28:24] the next meal.
[28:25] >> No, I think we already something
[28:27] happened while we were like in those
[28:30] minutes following.
[28:31] >> Oh, really?
[28:32] >> Yeah. Yeah.
[28:32] >> Maybe I'm too traumatized to remember.
[28:34] Oh,
[28:36] we were standing at the sinkh
[28:39] >> after.
[28:40] >> Uhhuh. Were we?
[28:43] >> Okay.
[28:44] Yeah.
[28:46] >> You came to me
[28:47] >> and you said something.
[28:49] >> Yeah.
[28:52] >> I asked for your support.
[28:53] >> No, you did not.
[28:54] >> No, I know.
[28:56] >> Very interesting.
[28:57] >> No, you came to me.
[28:59] You folded your hands and you were
[29:01] trembling and then you said, "Dear
[29:04] brother, I am quite upset."
[29:08] >> Really?
[29:09] >> Yeah.
[29:12] Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that
[29:16] happening later, but it's it's not it's
[29:18] not important. So,
[29:22] >> but that's what I did. Yes. I said I was
[29:24] upset.
[29:24] >> Yeah. And what happened then? Um, so you
[29:29] let's see if I if I can recall this. You
[29:32] um you invited me
[29:35] >> to see what was going on in the present
[29:38] moment. I was closing my eyes also.
[29:40] >> Mhm.
[29:42] >> Because I felt the the fear also I was
[29:45] in a way I was questioning my mentor as
[29:48] an aspirant
[29:50] um which made me feel very much at
[29:52] danger. So, so uh so I felt the fear
[29:56] really vibrating in my body and I closed
[29:58] my eyes and then you asked me to you
[30:01] invited me to open my eyes to see what
[30:03] was going on
[30:05] >> and then I looked at you.
[30:06] >> Yeah, you looked at me
[30:07] >> and then everything all the fear just
[30:10] disappeared.
[30:12] >> It was quite magical.
[30:15] >> I I looked at him with puppy eyes.
[30:18] >> It works every time.
[30:23] Yeah, I I I looked at him
[30:26] in order to let him know that whatever
[30:29] you are experiencing right now,
[30:34] it's okay.
[30:36] I'm here for you. You can be like that.
[30:40] But let us make this connection again.
[30:45] He did a very brave thing
[30:49] to carry a very heavy burden
[30:52] and to take the risk
[30:55] of me shutting him down,
[31:00] of me using my power as his mentor
[31:05] to let him know, well, you didn't listen
[31:07] to me.
[31:10] It's one way.
[31:12] But we had long enough been together
[31:15] that he dared to trust me and to connect
[31:19] and to offer the burden so that we can
[31:22] hold it together.
[31:26] He was leaning on my mindfulness energy.
[31:29] I was leaning on his we were leaning on
[31:32] each other's spiritual friendship to
[31:34] offer this space of holding to truly
[31:37] feel what is going on in the present
[31:39] moment right now. And right now there's
[31:42] one person who is triggered who feels
[31:44] afraid and at the same time is
[31:47] recognizing by looking in the other
[31:50] person's eye that that other person was
[31:52] not giving any sign of being a threat in
[31:56] that moment.
[31:59] And what happened in your body in that
[32:01] moment?
[32:04] >> I became very calm.
[32:06] I became uh yeah free of fear and uh I
[32:10] felt really really safe and I felt
[32:14] a lot of trust.
[32:17] Thank you brother
[32:19] giving so power.
[32:26] Thank you for your trust.
[33:24] So the issue
[33:30] I raised an eyebrow
[33:33] in an intense way.
[33:39] Can I trust my mentor
[33:44] and the whole experience around it?
[33:48] But the solution
[33:50] is bringing your experience in the
[33:54] present moment to check what is really
[33:58] going on.
[34:02] People with trauma refuse to do this.
[34:09] rather hold on to the problem and how I
[34:12] am having trying to solve it than to
[34:16] actually check if it is still going on
[34:18] like that
[34:21] and that is how it gets perpetuated.
[34:24] That is how it continues
[34:28] and that's where we can really have
[34:30] benefit from a community
[34:33] in order to be held. But this is also we
[34:37] can do ourselves
[34:39] by connecting what is going on in the
[34:42] present moment.
[34:46] We sing it in the song breathing in
[34:47] breathing out.
[34:49] What is real?
[34:52] What is true?
[34:55] To really check
[34:57] what is real, what is true in the
[35:00] present moment
[35:04] is so incredibly powerful.
[35:07] It's like magic.
[35:53] So I have some magic questions
[35:59] and words
[36:02] questions.
[36:09] How's everybody doing?
[36:12] Are you bored yet?
[36:16] It's okay to be bored. You can say hello
[36:18] to it.
[36:25] So
[36:28] when in the present moment you recognize
[36:31] something's happening,
[36:35] it is so powerful to have a question
[36:39] ready that you can ask yourself.
[36:42] And I'm going to give you a lot of
[36:44] questions and you need to sort of see
[36:46] which of these questions resonate for
[36:48] you. Or maybe you want your own question
[36:51] that will help you to see what is going
[36:54] on.
[37:00] First one
[37:03] is there
[37:06] an issue?
[37:12] Ask yourself,
[37:14] is this an issue?
[37:16] Because if it is an issue that means
[37:20] that there is something I can do right
[37:22] now. Namely
[37:27] >> except I hear
[37:29] what can we do? Sorry.
[37:32] >> Breathe. Okay. Good. Yes.
[37:35] >> Huh?
[37:37] >> Recognize the issue. Okay. Interesting.
[37:41] What else can we do?
[37:42] >> Solve the issue.
[37:43] >> Solve the issue. Okay. Yes. also. Yeah,
[37:46] that's indeed the tendency.
[37:49] >> Experience.
[37:50] >> Experience.
[37:52] Thank you.
[37:54] >> You've been listening.
[37:56] See how strong the habit is to
[37:59] immediately solve the issue.
[38:04] It is pulling you pulling you to solve.
[38:11] There is a demand. You're burdened by,
[38:14] you're enslaved by, it is pulling you.
[38:18] Solve it. Like me this morning sitting
[38:21] there, I have to give a dharma talk and
[38:23] I'm going to try to be very peaceful
[38:25] right now on my deck. And there are two
[38:28] mosquitoes.
[38:31] I need peace right now. Please,
[38:33] mosquitoes, do not let me do something
[38:36] to you.
[38:45] And I made a decision. You know what?
[38:47] I'm just going to see what happens if I
[38:50] just going to let them bite you. Now,
[38:53] I've discovered something in this. In
[38:56] France, we now have tiger mosquitoes.
[38:58] And they are not like the normal house
[39:00] mosquitoes. The house mosquitoes are so
[39:02] much more efficient.
[39:05] Tiger mosquitoes take two to four
[39:07] minutes to bite.
[39:10] house mosquito is done in 30 seconds.
[39:13] I did not know that. Um and so I had my
[39:16] hand and the first mosquito bit and then
[39:20] a second one came and bit right next to
[39:23] it.
[39:26] Okay. But the interesting thing was
[39:31] by just allowing it to happen
[39:35] something also felt at peace.
[39:39] So yeah, in a way I did solve it, but I
[39:42] also allowed myself to be uncomfortable.
[39:46] This is another thing that we often
[39:48] don't tell you in the practice. But
[39:52] learn to be uncomfortable.
[39:56] If we can be okay with being
[39:58] uncomfortable, life is so much easier
[40:02] because what is happening? I'm having a
[40:05] feeling and I feel uncomfortable about
[40:06] it. So what?
[40:09] Just be uncomfortable if it's not a
[40:11] problem.
[40:17] So soul spot gentleman over there when
[40:22] there is an issue it can help me to come
[40:25] in touch with what is it that I am
[40:28] experiencing right now.
[40:44] So that's where the other questions. So
[40:47] is there an issue is one way to ask it
[40:53] or do I carry a burden
[41:01] or if you like the word what's the
[41:03] matter?
[41:12] So we name
[41:15] and then we can initiate and investigate
[41:19] what is this experience.
[41:24] Does it feel more real?
[41:28] More
[41:30] true than the rest of reality.
[41:35] More real.
[41:37] More true.
[41:40] More real. more true will give an
[41:42] indication that you are not free that
[41:45] you're being pulled by it
[41:49] and being pulled will result into habit
[41:52] energies that will react instantly and
[41:54] we make usually the situation much
[41:56] worse.
[41:58] So the art is to slow down.
[42:04] I see that very often in consultations
[42:06] and also in dharma sharing
[42:09] where people share their issues.
[42:12] They their issues, they get an emotion
[42:15] and then go into explaining of the issue
[42:20] and that's usually
[42:22] that when they share their issue and
[42:25] they are getting the emotion that I stop
[42:27] them
[42:29] and I say
[42:31] let's take a little break.
[42:34] What is it that you're feeling right
[42:36] now?
[42:39] And very often that's when a person will
[42:42] have a little tear.
[42:46] The emotion comes and we brush over it.
[42:50] We go too quick.
[42:54] So learn to
[42:58] slow that down.
[43:02] Slow down
[43:05] and feel
[43:07] what is going on.
[43:18] So
[43:25] I am in touch with the issue. I see it's
[43:28] more real. It's more true. And I go to
[43:31] the level of feelings. Where do I feel
[43:34] it in the body?
[43:43] When I'm really identified with it, it
[43:46] might feel it's everywhere,
[43:50] but usually that's not true. We have a
[43:53] whole body.
[43:55] Usually the emotions are more like in
[43:57] the chest, in the belly or in the neck
[44:01] and not the totality of my body. So I
[44:03] create I recognize
[44:06] my whole body
[44:09] and I take refuge in my whole body.
[44:14] Now because this tendency to solve is so
[44:18] strong
[44:19] at the same time when we
[44:23] do all of these questions
[44:26] we need to make sure that we have the
[44:28] capacity to actually do this and not be
[44:31] swept away.
[44:35] So
[44:37] how can we create
[44:40] a refuge for ourselves?
[44:45] How do we create a refuge?
[44:48] >> H
[44:49] >> we go inside and we
[44:51] >> we go inside.
[44:54] We go inside.
[44:59] >> It's so tempting.
[45:02] But if we don't have the capacity and we
[45:05] go inside, we might be lost.
[45:09] Anybody experiencing that? Trying to
[45:11] embrace emotions.
[45:15] Yes.
[45:17] You go inside,
[45:19] it's too much. And then oh my whole
[45:21] world is that.
[45:27] So how do we create a refuge?
[45:30] Relaxing the body.
[45:32] >> Relaxing the body.
[45:35] >> Sharing with another person. Absolutely.
[45:41] >> Learning to be in the present moment.
[45:42] Very big one. Yes.
[45:47] >> Breathing.
[45:48] Yeah.
[45:52] We have all of the basic practices
[45:54] available to us. That's why we're doing
[45:56] them.
[45:59] walking,
[46:01] breathing,
[46:05] connecting to the wonders of life.
[46:09] And that in my experience is the last
[46:12] thing that we will do.
[46:18] Wonder,
[46:20] breath,
[46:24] steps.
[46:28] We create space
[46:34] and I feel I have space
[46:38] deep inside of me.
[46:42] But do you practice it in the moment?
[46:51] So
[46:53] our basic practice is to deepen this
[46:56] practice of offering refuge to each
[46:59] other to ourselves and to the other
[47:02] person
[47:03] so that the when the moment comes and
[47:05] there are issues they already have a
[47:08] refuge to bathe in.
[47:12] So the question that this one comes with
[47:15] is do I have enough space
[47:26] as the tendency of the issue is to
[47:28] contract and make that my reality then
[47:32] there's no space.
[47:34] So to create space by connecting.
[47:40] Maybe we can try that right now.
[47:43] What would happen if we connect to the
[47:45] flower for three breaths
[47:48] while we listen to the sound of the
[47:50] bell?
[48:34] So
[48:36] we have enough space.
[48:41] We recognize that the issue has a
[48:44] location in the body. But I am more than
[48:46] only my body.
[48:50] And then
[48:52] what I can
[48:55] recognize is
[49:01] how
[49:04] or what
[49:08] is this
[49:11] about
[49:14] me? I don't think this is a correct
[49:16] English sentence.
[49:18] How is this about me? What in this is
[49:22] about me?
[49:25] And again, the tendency to see, yeah,
[49:27] but them, they
[49:31] what is it about me? What does this
[49:34] remind me of?
[49:44] Not wanting to give this dharma talk
[49:46] reminded me of all the times I failed.
[49:55] And so what I brought up was okay let's
[49:58] imagine the worst thing happens. I'm
[50:01] going to have a writer block right in
[50:04] front of the whole sana.
[50:06] I just don't know anymore. It's going to
[50:09] be a terrible dharma talk. I'm going to
[50:10] completely screw up.
[50:14] What will happen in that moment?
[50:18] And then I thought about sister Tamui
[50:22] and I thought about brother Bang and I
[50:24] knew I was like sister Tamoi please come
[50:27] and help save me. Brother Bang please
[50:29] come up help me finish this thing.
[50:34] I could call upon my SA. Hey, sister.
[50:43] Or I could stop and do a very brave
[50:45] thing
[50:47] and look at you and say,
[50:51] "Um, I don't know anymore.
[50:55] Can you help?
[51:06] And that requires trust.
[51:12] Love
[51:14] carries a risk, a big risk.
[51:19] Because you could at that moment be
[51:22] like,
[51:25] "What's this brother doing? I paid for
[51:27] this retreat. He didn't even prepare.
[51:29] How dare he? It's like, come on. I feel
[51:32] so disrespected.
[51:35] You could
[52:00] So, I bought this little uh matchbox
[52:04] with me.
[52:09] It's from Sweden. Anybody here from
[52:10] Sweden? Yay.
[52:14] Hi, Mom.
[52:20] My father gave this to me.
[52:23] When I received the lamp, I became a
[52:25] dharma teacher.
[52:27] And he knew
[52:29] himself in me. The tendency to
[52:32] depression and not knowing anymore those
[52:35] moments when you are down and dark and
[52:38] you don't know how to get up.
[52:50] Use on dark days.
[53:09] So he says, "I'm proud of you
[53:14] that you live your life to give meaning
[53:16] to yourself and to the people around
[53:18] you.
[53:20] But imagine that you're really down and
[53:24] your light has gone extinct.
[53:30] Then use this emergency packet
[53:41] and I am thinking of um SA friend
[53:46] who recently passed away.
[53:53] He was way too young.
[54:11] And then
[54:14] yesterday I was sitting with in the
[54:16] registration office
[54:22] questions come up like why, how, if
[54:42] But we sat in silence for quite a long
[54:45] time as well.
[54:48] just her and me together
[54:52] to feel
[54:55] to recognize that the regrets and the
[54:57] hurts that I carry in myself is also his
[55:01] continuation.
[55:05] That the pain I carry for the people who
[55:07] I've lost and who are no longer in my
[55:09] life,
[55:12] they're also them in the present moment.
[55:18] And so
[55:22] I can say hello.
[55:26] Hello to that which is alive in me.
[55:34] Because solving
[55:39] is not something very alive.
[55:42] Solving is something very mechanical.
[55:47] But we're not only mechanical. We have
[55:49] this capacity to solve things.
[55:55] But we also have a live experience of
[55:58] what is below that issue.
[56:04] And when I am in touch with that which
[56:07] is below that issue,
[56:11] that's where I touch what is really real
[56:13] in me around this issue.
[56:17] That's me
[56:20] being scared.
[56:23] That's me not knowing. That is me
[56:27] thinking I will fail
[56:30] and then still do it.
[56:33] But it's me also
[56:36] that feels maybe I'm a burden
[56:40] and I don't want to put that burden on
[56:43] somebody else.
[56:48] But that's their responsibility, not
[56:51] yours.
[56:55] True friends are the ones where you can
[56:58] come to
[57:00] broken.
[57:06] Here I am.
[57:14] They can shred you to pieces
[57:21] and experience has been over and over
[57:23] again that right there in that moment.
[57:28] They come with compassion.
[57:32] They come with holding.
[57:37] You give them an opportunity to love.
[57:41] You give them an opportunity for you to
[57:43] begin a new and to connect again. In
[57:46] those moments, connection is so strong
[57:48] and beautiful.
[57:58] So I hope to in this talk bring you to
[58:01] the human
[58:06] messy
[58:08] uncomfortable
[58:10] I don't know what experience of issues.
[58:17] Do you feel it?
[58:22] Yeah.
[58:27] And in all my talks
[58:29] I then sing a song
[58:33] and the song is
[58:37] Hello. Hello.
[58:39] Something in me. I am aware that you are
[58:44] in there and you sure have got good
[58:47] reason to be. Hello. Hello.
[58:51] Something in me. I am aware that you are
[58:55] in there and I'm going to keep you
[58:58] company and I'm going to keep you
[59:02] company and I'm going to keep And I'm
[59:06] going to keep I'm going to keep you
[59:10] company.
[59:18] Something happens when we sing songs
[59:22] where we go from solving mode to human
[59:25] living experience mode.
[59:58] So the magic word
[1:00:02] hello
[1:00:05] it carries so much
[1:00:08] hello you don't say to a dead thing
[1:00:11] Hello, you don't say to a problem but
[1:00:14] hello you do say to a living experience
[1:00:17] that is capable of responding and
[1:00:20] feeling something about that because
[1:00:24] what is below
[1:00:27] that is me my experience it's alive
[1:00:33] and how I connect to that matters it
[1:00:36] matters a lot
[1:00:38] my attitude of saying Hello.
[1:00:43] Hello.
[1:00:46] Welcome.
[1:00:50] Let's experience this together.
[1:01:22] So dear friends,
[1:01:28] the matter with issues,
[1:01:35] slow it down.
[1:01:38] Connect to the human below it.
[1:01:43] Feel before solve.
[1:01:47] I guarantee you so many of your issues
[1:01:50] once it is connected to just drop away
[1:01:56] or
[1:01:58] you will have all your faculties
[1:02:00] available in order to actually solve the
[1:02:03] problem with your mind.
[1:02:05] Because the problem is when we are only
[1:02:08] contracted in dissolving, we use only a
[1:02:11] fraction of our capacity and it is
[1:02:14] limited by how stressed our nervous
[1:02:16] system is about the emotion below it.
[1:02:22] So connect to the human,
[1:02:25] connect to each other,
[1:02:28] be brave
[1:02:30] to connect to all those aspects of your
[1:02:32] being.
[1:02:34] Share with friends. Share with the sana.
[1:02:39] Don't keep your burden only to yourself.
[1:02:44] But trust,
[1:02:47] love.
[1:02:49] Be spiritual friend
[1:02:52] to all those parts in you.
[1:02:56] Sing it this song. Hello.
[1:03:05] Maybe we sing a song together.
[1:03:08] Hello. No. Breathing in. Breathing out.
[1:03:15] Breathing in.
[1:03:19] Breathing out.
[1:03:22] Breathing in.
[1:03:25] Breathing out.
[1:03:29] I am blooming
[1:03:32] as a flower.
[1:03:35] I am fresh
[1:03:39] as the Jew.
[1:03:42] I am solid
[1:03:45] as a mountain.
[1:03:48] I am firm
[1:03:51] as the earth.
[1:03:54] I am free.
[1:03:58] Breathing in.
[1:04:02] Breathing out.
[1:04:05] Breathing in.
[1:04:08] Breathing out.
[1:04:12] I am water
[1:04:15] reflecting
[1:04:18] what is real,
[1:04:21] what is true.
[1:04:25] And I feel
[1:04:29] space
[1:04:31] deep inside
[1:04:34] of me.
[1:04:37] I am free. I am free. I am free.
[1:04:45] So thank you friends, spiritual friends.
[1:04:49] Dear Sana,
[1:04:57] this is
[1:05:00] a happy moment.
