Transcript
[0:00] I offer these every week along with a
[0:02] guided meditation. Just click the uh
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[0:11] live, which would be great, uh just go
[0:13] into the description section below and
[0:15] follow the link along to be able to sign
[0:17] up for free.
[0:20] So, I'd like to explore with you how to
[0:25] fill yourself up
[0:27] today
[0:29] with important
[0:31] experiences and psychological nutrients
[0:35] that were unfortunately either missing
[0:39] or kind of a really thin soup
[0:41] when you were younger or even as an
[0:43] adult.
[0:45] And place this
[0:47] this idea of filling up
[0:50] that which has been missing, and I'm
[0:52] going to locate this in fundamental
[0:54] Buddhist practice.
[0:56] So, to begin, I want to give a full
[0:58] acknowledgement to Stephen Batchelor, a
[1:01] very long-time practitioner and student
[1:04] of both Tibetan Buddhism and Zen
[1:07] Buddhism, Korean Zen especially, and
[1:09] Theravadan, you know, early Buddhism.
[1:11] And among Stephen's many contributions
[1:15] has been the notion of reordering the
[1:17] Four Noble Truths.
[1:20] You probably know that these are
[1:22] typically presented in the order of the
[1:24] first one is the existence of dukkha.
[1:27] It's a word I'll come back to you later.
[1:29] Routinely and mistakenly translated as
[1:31] suffering, perhaps better translated as
[1:34] Tony Sarabiku does as stress. So, the
[1:37] part of life includes things that are
[1:38] stressful. Okay. Then we have the Second
[1:41] Noble Truth of craving, broadly stated.
[1:44] Third Noble Truth of cessation, the
[1:46] cessation of craving and thus suffering.
[1:49] And then the Fourth Noble Truth of the
[1:51] Eightfold Path. That's
[1:54] the routine sequence.
[1:55] Stephen looked at that and said, you
[1:57] know,
[1:58] let's consider doing this in a different
[2:01] way.
[2:02] And let's make the second noble truth
[2:04] first.
[2:05] So, we begin with the reality that as
[2:09] human animals, we crave.
[2:12] We crave the continuing of pleasure and
[2:16] we crave the ending of pain.
[2:18] We crave them going away when we don't
[2:21] want them and we crave them coming back
[2:24] when we do.
[2:25] We want those things and in the wanting
[2:29] and the intensity and the contraction
[2:31] around it, we
[2:34] create the second noble truth
[2:37] of
[2:39] painful difficult suffering.
[2:43] And then we have the reordering of the
[2:46] fourth noble truth
[2:48] as the third. So, even though our
[2:51] craving create suffering and harms for
[2:53] ourselves and others,
[2:55] there is a path, the eightfold path,
[2:58] that will reduce those cravings and
[3:01] reduce that suffering and harm leading
[3:04] to
[3:06] the cessation ultimately of all trouble
[3:09] in the mind and the highest happiness,
[3:12] which is peace.
[3:15] See follow the sequence? And I want to
[3:17] make a really important point in
[3:18] passing, which is that the word dukkha
[3:21] can be understood in two ways.
[3:23] There is on the one hand three
[3:26] characteristics of living.
[3:28] This is not a complete list. There is
[3:30] more than these three as characteristics
[3:32] of existence, but they are fundamental
[3:34] characteristics of existence, I think
[3:36] you'll agree.
[3:37] Impermanence, things keep changing. Most
[3:40] things keep changing.
[3:41] We're not so sure about the speed of
[3:42] light, but stuff like that. But anyway,
[3:44] most things keep changing. Certainly our
[3:46] experiences keep changing.
[3:48] Then we have interconnectedness,
[3:51] interbeing, such that everything is made
[3:54] of parts that are connected and
[3:55] changing, and therefore
[3:58] nothing has absolute self-existence,
[4:01] absolute self-causing
[4:03] in the realm of conditional reality, all
[4:06] that is subject to conditional arising,
[4:09] conditioned arising, is also subject to
[4:12] passing away.
[4:13] And thus empty of absolute existence
[4:17] including der der der the apparent self.
[4:22] Okay? That's
[4:24] pretty clearly true. Interdependence,
[4:26] interbeing. And then there's this third
[4:29] aspect of existence, which again is not
[4:32] a complete list, the dukkha of sometimes
[4:37] things are painful.
[4:39] Pleasures always end one way or another.
[4:42] And it is impossible
[4:44] to hold on to any experience, to make it
[4:47] a permanent basis of happiness.
[4:50] This is a fact.
[4:52] After enlightenment, dukkha in this
[4:55] sense is still a fact.
[4:57] There is no escape from that kind of
[4:59] those aspects, these three aspects of
[5:01] reality. But this kind of dukkha is not
[5:04] inherently suffering.
[5:06] Yeah, sometimes things are unpleasant.
[5:08] Yeah, sometimes pleasant things end.
[5:11] That's not inherently suffering. It's
[5:13] when we add craving
[5:16] to impermanence and craving to
[5:18] interdependence and craving to this
[5:22] meaning of the word dukkha, that's when
[5:24] we create suffering for ourselves and
[5:26] others. This is a very fundamental
[5:28] understanding. It means that suffering
[5:30] is not inherent in life.
[5:33] It is false to assert that life is
[5:37] suffering.
[5:38] Direct inspection shows that life is
[5:40] simply life. It includes pleasures, it
[5:43] includes pain. Even the fact that
[5:46] experiences are continually changing
[5:48] does not make them inherently
[5:50] unsatisfactory.
[5:51] There are Everything that ends in the
[5:53] moment is offset by the next thing that
[5:55] arises.
[5:58] It's when we add craving.
[6:01] I think the central focus of early
[6:05] Buddhism, that's when we create trouble
[6:07] for ourselves and others.
[6:10] And Steven's reformulation of the
[6:13] ordering of the noble truths really
[6:15] highlights this point.
[6:17] So in this context then, how do we crave
[6:19] less? Why do we crave? What up?
[6:23] Who thought of that anyway? Whose plan
[6:25] is this? It's Mother Nature's plan
[6:29] for her little critters to crave
[6:32] in order to pass on genes that pass on
[6:35] genes and live to see the sunrise.
[6:38] The basis for craving is
[6:42] something is missing
[6:44] or something is wrong. There's a deficit
[6:47] or a disturbance in the meeting of
[6:49] important needs. That's why a squirrel
[6:51] craves its nuts and it wants to get into
[6:55] its little safe place.
[6:57] That's why
[6:59] humans pile up possessions.
[7:02] That's why we chase various pleasures.
[7:05] It's because underneath it all we feel
[7:07] like something's missing and we're
[7:09] trying to fill that hole. Or underneath
[7:12] it all there's a sense of disturbance
[7:14] and we're trying to settle it down.
[7:17] Deficit and disturbance, something
[7:19] missing, something wrong.
[7:22] Fundamental basis for the craving that
[7:25] creates suffering and harm.
[7:30] It follows then that it's really smart
[7:35] >> [laughter]
[7:36] >> in very practical ways to pay attention
[7:39] to the deficits and the disturbances in
[7:42] your life. And I want to focus here on
[7:44] deficits, that which is missing.
[7:47] Now, sometimes we get caught up in
[7:49] thinking, "Oh, I got to get this. I got
[7:52] to get that."
[7:53] And we don't really need it. Nothing's
[7:55] really missing, but we believe it so.
[7:58] All right.
[7:59] But I want to talk here about what
[8:01] happens when primary, important
[8:05] psychological experiences are missing
[8:08] while we grow up
[8:11] and are particularly in need of them and
[8:13] even as adults.
[8:18] To speak briefly to Tammy's question
[8:20] that came in a moment ago,
[8:22] the evolutionary basis for craving is
[8:24] that it mobilizes drive.
[8:27] It motivates and mobilizes humans,
[8:30] monkeys,
[8:31] you know, rats, lizards, and primitive
[8:34] very primitive animals with a nervous
[8:36] system to keep trying, to keep driving
[8:41] even if they suffer along the way.
[8:44] Think about it that back in the
[8:46] Serengeti plains or back in Jurassic
[8:48] Park, primates that were super chill,
[8:52] "Hey, I feel already full. It's all
[8:54] groovy."
[8:56] They starved to death.
[8:58] They didn't keep looking for food,
[9:00] right? Or, "I'm all mellow, one with
[9:03] everything. It feels so good here."
[9:05] Chomp! They got eaten.
[9:07] You know, the
[9:09] animals that survived and passed on
[9:11] their genes and were their great, great,
[9:13] great, great grandchildren today were
[9:15] the ones that were really cranky and
[9:17] driven and anxious and irritated and
[9:20] demanding and insistent,
[9:22] the ones who craved a lot were the ones
[9:25] who passed on their genes.
[9:27] And here we are today.
[9:28] So, what do we do about it?
[9:30] So, I want to talk here about just
[9:32] standard child development
[9:34] neuropsychology.
[9:36] And when every human is young, and this
[9:40] applies as well in many ways to
[9:42] non-human infants, certainly mammalian
[9:46] and primate infants, when we're young,
[9:48] we have a lot of needs.
[9:50] We have a lot of needs, and we depend
[9:53] upon our caregivers to meet those needs.
[9:56] And the sense of those needs can
[9:59] increase or decrease depending on our
[10:01] own temperament, our health
[10:04] needs, and previous life experiences.
[10:07] Lots of painful experiences of not
[10:10] receiving the attention
[10:12] and care and pain relief and comfort and
[10:16] cuddling and warmth that we need
[10:20] actually [snorts] makes us needier for
[10:22] those things and more vulnerable and
[10:24] sensitive when we don't get them.
[10:27] So, I want to tell a little story from
[10:29] my dissertation, which involved offering
[10:32] alternatives to toddlers
[10:34] around problematic wants.
[10:36] You know, not the steak knives, how
[10:38] about the cool spoons?
[10:41] So, I went into 20 different homes. They
[10:43] ended up with a videotape of my
[10:45] interactions with their their toddler.
[10:47] 20 mothers, 10 little boys, 10 little
[10:50] girls. And I
[10:52] followed them around for a while, just
[10:55] free observation. And then we did a
[10:58] gingersnap cookie making episode, which
[11:02] is full of opportunities for there to be
[11:04] a conflict between the wants of the
[11:06] parent and the wants of the toddler.
[11:09] And I filmed it all, and then I coded it
[11:12] really carefully, staying up late at
[11:14] night, getting up early in the morning,
[11:15] and I finally got a PhD. Okay. So, there
[11:19] were several little episodes that stayed
[11:22] with me in really haunting ways. And if
[11:25] you're vulnerable here, you might want
[11:27] to kind of take a step back from the
[11:30] story I'm going to tell. And And the two
[11:32] stories were really striking in that
[11:34] there was no overt abuse.
[11:37] There was no Nothing physical happened.
[11:40] Definitely nothing sexualized. And yet
[11:45] I know what happened in this little
[11:47] episode that lasted maybe 20 seconds
[11:49] really landed. Especially if an episode
[11:53] like that landed happened again and
[11:55] again and again.
[11:56] And you might reflect on how your
[11:59] parents and your caregivers responded to
[12:02] your own wants.
[12:04] You know, my mother was extremely
[12:07] loving, decent, motivated,
[12:10] large-hearted person. And she grew up in
[12:13] a culture in the Great Depression in
[12:16] America. She grew up in a culture in
[12:18] which it was just standard that children
[12:22] don't know what they want.
[12:24] And even if they do know what they want,
[12:27] who cares what they want
[12:29] compared to the wants of adults.
[12:32] And she wasn't mean about that. That's
[12:35] just
[12:36] how she grew up.
[12:39] So,
[12:40] here we go. Two quick stories.
[12:42] Story number one
[12:44] is a little boy
[12:46] and a mom. I'm following them around.
[12:49] And the little boy, 15-month-old, barely
[12:52] can walk,
[12:53] raises his arms like this and starts
[12:56] making the sounds if you've been around
[12:58] toddlers. Ah!
[13:01] You know, rising tone,
[13:03] arms rising, "Pick me up."
[13:06] And the mom, seemed like a pleasant
[13:08] person,
[13:10] just
[13:12] stood there
[13:13] staring at him.
[13:16] She didn't say something like, "Oh,
[13:17] sweetie, I can't pick you up right now."
[13:19] Or, "Oh, sweetie, my back is killing me.
[13:22] I can't pick you up. I'm so sorry." Or
[13:24] anything.
[13:25] Or kneel down on the floor and get next
[13:28] to him, and him crawl into her lap and
[13:30] cuddle there. Maybe picking him up just
[13:32] wasn't an option for nothing. She just
[13:34] went inert.
[13:36] She just
[13:38] just looked at him.
[13:40] Which much research has shown is one of
[13:43] the most unnerving things that can
[13:45] happen. There's a lot of research on
[13:47] what's called the still face experiment
[13:48] in which you'll take toddlers, you'll
[13:50] put them in a high chair, you'll park a
[13:53] parent, let's say, in front of them, and
[13:56] you'll ask the parent to just maintain a
[13:57] poker face, no matter what the child
[13:59] does. Nothing mean, nothing loud, no
[14:02] yelling, nothing. Just
[14:04] nothing. Going inert. Just
[14:11] poker face.
[14:12] You know, 10 5 10 seconds go by, the
[14:14] toddler starts getting animated, tries
[14:17] to get a rise out of the parent. 20 30
[14:19] seconds go by, the toddler's getting
[14:21] increasingly upset.
[14:23] 40 50 seconds have gone by, the
[14:25] toddler's completely broken down and
[14:27] distraught, and they've got to stop the
[14:29] experiment. Even if they disagree with
[14:32] what they say or don't want to give us
[14:33] what we want, at least they've received
[14:36] the communication. But when the other
[14:38] person is acting as if they don't even
[14:42] hear you,
[14:43] or even if they hear you,
[14:46] just passes through cuz it does not
[14:48] matter. That's profoundly devastating to
[14:51] an adult and very very very devastating
[14:55] to little kids. So, she just stayed
[14:57] there.
[14:58] And he got louder and louder and louder.
[15:00] Ah!
[15:01] Ah!
[15:01] Ah!
[15:02] Ah!
[15:03] Increasingly increasingly upset.
[15:05] And finally he was so upset that, if I
[15:08] recall, she walked out of the room, I
[15:11] think,
[15:12] and he followed after her.
[15:16] So, that's an episode,
[15:18] probably 30 seconds in the life of that
[15:20] child.
[15:21] And yet, you know, if it happened once,
[15:23] especially with a stranger in the room
[15:25] with a camera recording it all, you got
[15:28] to figure it was happening a lot in the
[15:30] life of that kid.
[15:32] What's the impact of that?
[15:34] All right.
[15:36] And
[15:37] you might think to yourself about in
[15:40] your own life,
[15:43] was there good enough responsiveness?
[15:45] Was there good enough emotional
[15:47] availability for you? Did your parents
[15:50] come when you cried? Were you alive
[15:52] enough in their minds?
[15:55] Enoughness. Not perfect attunement
[15:57] necessary, not perfect empathy, not
[15:59] perfect responsiveness, but given your
[16:01] own nature and the needs you had, you
[16:04] know, was there enough for you? Or did
[16:07] you feel left out of the field of their
[16:10] attention? Maybe because they had to
[16:12] deal with other things.
[16:15] Maybe you had a sibling with special
[16:16] needs. Maybe they were dealing with
[16:18] poverty. Maybe they themselves were ill
[16:21] or depressed. Maybe they were in the
[16:22] middle of, you know, issues with their
[16:25] partner. Maybe they didn't even have a
[16:26] partner. So, they had a ton of the stuff
[16:28] to do just to kind of keep the household
[16:31] running. Whatever the reasons might have
[16:32] been.
[16:34] Bottom line, was your need fulfilled?
[16:39] Was your normal, healthy, biologically
[16:42] rooted human need fulfilled?
[16:47] If it was, great.
[16:49] That's
[16:50] what ought to happen. Good enough
[16:52] fulfillment of your needs.
[16:55] Enoughness. And
[16:57] if that's the case, then there is a
[17:00] repeated internalization
[17:02] of that empty place inside being filled.
[17:08] There's a momentary
[17:10] lack of
[17:12] a need being met, and then that lack is
[17:15] filled. Again and again and again
[17:18] so that builds up an emotionally rich
[17:22] collection of implicit somatic memories
[17:25] in the body that we can take with us
[17:29] into life and we can draw upon when
[17:31] things are challenging.
[17:33] That's how it ought to go.
[17:38] And
[17:39] with that sense of the need being met
[17:42] which is followed by you know good
[17:44] feelings, calming, reassurance, sense of
[17:46] worth, I matter, I exist for you, you
[17:51] are loyal to me, I'm worthy of your
[17:53] care. You know, along with that those
[17:56] feelings coming up, there is a sense of
[17:59] the world as relatively reliable, not
[18:02] always perfect but relatively reliable
[18:05] and trustworthy.
[18:07] On the other hand, if there's a
[18:09] significant dearth or lack of those
[18:13] important experiences of supplies coming
[18:17] to you that can be internalized. Oh.
[18:21] Then we grow up with the way I would put
[18:23] it as a kind of metaphorical hole in the
[18:26] heart.
[18:27] And with that hole in the heart, there's
[18:29] a lot of our activity around the edges.
[18:31] One way people manage that hole in their
[18:33] heart is they get stoic and denial about
[18:37] it. They do to themselves the same kind
[18:40] of dismissiveness of needs that happened
[18:43] to them from the outside.
[18:45] That's one approach including a kind of
[18:48] inner numbing.
[18:50] Other people around that hole can become
[18:53] somewhat frantic, anxious,
[18:56] demanding, agitated and wanting,
[18:59] wanting, wanting, claiming and
[19:01] complaining, claiming and complaining to
[19:04] fill that hole.
[19:05] Both of them are uh strategies learned
[19:09] related to that historic deficit in
[19:12] terms of their child development. And
[19:16] very often people will seem all really
[19:17] cool and no big deal and yada yada yada.
[19:21] Underneath it all
[19:23] they're very affected by that lack.
[19:26] So, another story here. This one was
[19:28] while making gingersnap cookies.
[19:31] Wonderful fodder for science marches on.
[19:34] I did show in this study, carefully
[19:37] done, that offering alternatives when
[19:39] there's a collision of wants reduces
[19:42] negative affect and increases
[19:44] cooperation on the part of the child.
[19:47] That would seem kind of intuitively
[19:48] obvious, but I'm the world's leading
[19:51] expert on offering alternatives to
[19:53] toddlers when they're problematic needs
[19:55] or what problematic ones. Anyway, so
[19:58] this is a kid who was just very
[20:00] delightful. Sitting in his high chair,
[20:02] these are both boys in my stories,
[20:04] sitting in his high chair, you know, mom
[20:06] is focused. She was very focused. She
[20:09] wanted to make these cookies. She was
[20:10] kind of dutiful and task-oriented,
[20:13] probably a little compulsive in her
[20:14] behavior, but you know
[20:16] just the kind of person you want to hire
[20:18] for your company. Very dutiful and
[20:20] conscientious. She was going to make
[20:22] these cookies, follow the recipe. Which
[20:24] they were supposed to make together. And
[20:26] so, she gets going on it.
[20:28] It's a little bit like as it were, she's
[20:30] facing in this direction, big bowl in
[20:32] front of her. The boy is exuberantly
[20:34] waving his arm around with the wooden
[20:36] spoon in it.
[20:38] And she needs the spoon. So, she kind of
[20:40] glances his in his direction and plucks
[20:42] the spoon from his hand. Cuz she's now
[20:45] is going to stir the bowl of gingersnap
[20:47] batter.
[20:48] And he looks at her for a moment like,
[20:50] huh?
[20:52] Huh?
[20:54] Ah!
[20:55] Starts pointing at the spoon.
[20:57] He wants the spoon.
[20:59] No big deal. Now, maybe he can't really
[21:01] have the spoon. Maybe she could offer an
[21:03] alternative here. Here, um use this one.
[21:05] Use this spoon. I'm going to use this
[21:07] spoon, okay? Whatever. I'll give you the
[21:09] spoon in a minute, honey. You know, some
[21:11] kind of responsiveness
[21:13] indicating both that you're going to get
[21:16] the spoon, but much more deeply
[21:18] indicating you matter to me. You exist
[21:22] in my mind. Your needs have standing.
[21:25] Help is on the way.
[21:28] That's much more important and deep.
[21:30] Okay? So, the second stick by, I'm
[21:33] actually getting kind of uncomfortable.
[21:35] I'm thinking, give him the damn spoon.
[21:38] >> [laughter]
[21:41] >> No. She So, then what happens? She's
[21:44] stirring away. She's measuring in the
[21:46] you know, the cinnamon powder or
[21:47] whatever. She's stirring away. And then
[21:49] finally, he's getting louder and louder,
[21:51] more and more agitated. He's slamming in
[21:53] his chair.
[21:55] >> [snorts]
[21:55] >> She looks at him
[21:56] and says, "Oh. Oh, you want the spoon."
[22:01] And he he then relaxes. His face
[22:05] softens.
[22:06] You know, like she gets it. She knows I
[22:09] want the spoon.
[22:10] And then
[22:11] she turns back to the bowl and keeps
[22:14] stirring
[22:15] with the spoon. Doesn't give it to him.
[22:18] And he just collapses
[22:20] in his chair.
[22:24] It's the worst thing you
[22:26] to see.
[22:29] Anger is more adaptive than collapse.
[22:38] Okay?
[22:39] And so, that might have been a one-off
[22:41] moment.
[22:43] We are sturdy creatures.
[22:46] Lots of one-off moments can be handled,
[22:48] but a recurring pattern
[22:51] in which there's a fundamental need
[22:53] that's not met really makes a
[22:55] difference. It really lands on us.
[22:58] Who knows
[22:59] what was behind it all? I'm just kind of
[23:02] reporting what I saw and the impact on
[23:08] actually what seemed like a quite a
[23:10] active and you know, kind of
[23:12] self-reliant little kid. Boom.
[23:15] 20 seconds, 30 seconds can really have a
[23:18] big impact.
[23:20] So, how does this relate to us today?
[23:23] Well, when we carry into our adulthood
[23:27] the impacts of the emotional residues of
[23:30] unmet needs
[23:32] for love, for safety, for support, we
[23:36] carry that into the present, that
[23:38] underlying sense of something missing
[23:41] drives craving.
[23:43] Or we just simply carry with us a kind
[23:46] of ache in the heart.
[23:48] For myself, I grew up with loving decent
[23:50] parents and an intact family situation,
[23:53] kind of lower middle-class upbringing,
[23:56] and I was raised by two parents who were
[24:01] really wonderful, but in their culture
[24:04] delivering empathy was not a particular
[24:07] priority in terms of how they were
[24:08] raised and how they understood to be
[24:10] parents. And then, I was very young
[24:13] going through school and kind of shy,
[24:15] and so I felt like an outsider, sort of
[24:16] invisible, and that led to many
[24:19] experiences of just feeling left out.
[24:22] So, the normal sustenance
[24:25] psychologically of what's called what
[24:27] are called social supplies were for me a
[24:29] very thin soup.
[24:31] I wasn't abused, I wasn't particularly
[24:33] bullied, but life was a lot like
[24:35] breathing through a straw.
[24:37] And so then, I landed in college and I
[24:41] felt that I had this enormous hole in my
[24:43] heart, roughly the size of a
[24:44] construction project or a skyscraper.
[24:48] And then, I stumbled on this method that
[24:49] I'd like to talk with you about and
[24:52] related both neurologically and
[24:54] dharmically to your own practice, which
[24:57] is I began to
[25:00] neither dismiss that longing in me,
[25:05] nor get demanding about it.
[25:08] Those are the two
[25:10] common patterns of reaction to
[25:14] important psychological supplies being
[25:17] missing as we grow up, whether it's from
[25:19] parents or peers or other sources.
[25:22] Rather than being dismissive or
[25:24] demanding, I just simply began looking
[25:26] for opportunities to experience
[25:29] authentically
[25:30] being included and wanted and valued,
[25:35] which were three
[25:38] normal range needs that were poorly met
[25:44] for all kinds of reasons, including my
[25:45] own withdrawal from the world. Were
[25:48] poorly met when I was growing up. I
[25:49] would look for the opportunity to feel
[25:52] included, wanted, and seen. And then
[25:56] when I had that opportunity to observe
[25:58] the fact of it casually, you know, like
[26:00] some guy in the dorm inviting me to sit
[26:02] with him for pizza at lunch or a girl
[26:04] smiling at me in the elevator, huh, I
[26:07] would allow myself to experience it.
[26:10] And then I would take it in.
[26:13] And I would let the sense of being
[26:16] included, wanted, valued, seen to sink
[26:20] down into these hollow, empty places
[26:23] inside that could feel very, very
[26:27] young, even going all the way back to
[26:29] preverbal sort of body memories of being
[26:33] a a really, really little kid.
[26:35] And I was amazed.
[26:39] >> [laughter]
[26:40] >> I was probably I started college at 16.
[26:43] I was probably 17 when I stumbled on
[26:45] this, and I was just lit up. Wow, on my
[26:48] own, I could find opportunities to
[26:52] authentically take in to myself today
[26:55] the psychological nutrients that were
[26:56] missing when I was growing up.
[26:59] Wow. And gradually, truly, and including
[27:03] now today in different ways, I really
[27:05] have filled that hole in my heart. That
[27:07] sense of deficit has been really, really
[27:10] filled and around it is much less sense
[27:13] of craving
[27:14] for all that. Now, to be clear, the
[27:16] opportunities to fill that hole in your
[27:19] heart are really affected by many
[27:22] factors outside your control, including
[27:24] privilege and social class.
[27:26] You know, I was in college. I was in a
[27:28] safe environment. I was a
[27:32] white male. I, you know, definitely had
[27:35] opportunities to experience being wanted
[27:37] and valued and liked and included. And
[27:40] that's certainly true.
[27:42] And
[27:44] kind of on practical grounds, obviously
[27:46] it means that it's really helpful to do
[27:48] what one can
[27:50] to create the factual basis for the
[27:53] experiences that bring the psychological
[27:56] supplies that come in. And the more that
[28:00] we don't really naturally receive the
[28:03] basis for those supplies from the
[28:04] outside, the more as best we can, darn,
[28:08] but it's important to be self-reliant
[28:11] and to look for ways to create the basis
[28:13] for those supplies ourselves, like
[28:15] ordinary experiences of being part of a
[28:18] group
[28:19] or
[28:20] connection, even fairly superficial, but
[28:23] still friendly connection
[28:25] with someone
[28:26] at the place where you get your deli
[28:28] sandwiches and so forth. The science of
[28:31] this is really quite remarkable.
[28:33] Because when that lack is triggered in
[28:37] some way, it's activated. Maybe we're in
[28:39] situations that have similar patterns or
[28:42] structures as our own upbringing or
[28:44] childhood. Maybe we are, you know,
[28:47] feeling left out in a work context or
[28:50] there's an estrangement, let's say, with
[28:52] a
[28:53] with a relative.
[28:55] That underlying lack can get triggered
[28:59] and stirred up.
[29:00] And
[29:02] then the question is what to do about
[29:04] it.
[29:05] Now, you might be familiar with this
[29:08] material I've developed around the
[29:10] linking step. A standard practice,
[29:14] whether it's in formal therapies or
[29:15] elsewhere, is to associate positive with
[29:18] negative.
[29:19] And I've really, you know, taken that
[29:23] on steroids or whatever to the max
[29:25] because for me at least, the process of
[29:28] linking present
[29:31] time positive beneficial resource
[29:34] experiences of psychological nutrients,
[29:37] you know, that I need connecting those,
[29:40] linking those to the underlying hole in
[29:42] the heart has been absolutely tied for
[29:46] first place for all of the psychological
[29:49] methods I know.
[29:51] And I've gotten very interested in it,
[29:53] so I want to explore with you right now
[29:55] how you can do it for yourself.
[29:58] So,
[30:00] if you imagine and tell the truth to
[30:02] yourself,
[30:03] gosh, what was present when I was
[30:06] growing up? All right?
[30:09] My hardworking parents
[30:11] often did the best they could.
[30:14] The life I had, you know, what kind of
[30:17] um
[30:18] supplies, psychological supplies, came
[30:20] my way pretty well, pretty reliably.
[30:25] And
[30:26] what,
[30:28] if anything,
[30:29] that was important was missing?
[30:41] All right?
[30:43] And to be really, really clear, the
[30:46] desire, the wanting, the longing, even
[30:49] call it craving for those resources is
[30:53] completely natural. It's embedded in us
[30:56] as human animals, and it's absolutely
[30:59] natural in other creatures.
[31:03] Squirrels, cats crave, dogs crave,
[31:06] lizards crave in their own way.
[31:09] They, too, have drive states
[31:11] for the fulfillment of their needs. And
[31:13] they, too, release craving like we can
[31:17] when when they experience that their
[31:18] needs are met.
[31:20] So, for yourself, you might pick one
[31:22] thing
[31:23] that, wow, would have made a lot of
[31:26] difference if it had been more present
[31:28] when you were growing up.
[31:31] It would have made a big difference for
[31:33] me if I had been more included in groups
[31:37] of other kids,
[31:38] more of an insider rather than an
[31:40] endless outsider.
[31:42] That would have been wonderful.
[31:44] And I was a factor in how that turned
[31:47] out because children have agency. They
[31:50] have impacts on others. Doesn't mean
[31:52] they have
[31:53] moral responsibility, but they have
[31:55] effects. And, you know, in my own
[31:56] awkwardness and shyness, I
[31:59] you know, I was so uncomfortable around
[32:00] other kids that I just really stayed
[32:02] back. So, I was part of the in the mix.
[32:06] Nonetheless, at the end of the day, what
[32:08] was missing?
[32:10] So, you might, you know, in the totality
[32:12] of all the causes and
[32:15] you know, not blaming others, on the
[32:17] other hand, seeing clearly what's
[32:19] something important for you
[32:21] that maybe was missing
[32:23] that then creates a reactive patterns
[32:26] today
[32:28] for you.
[32:32] Okay?
[32:32] And then you might imagine right now in
[32:34] real time,
[32:36] all right? In real time, you might
[32:37] imagine an experience cuz we're doing it
[32:40] right now.
[32:41] Perhaps it's present for you right now.
[32:44] It's already available to you right now
[32:46] that is matched to what was missing.
[32:49] So, for example, what was missing for me
[32:53] had to do with one of our three primary
[32:54] needs for connection.
[32:57] We have two other primary needs for
[32:59] safety and for satisfaction. These are
[33:01] broad umbrella terms.
[33:05] If we're if we have a deficit, something
[33:09] a lack of a meeting of our need for
[33:11] connection,
[33:12] fulfilling our need for safety or for
[33:15] satisfaction will be good, but it won't
[33:17] address
[33:18] it's not matched to what's missing.
[33:22] So, for example,
[33:24] even though I had a hole in my heart in
[33:25] college, you know, I pursued goals, I
[33:28] partied, I was successful as a student,
[33:31] I had opportunities for satisfaction.
[33:33] That was nice, but it did not fill the
[33:35] hole in my heart.
[33:37] I also kind of got strong, I protected
[33:40] myself,
[33:41] you know, I I was assertive,
[33:44] had safety, I was in a fairly safe
[33:47] setting,
[33:48] and still I had that hole in my heart.
[33:51] It wasn't until I sought the nutrients
[33:55] that were matched to my need that I
[33:58] gradually filled that hole in my heart.
[34:00] And very often people look for resource
[34:04] experiences, psychological nutrients,
[34:06] that are actually not matched to what
[34:09] they really need.
[34:11] If you have a need for safety,
[34:13] gratitude will not meet your need for
[34:15] safety, you know. What meets the need
[34:17] for safety, qualities of inner calm,
[34:19] feeling strong, uh being cared about and
[34:22] protected by others, et cetera, et
[34:24] cetera, et cetera.
[34:25] So,
[34:26] in your own case, right now,
[34:29] thinking in your mind about this
[34:31] particular thing that was missing for
[34:33] you, what
[34:34] might you experience
[34:36] now
[34:38] that would be a kind of medicine
[34:42] or a supply, an experience that would be
[34:45] matched to what was missing?
[34:48] Like, for example, if like me, you felt
[34:52] really left out,
[34:54] might there be an opportunity here to
[34:56] feel like you're part of a group?
[34:58] You belong here.
[35:02] And then,
[35:03] or perhaps as a child, you felt pretty
[35:06] helpless. You were pushed around, maybe
[35:08] bullied. You didn't have much sense of
[35:10] agency.
[35:12] Okay.
[35:13] These days, are there ways in which you
[35:16] are strong, you are potent, you are able
[35:20] to make things happen?
[35:23] Right?
[35:24] Maybe you didn't feel loved enough,
[35:27] maybe cuz you were not loved enough when
[35:29] you were young. Okay. Are there beings
[35:32] who love you today or have loved you?
[35:35] Or if all else fails, can you feel
[35:37] loving yourself?
[35:40] So then we have two things, and this is
[35:42] where the brain science is really
[35:44] interesting. When we're activated with,
[35:48] let's say, an underlying emotional
[35:50] history
[35:52] embedded in the body, that material is
[35:54] constructed. It's constructed quickly
[35:57] into the neural substrates of
[35:59] consciousness.
[36:01] Within a fractions of a second, there it
[36:04] is, it's running. Right? And then,
[36:08] it is very influenceable.
[36:11] And so we can associate
[36:14] the positive to it
[36:16] here and now,
[36:18] and then when we move on to the next
[36:20] thing in our attention, and that package
[36:23] goes back down the rabbit hole of
[36:25] memory, it takes the positive
[36:27] associations with it.
[36:29] And in fact, if we continue to sort of
[36:33] resonate in that which is positive,
[36:35] that's matched to that underlying lack,
[36:40] what that does, what scientist calls
[36:42] disrupt the reconsolidation
[36:45] in the physical structures and processes
[36:49] that underlie emotional memory.
[36:51] The reconsolidation, it's created and
[36:54] then it has to reconsolidate
[36:56] and during the phase of reconsolidation,
[36:58] things are shaky.
[37:00] The cement has not yet been set and if
[37:03] you sustain attention to the matched
[37:05] beneficial positive experience, that
[37:07] disrupts the reconsolidation and
[37:10] gradually erases
[37:12] that emotional material. You still
[37:14] remember what happened, but the charge
[37:16] on it and the reactive patterns and the
[37:19] distortions are in your own thinking,
[37:21] those gradually dissipate.
[37:24] This is the process of linking.
[37:26] You're aware of
[37:27] the positive, match the negative, the
[37:30] positive stays bigger
[37:32] and yeah, and you allow the positive to
[37:34] sink into the negative. So, you want to
[37:36] try it right now?
[37:38] Right?
[37:39] You can just do it. And there are two
[37:41] ways into this.
[37:42] One is if you certainly know your own
[37:44] structure, like me, I knew that I needed
[37:46] to really feel like it was okay to be
[37:48] part of a group, that people really
[37:50] wanted me, that I fit in. And so, I went
[37:53] looking for experiences of that. And
[37:56] then I would deliberately get in touch
[37:58] with feeling like left out or unwanted
[38:02] growing up as a kid, unseen,
[38:04] that my inner being was not recognized.
[38:06] I would deliberately, you know,
[38:08] let that good experience connect with
[38:11] that young material and kind of go into
[38:13] it and fill it up.
[38:15] Or the second way in here is
[38:18] when you're activated, when the negative
[38:21] material, the old material, is stirred
[38:23] up,
[38:25] you feel it for a bit. All right, here
[38:27] we are. Be mindful of it. Let it be. Air
[38:29] it out. All right. And then at a certain
[38:32] point,
[38:34] if you want to, and I think it's often
[38:35] very skillful, bring in or look for the
[38:39] matched positive material. Make it
[38:42] bigger in your mind than the negative
[38:43] material, and have it connect with it
[38:46] and go into it.
[38:49] Over and over again. See the two ways
[38:51] into this?
[38:52] In this case, just for fun, we'll take a
[38:55] minute or less with this. The idea of
[38:58] linking is conceptual. The experience of
[39:00] it is profoundly emotional
[39:03] and somatic.
[39:04] Because you're aware of two experiences,
[39:07] not two ideas, two experiences at the
[39:09] same time.
[39:11] So, you could try it. Don't get sucked
[39:14] into the negative. Pick something kind
[39:16] of mild.
[39:18] All right? So, right now, you might take
[39:21] a moment
[39:22] to start with the positive.
[39:25] Something simple and experiential.
[39:30] You know,
[39:31] this simply could be a sense of calm.
[39:35] There's certain experiences that are
[39:37] matched to just about everything. Love,
[39:39] the sense of yourself as a loving being.
[39:44] So, let's say pick either calm or a
[39:47] sense of yourself as a loving being.
[39:56] And then see if you can simply be aware
[39:59] of that sense of calm or love
[40:03] in the foreground,
[40:05] and off to the side, let there be a
[40:06] knowing of something that was missing
[40:09] when you were young.
[40:26] >> And you might have a growing sense of
[40:28] the calmer love connecting with what was
[40:31] missing
[40:32] when you were young. And the younger
[40:34] layers in you there's maybe sad or hurt
[40:38] or angry.
[40:47] Not forcing anything.
[40:50] Just through the wonder of how the brain
[40:52] works.
[40:55] Letting the connections be made.
[41:10] This can be a little challenging. It's
[41:12] an advanced practice.
[41:14] Which is one reason I think
[41:16] it's so powerful.
[41:18] I like to get a sense of the positive
[41:22] like calm or love sifting down into me
[41:25] kind of like a golden rain.
[41:28] Sinking down and really touching this
[41:32] little young Ricky.
[41:34] Really little you. The little you. Yeah.
[41:38] And even older versions of you
[41:41] connecting with the little you.
[41:44] And giving
[41:46] to the little you
[41:48] what would have been so good to have
[41:50] received back then.
[41:59] You can also do this certainly with
[42:01] stuff as an adult.
[42:06] Like right now, I've been startled over
[42:08] the last you know, several years by some
[42:11] very startling shocking episodes of
[42:13] being mistreated. Personally, I really
[42:15] was mistreated. It was what? And I just
[42:19] noticed right now
[42:21] that being in touch with my intactness
[42:24] right now,
[42:25] the ongoingness of okayness, this basic
[42:28] intactness,
[42:29] I'm still here.
[42:31] Battered, but unbowed.
[42:33] >> [clears throat]
[42:34] >> Notwithstanding that mistreatment, that
[42:36] injury that was done to me a year or two
[42:38] or five ago,
[42:40] ah
[42:41] right there is linking.
[42:43] I can uh feel better immediately right
[42:46] now as a result.
[42:48] So, we're not trying to deny the pain.
[42:51] We're not bypassing it.
[42:53] We're using the inherent nature of how
[42:57] the brain operates
[42:59] in terms of learning
[43:01] to associate
[43:03] uh
[43:04] medicine
[43:05] >> [snorts]
[43:06] >> or a
[43:07] nutrient psychologically
[43:09] to what has been wounded or lacking
[43:11] inside.
[43:14] And the nature of the brain and learning
[43:17] is that when you start having an
[43:18] experience today of bringing that
[43:22] beneficial experience in touch with that
[43:25] which was missing when you were young,
[43:27] it gradually really can meet that need
[43:31] now.
[43:33] And in fact, almost like a time machine,
[43:36] gradually take in the circuitry and
[43:38] associational networks of the brain,
[43:40] take the supply today, and plug it into
[43:45] the layers neurologically of the psyche
[43:49] that got laid down when you were one or
[43:51] two or three or four years old.
[43:54] Linking is extraordinary. I did not
[43:56] invent it. There are many ways to do it.
[43:59] I have spent a lot of time focusing on
[44:01] how to do it well and skillfully, and
[44:04] how to deconstruct its key elements, and
[44:06] become skillful in the use of them, and
[44:08] that's been really interesting to me and
[44:09] really important personally.
[44:12] And to bring it all the way back to
[44:13] finish now,
[44:15] with the Dharma,
[44:17] there is a real appreciation
[44:20] in early Buddhism about the power of
[44:22] beneficial experiences, including very
[44:26] juicy, luscious experiences.
[44:29] There is a lot of phrasing about the
[44:33] value of resting your attention in that
[44:37] which delights you.
[44:39] Delight in the very wholesome sense.
[44:43] And in the resting
[44:45] of that,
[44:46] in the alchemy
[44:48] of our own neuropsychology,
[44:50] there can be a connecting with
[44:53] and a soothing and a filling up that
[44:55] which has been missing
[44:57] or in short supply
[44:59] in your own personal history.
[45:02] So, I really wish you well with this
[45:03] method. If you use it, it's very
[45:06] important to not get sucked in to the
[45:08] negative material. If you start getting
[45:10] sucked into it, disengage. Pull out.
[45:14] And it's important to keep the positive
[45:16] bigger so that it goes into and soothes
[45:19] and fills up and eases, you know, those
[45:22] old places of something missing rather
[45:25] than getting contaminated by those old
[45:27] places in which something was missing.
[45:30] We really do have an incredible power to
[45:33] heal ourselves and
[45:37] as we really do fill ourselves up in the
[45:40] present,
[45:43] it's a lot easier to move into the
[45:45] higher levels of practice
[45:48] because we're not carrying around those
[45:49] tin cans, you know, tied to us on a
[45:51] string rattling behind us,
[45:54] calling out, "Feed me. Feed me. Feed
[45:56] me."
[45:58] When we feed them, they grow quiet,
[46:01] >> [laughter]
[46:02] >> which frees up attention for, you know,
[46:05] subtler aspects of awakening.