Transcript
[0:00] Hi, this is Peter Cron and you're
[0:02] listening to Finding Freedom. In this
[0:04] episode, I get to speak with an who, who
[0:07] is dealing with quite a bit of anxiety,
[0:10] particularly as it pertains to her own
[0:12] mortality, worried about death in the
[0:13] future, and exacerbated by the fact that
[0:16] she's a mom of two beautiful girls. It
[0:19] was also cascading into her physiology
[0:21] with some digestive issues impacting her
[0:24] sleep. And as you can imagine, for those
[0:26] of you who struggle with anxiety, which
[0:28] is almost half a billion people around
[0:31] the world, was just leaving her not very
[0:34] present both as a mother with her girls,
[0:36] but also as a human in every walk of
[0:39] life. So whether you be a parent or not,
[0:42] if you're somebody who has a bit of a
[0:43] preoccupation with being concerned for
[0:45] worst case scenarios or worried about
[0:47] your future, then this episode is for
[0:50] you. I hope you enjoy this episode of
[0:53] Finding Freedom.
[0:55] I'm nervous and excited. I'm just really
[0:59] grateful to be able to have this
[1:01] conversation with you.
[1:02] >> Well, I appreciate the kind words and a
[1:05] combination of nerves and excitement is
[1:07] pretty typical. So, you're in the right
[1:08] place. [laughter]
[1:09] >> Thanks.
[1:10] So the first thing is around health
[1:13] anxiety and I fear dying like a slow
[1:21] painful
[1:24] >> um almost like a terminal type illness
[1:27] or disease.
[1:28] >> Yeah.
[1:29] >> And it also extends to my children.
[1:32] >> Okay. Um, like that same fear of them
[1:36] not being well
[1:38] >> or me feeling powerless to make them
[1:42] feel better or [clears throat]
[1:45] >> safe.
[1:46] >> Got it. And then the second thing that I
[1:49] would like some help with is around
[1:52] feeling of overwhelm,
[1:54] just burnout, exhaustion, and like
[1:57] mentally escaping
[1:59] >> and procrastinating and feeling like I'm
[2:02] not fully present.
[2:04] >> So, you know, as a mom of two young
[2:06] kids, two young girls,
[2:09] >> um I'm just kind of living the
[2:11] day-to-day battles and I also work. I
[2:15] have a career outside of the home.
[2:17] >> Okay.
[2:18] >> And so
[2:21] every day kind of just feels a little
[2:23] bit like a marathon. I wake up early,
[2:26] >> you know, all the things needed to get
[2:28] the kids out of the door, school, child
[2:30] care, work, traffic, back home. I get to
[2:34] like snuggle the kids for a few minutes.
[2:38] And I feel like I'm just not mentally
[2:40] present because I'm still thinking of
[2:42] >> Yeah. all the other things, dinner,
[2:46] bedtime, right? And so,
[2:49] >> yeah,
[2:50] >> I just feel like
[2:53] at the end of the day when I lay down to
[2:56] sleep, my body is like vibrating
[3:00] >> and I'm so overstimulated.
[3:02] >> Yeah. Yeah.
[3:04] >> Yeah.
[3:05] >> Okay, I get it. Because you also
[3:06] mentioned in your video that you had
[3:07] been I don't know if it's still the
[3:09] case, but struggling with sleep as well.
[3:11] >> Yes. Yeah, I mean my daughter's eight
[3:14] months old.
[3:15] >> My youngest is eight months old. Um, so
[3:20] I'm doing better with getting sleep, but
[3:24] still also just [clears throat]
[3:26] >> I wake up and mentally think of things
[3:29] and have a hard time falling back
[3:31] asleep.
[3:33] >> Got it. Okay. And is dad in the picture?
[3:36] You have a partner. You're married.
[3:38] >> Yes. Yeah. Married. Dad's in the
[3:40] picture. Dad is amazing, wonderful
[3:44] husband. Like he takes care of so much
[3:46] and he's also feeling the same amount of
[3:50] burnout.
[3:51] >> Yeah.
[3:52] >> Yeah,
[3:52] >> I get it. Okay. Well, first of all,
[3:55] thank you for sharing so honestly and
[3:56] vulnerably and I just have so much
[3:58] respect for parents particularly um more
[4:02] so maybe bias towards moms. I think, you
[4:05] know, uh speaking on behalf of men, uh
[4:08] we don't really get um just the resolve,
[4:12] the resilience, the capacity of a woman,
[4:14] let alone a mother. So, I just hope that
[4:17] you feel seen during this conversation
[4:19] that I really acknowledge in ways that I
[4:21] don't fully understand what it is that
[4:23] you're capable of doing. And so, I can
[4:26] have compassion for your burnout. But um
[4:29] until such time that I am a parent,
[4:31] although I feel that I'm a father to
[4:32] millions in some capacity, [laughter]
[4:34] but I'm not having to change their
[4:36] diapers or feed them. So, um I just I
[4:40] just want to, you know, speak to that
[4:42] and and acknowledge who you are for for
[4:44] your girls and and how you represent,
[4:47] you know, millions of moms out there who
[4:49] will hopefully get something from this
[4:50] conversation.
[4:52] >> Thank you.
[4:53] >> Of course. Um, so, um, you're obviously
[4:58] familiar with my work, otherwise you
[4:59] wouldn't have reached out. What would
[5:01] you say thus far from listening to
[5:03] whether it be, you know, clips on
[5:04] Instagram, Facebook, or listening to
[5:07] some of the other podcasts? Uh, I'm
[5:09] assuming you're at least in freedom,
[5:10] right? Um, the membership. Yeah.
[5:13] >> Uh, have you done a mastermind or no?
[5:15] >> No, I haven't.
[5:17] >> Okay, that's fine. um if ever there's a
[5:20] opportunity to do it, I think, um it's
[5:22] one of those
[5:24] uh programs that I really think is a
[5:26] right of passage for every human being
[5:27] to step out of the world of, you know,
[5:29] limitation, fear, suffering, and disease
[5:31] and scarcity into an entirely new world.
[5:33] So, uh I encourage you and anyone
[5:36] listening, if you're ready to get out of
[5:37] the world of being sick and tired and
[5:39] into a world of freedom, love, and
[5:41] possibility, then the mastermind is it
[5:43] uh categorically. But I just at least
[5:45] want to get a sense of what you're
[5:47] familiar with. Um, based on whatever
[5:50] you've heard me say, how I've helped
[5:51] other people, you know, you strike me as
[5:54] a very smart, astute woman. What would
[5:56] you say could be at the foundation of
[5:59] some of the things that you're dealing
[6:01] with in terms of your worry, overwhelm,
[6:02] and stress?
[6:04] >> So, one of the things that I've heard
[6:07] you talk to a lot is the power of
[6:10] choice. And I understand that
[6:14] conceptually.
[6:16] >> Mhm.
[6:16] >> I just have a hard time embodying it. Um
[6:20] like the choice versus the have to.
[6:23] >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
[6:25] >> And and it's it makes me sad, too,
[6:28] because I don't want my girls to ever
[6:31] think that I felt like I had to parent
[6:35] them. Like I want them to know that I
[6:38] had the pleasure of parenting them.
[6:42] >> Yeah. Well, that's beautiful. And just
[6:44] to sort of maybe take a little bit of
[6:46] the pressure off right out of the gates,
[6:48] what if it was a little bit of both?
[6:51] >> Yeah.
[6:51] >> Would that be okay?
[6:53] >> Yeah.
[6:54] >> Yeah.
[6:55] >> Makes me human.
[6:56] >> Yeah. There you go. I know. Such a I
[6:59] find it so fascinating. again, you know,
[7:00] I write in quotes and I say, you know,
[7:02] one of the characteristics of being
[7:04] human is trying to show that we're not
[7:06] human.
[7:08] [laughter]
[7:10] >> You sort of see the paradox, but anyway,
[7:12] it tends to be one of the behavioral
[7:13] adaptations because we all want to come
[7:15] across as perfect, which is really a
[7:17] behavioral adaptation to trying to be
[7:19] loved and accepted, right? Which
[7:20] >> ironically is the barrier to being loved
[7:22] and accepted because being really human
[7:24] is what allows us to truly connect. So,
[7:26] right out of the gates, you know, within
[7:28] 5 minutes of us chatting, hopefully
[7:30] people can start to sigh a little bit of
[7:32] relief in yourself included and go, "Oh,
[7:35] wait. You're telling me I don't have to
[7:36] be perfect?" You know, not only am I
[7:39] telling you don't have to be perfect,
[7:40] but in fact, being trying to be perfect
[7:41] is the obstacle to what the behavior of
[7:45] perfectionism is trying to attain. Does
[7:48] that make sense? I know that was a a bit
[7:50] high flutin. Meaning perfectionism as a
[7:53] behavior is where we're trying to
[7:55] basically garner something, you know,
[7:56] love and acceptance, be seen in a good
[7:58] light,
[7:59] >> but that is actually the obstacle to
[8:02] true connection because we're all
[8:04] imperfect. And so as soon as you're
[8:06] trying to be perfect, you actually
[8:08] create a barrier to the connection that
[8:09] everybody so desperately craves.
[8:11] >> Yeah. I that resonates and I can feel
[8:14] that. Um
[8:15] >> Yeah.
[8:16] >> Yeah.
[8:16] >> Yeah. So anyway, that's just a little
[8:19] little seed to plant there for you to be
[8:21] able to relax and embrace your humanity.
[8:23] Um, okay. So the long tiresome, awful,
[8:26] suffering induced, gruesome death that
[8:29] is clearly your birthright, where where
[8:32] do you think you where do you think you
[8:34] you created that narrative?
[8:37] Yeah, I think it
[8:40] started
[8:42] when I became a mom and also I think was
[8:46] made worse through a few miscarriages
[8:49] that I had.
[8:50] >> Okay.
[8:51] >> Yeah.
[8:52] >> Yeah. And and I actually found your work
[8:55] during that time when I was going
[8:57] through a few of those miscarriages and
[9:00] um it helped me through that time a lot.
[9:03] >> Okay, good. Happy I could help. And what
[9:06] was it that um gave you the relief or
[9:08] the help?
[9:10] >> You know, it was hard going through the
[9:13] miscarriages
[9:14] physically and emotionally.
[9:17] >> And I
[9:20] struggled with
[9:24] do I really want this? Like do I really
[9:26] want to have a second child? Like I knew
[9:27] I wanted a second child, but I didn't
[9:30] know if physically I wanted to go
[9:33] through it.
[9:34] >> Yeah. to keep trying
[9:37] >> and I put a lot of pressure on myself
[9:42] like I had to decide make a decision of
[9:47] there was a choice I had to make. Do I
[9:48] want to keep trying? Do I want my family
[9:50] to expand
[9:52] >> or do I want to say no, I don't want to
[9:56] keep trying. I'm okay. I only have one
[9:58] child. Like that's good. That's enough
[9:59] for me. I'm happy.
[10:01] >> Yeah. And it was it felt like a lot of
[10:04] pressure where I was the one who had to
[10:07] make that decision because my husband
[10:09] was very much whatever you want.
[10:12] >> Yeah.
[10:12] >> And and I put that pressure on myself.
[10:17] Um and then so like kind of where your
[10:19] work helped me like the aha moment was
[10:22] that [clears throat]
[10:23] >> it's not actually up to me. It's like
[10:27] whatever is meant to be will end up
[10:30] happening. Yeah.
[10:32] >> What's meant for me will come to me what
[10:34] in whatever way it does. So I was able
[10:38] to kind of take that pressure off of
[10:40] myself and say, "Okay,
[10:44] I'm willing to try and if it doesn't
[10:47] happen, that is what's meant to happen
[10:50] and that's for my highest good."
[10:53] >> Yeah. So that's kind of and then like
[10:56] that moment took so much pressure off of
[11:00] the trying that I did have one more
[11:03] miscarriage that next month, but then
[11:05] like a couple months after I ended up
[11:07] >> Yeah.
[11:07] >> becoming pregnant.
[11:09] >> Amazing. Well, I'm I'm glad that uh
[11:12] whatever it is that you heard or
[11:13] whatever I shared that it sort of got
[11:15] distilled down to your own understanding
[11:17] of, you know, like why I said earlier,
[11:18] profound acceptance, right? to be okay
[11:20] well if this is meant to happen um then
[11:23] it will if it's not it won't and you
[11:25] know your opportunity is to be in
[11:26] harmony with that versus resistance
[11:28] right and obviously the more resistance
[11:31] you have to life the less likely things
[11:34] that we want to happen are going to
[11:35] happen because we're in conflict right
[11:37] so certainly in the delicate sensitive
[11:40] arena of ushering a new soul into this
[11:43] planet if you have resistance in your
[11:46] body it becomes a uninviting environment
[11:49] for a soul, you know. So, the
[11:51] miscarriages to me make sense. So, okay,
[11:54] maybe you had one more as you said, but
[11:55] you were starting to soften to the the
[11:58] idea at least that okay, well, if I sort
[12:01] of let go and let God, as some people
[12:03] say, you know, and if it's meant to be,
[12:04] it will. So, I think it's important for
[12:06] you to understand that energetically
[12:08] because of the concerns you have around,
[12:11] you know, health, anxiety, and sleep,
[12:14] right? So wherever there's this sort of
[12:16] um resistance and fight or flight that
[12:19] is in An's nervous system, the more
[12:22] likely you're going to be experiencing
[12:23] the suffering and physiological
[12:25] ramifications of that.
[12:28] >> So that's beautiful. Let's go to
[12:29] childhood
[12:31] >> where you know, as you know, most of
[12:32] these patterns get created and without
[12:35] any fingerpointing towards mom or dad,
[12:37] you know, they're doing their part.
[12:39] describe your childhood in a way that
[12:41] maybe could point to some of the fears,
[12:44] anxieties that you're experiencing now.
[12:48] >> So, I love my parents very much. Um,
[12:52] they are super generous, helpful,
[12:56] very kind, caring, and loving. Um,
[13:00] they're still together, and they live
[13:03] nearby. Um, so I see them often.
[13:06] >> Um, great. But yeah, there there were
[13:09] things that I could speak to. So, um I
[13:14] mean my mom, her personality, she's like
[13:17] a perfe per perfectionist. She's
[13:19] organized. She's
[13:22] >> um always getting things done. She's
[13:24] like a boss. Um and exactly. And I think
[13:31] that like from a very young age, I was
[13:33] always compared to her. we look similar
[13:37] >> and and she was like the golden child,
[13:40] the the one in her family who
[13:44] >> um
[13:46] got everything right. Um, so I think
[13:49] that
[13:50] >> I was compared, my dad compared me to
[13:53] her a lot and just like everyone just
[13:55] always hearing it around family and I
[13:57] always thought it was a good thing,
[13:59] >> but I think it puts pressure like it put
[14:01] the pressure on me to
[14:03] >> Yeah.
[14:04] >> to perform.
[14:06] >> Um,
[14:07] >> and then my dad,
[14:09] >> how did that just to stay with your mom
[14:10] for now? How did that manifest? Was it
[14:13] was with with schools, with looks, with
[14:15] um athletics or all the above? Like
[14:17] where did you feel the pressure to
[14:19] perform?
[14:20] >> Mostly with school and work.
[14:23] >> Okay, got it.
[14:24] >> Okay. And then with dad.
[14:26] >> Yeah. So dad
[14:29] I would say is kind of has like two
[14:32] sides to his personality.
[14:34] >> He again can be very kind, generous,
[14:38] helpful,
[14:40] hardworking.
[14:42] >> Mhm. And he also could get very angry,
[14:48] dismissive,
[14:49] impatient.
[14:51] >> Um, and he he would say things when he
[14:55] was angry that were dismissive and
[15:00] demeaning and just not true.
[15:03] >> Yeah.
[15:04] >> And I kind of liken it to a grown man
[15:07] having a tantrum.
[15:09] Um, and I think that like the way my mom
[15:12] and dad kind of interacted in that time,
[15:16] I would say it was almost like he was
[15:18] over there having a tantrum and my mom
[15:20] was kind of just like ignoring it. Like
[15:22] I can't change his behavior, so I'm just
[15:25] going to ignore it and
[15:28] and you know, when he's over it, we'll
[15:31] get along and everything will be fine.
[15:33] >> Okay, got it. And was it just you? Did
[15:35] you have siblings?
[15:37] >> I have a younger brother.
[15:39] Okay. How much younger?
[15:41] >> He's three years younger.
[15:43] >> Okay. So, we get a sense of So, what do
[15:46] you think you garnered in terms of
[15:47] behavioral adaptations or patterns that
[15:49] you would have learned from those two
[15:52] care providers? And again, this is not
[15:54] um you know, I never am in the world of
[15:56] bash mom and dad. In fact, it's quite
[15:57] the antithesis. You know, it's like
[15:59] loving mom and dad because you you chose
[16:01] them, right? So, they served a purpose
[16:02] for you. So, no mom or dad in my world,
[16:05] at least in terms of this work, is at
[16:08] fault. They're just a human being doing
[16:10] the best they can. But what what do you
[16:12] think your conditioning and your
[16:14] programming uh looks like because of th
[16:18] those two people and the environment you
[16:19] grew up in?
[16:25] >> Well, the first thing that's coming to
[16:27] mind is a bit of like it's unsafe for me
[16:30] to have big emotions.
[16:33] Yeah, that's the big one I hear. Which
[16:35] will also, by the way, you can probably
[16:37] make the correlation immediately. If
[16:38] we're unsafe, how do we feel
[16:42] >> like as an emotion? If you don't feel
[16:44] safe, if you feel
[16:47] >> scared.
[16:48] >> Scared. Exactly. Yeah. So, I want
[16:50] everyone to understand that the the
[16:51] deepest level of who we are on the human
[16:54] uh experience, there's two predominant
[16:56] emotions, which is hurt and scared.
[16:59] hurt really is a reflection of our
[17:01] history, you know, where we've all been
[17:02] hurt and some people like, you know,
[17:04] really in a a horrific tragic way
[17:07] physically people get hurt, kids. But
[17:10] then as a result, it creates the fear
[17:12] which is we're scared.
[17:14] >> So immediately I I recognize that you've
[17:16] got both because everybody does, but I
[17:19] also want to find which one is
[17:20] predominant. And when you deal with
[17:22] anxiety, it's more the scared. So, you
[17:24] weren't safe to have, you know, these
[17:26] big emotions, which every kid's going to
[17:28] have. What else? Like, what what else
[17:30] would you say falls in the bucket of not
[17:32] feeling safe?
[17:37] >> I'm not going to be okay.
[17:40] >> Yeah.
[17:41] >> Yeah. I What I hear is especially if you
[17:43] said dad had two sides, which is a
[17:45] little murial, which is every human
[17:46] being, especially parents. But for that
[17:48] little girl, if we try and tap into her
[17:50] experience, what I hear is
[17:53] >> there would have been that sort of
[17:54] anticipation energy, right? Like, you
[17:56] know, what am I coming home to? Oh, mom
[17:59] just said something that you typically
[18:01] know would create a reaction in dad. Is
[18:02] he now going to get angry?
[18:04] >> So, it sort of leaves a kid with this uh
[18:07] vigilance mindset, right? Like always
[18:10] looking out for what might happen. Does
[18:12] that make sense?
[18:13] >> Yes.
[18:14] >> Now, feel that in your body. like you
[18:16] know you had a bit of an exhale there
[18:17] but like feel that in your body if
[18:19] you're constantly looking out for
[18:21] potential worst case scenarios like how
[18:23] does that leave you feeling
[18:25] >> feel [clears throat] like I can't relax
[18:27] >> yeah can't can't breathe you know
[18:29] there's a tightness there's a tension in
[18:31] your body
[18:32] >> yeah so it makes sense in terms of the
[18:34] conditioning and the pattern all we're
[18:36] working with here is
[18:38] >> you know the programming that we create
[18:42] courtesy of the environment we we grow
[18:44] up in which I would assert But at a much
[18:46] more powerful level, we designed, right?
[18:48] We we wanted it that way. So, and at
[18:52] some level may not seem like it makes
[18:54] sense, but you wanted as a soul to
[18:57] experience the feeling of uh
[19:00] anticipatory anxiety like what's going
[19:03] to happen.
[19:04] >> Okay. Which creates the tension, the
[19:06] worry. And then what are some of the
[19:08] ways that you mitigate that? Like what
[19:09] are some of the ways that you've learned
[19:11] to deal with that?
[19:12] >> I plan.
[19:14] I [laughter]
[19:16] [gasps]
[19:16] >> try to get as much information as
[19:18] possible so that I know what's going to
[19:21] happen.
[19:22] >> Yeah, makes sense. Very logical, very
[19:25] smart. Yeah. So, planning, control,
[19:28] manipulation, speculation, prediction,
[19:31] all of these things that humans develop
[19:32] are typically built on the foundation of
[19:35] concerns for a future that hasn't
[19:37] happened yet, but we want to as best as
[19:39] possible avoid or mitigate, right? So
[19:42] that very dynamic I want you to see is
[19:44] if you're looking through the lens of
[19:46] there's something bad that is
[19:48] potentially going to happen. I'm going
[19:49] to do everything I can to, you know, um,
[19:53] reconcile, mitigate it. But if you're
[19:55] looking through the lens of your future
[19:58] is filled with things that might go
[20:01] wrong or be threatening, how does that
[20:02] leave you in the moment?
[20:05] >> I don't want I'm fearful of the future.
[20:09] >> Yeah. So on the scale of you know all
[20:12] the different expressions of fear like
[20:14] you have your anxiety that you
[20:16] experience right so whether it's about
[20:19] what's going to happen to your kids your
[20:21] girls what's going to happen to you you
[20:23] know there may be some little anecdotal
[20:25] stuff you might be worried about your
[20:26] husband there could be stuff about
[20:28] finances you know any of that which is a
[20:30] futurebased orientation of something
[20:33] that we don't want is going to create
[20:35] anxiety
[20:37] >> right do you see that
[20:38] >> so basic Basically, you know, I say past
[20:40] hurt informs future fear, which you may
[20:42] have heard me say before, but so past
[20:44] hurt, you've seen dad have tantrums.
[20:46] You've got into trouble. Uh I don't
[20:49] doesn't sound like you were ever hit,
[20:50] but maybe you were disciplined or you
[20:52] know that dismissive energy for a kid is
[20:54] is you know, emotionally probably worse
[20:56] than being physically hit, but you know,
[20:58] then that hurt starts to become a
[21:02] a justification for why now we're
[21:05] worried about what might happen in the
[21:07] future, right? Which creates fear,
[21:08] right? Do you see that?
[21:10] >> Yes.
[21:11] >> So, regardless of what you've been
[21:13] through, and I don't want to dismiss any
[21:15] of it, how do we know that your concern
[21:19] for your own safety, whilst valid, is
[21:23] unnecessary?
[21:30] >> Because I am safe now.
[21:33] >> Correct. Because you're here, [laughter]
[21:35] >> right? And it's so obvious, right? be
[21:38] when it's ingrained we forget that oh we
[21:41] made it right so even in the face of our
[21:43] own fear of our own in this case you
[21:46] know it can be perceived as
[21:48] life-threatening some people really go
[21:50] into very scary situations as a child so
[21:52] their fear could be quite literal about
[21:54] death you know I don't anticipate that's
[21:57] really what you've created your fear is
[21:59] more to do with a general feeling of
[22:01] just being safe in the home right
[22:04] >> but when we look at it like very very
[22:06] categorically
[22:08] We know that the fear of not being safe,
[22:11] as I said, whilst valid is unnecessary
[22:15] because you're here. You made it.
[22:18] >> Yeah.
[22:19] >> So, when when you look at that
[22:21] immediately, what I'm not saying that
[22:23] that's going to mitigate all of your
[22:24] anxiety, but what could you see from
[22:26] that?
[22:34] that
[22:37] my mind is making up
[22:41] kind of the worst case and I'm
[22:48] [snorts] getting fearful of just what my
[22:51] mind is creating.
[22:53] >> Yeah. Welcome to being human. Now you
[22:54] know why people on so many prescription
[22:56] drugs or self-medicated with weed and
[22:59] alcohol, right? Yeah. So beautifully
[23:01] seen. That's metacognition. your ability
[23:03] to reflect on your own thinking. Right?
[23:06] So yeah, you again my quote that comes
[23:08] to mind, I say you can't help but laugh
[23:10] when you realize the only thing
[23:11] upsetting you is your own imagination.
[23:14] >> Yeah.
[23:16] >> Now we want to have compassion for that
[23:18] and it's as I said it's valid to have
[23:21] these concerns. It's just no longer
[23:24] necessary as an adult. Right? Meaning
[23:27] the the child part of you when hearing
[23:30] bangs, arguments, fights, dad being
[23:33] whatever, upset for a child that is a
[23:35] scary environment to be in.
[23:37] >> Regardless of whether a kid is
[23:38] disciplined, hit, dismissed, whatever,
[23:40] emotionally abused, physically abused,
[23:43] it's still scary. So, as a mother, you
[23:47] know, you've got your girl's eight-month
[23:49] and how old is your first?
[23:51] >> She's five.
[23:52] >> Five. Okay. Beautiful. So, she's going
[23:54] to, you know, already start to have her
[23:56] own conditioning at that age because
[23:58] she's got language. And when you have
[24:00] language, you start to create stories
[24:02] and that becomes part of your
[24:03] programming and, you know, nothing
[24:05] wrong, nothing for you to worry about.
[24:06] It's her journey. But you're going to
[24:09] see a very sensitive child there and
[24:11] she's going to be upset about whatever
[24:13] she's upset about, right? And and that's
[24:15] going to continue for many years to come
[24:16] because that's part of her journey.
[24:19] >> Yeah. So the more that you can find your
[24:21] version,
[24:23] reconcile, transcend it, the greater uh
[24:26] gift you are to your daughters. Okay?
[24:29] And that's not as a form of pressure.
[24:31] That's a form of opportunity, right?
[24:33] Because beyond I totally get that you
[24:36] want to be an amazing mom, but I think
[24:38] first and foremost, I want to help you
[24:40] to find that relief for yourself, you
[24:42] know?
[24:43] >> Yeah.
[24:45] So having witnessed that with your mom
[24:47] and dad, we can see they're not safe.
[24:49] That's definitely one of the worlds that
[24:50] you live in. What is it particularly do
[24:53] you think about the vision of this slow
[24:55] grueling death? Did you witness that?
[24:58] Was it an uncle, an aunt, a friend? Did
[25:00] you hear of other friends parents who
[25:02] were struggling or sick? You know,
[25:08] >> anything come to mind? So, not family,
[25:15] but I guess like the like this is going
[25:20] to be so silly, but it's like my cat
[25:22] died.
[25:23] >> Yeah.
[25:23] >> Really young.
[25:25] >> Yeah.
[25:25] >> And
[25:27] my cat was like three years old and I
[25:29] was just out of college and
[25:33] this was the cat like that I got. Um, so
[25:36] it wasn't like the family cat. Um, and
[25:39] it it was like kidney disease or
[25:42] something that he had and it was slow
[25:45] and that was really heartbreaking for
[25:49] me. But I think that that's probably the
[25:51] only thing that I I would say is simil
[25:54] close to what you were asking about.
[25:56] >> Okay. No, and that's totally
[25:57] appropriate. I mean, it's a sentient
[25:59] being. It's somebody that meant
[26:00] something to you. So, it's not family,
[26:01] but I would say our animals sometimes
[26:03] can be more family than family.
[26:06] You know, I know people who who with all
[26:08] due respect love their dogs more than
[26:09] they love their siblings or their
[26:11] parents. So, you know, it's okay. Um,
[26:14] yeah. So, what was So, what was your
[26:16] experience witnessing your cat go
[26:18] through what it was going through?
[26:20] >> Well, I felt helpless.
[26:21] >> Yeah, that's what
[26:22] >> And I felt like I was trying so hard to
[26:26] not have the inevitable end come.
[26:30] >> Yeah. Got it. Yeah. It's a horrible
[26:32] feeling. So when you feel helpless or
[26:33] what I was feeling in you was powerless
[26:35] like there's
[26:36] >> you're trying to do everything you can
[26:37] but it doesn't seem to really be you
[26:40] know rectifying whatever the situation
[26:41] is. I mean, I'm sure you did the best to
[26:44] prolong the cat's life, but
[26:46] >> at the end of the day, um, you know, the
[26:49] feeling of powerlessness and
[26:50] hopelessness that we have as humans,
[26:53] I would argue is one of the the worst,
[26:56] right? Because we feel so weak. We feel
[26:58] so small. Um, and we feel so
[27:01] insufficient in the way that we, you
[27:04] know, have to deal with life. So, I get
[27:05] that.
[27:06] >> Yeah.
[27:06] >> Um,
[27:07] >> okay. So, now we're starting to get a
[27:09] picture. Yeah. Go ahead. Um and like
[27:11] similarly I had an experience when my
[27:14] daughter was two
[27:15] >> where she had an allergic reaction to a
[27:19] medicine.
[27:20] >> Okay.
[27:20] >> And so it was a scary experience for me.
[27:24] Her whole body swelled up. She was
[27:27] covered in hives and it wasn't a
[27:29] histamine reaction. So
[27:32] >> typical like benadryil or EpiPen
[27:34] wouldn't work.
[27:35] >> So it was just taking time for the
[27:38] medicine to leave her body. So it was
[27:40] like a 5day period of really intense
[27:44] discomfort.
[27:45] >> Yeah.
[27:45] >> And she was two, so she had words, but I
[27:50] remember clearly her saying to me like,
[27:52] "Take it off." And she was referring to
[27:55] like her feet cuz her feet were so
[27:57] swollen that it like hurt so bad. And so
[28:01] >> it was heartbreaking to like not be able
[28:04] to
[28:05] >> Yeah.
[28:06] >> fix it.
[28:08] >> Yeah, I get it. Okay, I can relate as
[28:11] somebody who's witnessed a lot of
[28:12] suffering, especially in parents and
[28:14] wanting to be able to do whatever we can
[28:16] to help, which is beautiful and well
[28:18] intended, but I think there's a much
[28:20] more powerful lesson for you here. So,
[28:22] okay. So, we've got the not safe as it
[28:25] relates to future. You know, you've
[28:27] already said the term, but what is the
[28:28] concern as it relates to the future that
[28:31] you're not what
[28:32] >> going to be okay?
[28:34] >> Yeah, you're not going to be okay. And
[28:36] then there's this you know fundamental
[28:38] very human experience of helplessness
[28:40] and powerlessness. So if we sort of
[28:42] focus on those three arenas.
[28:45] >> So the not safe we've kind of touched on
[28:48] we'll come back to it but why do we know
[28:49] the feeling of not safe is valid but not
[28:53] necessary?
[28:54] >> We already touched on it but
[28:56] >> because I am safe and I'm here.
[28:58] >> Yeah. Um you look great. We're having a
[29:01] conversation and as far as I know you're
[29:04] in, you know, good health. [laughter]
[29:07] And then now let's look at the not going
[29:09] to be okay.
[29:11] Where do you have evidence that you're
[29:13] not going to be okay?
[29:20] >> Well, it's in the past. It's evidence
[29:23] from the past.
[29:25] >> So, give me an example.
[29:28] Um,
[29:30] so
[29:32] there are a few times when I've
[29:34] struggled with some health things,
[29:36] right? So miscarriages.
[29:38] >> Yeah.
[29:38] >> And then like during pregnancy,
[29:41] >> um, like
[29:44] pregnancy was physically challenging for
[29:46] my body and
[29:47] >> Yeah.
[29:47] >> Um, high blood pressure. Um,
[29:51] >> Mhm. I've had like some gut issues that
[29:57] kind of come and go. So like a
[30:00] >> um IBS type symptoms every now and then.
[30:03] >> Yeah. Okay. So looking at those main
[30:06] three. So the miscarriage is no doubt
[30:08] like very trying and hard and physically
[30:11] you know uh discomforting and
[30:13] emotionally challenging and then you
[30:16] know the gut issues that you had and
[30:18] then pregnancy itself being hard. Now,
[30:21] so in no way to dismiss any of those,
[30:26] why are they not evidence that you're
[30:28] not going to be okay?
[30:32] >> Because
[30:35] I was I am okay now. So I clearly
[30:39] >> I'm fine now.
[30:41] >> Exactly. So you know, it's a little bit
[30:43] of a trick question. Not my first rodeo,
[30:45] right? Like I'm helping your brain to
[30:47] get beyond its own stories, right? So if
[30:49] we can get beyond pretense, facade and
[30:52] lies, which is what the ego is built
[30:53] upon, and we start to look at truth and
[30:56] in no way to invalidate, you know, the
[30:58] discomfort of a miscarriage, the sadness
[30:59] of a miscarriage, the disappointment,
[31:01] and in no way to at all dismiss, you
[31:04] know, the the exhaustion that is
[31:06] associated with pregnancy, especially if
[31:08] it's tough in the first trimester or
[31:10] beyond with vomiting and, you know,
[31:12] cravings and and and crazy stuff that
[31:14] you ladies have to go through. But none
[31:17] of the things that you listed give me
[31:18] evidence that you're not going to be
[31:20] okay.
[31:22] It just shows me quite the antithesis.
[31:24] Why why could I say it actually shows me
[31:26] the opposite?
[31:28] >> Because in the face of those hard
[31:31] things, I am now like I am okay. So,
[31:35] >> well, there you have it. [laughter]
[31:39] She's like, "Damn,
[31:41] by the minute." [laughter]
[31:44] >> Right.
[31:46] Yeah. What's what's funny is
[31:50] if you hadn't had miscarriages, if your
[31:52] pregnancy had been really easy, your
[31:55] births were effortless, if you didn't
[31:57] have any kind of health issues, gut or
[31:59] otherwise, I would actually say your
[32:02] concern for not being okay would be more
[32:04] valid
[32:06] >> because you haven't had to face any
[32:08] adversity. Do you see?
[32:10] >> Yeah, I see.
[32:11] The expression that comes to mind is
[32:13] smooth seas never made a good sailor.
[32:15] Right? So we could argue that your
[32:17] absence of smooth seas, meaning all the
[32:19] things you've been through, are the
[32:21] contributing factor to you being a
[32:23] pretty extraordinary human.
[32:26] >> At least you have evidence that you can
[32:28] handle
[32:30] >> Yeah. And
[32:35] it's hard though for me to
[32:39] kind of accept that because
[32:42] I want like a life of ease.
[32:45] >> I get it. We're working on it. Don't
[32:47] worry.
[32:48] >> Yeah.
[32:48] >> I want you to consider that
[32:51] >> it's the laws of opposites, right? So,
[32:53] meaning I understand and have absolute
[32:56] compassion for the validity of the
[32:58] concern based on what you've been
[32:59] through. If somebody goes through
[33:00] hardship, you know, emotionally and
[33:02] physically for you, right? It's the
[33:03] combination. Then it only makes sense
[33:05] because the brain is designed to predict
[33:07] and protect that you're going to be
[33:09] looking out for the potentiality of
[33:12] those hard things happening again,
[33:14] >> right?
[33:15] >> Logical, right? But that is the
[33:17] self-fulfilling prophecy of the mind. So
[33:20] meaning when we are in an avoidance
[33:23] state, we're looking at a future where
[33:25] there's the potentiality of worst case
[33:27] scenarios. We put oursel in a state of
[33:30] anxiety now, worry, fear, apprehension,
[33:33] right? It's a gradient of, you know,
[33:34] terror obviously being the worst. Like
[33:37] if somebody's really in a horrible
[33:38] situation, someone's come in with a
[33:40] knife or a gun, you know, and it's like
[33:42] they're not hurt yet, but the mind is
[33:44] going to be in terror for their life,
[33:45] right?
[33:46] >> Yours, okay, maybe not terror, but
[33:48] there's definitely a little bit of
[33:50] anxiety and fear and worry, right? These
[33:52] are very valid and they're part of the
[33:53] human experience.
[33:55] But when you're in a state of worry,
[33:58] anxiety, fear over, as you just, you
[34:02] know, very astutely recognized, your own
[34:04] imagination, your own mind projecting, a
[34:07] future that hasn't happened yet.
[34:10] What that means is that emotionally,
[34:12] intellectually, and physiologically,
[34:14] you're in a state of mild to severe
[34:16] tension.
[34:20] When you're in a state of mild to severe
[34:22] tension, then that's your experience of
[34:25] life.
[34:27] Do you see?
[34:28] >> I see it. Yeah.
[34:31] >> If you're in that state, mild to severe
[34:34] state of, you know, fear, anxiety,
[34:36] tension, resistance, how effortless is
[34:40] life?
[34:41] >> It's not.
[34:42] >> It's not right. So you want a life of
[34:44] ease whilst unconsciously maintaining a
[34:48] life of disease.
[34:50] >> Mhm.
[34:51] >> Do you see?
[34:52] >> Yep. I see that.
[34:54] >> Welcome to the human predicament. Right.
[34:56] >> Yeah.
[34:57] >> No, but I really, really, really want to
[34:59] feel at ease and effortless and I'm
[35:01] trying really hard to get there.
[35:03] [laughter]
[35:03] [gasps and clears throat]
[35:04] >> So,
[35:05] >> yeah. And it's not your fault, right?
[35:07] I'm playing with you because this is
[35:08] going to I think be relatively
[35:10] short-lived in terms of you seeing
[35:12] because you're smart and go oh my gosh I
[35:14] you know you've already recognized it's
[35:15] your own mind that's creating your state
[35:17] of tension or resistance.
[35:20] So when we look at you know the future
[35:22] through the lens of I'm not going to be
[35:23] okay you have no choice that you know
[35:25] going back to choice there is no choice
[35:28] you have to be in some state of
[35:30] apprehension
[35:31] >> because your brain is predicting you
[35:33] know what's going to happen it could be
[35:35] as subtle as are my kids going to be
[35:36] okay am I going to be okay am I going to
[35:38] sleep tonight you know the the dinner
[35:40] the laundry the all the things that
[35:42] you're doing are what's creating in real
[35:45] time in present state a feeling of
[35:48] resistance and disease
[35:50] over things that are not currently in
[35:52] your control.
[35:55] >> Right?
[35:58] So, let's deal with the first one. I
[36:01] totally get being brought up in an
[36:03] environment where one or both parents
[36:04] had, you know, these tantrums or
[36:06] unexpected emotional outbursts. That's
[36:09] scary for a kid. I get it. But we've
[36:13] already seen that feeling not safe,
[36:15] whilst valid, isn't accurate. So
[36:20] is it true an that you are literally not
[36:23] safe?
[36:26] >> No.
[36:27] >> No. So now just with me right now in the
[36:32] absence of the story that you're not
[36:34] safe whilst appropriate for your younger
[36:36] self, but right now as an adult if
[36:39] that's gone, you couldn't relate to
[36:41] present life, present time through the
[36:44] lens of you're not safe.
[36:47] How would you feel?
[37:00] >> Um, well, free. Uh,
[37:03] >> okay. That's a good
[37:05] >> live, joyful.
[37:08] >> Um,
[37:10] >> careful. That sounds like a life of
[37:12] ease.
[37:14] [laughter]
[37:16] Yeah,
[37:16] >> these things happen quite quickly. So,
[37:18] yeah, free,
[37:20] at ease, alive. Yeah.
[37:24] >> Relaxed. Okay, good. So,
[37:26] how does that hit your body? You You
[37:29] literally can't relate to life like
[37:31] you're not safe. Cuz even in the face of
[37:33] everything you've gone through, you have
[37:34] evidence. You have a track record that
[37:36] you figure it out. I'm not saying what
[37:38] you went through was easy. I'm not
[37:39] saying it's a personal preference. I'm
[37:41] not saying it's subjectively what you
[37:43] want to experience again, but you made
[37:45] it, right?
[37:47] >> So, you actually have evidence to the
[37:49] contrary of feeling not safe. So, that's
[37:52] gone. You're like, "Oh, no matter what
[37:54] happens and can handle it. Doesn't mean
[37:56] I want to, but I will." Knowing that,
[37:59] how does that hit your body that you're
[38:00] no longer even in the realm of being not
[38:04] safe?
[38:05] >> Well, the first word that came to mind
[38:06] was powerful.
[38:08] >> Whoops. Yeah. Now we're dealing with the
[38:09] powerless part. [laughter]
[38:12] [gasps]
[38:13] >> Yeah.
[38:13] >> Right. Yeah.
[38:15] >> Amazing. Yeah. You are powerful. You're
[38:17] first of all without, you know, with no
[38:19] disrespect to my fellow brothers, you're
[38:21] a woman. You're a mother.
[38:22] >> I don't know a more powerful species out
[38:25] there, you know.
[38:27] >> Yeah.
[38:27] >> Or part of the species. Yeah. I actually
[38:32] like um
[38:34] I had a really great child birth
[38:36] experience with my second daughter
[38:39] >> and I was so present
[38:42] >> and I just felt so powerful
[38:46] >> through that.
[38:48] >> Um and it was such a high
[38:51] >> like I just remember thinking this is
[38:54] the best experience of my life. like how
[38:58] powerful I felt and
[39:01] >> it was so cool.
[39:03] >> I I again I mean I I just as I said at
[39:06] the beginning I I tip my cap and have so
[39:08] much reverence for the feminine let
[39:10] alone for moms and I've heard that so
[39:12] many times for the woman as their
[39:14] experience of child birth is power the
[39:16] power of the feminine to literally give
[39:19] life
[39:20] >> like you give life.
[39:23] So if you really look at that as a
[39:24] mantra like you know that who you are
[39:27] your birthright is the creation of life
[39:30] itself.
[39:31] >> Wow.
[39:33] >> What does that how did that hit you?
[39:35] >> That's really cool.
[39:38] Like I would love to be able to embody
[39:41] that more.
[39:43] >> Yeah. Well you put your hand on your
[39:44] chest like that hit your heart, right?
[39:46] >> Yeah.
[39:49] >> Yeah.
[39:49] >> Yeah. So now think about it in terms of
[39:53] your own younger self. You've got two
[39:54] daughters. So you got perfect role
[39:56] models and teachers and archetypes to be
[39:58] able to look at the young an and if who
[40:01] you are as a mother
[40:03] is
[40:06] bestowed with the power of giving life
[40:09] and that's a big umbrella, right? To
[40:11] give life can be literal like you birth
[40:13] moms birth every child on the planet.
[40:16] But there's also give life in terms of
[40:18] like nourishment, right? Whether it be
[40:20] breastfeeding at the beginning, cooking,
[40:22] feeding, but it's also give life in
[40:24] terms of what I would say is for a child
[40:27] to really feel seen, to feel heard, to
[40:29] feel held.
[40:31] >> Yeah.
[40:32] >> Now, if that's coursing through every
[40:34] cell of your body and that's who you
[40:35] are,
[40:37] what is your feeling to your younger
[40:39] self?
[40:45] So that my younger self wants to feel
[40:49] seen.
[40:50] >> Yeah.
[40:50] >> And known
[40:51] >> and held.
[40:53] >> Yeah.
[40:53] >> Yeah.
[40:54] >> And now can you see that you have that
[40:56] capacity in you as an adult, as a woman,
[40:59] as a mother?
[41:02] >> Yeah.
[41:02] >> And again, this is no slight towards
[41:04] your mom and dad, but your mom was
[41:05] preoccupied with obviously her own fears
[41:07] of inadequacy, the perfectionism, doing
[41:10] everything. To me, what I hear is, you
[41:12] know, deep feelings of inadequacy. I
[41:14] don't know what her parents were like,
[41:16] but she was obviously trying to become a
[41:19] perfectionist as a behavioral adaptation
[41:22] to some deeper feeling of like being
[41:24] less than somehow, right?
[41:27] >> So that's that's a subtle another
[41:29] component of your childhood that I want
[41:31] to touch on. If you're in the arena of a
[41:33] woman, particularly your mom, who is
[41:36] always
[41:37] like focused towards appearance and
[41:41] perfectionism,
[41:42] what did that make you feel as a young
[41:44] girl?
[41:50] >> That I also had to be perfect. Um,
[41:53] >> yeah.
[41:55] >> And what does that feel like in your
[41:56] body if you have to be perfect?
[42:02] that I'm
[42:05] maybe that I'm not perfect.
[42:07] >> Yeah. And if you're feeling as a as a
[42:09] child not perfect, how does that feel?
[42:11] Like what do like you're in an arena
[42:13] where you have to be perfect but you're
[42:14] not like what do you feel in your body?
[42:19] >> Like having to perform. I feel um
[42:24] >> worried.
[42:26] >> Worried. Yeah. What about the word that
[42:28] comes to mind is pressure. That's what I
[42:30] feel like a lot of pressure.
[42:31] >> Pressure. Yeah, definitely.
[42:33] >> Now, if you combine anxiety and
[42:34] pressure, if we just look at this
[42:36] anatomically, physiologically, you said
[42:38] you've had some gut issues. I don't know
[42:39] anything about it, but I guarantee you
[42:41] like the IBS, what happens is if you
[42:43] think of your digestive system as it is,
[42:46] which is a cylinder from mouth to anus
[42:48] is basically a long tube, you know, it
[42:50] goes through the esophagus, our small
[42:52] intestines, um, well, our stomach, our
[42:54] small intestines, then we go to the
[42:56] colon and da da da. So, think about it.
[42:58] If your system is under a little bit of
[43:01] anxiety or a lot of anxiety and a lot of
[43:03] pressure, what happens to the contents
[43:05] of the tube?
[43:07] >> Well, there's no room. It gets squished
[43:11] >> pretty quickly, right?
[43:13] >> Yeah. So that as a simplified
[43:15] understanding of what goes on for a lot
[43:17] of people's you know digestive tract is
[43:19] because the anatomy that they're
[43:22] that is their their body their meat suit
[43:25] is in an environment because I talk
[43:27] about how the mind is around the body
[43:29] where they feel pressure or anxiety
[43:32] which then creates the anatomical
[43:34] disease. Right? So if we're in an
[43:36] emotional state of absence of ease we're
[43:38] in a state of disease which then
[43:40] eventually will cascade into our body.
[43:41] Does that make sense?
[43:43] So can you see a young girl in an
[43:45] environment where she doesn't feel safe?
[43:47] That's anxiety and scared which then you
[43:50] know is what we call fight or flight
[43:52] sympathetic nervous system means your
[43:54] digestion is not important right because
[43:56] if you're running away from like a
[43:58] saber-tooth tiger you don't need to you
[44:00] know digest your nachos. Right. Right.
[44:03] >> Not that they had nachos back in the day
[44:05] of saber-tooth tigers but you get the
[44:06] point. [laughter and gasps] And then you
[44:08] know if you're also feeling pressured to
[44:10] perform now that's contributing and
[44:13] adding to the anxiety right.
[44:15] >> Yeah.
[44:16] >> Yeah. So what I hear is you know in the
[44:19] realm of both your dad sort of a little
[44:21] unsafe and mom having to be a
[44:23] perfectionist now we start to see you
[44:26] know this curated conditioning of an
[44:28] which is I have to appear a certain way
[44:31] but I'm also worried that if I don't and
[44:33] I'm also worried for my own safety right
[44:35] you you start to get the world of it
[44:37] right
[44:38] >> yes
[44:40] >> okay so the dad part we've kind of
[44:41] looked at is it true that you're not
[44:43] safe no like how do we know well because
[44:45] I made it. I'm here.
[44:47] >> And actually, you started to tap into
[44:48] what I would say is your birthright,
[44:50] which is you're powerful. There's
[44:51] nothing you can't handle.
[44:53] >> Yeah.
[44:53] >> That's very different though, isn't it?
[44:55] >> Yeah.
[44:57] [laughter]
[44:58] >> And then secondly, perfectionism.
[45:01] I want to find a slightly different way
[45:02] of articulating this for you. If you're
[45:04] having to be perfect, what are you
[45:06] always having to do?
[45:10] >> A lot of things.
[45:12] >> A lot of things. But the way what what
[45:14] is the underlying intention of all the
[45:17] things you do? They have to be what?
[45:21] >> Um
[45:23] >> I'll phrase it differently. You have to
[45:25] get them
[45:28] >> right. They have to be right.
[45:29] >> Correct.
[45:31] >> Yeah.
[45:31] >> Now feel that. Feel in your body right
[45:34] now. If you always have to get things
[45:36] right, how does that feel?
[45:38] >> Yeah. A lot of pressure, a lot of
[45:41] expectation. Yeah.
[45:43] >> Yeah. Yeah. Now, why is having to get
[45:48] everything right
[45:51] an illusion?
[46:01] >> Because what is right?
[46:04] >> Exactly.
[46:05] >> Yeah.
[46:05] >> Who says who says what's right?
[46:08] >> Yeah. But for a child, we look at our
[46:11] parents as like what they say and do is
[46:13] gospel, right? That's the way the world
[46:15] is. And
[46:16] >> because we're so dependent upon them
[46:18] that we abandon ourselves at a young age
[46:21] and we embody whatever we think they
[46:23] want us to be or do in order to stay
[46:27] safe. Ironically, in a world where we
[46:29] don't feel safe because we've actually
[46:30] already abandoned ourselves, right? So
[46:34] can you see now as a grown woman, as a
[46:36] mom,
[46:37] where can you right now recognizing that
[46:40] pattern of always trying to get things
[46:41] right, where does that show up for you
[46:43] even today?
[46:49] >> I mean, it shows up in every area of my
[46:51] life. It shows up in how I keep my house
[46:54] and how I parent and how I work.
[46:58] >> Yeah.
[46:59] >> Yeah.
[47:01] So without any kind of need or want from
[47:06] my side to inspire guilt, can you see
[47:09] that that's the continued legacy of your
[47:11] own mom?
[47:12] >> Yeah.
[47:15] >> Right.
[47:16] >> I see that. [laughter]
[47:19] >> And so there's a lot of compassion to be
[47:22] had, right?
[47:22] >> Yeah.
[47:24] >> So when you're trying to get everything
[47:25] right,
[47:27] how does that leave you feeling?
[47:32] Like I'm constantly chasing
[47:34] >> Yeah.
[47:35] >> something that's unattainable.
[47:38] >> Completely unattainable. It's like
[47:39] literally trying to get to the horizon,
[47:41] right? It's exhausting. How do you
[47:43] think, and again, without wanting you to
[47:45] feel bad, how do you think probably more
[47:48] unconsciously than consciously that
[47:49] might be already impacting your
[47:51] 5-year-old?
[47:57] >> Yeah. like
[48:00] she probably feels like
[48:04] there's a lot that's expected of her.
[48:06] >> Yeah.
[48:07] >> And I can already see like in the way
[48:11] that she
[48:13] says things that she's looking for how
[48:19] to do things the right way.
[48:21] >> Yeah. Now, as you say that, how does
[48:24] that hit you as a mom?
[48:31] I feel
[48:33] disappointed that
[48:36] >> I
[48:37] I'm kind of just passing it along.
[48:40] >> Well, the good news is she's only five,
[48:42] so we're doing something about it. But
[48:44] yeah, I just at least want you to
[48:45] presence the feeling. Not because I want
[48:47] you to feel bad,
[48:48] >> but because when we drop into an emotion
[48:50] that actually is in conflict with our
[48:52] intention, which is love, right? I get
[48:54] how much you love your girls.
[48:56] >> And when we see the disparity between,
[48:58] oh my gosh, I love my girls and what I'm
[49:00] doing is subtly controlling,
[49:02] manipulating, and putting pressure on
[49:04] them.
[49:05] >> You get to now have a choice.
[49:08] >> Yeah.
[49:10] >> And that again is power, right? It's
[49:13] like, wow. So, this is real choice is
[49:15] like, oh my gosh, do I want to come from
[49:17] my old conditioning,
[49:19] my old fears in the way that I'm
[49:22] constantly still trying to control my
[49:24] environment, which now includes my own
[49:25] girls, or do I want to just realize that
[49:29] they're not truths, and I can step out
[49:31] of them,
[49:32] >> which gives rise to an entirely
[49:34] different you and an entirely different
[49:35] mom and an entirely different legacy. Do
[49:38] you see that?
[49:39] >> Yeah.
[49:41] >> So,
[49:43] Okay. What What's hitting you?
[49:45] >> Well,
[49:48] and it's it's it's just like I I
[49:50] conceptually understand that and it's
[49:53] it's hard to
[49:56] >> embody. I almost don't even know how to
[49:59] not want to do things right.
[50:02] >> Yeah. No, of course. Well, first things
[50:05] first, you got to go easy on yourself.
[50:06] As I tell people, you know, I'm
[50:08] introducing you to a world with which
[50:09] you're not familiar, right? How old are
[50:10] you?
[50:11] I'm 37.
[50:13] >> Yeah. So, you got three and a half plus
[50:15] decades of conditioning versus, you
[50:17] know, 30 minutes of realizations.
[50:20] [laughter]
[50:20] >> Yeah.
[50:22] >> We don't need to be rocket scientists to
[50:23] figure out which one might have a little
[50:25] bit more momentum, right?
[50:26] >> So, go easy on yourself. This is not for
[50:29] the faint of heart. What I'm teaching is
[50:31] an entirely new operating system for
[50:32] humanity. And so, this is why I created
[50:35] this 2.0 world so people can get out of
[50:38] the world of limitation, fear,
[50:39] suffering, disease, and scarcity. So,
[50:42] I'm introducing you to something that is
[50:43] going to be very foreign to you both as
[50:45] a human, but also as part of your uh
[50:48] nervous system and how it's wired.
[50:51] >> Yeah.
[50:52] >> So, we have to do a little bit of
[50:54] reprogramming, right? So you already
[50:57] understood it, but why is the
[50:58] preoccupation with trying to get
[51:00] everything right a misnomer or um
[51:05] elusory?
[51:07] >> Because who's to say what's right?
[51:10] >> Yeah. So now because you already said
[51:13] that you liked it and you learned this
[51:14] from me is there's just the power of
[51:16] choice.
[51:18] meaning [clears throat] that an is going
[51:20] to do the best she can within the realm
[51:22] of awareness that she has at the time.
[51:27] >> And that's part of the evolutionary
[51:28] process of what it is to be human is
[51:30] that we get to learn as we go and
[51:32] hopefully hopefully evolve and create
[51:35] some more wisdom. Not because we got it
[51:37] right, but ironically because things
[51:39] didn't work out.
[51:42] >> So when you reframe things of like I'm
[51:44] not just trying to get everything right,
[51:45] which is based in fear. It's a survival
[51:47] mechanism. I'm just trying to be as, you
[51:50] know, efficient, as kind, as loving, as
[51:52] caring, as, you know, optimal as I can
[51:55] be. But I don't know, you know, what it
[51:57] means to have a six-year-old cuz I've
[51:59] never had a six-year-old. I don't know
[52:00] what it's going to be like when I have a
[52:01] teenager who has got through her first
[52:04] heartbreak at 14 or who I have to pick
[52:06] up at a friend's house cuz she's drunk.
[52:09] I' I've never been there, but I'll
[52:11] figure it out.
[52:12] >> Yeah.
[52:13] >> Do you see? That's a very different
[52:16] approach to life than constantly
[52:18] worrying about things that likely won't
[52:20] happen
[52:22] >> or even if they do, you'll handle them.
[52:25] >> Yeah, I see that. I I do kind of worry
[52:30] about all those things that you were
[52:32] talking about like I can
[52:34] >> Yeah,
[52:35] >> I can see myself doing that.
[52:38] >> Yeah. So this is where you start to see
[52:41] that the greatest adversary for any
[52:43] human being is as I said their own ego
[52:45] and it's u it's perpetual perception of
[52:49] a future that hasn't happened yet and
[52:51] then trying to mitigate avoid it or
[52:53] manage it not realizing that you made it
[52:55] up.
[52:59] >> Yeah.
[52:59] >> So now let's look at So we sort of
[53:01] addressed the not safe. You're starting
[53:02] to tap into your own power. realized
[53:04] through the birth of your own girls like
[53:06] whoa like how powerful you are.
[53:10] >> Also looking at your history, all the
[53:11] challenges that you've had that you've
[53:12] been through, it's like holy
[53:14] there's nothing this woman can't handle.
[53:17] >> Now, as it relates to your conversation
[53:19] of not knowing if you're going to be
[53:21] okay or not? What do you know about the
[53:24] future? Can you tell me what's going to
[53:26] happen next week, in a month? Do you
[53:28] know?
[53:29] >> I don't know much about the future.
[53:32] >> Yeah. Can I upgrade that statement for
[53:34] you?
[53:35] >> Yeah.
[53:36] >> You don't know anything. [laughter]
[53:40] >> We're all clueless.
[53:42] >> Yeah.
[53:43] >> Now, as much as you plan, sure, you
[53:45] might know that, okay, you had a
[53:46] scheduled conversation with me. That's
[53:48] in your, you know, in your diary. But as
[53:50] it relates to how life is going to
[53:52] unfold, like no one could have
[53:53] perceived, apart from, I was going to
[53:55] say, no one could have perceived co
[53:56] apart from, you know, without getting
[53:58] too political here, the people that
[53:59] planned it. [laughter] But you know
[54:02] there's things that we obviously have in
[54:03] our agenda but we don't really know how
[54:06] things are going to unfold. Right.
[54:08] >> Mhm. [clears throat] Right.
[54:10] >> So if you really see that that you don't
[54:14] know whether you're going to live to 98
[54:16] and be vital and then just drop one day.
[54:18] You don't know if you're going to live
[54:19] to 75. You don't know if you're going to
[54:20] get a sick. You don't know how long
[54:21] you're going to be with your husband in
[54:23] terms of his wellness. You don't know if
[54:25] your girls are going to be successful,
[54:26] fall in love, get married, have
[54:27] children. None of that. They can be
[54:29] goals. They can be aspirations. They can
[54:31] be, you know, really beautiful
[54:33] intentions.
[54:34] But when we're trying to control the
[54:37] unfolding of life, we're going to always
[54:39] be fighting a losing proposition.
[54:42] >> Yeah.
[54:43] >> Because last I checked, none of us are
[54:45] charged with the, you know,
[54:48] responsibility of how the universe
[54:50] unfolds.
[54:53] So if we really get that truth then the
[54:56] only option for us the only option is
[54:59] profound surrender
[55:01] to the unknown.
[55:03] >> Yeah. And it it's like that experience I
[55:07] had
[55:08] when I was having those miscarriages and
[55:11] and then
[55:13] [clears throat]
[55:13] >> it switched for me where it's like I was
[55:15] trying to control the future. I was
[55:18] trying to control how my family would
[55:20] look and then it's
[55:21] >> there was a moment of surrender where it
[55:23] was like well you know what it's going
[55:25] to be fine either way.
[55:27] >> Yeah. and beyond fine even as a maybe
[55:31] excuse me more powerful way is it's
[55:34] going to be what it's going to be
[55:38] >> right because there are people right now
[55:39] listening who are dealing with what's
[55:41] going to be has now become and it's not
[55:44] fine it's hard it's it's challenging
[55:46] it's sad it's
[55:48] >> it's really difficult but it is what it
[55:50] is right so if we understand that life
[55:52] is the way it is and I you know my quote
[55:54] I say life is the way it is but only
[55:56] always
[55:57] >> right it's always the way it is and then
[55:59] we add on top of it based on our
[56:02] perception and our conditioning our own
[56:03] level of suffering or resistance
[56:06] which last I checked doesn't change
[56:08] life. It might inform us and we get into
[56:11] action. That's fine. But if we're if
[56:13] we're taking action from a place of
[56:16] resistance, we're going to suffer
[56:17] anyway. Versus if we just deal with life
[56:20] as it unfolds, which I'm not saying any
[56:22] of this is easy, but it's powerful to be
[56:24] able to at least see it. Then we deal
[56:27] with moment to moment as it arises.
[56:30] Now the one part we haven't spoken to is
[56:33] that is the power part is we understand
[56:37] life unfolds as it unfolds and I'm not
[56:40] separate to life.
[56:43] >> Meaning I have a say however seemingly
[56:45] small and that's my commitment.
[56:48] So for example, when you realize the
[56:51] illusion of trying to get everything
[56:52] right, which removes all pressure,
[56:54] expectation,
[56:55] removes all anxiety, you do know as a
[56:58] woman, as a mother, you're doing the
[56:59] best you can, right? That's always the
[57:01] plan.
[57:03] >> When you remove that, you can still have
[57:05] a commitment to providing the most
[57:09] loving, healthy, safe environment for
[57:11] your girls.
[57:13] >> Yeah.
[57:14] >> Do do you see the subtle difference?
[57:16] It's it might occur. It might like if we
[57:18] were to have a fly on the wall view of
[57:19] you and your house, we might see you
[57:22] doing the same things, but your
[57:25] experience internally will be
[57:26] dramatically different.
[57:28] >> Yeah. No, I get it. It's it's instead of
[57:31] feeling like I have to do these things,
[57:34] it's I want to do these things.
[57:36] >> Yeah. Now you've got choice, which is
[57:38] power.
[57:39] >> See, before you were driven by patterns
[57:41] where you had no choice. You have to get
[57:43] it right. You have to do it perfectly.
[57:45] You have to be looking out for worst
[57:47] case scenarios. You definitely have to
[57:49] look out for anything that could be
[57:50] dangerous for you, your your family,
[57:52] right? That means you're in a constant
[57:54] state of fear, resistance, and being in
[57:57] a vigilant mindset. That's exhausting.
[58:01] >> Yeah.
[58:02] >> What would it be like for an if all of
[58:04] that was gone?
[58:07] Gosh,
[58:09] just h
[58:11] I just feel like my shoulders drop and
[58:14] >> just about six inches. Yeah. [laughter]
[58:17] >> Like it's a relief and it I feel much
[58:20] more relaxed.
[58:22] >> How do you think your digestion would
[58:24] work from that place of eating?
[58:25] >> Nice and smooth. [laughter]
[58:27] >> Yeah. How do you think your sleep might
[58:30] change?
[58:32] >> Oh, I'd sleep soundly.
[58:34] >> Yeah. Sleep like a baby. Do you see?
[58:36] It's so powerful why I love what I get
[58:38] to do. Because you're young, you know,
[58:41] you're in good shape, you take care of
[58:42] yourself, okay? You've had a few little
[58:44] things, stomach stuff, but you if you
[58:46] stayed on the track that you were on in
[58:48] the state of feeling not safe, not going
[58:50] to be okay, trying to get everything
[58:52] right, the constant pressure and
[58:53] expectation that would manifest 5, 10,
[58:56] 15, 20 years from now with a sickness.
[58:59] >> Yeah. So, ironically, your concerns were
[59:01] well founded because the energy that you
[59:04] were occupying was the precursor. Okay.
[59:07] Maybe not for a while, but for something
[59:09] that does become this gradual decline in
[59:13] health.
[59:14] >> Yeah.
[59:16] >> Not because there's anything wrong with
[59:17] your physiology. Your birthright is
[59:19] vitality. But because your body's living
[59:21] in a hostile environment of your own
[59:23] mind.
[59:25] Do you see that?
[59:27] >> Yeah, I see that. But how powerful now
[59:30] that you can step out of that. You can
[59:32] realize, oh,
[59:34] >> it's not true that I'm not safe. I went
[59:36] through some pretty scary things as a
[59:38] kid. But what does that have to do with
[59:39] today?
[59:41] >> Right.
[59:41] >> Nothing. Right.
[59:43] >> Nothing.
[59:44] >> And what do you know about the future?
[59:46] >> I don't know anything about the future.
[59:48] >> So then how can you be worried if you're
[59:50] going to be okay?
[59:52] >> Right.
[59:53] >> See, people say that they're scared of
[59:55] the unknown. I'm like, no, nobody's
[59:56] scared of the unknown.
[59:58] The unknown is life. That's the future.
[1:00:01] What you're scared of is what your own
[1:00:03] brain is unconsciously
[1:00:06] uh projecting into the unknown.
[1:00:10] >> Exactly.
[1:00:10] >> So, your anxietyy's got nothing to do
[1:00:12] with the unknown. Your anxietyy's got
[1:00:13] everything to do with your own brain
[1:00:15] imagining worst case scenarios in the
[1:00:17] unknown.
[1:00:20] >> Right. It's my imagination.
[1:00:22] >> Yeah. And when you see
[1:00:23] >> pretty vivid imagination.
[1:00:25] >> Yeah, pretty well it comes back to that
[1:00:27] same word, right? How powerful are you?
[1:00:30] >> You can and this I really want people to
[1:00:32] get this. This is how people make
[1:00:35] themselves sick.
[1:00:37] >> Not as a conscious choice. There's no
[1:00:39] guilt or shame, but as a process of
[1:00:41] mechanics.
[1:00:43] If you're envisaging worst case
[1:00:45] scenarios, which is a reflection of past
[1:00:47] hurt for which we have compassion,
[1:00:49] everyone's been through stuff. But that
[1:00:51] envisaged future which is littered with
[1:00:53] worst case scenarios creates in the
[1:00:55] moment concern, anxiety, worry which
[1:00:58] puts you in a state of stress. Stress,
[1:01:00] you know, you ask even a a brand new
[1:01:02] doctor that like what's the number one
[1:01:03] contributing factor to disease? It's
[1:01:05] like stress which physiologically adds
[1:01:08] to inflammation and d right. If you do
[1:01:11] that for decades, what do you think
[1:01:13] happens to your body?
[1:01:15] >> Body's going to get a disease.
[1:01:18] >> Yeah. Disease is the precursor to
[1:01:21] disease.
[1:01:22] >> Yeah.
[1:01:24] >> So hopefully for the sake of like you
[1:01:26] know not even an hour's conversation we
[1:01:28] just reconciled your whole fear of a
[1:01:31] future that hasn't happened yet
[1:01:33] [laughter]
[1:01:34] and you went from
[1:01:35] >> I hope so.
[1:01:36] >> Yeah. Well it's beyond hope. It's
[1:01:38] mechanics when you really understand it.
[1:01:40] Right. Hope is a beautiful quality of
[1:01:42] the human spirit. But when you really
[1:01:44] understand how powerful you are as a
[1:01:47] conscious being, you're not separate to
[1:01:50] life. You are life.
[1:01:51] >> Your nature is vitality. But when you
[1:01:54] look through a lens that is is littered
[1:01:56] with limitations, fears, and concerns,
[1:01:58] even the most robust physiology will
[1:02:01] eventually have to acquies and start to
[1:02:03] fall apart.
[1:02:06] But you don't need to do that anymore.
[1:02:08] >> Right?
[1:02:10] >> So let's just go through them as very
[1:02:12] simple questions. Is it true an that
[1:02:14] you're not safe?
[1:02:15] >> It's not true.
[1:02:16] >> Not true. Is it true that you're not
[1:02:18] going to be okay?
[1:02:20] >> It's not true.
[1:02:21] >> Not true at all. Is it true that you're
[1:02:23] powerless?
[1:02:24] >> It's not true.
[1:02:26] >> Give me one example of how we know that
[1:02:29] you're not powerless.
[1:02:33] Give an example of how powerful you are.
[1:02:35] >> Yeah. because
[1:02:37] of everything I've been through and
[1:02:42] because I'm a woman and I'm a mom.
[1:02:44] >> Damn right. Now she's starting
[1:02:46] to [laughter] speak up. And you know the
[1:02:47] other thing just to recognize how
[1:02:49] powerful you are? You were creating your
[1:02:52] own anxiety. You were creating your own
[1:02:55] worst case scenarios.
[1:02:57] >> I know I was.
[1:02:58] >> That's pretty powerful, isn't it?
[1:03:00] >> Yeah.
[1:03:00] >> I mean, not the best use of power, but I
[1:03:02] mean, it's power nonetheless. [laughter]
[1:03:06] Yeah.
[1:03:08] >> So what might become available using
[1:03:10] that same skill set? What could you
[1:03:12] apply that power for?
[1:03:14] >> I can use my power to create
[1:03:18] ease, joy,
[1:03:20] >> what thought?
[1:03:22] >> Yeah.
[1:03:22] >> Best case scenarios. Yeah. That's
[1:03:25] commitment.
[1:03:26] >> Yeah. Like if I put my imagination to
[1:03:29] use in the other areas.
[1:03:33] >> I mean, look out world. Huh? Wow.
[1:03:35] >> Starting to tap into the magic that you
[1:03:37] are.
[1:03:38] >> Yeah.
[1:03:40] >> We're all magicians. We're all an
[1:03:41] expression of consciousness. And
[1:03:43] consciousness itself is ineffable. It's
[1:03:46] it's boundless. It's limitless. It's
[1:03:47] it's power itself.
[1:03:49] >> Mhm.
[1:03:51] >> You're not a victim of circumstance.
[1:03:54] You're creating circumstance.
[1:03:57] >> Right.
[1:04:00] >> Right.
[1:04:02] >> Isn't that cool?
[1:04:04] It is.
[1:04:05] Yeah.
[1:04:08] [laughter]
[1:04:09] >> Different world, huh?
[1:04:13] >> That would definitely be a different
[1:04:14] world.
[1:04:16] >> Yeah. How do you think that would impact
[1:04:18] your your girls?
[1:04:20] What would they see? What would they
[1:04:22] learn from this woman?
[1:04:24] >> Um, they would learn that it's okay to
[1:04:28] make mistakes. It's okay to
[1:04:32] >> just do things because you want to.
[1:04:37] >> Well, that sounds like freedom to me.
[1:04:39] >> Yeah.
[1:04:41] >> And I would even upgrade the mistake.
[1:04:43] You can find out less of a mistake, but
[1:04:45] you can find out what doesn't work.
[1:04:49] >> Well, that didn't work.
[1:04:50] >> Yeah.
[1:04:51] >> Or, you know, if you want to stay in the
[1:04:53] realm of the power of your word and
[1:04:55] integrity, that you didn't do what you
[1:04:57] said you would do. That's not
[1:04:58] necessarily a mistake but you're giving
[1:04:59] away power right
[1:05:02] >> powerful lessons for human beings. So
[1:05:04] when you really understand the power of
[1:05:06] tongue and the word and you know
[1:05:09] spelling casting spells abracadabra the
[1:05:11] Aramaic translation of abracadabra which
[1:05:14] we associate with magic is as I speak so
[1:05:16] I create. We're all magicians.
[1:05:19] >> Well you weren't necessarily speaking
[1:05:21] speaking out loud but speaking language
[1:05:23] internally was worst case scenarios. You
[1:05:26] were casting dark spells.
[1:05:28] >> M.
[1:05:30] >> Wow, that's cool.
[1:05:31] >> Isn't that cool?
[1:05:32] >> Mhm.
[1:05:35] >> So, you might want to start walking
[1:05:37] around with a broom and a big
[1:05:38] blackointed hat or a white one maybe is
[1:05:40] more. [laughter]
[1:05:42] Teach your girls how powerful they are
[1:05:44] as little young proteges of mom the
[1:05:47] magician.
[1:05:54] >> Okay.
[1:05:56] That's cool.
[1:05:57] >> Do you see it?
[1:05:58] >> Yeah, I do.
[1:06:01] >> It's different, isn't it? How does that
[1:06:02] all sort of land in your body? I know
[1:06:04] it's new, but how does that feel?
[1:06:07] >> I feel
[1:06:10] like there's less of a weight and less
[1:06:12] of a pressure.
[1:06:13] >> Mhm.
[1:06:15] >> Yeah.
[1:06:16] >> I don't have to keep
[1:06:19] the pressure to do do.
[1:06:22] >> Yeah. I get to do because I want to do.
[1:06:26] >> Yeah.
[1:06:28] And even that exhale under your breath,
[1:06:30] you felt that in your body, right? The
[1:06:31] shoulders dropping, the stomach
[1:06:33] softening.
[1:06:34] >> That's called vitality.
[1:06:36] >> Yeah.
[1:06:38] >> That's healing.
[1:06:41] >> The body knows what to do in the absence
[1:06:43] of stress.
[1:06:44] I It knows what to do in stress. It's
[1:06:46] just not ideal, [laughter]
[1:06:48] >> right?
[1:06:51] So now you get to digest your food, you
[1:06:53] get to sleep, you get to be at peace.
[1:06:55] And energetically, what I want you to
[1:06:56] understand as a mother and for all the
[1:06:58] mothers out there, you get to create in
[1:07:00] an environment for your girls and for
[1:07:01] your husband and for yourself that is
[1:07:03] copious, that feels harmonious, that
[1:07:05] feels fun, that feels playful, that
[1:07:07] feels at ease, which if I recall from
[1:07:10] this conversation was the life that you
[1:07:12] said you'd like.
[1:07:13] >> Yeah. Yes, it is.
[1:07:17] Well, now it's available.
[1:07:20] >> Yeah. So, I get to
[1:07:24] do
[1:07:26] I get to choose what
[1:07:29] >> how I want the house to be
[1:07:33] like to be.
[1:07:35] >> Yeah.
[1:07:35] >> Yeah.
[1:07:36] >> I'll give you a distinction because I
[1:07:38] was a definitely a recovering
[1:07:39] perfectionist for many years. You know,
[1:07:41] me trying to control my environment, my
[1:07:43] parents dying, right? And I'm Virgo, so
[1:07:45] it was exacerbated by those tendencies.
[1:07:48] And I realized it's no longer about
[1:07:49] perfection. It's just an appreciation
[1:07:51] for beauty and function,
[1:07:54] >> right? It's a choice. And yet, I can
[1:07:56] leave a bunch of dishes in the sink
[1:07:58] sometimes and not, you know, there's a
[1:08:00] pile of clothes in the corner and you
[1:08:01] know what? I'm going to be okay. I'm
[1:08:03] going to make it through that,
[1:08:05] >> right? It doesn't have to be a certain
[1:08:08] way,
[1:08:10] >> right? I get to choose kind of dayto day
[1:08:13] of do I want to
[1:08:17] spend a few more minutes playing
[1:08:20] >> or do I want to put a load of laundry in
[1:08:23] or you know
[1:08:25] >> those things
[1:08:26] >> and that's called freedom of choice
[1:08:28] freedom of self expression
[1:08:31] >> you know because most humans in ways
[1:08:33] that they don't even know and this is
[1:08:35] why I have so much care and compassion
[1:08:36] for the people that I help is are being
[1:08:39] driven by unconscious commitments.
[1:08:44] >> Yes.
[1:08:45] >> Meaning, unbeknownst to you, an you were
[1:08:48] fully committed to trying to stay safe,
[1:08:50] which is only reinforcing the fact that
[1:08:52] you didn't think you were trying to
[1:08:54] avoid worst case scenarios, which is
[1:08:56] only reinforcing the belief that you
[1:08:58] weren't going to be okay, and always
[1:08:59] trying to get everything right.
[1:09:02] That's unconscious survival. That's what
[1:09:05] creates exhaustion. That's why you
[1:09:07] weren't sleeping. That's why you had
[1:09:08] anxiety. That's why you got the IBS. Do
[1:09:10] you see? Now you step outside of that
[1:09:14] whole prison of constraints,
[1:09:17] limitations, and fears and go, "Oh,
[1:09:20] there's nothing wrong. I can't do
[1:09:21] anything wrong. There's nowhere to get
[1:09:23] to. In fact, the only place to get to is
[1:09:25] here, which I couldn't get to because I
[1:09:27] was too worried, dragging my history of
[1:09:29] things that I was judging myself for and
[1:09:31] anxious about a future that hasn't
[1:09:33] happened yet." And now it's like, no, I
[1:09:35] did what I did and I'm going to do
[1:09:38] whatever I'm going to do when I do it.
[1:09:39] But right now, I'm playing with my kid
[1:09:41] or I'm putting the laundry in or I'm
[1:09:43] snuggling my husband as we fall asleep
[1:09:45] and I feel safe. You know what? Whatever
[1:09:47] it is.
[1:09:48] >> Yeah.
[1:09:49] >> Isn't that beautiful?
[1:09:50] >> Yeah, that is. That's really beautiful.
[1:09:55] >> Yeah. And I get to be that.
[1:09:58] >> You certainly do. And not only get to be
[1:10:01] that, you are that. Yeah, I am that.
[1:10:04] >> You are that. You always were. You just
[1:10:06] had the illusion of the lens that you
[1:10:08] look through on top of that.
[1:10:12] >> So, ironically, what I'm just revealing
[1:10:14] for you, albeit unfamiliar, and it's
[1:10:16] going to take practice, is way more uh
[1:10:20] natural for you than the way you've been
[1:10:22] living
[1:10:24] >> because now you're just being yourself,
[1:10:26] which is I'll make it through everything
[1:10:28] until I don't. Right? [laughter]
[1:10:31] I I often joke you're going to survive
[1:10:32] until you don't. So stop worrying about
[1:10:34] it.
[1:10:36] I guarantee you now with this new
[1:10:38] mindset, you know, your quote unquote
[1:10:40] survival quotient just went up a lot,
[1:10:43] right? [laughter]
[1:10:46] That's good. And you know, the whole
[1:10:49] idea of trying to get it right is a
[1:10:51] misnomer based on whatever we mirrored
[1:10:53] and patterned from parents. There's no
[1:10:55] such thing. There's just whatever you do
[1:10:57] and then people will have an opinion
[1:10:58] about it. In regards to the future, I
[1:11:02] don't know what the hell's going to
[1:11:03] happen, but that's exciting,
[1:11:05] >> right?
[1:11:07] Yeah, it is exciting.
[1:11:10] >> Yeah.
[1:11:12] That's called adventure. That's called
[1:11:13] exploration. That's called curiosity.
[1:11:19] [clears throat]
[1:11:21] >> Welcome to a new world, my dear. How
[1:11:23] does that feel?
[1:11:24] >> Thank you. It feels good. It feels
[1:11:29] Less pressure,
[1:11:32] more ease.
[1:11:33] >> Yeah.
[1:11:34] >> And kind of possibility.
[1:11:36] >> Yeah.
[1:11:37] >> Yeah.
[1:11:38] >> I'll take it.
[1:11:39] >> Better than how we started.
[1:11:42] >> Yeah.
[1:11:42] >> Yeah. And you know, just as a caveat,
[1:11:45] it's going to take practice, right? Like
[1:11:47] the especially being a mom, I also want
[1:11:49] to speak to and and acknowledge the
[1:11:51] biological impact of being a mom, right?
[1:11:53] which is
[1:11:55] that when we have next of kin, you know,
[1:11:58] the tendency
[1:12:00] which is so beautiful and natural is to
[1:12:03] obviously be more alert genu, you know,
[1:12:05] generally, right? When you're out in the
[1:12:07] streets, obviously when you're just even
[1:12:09] around the house, are there sharp
[1:12:11] objects? You know, so I'm not expecting
[1:12:15] you to suddenly be this like super chill
[1:12:17] like relaxed woman who's like, "Yeah,
[1:12:20] whatever." You know, but that is
[1:12:21] available to you, right?
[1:12:23] Because there is going to be the
[1:12:24] responsibility that you've taken on as a
[1:12:26] soul to play the role of a mother to
[1:12:28] these two beautiful girls. And built
[1:12:30] into that is going to be a certain
[1:12:32] degree of just attentive, you know,
[1:12:35] attention, right? You're you're going to
[1:12:37] want to make sure that you stay alert,
[1:12:39] but not in the way that you were prior
[1:12:41] to this conversation, which was with
[1:12:43] fear for worst case scenarios, you know?
[1:12:47] >> Yes.
[1:12:49] And it kind of brings me back to the I
[1:12:53] get to choose
[1:12:56] what kind of mother I want to be. I have
[1:12:58] and my choice is that I want my girls to
[1:13:01] see that I've had the pleasure of being
[1:13:03] their mother.
[1:13:05] >> Yeah.
[1:13:06] >> Yeah.
[1:13:08] >> Yeah. The word that comes to to mind for
[1:13:10] me now that you get to step into is joy.
[1:13:14] >> Yeah.
[1:13:15] >> You get to live with more joy.
[1:13:17] Yeah, that would be really great.
[1:13:22] [laughter]
[1:13:22] Really great.
[1:13:24] >> Yeah. Well, can you see it now at least
[1:13:26] available? At least it's possible.
[1:13:29] >> Yeah.
[1:13:31] >> Yeah. So rather than living in fear,
[1:13:33] concern, limitation, worry, controlling
[1:13:35] worst case scenarios that haven't
[1:13:37] happened. Now you get to be in joy for
[1:13:38] just being you, for being alive, for the
[1:13:41] gift that it is to be human, for the
[1:13:42] gift that it is to have these beautiful
[1:13:46] girls who adore you, who at some level
[1:13:48] are dependent on you. And that gives you
[1:13:50] like, you know, purpose, that gives you
[1:13:51] power, it gives you responsibility, it
[1:13:53] gives you access to love that, you know,
[1:13:56] you wouldn't have otherwise tapped into.
[1:13:58] >> Sure.
[1:13:59] >> And all of that falls under the the
[1:14:01] umbrella of joy. And there's so many
[1:14:02] people are like trying to get to a
[1:14:04] future that they haven't realized yet
[1:14:06] and missing out on life along the way.
[1:14:08] >> Yeah,
[1:14:09] >> it's crazy.
[1:14:14] >> Um just another quick story that that
[1:14:17] made me think about was
[1:14:19] >> Yeah.
[1:14:20] um the postpartum period
[1:14:24] uh right after my second daughter was
[1:14:26] born. I
[1:14:29] felt
[1:14:32] so much like joy that I
[1:14:37] get to be a woman caring for such a
[1:14:40] young child. like it was such a cool
[1:14:43] experience the second time around
[1:14:45] without the
[1:14:46] >> fear of all the first time mom things.
[1:14:49] >> Yeah.
[1:14:50] >> Um so
[1:14:54] that that's what you were saying
[1:14:56] reminded me of that where it's like I
[1:14:58] get to
[1:15:00] um
[1:15:02] be present in the moment and enjoy
[1:15:07] >> all the little things.
[1:15:09] >> Yeah. Yeah.
[1:15:09] >> Be about being a mom.
[1:15:11] >> Yeah.
[1:15:12] >> How beautiful.
[1:15:15] >> That's a different way to live, isn't
[1:15:17] it?
[1:15:17] >> It is.
[1:15:20] >> Yeah. It kind of in reflection, you
[1:15:22] know, I know it's only just over an hour
[1:15:23] ago, but when you look back at your
[1:15:25] concerns, not in any way to dismiss that
[1:15:27] part of you, but you can almost see how
[1:15:30] comical and petty the concerns were.
[1:15:34] >> Yeah.
[1:15:37] >> Right. It's like, "Oh my god, I'm
[1:15:38] extraordinary. I'm powerful. There's not
[1:15:40] much that I can't handle. I'm blessed to
[1:15:42] have two beautiful daughters. I have an
[1:15:44] amazing husband. I I have an incredible
[1:15:46] imagination and I'm going to start using
[1:15:48] it for good." You know, it's like,
[1:15:50] >> right,
[1:15:52] >> isn't it? I mean, it's just it's
[1:15:54] beautiful.
[1:15:55] >> Yes. Exactly. Like when I look back, it
[1:15:59] is kind of petty. My imagination
[1:16:03] was
[1:16:05] >> creating
[1:16:08] the fears.
[1:16:10] >> Yeah. And it's petty in a way that we
[1:16:12] have so much love and compassion because
[1:16:14] it's the mind of a young child.
[1:16:17] >> Yeah.
[1:16:18] >> It wouldn't be petty for you to see your
[1:16:20] 5-year-old who's upset because she
[1:16:21] didn't get picked for the school play,
[1:16:23] right? It's like that that hurts. And
[1:16:25] you would hold space for her. And that's
[1:16:26] why I said you embodying this woman,
[1:16:29] this true
[1:16:30] adult version of you can hold space for
[1:16:34] that younger version of you who was, you
[1:16:36] know, valid to be scared, who was un
[1:16:40] understandably trying to be the best she
[1:16:43] could be for her mom. It's it's
[1:16:44] adorable.
[1:16:46] >> But it's no longer appropriate,
[1:16:49] >> right?
[1:16:51] >> You're free
[1:16:53] >> free to be who you want to be.
[1:16:57] >> Thank you, Peter.
[1:16:59] You're so welcome. Can you feel a
[1:17:01] softness even in your stomach area?
[1:17:05] >> Yeah, I feel it mostly in my shoulders
[1:17:10] and neck.
[1:17:11] >> Yeah.
[1:17:13] >> But yeah,
[1:17:15] I can feel it in my chest and stomach.
[1:17:18] >> Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Your whole body
[1:17:20] is just recalibrating to this beautiful
[1:17:23] new environment. M
[1:17:25] >> and I guarantee you in ways that you
[1:17:28] likely will notice, you're going to see
[1:17:29] a shift in your 8th month old even and
[1:17:32] certainly your 5-year-old
[1:17:35] >> because they will recalibrate to your
[1:17:37] energy. That's powerful.
[1:17:40] >> Cool. That is really powerful,
[1:17:42] >> isn't it?
[1:17:44] >> Yeah.
[1:17:46] >> Amazing. Well, go enjoy this new world
[1:17:48] of freedom and love and possibility and
[1:17:50] choice.
[1:17:51] >> Thank you so much. I'm so grateful.
[1:17:54] It's pleasure to be with you, my dear.
[1:17:57] >> If you enjoyed that episode of Finding
[1:17:59] Freedom, then I invite you to check out
[1:18:01] another episode. Click right here.