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Inspiration

The Science of Talent: WhyEnvironment Beats Innate Ability

Big Think
Big Think
Sep 4, 2026
10 Min. Lesezeit

We live in the age of peak individualism, where every achievement is read as a story of personal excellence—the lone genius, the self-made titan, the magical performer. A writer's brilliance is their talent. A musician's virtuosity is their gift. A leader's success is their vision. But this narrative is a lie we keep telling ourselves, one that makes us blind to the actual currents moving beneath every act of excellence.

When you pull back the curtain on Hemingway, Michael Jordan, Mikhail Baryshnikov, or Steve Jobs, you don't find a solitary magical person. You find something far more interesting: an elite environment, a network of relationships, a ecosystem specifically engineered to develop skill. The focus on individual achievement, for all its seductive appeal, obscures the ecological forces that actually generate talent, performance, and fulfillment.

Lesen · 9 Abschnitte

Where Talent Actually Comes From

This reframing carries profound implications for leadership and culture-building. If talent emerges from environment rather than from inside a person, then the leader's job isn't to find the right person—it's to create the conditions where people grow together. There's a saying in the Daodejing: where there's a good leader, people say what a good leader that is. But where there's a great leader, people say we did it ourselves. That's the ecological approach. Not control. Not results. Not the extraction of individual brilliance, but the deliberate cultivation of conditions.

To understand what those conditions look like, consider the talent hotbeds Coyle visited across five years of research—a Russian tennis club that produced more top-25 players than the entire United States in the 1990s and early 2000s, a Bulgarian chess club generating world-class players at impossible scale, music schools training some of the planet's finest musicians. What these places shared wasn't money, technology, or fancy equipment. In fact, the opposite. Coyle calls them "chicken wire Harvards"—junky places with cinder blocks holding up stairs, facilities that hadn't been repaired in years. They explicitly kept their environments Spartan. An elite development space isn't one where luxury is given. It's a place of work. It's a place of craft.

Mistakes Are the Fastest Way to Learn

The second common feature across these hotbeds was a radically different relationship to failure. At the heart of this insight is a concept called learning velocity—and Coyle has a story that captures it perfectly. A psychologist named Gary McPherson tracked a 15-year-old clarinetist named Clarissa and found one six-minute segment where she progressed more than she did in a month of normal practice. What was happening in those six minutes?

Clarissa was sitting intently with her clarinet and sheet music. She played a short phrase from a piece called "The Golden Wedding," made a mistake, and stopped. She felt that mistake. She read the notes again. She hummed it to herself. She played a bit further, made another mistake, stopped. Over and over: reach, sense failure, reach again. This is what Coyle calls deep practice—the deliberate act of pushing to the edge of your ability, making mistakes, and immediately correcting them. It's when learning velocity skyrockets.

The insight reframes what a mistake actually is. We walk through life treating mistakes as verdicts, as signs that something isn't meant for us. But in high-performing environments, a mistake is information. It's data about where you should reach next. The fastest learners in the world—a 12-year-old on a skateboard, for instance—learn fast because the environment gives them instant feedback. They feel the mistake immediately and can correct. The slowest learners sit passively while knowledge washes over them. By tweaking the environment to create immediate feedback loops, you massively impact learning velocity.

At Meadowmount School of Music, one of the world's premier training grounds, instructors would take sheet music and cut it into strips—one line per strip, mixed randomly in a bowl. Students would draw one, play it, master it, move to the next. That one environmental tweak—chunking, randomizing, immediate correction—creates an engine of deep practice. Brazilian soccer provides another model: kids on the beach learning the game through play rather than formal instruction, an environment that naturally generates the reach-and-correct cycle at scale.

The Spark That Ignites Motivation

But creating the conditions for skill development isn't enough. The most overlooked element in talent development is motivation itself. And here, too, Coyle's research surfaces a counterintuitive truth: motivation doesn't happen from the inside out. It always happens from the outside in.

We're taught to believe in intrinsic motivation—that great performers are driven by some internal fire, some deep personal passion. But the actual mechanism is different. When we see something that we really connect with in our environment—a model, a ritual, a person who embodies what we want to become—something ignites. A spark, what Coyle calls a "bolt moment," often can't be forced. But you can engineer the conditions where it's more likely to happen. You can create environments where people encounter models. You can build rituals. You can populate spaces with the right signals and stories. Motivation is relational. It comes from connection.

How Great Cultures Are Built

The shift from individual to ecological thinking becomes even more radical when you move from talent development to culture-building. Coyle's research on what makes groups perform at extraordinary levels reveals something that sounds simple but feels almost heretical in a world obsessed with high-performing individuals: successful groups look, from the outside, like beautiful messes.

When researchers watched high-performing teams, they saw something unexpected. Unlike the smooth, planned, elegant cooperation of a well-choreographed ensemble, these groups looked more like a flock of starlings—seemingly chaotic, yet perfectly coordinated. What made them different wasn't polish. It was vulnerability. And here's where Coyle introduces a principle that inverts conventional leadership wisdom: vulnerability builds trust, not the other way around.

Why Kindergarteners Beat CEOs

In one striking experiment, researchers compared how CEOs and kindergarteners solved a complex problem: building the tallest possible structure using raw spaghetti, tape, string, and a marshmallow on top. The results were almost laughable. Kindergarteners built structures that were on average 25 inches tall. CEOs? About 20 inches. Why?

The answer lies in how each group handled failure. Kindergarteners approached the task playfully, built something, watched it collapse, laughed, and immediately tried again. CEOs began with a clear plan, tried to execute it perfectly, and when it failed, they tended to replan, strategize, and theorize their way to a solution—all while the clock ticked. The CEOs were faster at talking, but kindergarteners were faster at learning. They treated failure as information, not as a verdict on their competence.

This pattern shows up everywhere in high-performing teams. The U.S. Navy discovered it in submarine crews. The worst-performing crews were the ones losing missiles—and when they analyzed what separated them from the best performers, they found one critical variable: psychological safety, the ability to speak up, admit mistakes, and ask questions without fear. The best crews had leaders who modeled vulnerability first. Leaders who said, "I screwed that up. I know this is bad news, and thank goodness you caught it." When a leader goes first, admitting failure without shame, permission ripples through the team.

Vulnerability Builds Trust, Not the Other Way Around

The conventional wisdom inverts this. We believe trust has to be earned first, and then vulnerability becomes safe. But Coyle's research points to the opposite mechanism: vulnerability creates the conditions for trust. When a leader or team member says, "I don't know" or "I was wrong," something shifts. It says, implicitly, this is a place where we're allowed to be human. It says, failure is information, not shame.

A simple practice from high-performing groups tells the story. Team members would circle up and someone would ask: "What's one thing you'd like me to stop doing? Two lines." Just that. Very simple, very powerful. No defensiveness expected, no lengthy explanation required. By making it a ritual—a named, repeated practice—the group transforms vulnerability into the normal operating procedure rather than a risk.

The four most important words a leader can say are: "I screwed that up." Not "We screwed that up." Not "The process failed." But the personal acknowledgment. That's the move that resets the group's relationship to failure and opens the possibility for collective learning.

Flourishing and Human Connection

All of this—the focus on environment, the embrace of mistakes, the modeling of vulnerability—serves a larger purpose. Coyle's recent book, Flourish, names what all these practices are in service of: a state of flourishing, where people are experiencing joyful, meaningful, connected lives. Not just high performance. Not just efficient output. But the actual experience of thriving.

Human beings have fundamental needs that supersede everything else. Do I belong? Do I have a place here? Do I have a future? Do we move together? These aren't soft or ancillary questions. They're foundational. When they're answered, people flourish. When they're not, they wither, no matter how much talent or opportunity surrounds them.

The phenomenon of flourishing appears across cultures and contexts. It's not about wealth or status. It's about the feeling of connection, of being known, of moving toward something meaningful together. And it's contagious. When groups cultivate the conditions for flourishing—safety, vulnerability, a shared vision—something shifts in how people show up. They create. They experiment. They risk.

The Paris Table That Built a Village

One of the most vivid illustrations of this principle comes from an unlikely place: a street in Paris. A group of handymen—people without formal jobs, without status—decided to build something together. They started with a table. The table led to a street garden. The street garden led to a playground. And that playground, that simple act of collective creation, led to something extraordinary: a sense of community, a reversal of urban decay, a place where people felt they belonged.

The process that generates this kind of growth, Coyle calls "group nesting." It happens in a mess. It's not planned from above. It's not elegant or efficient. But what happens in that mess is the master student learning from the master, new relationships forming, ideas colliding, and from those collisions, new possibilities and new solutions emerging. The road to success, as Coyle puts it, is paved with mistakes well-handled. And the mistakes, when handled well—when handled with vulnerability, with curiosity, with a commitment to learning together—they become the seeds of something unexpected and beautiful.

Beautiful Messes and the Rule of Surprise

This returns us to the original insight but at a deeper level. Yes, environment matters more than innate ability. Yes, mistakes are the engine of learning. But the deeper truth is about the kind of environments that allow human beings to become fully human. Environments where vulnerability is modeled. Where failure is treated as information. Where connection is the primary material. Where people can explore questions together, step into uncertainty together, and emerge with a bond that wasn't there before.

The phenomenon of flourishing isn't a luxury. It's not reserved for the elite or the talented. It's available to any group willing to create the conditions for it. And those conditions—psychological safety, shared purpose, the regular practice of vulnerability—can be cultivated deliberately. Not through control or perfection or the elimination of mess, but through the embrace of it.

Natural systems are remarkably good at reinvention. A forest fire clears the way for new growth. A mistake, handled with curiosity, becomes the entry point to a new skill. An annoying colleague, if the group is mature enough, becomes the catalyst for deeper understanding. Coyle calls this "the price of community"—annoyance is inevitable. But so is growth. And when groups stay with the tension, when they treat friction as information rather than something to be eliminated, they often discover they've become something altogether different: a living system, capable of flourishing.

Transcript

[0:00] I'm Daniel Coyle. I write about the  science of human potential. I'm the 

[0:04] author of The Talent Code, The Culture  Code, and my new book, Flourish. Today 

[0:09] on Big Think, we're going to be talking  about talent, highly successful groups, 

[0:13] and thriving communities.

[0:15] Thank you for watching Big Think. If you'd like  to support our work, we encourage you to join our  

[0:19] members community. As a member, you'll receive our  quarterly print magazine, a beautifully designed  

[0:24] collection of the ideas and interviews that  matter most. Big Think is for curious people  

[0:28] who want to take deep dives into big ideas. To  support the media you want to see in the world,  

[0:33] go to bigthink.com/membership.  And now back to the interview.

[0:40] Chapter 1, where talent actually comes from.

[0:44] We live at a really interesting moment  in history. Unlike all of our ancestors, 

[0:49] we live in this moment of peak  individualism. And so whenever we see 

[0:53] achievement, we focus on that  individual. We focus on what makes them 

[0:59] special. We focus on their habits, their  behaviors. We just see them. But like 

[1:03] all matters of focus, focus makes you a  little bit blind. There's all kinds of 

[1:08] other currents, connections, and more  ecological powers that are making 

[1:13] someone improve. If you were to ask  Hemingway, if you were to look at 

[1:17] Hemingway and look at him through the  lens of individualism, you would say, 

[1:20] well, what what makes you great and it  would be about his hard work. It would 

[1:24] about his particular gift, his talent.  And that's a very sexy story to tell. 

[1:28] It's a very beautiful story to tell that  he's sort of a magical person and that 

[1:32] Steve Jobs is a magical person, that  Michael Jordan is a magical person, and 

[1:35] that Baryshnikov is a magical person. We  get kind of addicted looking at through 

[1:40] this individualistic lens. But when we  do that, we're blind to all the other 

[1:45] forces that are actually truthfully  generating that talent, generating that 

[1:50] performance, generating that  fulfillment. When you actually scratch 

[1:53] the surface of a great performer, when  you actually look into what made a 

[1:57] Hemingway or a Jordan or a Baryshnikov,  what you will invariably find is an 

[2:01] elite environment, a bunch of  relationships, a bunch of connection. 

[2:05] Oh, who Mr. Hemingway? He's a great  writer. Well, who taught him to love 

[2:09] words? what model served him as he began  to develop. What kind of environment was 

[2:14] he in? And when you begin to take this  environmental lens and put it on, it 

[2:18] opens up new opportunities for  leadership. It's really in the end about 

[2:22] creating conditions where people can  grow together. There's a great saying in 

[2:26] the Da Jing, where there's a good  leader, people say what a good leader 

[2:31] that is. But where there's a great  leader, people say we did it ourselves. 

[2:35] That's not how we typically have thought  about leadership in the past. We often 

[2:38] focus on control. We often focus on  results. We often focus on sort of 

[2:42] treating people as if they're separate  from others. But when we take this more 

[2:46] ecological approach, it opens up  opportunity. It opens up new ways to 

[2:50] create more growth. So I spent 5 years  visiting talent hotbeds all over the 

[2:55] world, like places that produced  impossible numbers of talented 

[2:58] performers. A Russian tennis club that  produced more top 25 players than the 

[3:03] entire United States or Bulgarian chess  club. And the places that I visited had 

[3:09] these sort of common features in their  environment that I saw over and over 

[3:14] again. The first thing is that they were  kind of junky. I started to call them 

[3:17] chicken wire Harvards. You know, you'd  go to the music camp and there'd be like 

[3:21] cinder blocks holding up the stairs and  the camp hadn't been repaired in a long 

[3:24] time. They didn't put their attention on  creating a luxurious environment. They 

[3:30] explicitly did not. They actually kept  it very Spartan. An elite development 

[3:34] environment is not one where every  luxury is given to you. It's a place of 

[3:38] work. It's a place of craft. The second  thing I noticed is that they really had 

[3:43] a different relationship to mistakes.  There's something called learning 

[3:46] velocity. And the best story I know to  get a handle on that is a story about 

[3:51] Clarissa. Clarissa was a 15-year-old  musician. And she was part of this study 

[3:55] done by a psychologist named Gary  McPherson. And McPherson tracked her 

[4:00] study for months and he identified one  segment, one brief segment, six-minute 

[4:05] segment where she progressed more than  she did in a month of normal practice. 

[4:09] And the question is, what did that look  like? Well, Clarissa is sitting down. 

[4:13] She's wearing a hoodie. She's got her  clarinet and she's looking at the music 

[4:17] really intently, looking at it just  ferociously intently. And then she plays 

[4:22] a little snatch of a song. It's called  The Golden Wedding. And she plays the 

[4:25] first couple bars. It's a jazzy little  tune and then she makes a mistake and 

[4:29] she stops. She feels that mistake and  then she reads the notes again and she 

[4:34] goes back and she hums it to herself  and then she goes back and she plays a 

[4:37] little bit further and she makes another  mistake and she stops. If you picture 

[4:41] what the wires of her brain are doing  in that moment, she's reaching. She's 

[4:46] sensing that failure and then reaching  again. And that's called deep practice. 

[4:52] It's when you get to the edge of your  ability to increase learning velocity, 

[4:57] when you deliberately make mistakes in  order to build skill. That's what deep 

[5:02] practice is. And when I visited these  talent hotbeds, they were all practicing 

[5:05] like a bunch of clarissas. They were all  keenly focused on pushing themselves to 

[5:10] the edge of their ability, sensing that  mistake, and then reaching again. And 

[5:16] deep practice is all about that moment  of reach, that moment of reach where our 

[5:20] learning velocity goes up. And really  it's a moment of reinterpreting what 

[5:24] mistakes are. You know, we walk around  thinking mistake is a verdict. Mistake 

[5:28] is a sign. This isn't meant for me. But  in fact, a mistake is information. It's 

[5:34] information over where you should reach  next. And that combination of this 

[5:38] intense desire plus this intense  reaching. It's like this engine, right? 

[5:42] You've got this high motivation fuel  reaching into this zone. And when we 

[5:47] think about who the fastest learners on  in the world are, well, for my money, 

[5:51] the fastest learners in the world are  probably uh like 12-year-old kids on 

[5:55] their skateboards. They learn really,  really fast. They get good really, 

[5:59] really fast. Who are the slowest  learners in the world? Well, maybe those 

[6:03] same kids in their algebra class. What's  happening in those cases for look at 

[6:07] them through a Clarissa lens in the  skateboard? The skateboard is showing 

[6:11] them the environment of that skateboard  is showing them where the mistakes are. 

[6:14] They feel it. They feel that moment and  they can correct and adjust. They can 

[6:18] make mistakes and fix. In the algebra  classroom, they're sort of sitting 

[6:21] passively and knowledge is washing over  them. The learning velocity of certain 

[6:26] environments. By tweaking the  environment, you can massively impact 

[6:30] the learning velocity. And that's the  lesson of these talent hotbeds. They 

[6:34] tweak the environment to create those  reaches to improve learning velocity. 

[6:39] Like for example, at that same music  school, Meadow Mount School of Music, 

[6:43] they would take a sheet of music that  they're learning. And this is a place 

[6:45] where some of the top musicians on the  planet have trained, they would take 

[6:49] their their sheet music and cut it into  strips each line, cut it up, and mix 

[6:53] them up in a bowl, pull one out, play  it, and try to learn bit by bit, chunk 

[6:58] by chunk. One of the places that I saw  that was really good at generating airs 

[7:02] was Brazilian soccer. You know, there's  a there's a mystery. Why does Brazil 

[7:06] produce so many brilliant soccer  players? And the answer to that mystery 

[7:09] is usually, well, it's Brazil. It's warm  and and they play on the beach and it's 

[7:14] really inviting and they love soccer.  And that explanation makes a little bit 

[7:18] of sense. But when you think about it  more deeply, there's a lot of places 

[7:22] that are warm. There's a lot of places  that love soccer. And until the 50s, 

[7:26] Brazil wasn't actually that good. They  were beaten by Hungary in the World Cup, 

[7:31] which is not exactly a beach nation. So  what happened to make Brazil good? They 

[7:36] became addicted to this strange little  game. It's called football d salow, 

[7:41] soccer in the room. And it resembles  soccer if you fed soccer amphetamines 

[7:45] and shoved it in a phone booth. Like  it's intensely fast. The the space is 

[7:50] about as big as a basketball court.  The ball is small. Smaller center of 

[7:54] gravity, five aside. It's passing lanes  are very narrow. The game is very fast. 

[7:59] There's no space. You have to make  decisions right now. It forces you into 

[8:03] the sweet spot over and over again.  There's no room. The ball's small, 

[8:07] difficult to control. So the vision that  creates, the pressure that creates, it 

[8:13] puts people into that zone of  development into that Clarissa spot. 

[8:18] Brazil is uniquely addicted to football  desalo. There were until about 2009, I 

[8:24] think there were 39 international  championships and Brazil had won 38 of 

[8:28] them. It's played all over the nation.  And when you look at the biographies of 

[8:31] great Brazilian players, they all spent  a huge portion of their youth doing this 

[8:35] playing this game. That's what surprised  me about those those talent hotbeds that 

[8:42] they were not making each other  comfortable. They were tipping their 

[8:46] environment so that they could get into  that Clarissa zone so they could make 

[8:49] more mistakes, so they could build more  skill. And I call it the rule of 20%. If 

[8:55] you're making mistakes about 20% of the  time, you're probably in the sweet spot. 

[8:59] If you're not making any mistakes, you  are not learning. If you're making 80% 

[9:04] mistakes, you're not in the sweet spot.  That's pretty sour to be there. And the 

[9:08] great irony of the sweet spot is that it  feels kind of bitter. It's really hard 

[9:12] to hang out making 80% success and 20%  mistakes. It's hard. So, it takes that 

[9:18] extra bit of focus. It takes that what  they would call deliberate practice. 

[9:22] There was this embrace of struggle where  the struggle was validated, the struggle 

[9:27] was expected, the struggle was noble. I  saw it really vividly at Spartak. Spartak 

[9:33] is a tennis club outside of Moscow. It  has produced more top 25 women players 

[9:38] than the entire United States in the  1990s and the early 2000. And when you 

[9:43] get to Spartak, you start to wonder why.  because it's it's like in the middle of 

[9:48] this huge park and it's  like an old Quazite hut. It 

[9:53] looks like something ancient from World  War II. And when I walked there, I felt 

[9:57] like I had gone to the wrong place  because it was sort of looked kind of 

[10:00] deserted. There was a tiny door. I  remember opening the door, but I didn't 

[10:04] hear tennis balls. I kind of expected  to hear tennis balls, but I didn't hear 

[10:06] tennis ball. And the reason I didn't  hear is that they were all swinging 

[10:10] without the ball. They were all in  a line, almost like dancers swinging 

[10:14] slowly. And the teacher whose name was  Larisa Preobrazhenskaya, she was 79 and 

[10:20] it was this was her routine. She would  not let them begin to compete until they 

[10:25] had perfected the stroke. She was  incredulous. How can you start to 

[10:28] compete unless you build the stroke?  And so what she was doing with that slow 

[10:32] motion practice almost like dancers  moving through the stroke, fixing their 

[10:37] wrist, fixing their elbow, having them  repeat it and repeat it until it was 

[10:41] absolutely built and grooved. then they  could go to compete. It really for me 

[10:46] captured that sense of of focus and and  focus on building that happens in these 

[10:52] places. They're not sort of rolling out  the balls and saying go hit balls and 

[10:56] see who's who has magical talent.  They're saying wait a minute we have to 

[10:59] start from the ground. We have to start  from the most basic transfer of power 

[11:03] from the most basic movement of your  body and let's focus on that and 

[11:08] struggle through that until we've got  it. and they build it piece by piece by 

[11:12] piece by piece. I mean, the rule of  10,000 hours has been both elevated and 

[11:18] trashed in in recent years. And in some  ways, I think we've landed on this sort 

[11:23] of medium area where it's not a hard and  fast rule. You can't just go do 10,000 

[11:27] hours of something and be world class.  And yes, it depends on which skill 

[11:31] you're trying to do. If you're doing  high jump, um, genetics play a bigger 

[11:34] role on that. If you're doing the 100  meter sprint, genetics play a bigger 

[11:37] role on that. But for most skills, it's  a pretty good rule of thumb to say you 

[11:42] need to deep practice. You need to deep  practice a lot and you need to build 

[11:47] that circuitry. That's sort of a  non-negotiable. You need to build that 

[11:51] circuitry and that takes that takes  time. So there's not a sort of a a a 

[11:56] shortcut or a hack to get to  this. spending time building those 

[12:00] fundamentals, building those circuits,  making those mistakes, reaching past 

[12:05] where you currently are on the edge of  your ability and doing that over and 

[12:10] over again. That's what actually  skill is built of. It's kind of a 

[12:14] depressing message in some way to say,  "Oh, yeah, there's not a there's not a 

[12:18] shortcut." But on the other hand, what  I see in the talent hotbeds is that it's 

[12:23] an immensely liberating message. It's  an immensely joyful message and it makes 

[12:28] each repetition actually matter because  each time you're going to a slightly 

[12:34] further place. You made the mistake, you  learned from the mistake, you grew. And 

[12:38] so that growth is what repetition  actually is. There was also this sense 

[12:44] that um you could steal ideas. There  wasn't a sense that everything was 

[12:48] individual like that you had to figure  out your way to do it. It was a sense 

[12:51] you could borrow and beg and steal  ideas from other people. And an elite 

[12:55] environment is one where a person has  the opportunity to learn from others to 

[13:00] stare to stare and learn. That's really  the first moment of deep practice when 

[13:05] we look at a skill and say I want to do  that and kind of fall in love with it. 

[13:10] Fall in love with that baseball swing.  Fall in love with that poem. Fall in 

[13:14] love with that music. Fall in love with  that dance move to really take it inside 

[13:19] yourself. And that's that same pattern  that I saw. A social environment where 

[13:23] you can stare and learn. A place where  you're not focused on yourself, but 

[13:28] you're using other people's ideas. And  a place where struggle is not just not 

[13:32] just accepted, but validated and made  noble. You know, one of the greatest 

[13:37] mysteries in the world is why did  the Renaissance happen? Why did the 

[13:40] Renaissance happen in Italy at that  time? And there's all kinds of reasons 

[13:43] historians give. Oh, it happened, you  know, because uh Florence was emptied 

[13:48] out by the plague and because the Medici  existed. But when all those all those 

[13:53] reasons also happened in other places,  why was it there? And what you find out 

[13:57] when you dig into that is that Florence  was where craft guilds evolved. A guild 

[14:02] was a workshop where young people were  brought in and taught the craft of 

[14:06] mixing paint and carving stone and  making fresco and preparing pigments. 

[14:12] And they would get hundreds of reps,  thousands of reps, thousands of hours 

[14:16] spent learning about the fundamentals  of their craft. Each one of those reps 

[14:20] putting them into that zone of deep  practice. That's the kind of environment 

[14:24] that's an elite development environment.  It's not one where they got put in a 

[14:28] kind of a country club environment and  given lessons from painters. It's ones 

[14:31] where they were working every day with  other people on real projects, you know, 

[14:36] learning as they went. first as a young  apprentice learning how to prepare the 

[14:39] surface, then mixing the paints,  learning how the medium worked, watching 

[14:43] great masters at work, they're staring,  they're struggling, and they're 

[14:48] stealing. And that to me is an elite  environment. And so as we look at our 

[14:53] schools, as we look at our families, as  we look at our work environments, the 

[14:57] challenge to us is how do we create that  environment where it is safe to stare, 

[15:02] struggle and steal together uh for in a  craft of getting better and create that 

[15:09] kind of guild environment where we can  dig in and and grow ourselves. I think 

[15:14] the most mind-blowing thing that I see  people astonished by is the compounding 

[15:18] effect. If you improve 1% a day at  piano, at public speaking, at dance, at 

[15:25] at at whatever you're trying to improve  at, 1% a day for a year, by the end of 

[15:29] that year, you're 37 times better  than when you started. Compounding 

[15:33] exponential growth is mindblowing. And  so that's why I think we've all had 

[15:37] experiences in our lives where we've had  people around us who've just took ten 

[15:43] off like rocket ships. Kids in our  neighborhood who've grown up to be 

[15:46] incredible musicians maybe or people we  used to go to high school with who were 

[15:50] very unimpressive who are now incredibly  impressive in terms of their skill and 

[15:54] their talent level. And that speaks  really to all that potential that's 

[15:58] that's that's right there waiting for  you when you take off that individual 

[16:02] focus. When you start looking at  it through a more holistic kind of 

[16:06] ecological lens, when you stop treating  talent as a magical gift and start 

[16:10] treating as something you can grow, the  question this leads us to is how do you 

[16:16] get that's a big project like growing  that much skill spending that much time? 

[16:20] It's not an easy thing to spend all that  time at the edge of your ability. What 

[16:23] makes someone do that? And the answer is  ignition. We tend to think of motivation 

[16:28] as this internal trait. And yes, it  feels that way. But in fact, it's about 

[16:32] this relationship, this interaction  that we have with the culture around us. 

[16:36] Motivation doesn't happen from the  inside out. It always happens from the 

[16:39] outside in. When we see someone that we  want to become, when we see some vision 

[16:46] of our future self, that is what unlocks  motivation. Somebody who is sort of like 

[16:50] a person on the horizon toward which we  want to travel. And there's all kinds of 

[16:54] fascinating experiments that that um  that they've done to do this. One of my 

[16:59] favorites is this birthday experiment.  They have a class read a biography of a 

[17:04] mathematician and it gives some  information about the mathematician. It 

[17:08] talks about where they were born, talks  about how they developed, and at the end 

[17:11] of it as part of the bio, they give the  mathematician's birthday. But here's the 

[17:14] twist. For half of the students, the  birthday of the mathematician matched 

[17:18] their actual birthday. The experimenters  made it match. And then they gave 

[17:22] everybody in that experiment a math  test. Like, okay, you write about this 

[17:26] mathematician. How hard will you work  on the math test? And the peoples whose 

[17:29] birthday matched worked three times as  hard on the math test. There was an ins 

[17:34] unsolvable problem on the math test.  And they spent three times as much time 

[17:38] working on that problem, which is kind  of crazy because all it was was just 

[17:42] this little moment like you and the  math teacher are connected. This little 

[17:45] guitar string inside them got plucked.  like, "Oh, that math teacher is 

[17:49] connected to me in some way." And that  social connection unlocked energy. And 

[17:55] that's how we're built. When we see  something that we really connect with in 

[18:00] our windshield, that we feel that guitar  string get plucked, it unlocks energy. 

[18:05] And that's that moment of ignition.  You know, we typically think of talent 

[18:09] hotbeds as being kind of magical places,  but in fact, with many of them, you can 

[18:13] go back in time and see the moment when  they got lit, when they got ignited. If 

[18:18] you're a Russian tennis player, it was  when Anna Cornova went to the finals at 

[18:22] Wimbledon. A girl from Spar from that  same club showed up. She went all the 

[18:27] way to the finals at Wimbledon. Next  thing you know that there's more 

[18:30] champions coming out of Spartac 5 years  later. If you're a baseball player on 

[18:34] the island of Kurissau, it's the moment  Andrew Jones hit three home runs in a 

[18:38] World Series in 1996. From that  moment on, that that island 

[18:44] began it. It's like that ultimate guitar  string. They're all saying, "If they can 

[18:49] do it, why can't I?" And that moment,  which is, by the way, completely 

[18:53] irrational, illogical, defies everything  that we would know about individual 

[18:58] development and talent. And yet because  talent is actually this process through 

[19:05] which we are using energy funneling  energy into this deep practice to grow 

[19:10] skills to grow circuitry. Um that's why  that's powerful. It's like a lightning 

[19:15] bolt that absolutely lights up a place  where people can say if they can do it 

[19:20] why can't I? Because motivation is this  kind of remarkable kind of lightning 

[19:26] bolt moment. A lot of times you can't  force it to happen, but you you can 

[19:30] increase the likelihood of it happening  with a certain set of tools. One place I 

[19:35] saw that did this really well was Pixar.  You know, we all know Pixar is good at 

[19:38] making movies. If you're a new employee  at Pixar, on your first day, you come to 

[19:43] an auditorium and you sit there and Ed  Catmill tells you a couple things. He 

[19:46] makes a very short speech. The speech  goes like this. Whatever you did before, 

[19:51] you're a movie maker now. We need  you to help us make our films better. 

[19:57] That's the end of the speech. It's a  very short speech. And then they have 

[20:00] these things where they'll bring  everybody together and watch versions, 

[20:06] rough versions of the Pixar films. The  whole company, baristas come together, 

[20:10] engineers, IT folks, and they watch them  and they they ask for suggestions. Do 

[20:14] you notice anything? Could be better.  And I met an IT guy who had suggested a 

[20:19] badge on the character in Up. They had  some like funny message in his in his 

[20:24] scout badges. There was a boy scout in  the movie up and the IT guy had raised 

[20:27] his hand and made a suggestion and they  had put it in the movie. It's about 

[20:31] creating a moment where you're inviting  someone in inviting someone in to play a 

[20:36] role of active contribution to that to  that goal to that task to that larger 

[20:41] thing. I saw it in Curaçao on the  baseball field you know that's a place 

[20:46] that has produced uncountable  number of major leaguers 

[20:50] after they produced just the one. I  coach little league, so I was curious, 

[20:53] how do they organize their practice?  I organize my practice. There's just a 

[20:56] coach and 12 players on the field  in Curaçao. There's about a hundred 

[21:00] players and they're divided up into  groups and they have the older kids 

[21:04] teaching them. Now, what a moment is  that? Rather than looking at some old 

[21:08] guy, they're being taught by older  versions of themselves, kids who had 

[21:13] been to the Little League World Series,  kids who were on their way to maybe play 

[21:15] in the major leagues. Think about that  guitar string moment, that moment of 

[21:20] being invited in to that struggle,  to that contribution, to that growth 

[21:24] process. They're really good at  structuring environments to create that 

[21:28] kind of that kind of invitation that Ed  Catmull is offering and that those older 

[21:33] players in Curaçao are offering. It's  saying, "Here's a future vision of 

[21:36] yourself. Here's something you can play  a part in. Do you want to do that?" And 

[21:40] and inviting people in. We tend to  through that individualistic lens look 

[21:45] at Pixar and Ed Catmull as being kind of  magical. Well, that's just their little 

[21:49] magic dust or whatever. But it's a  playbook. I mean, it is an absolute 

[21:52] playbook that you can with the right  level of deep knowledge and sincerity 

[21:58] and learning and growth apply that in  other places. And they certainly did in 

[22:01] Walt Disney when Walt Disney acquired  them. Walt Disney was struggling. They 

[22:05] hadn't produced a good movie in a long  time, their animated division. And Ed 

[22:09] Catmull started visiting there once a  week and he moved the desks around. So 

[22:12] people had to come walk by him and he  created these brain trust meetings where 

[22:16] they would get together just like with  the earlier example where people are 

[22:20] pointing out flaws together and pointing  out things they could do better and next 

[22:23] thing you know um Disney has turned  around their animated division entirely. 

[22:28] >> Chapter 2, how great cultures are  built. When I got to the edge of individual 

[22:35] talent, what became apparent is that  there were these places where people 

[22:39] were coming together where 2 plus two  was equaling 10, where groups who were 

[22:45] able to by combining in a certain way  create these entities. And when you 

[22:50] combine individuals who are growing into  an entity that is growing and learning, 

[22:55] that's where you get something really  powerful. And that's where we're talking 

[22:57] about group culture. culture in our  modern conception of it often gets used 

[23:02] as like it's the vibe of a group or it's  the feeling of being with the group or 

[23:06] it's the identity of the group. I'd like  to offer a different theory which that 

[23:10] culture is a set of living relationships  in pursuit of a shared goal. It's more 

[23:15] of a functional definition of culture  rather than focusing on the vibe or the 

[23:19] feel. It focuses on sort of the core  behaviors that allow a group to come 

[23:23] together to become greater than the  sum of their parts. There's three 

[23:26] relationships that every human being  has. It's your relationship to yourself. 

[23:30] It's your relationship to others. And  it's your relationship to the larger 

[23:34] world. And in places where they have got  this sense of thriving, this sense of 

[23:39] connection, this sense of growth,  those relationships are unique. The 

[23:43] relationship to the self ends up being a  relationship of growth. That you're not 

[23:48] fixed. There's a belief that you can  grow. There's a belief that you can 

[23:52] change. There's a belief that you're  not fixed. The relationship to others is 

[23:57] really defined by curiosity and  connection. They're not focused on the 

[24:01] self. They're focused on connection. And  connection creates energy. Connection 

[24:05] creates possibility. And then their  relationship with the world, their their 

[24:10] connection to the world tends to be one  of contribution and creativity. They're 

[24:13] looking to find something to contribute  to, something to add. And so when you 

[24:18] look at all of those thing, if you  were to x-ray all those places that I 

[24:21] visited, these places where people are  truly thriving, whether it's a business 

[24:25] or a sports team or a nonprofit or a  school, what you'd find with that X-ray 

[24:29] is those same core qualities. Real  interest in personal growth, real 

[24:34] interest in connection and curiosity  with others, and a deep connection to 

[24:38] creativity and contribution. Those  interactions have got to feel and it 

[24:42] kind of adds up to this kind of bubbling  sort of aliveness that I think we've all 

[24:47] experienced at some point in our lives.  When we're around those kind of groups, 

[24:50] we can feel it. That's not exactly  an accident. You know, we evolved in 

[24:56] community. We did not evolve as a set  of rugged individuals rugging our way 

[25:00] through time. We evolved connected  to others in community and living 

[25:06] communities, groups of people that can  self-organize around problems and unlock 

[25:10] hidden gifts and create something new  that wasn't there before. So those 

[25:15] feelings of personal growth, of  curiosity and connection and of 

[25:18] contributing to something better are  deeply wired into us. That's the reason 

[25:22] they feel so familiar. The thing that  most people get wrong about culture is 

[25:26] that they think it comes kind of from  the inside out. They think that if 

[25:31] you're in a certain group, like if  you're in the Navy Seals, if you're in 

[25:34] Pixar or if you're a Marine or something  like that, that that culture is in your 

[25:38] heart and your guts and in your DNA.  It's their identity. And then when we 

[25:42] think about that culture, all kind of  words typically come to mind. Like we 

[25:45] think about say cohesion and honesty  and mission and purpose and values and 

[25:51] integrity and trust and teamwork. And so  when we talk about culture, it tends to 

[25:54] be really mushy. It tends to be this  really mushy thing. But when we look at 

[25:59] culture through this functional lens, I  think it's more accurate to look through 

[26:03] by looking at a great team in motion.  And of all the teams that I visited, one 

[26:07] of the best ones that you could conceive  of would be a flock of starlings 

[26:11] connected, moving through obstacles like  a flock of birds connected, moving as 

[26:17] one through a forest. And what are they  doing there? Well, there's there's sort 

[26:21] of three main connections there.  They'reconnected. That's number one. 

[26:25] They're in the group. They're not out  of the group. They're not going off and 

[26:28] having a meeting. They're all in. The  second thing they're doing is they're 

[26:31] sharing information. They're moving  together because they're seeing what 

[26:35] others are doing and transparently  responding with a shared awareness. And 

[26:39] the third thing they're doing is they're  handling direction. They're moving 

[26:42] toward something. They're moving toward  a north star. Not sort of this way or 

[26:46] sorted that way, but moving all  together. That's what's like to watch 

[26:49] Pixar make a movie or to watch the Navy  Seals in action or to watch a great 

[26:53] sports team. They're connected. They're  sharing information to create a shared 

[26:58] consciousness and they're moving toward  a goal. And that's the functional 

[27:02] definition of culture. And be beneath  that are some core behaviors that will 

[27:07] allow you to do that. Behavior number  one, building safety. Building safety is 

[27:12] the absolute foundation. Nothing happens  without connection. We're trying to 

[27:16] accomplish hard things. We're trying to  operate in a fast and fragmented world. 

[27:21] And establishing that connection is not  something you do third and fourth. It is 

[27:26] absolutely the primal thing that needs  to happen for any group to build a good 

[27:30] culture. Safety is the greatest thing  to study. And one of my favorite studies 

[27:34] about safety comes from a guy named  Peter Skillman. And Peter decided to 

[27:38] study this through a contest. And the  contest was super simple. Who can build 

[27:42] the tallest tower with the following  materials? 20 pieces of raw spaghetti, a 

[27:47] yard of scotch tape, and a single  standard size marshmallow. The only rule 

[27:52] is marshmallow has to go on the top. And  the interesting thing were the groups 

[27:56] that Peter chose. He chose groups of  CEOs, groups of lawyers, groups of MBA 

[28:02] students, and groups of kindergarteners.  And he gave them 15 minutes. Ready, set, 

[28:07] go. And all the adult groups  started the same way. They talked. 

[28:13] They talked. They had someone would have  an idea like, "Oh, I have an idea of how 

[28:17] we could build it." And then they would  improve on that idea. And then they 

[28:20] would divide up into roles and they'd  start to build according to their plan. 

[28:24] And it looked awesome. It looked smart.  It looked collaborative. It looked 

[28:27] beautiful. Right? Kindergarteners didn't  do that. Kindergarteners, they ate every 

[28:32] marshmallow except for one. And then  they just started jamming pieces 

[28:36] together like hand overhand, no plan,  total chaos. And if you had to bet your 

[28:41] annual salary on which team would win,  most of us would bet on one of the adult 

[28:46] teams because that's our model of group  performance. We focus on what we can 

[28:50] see. And when we see like smooth,  planned, elegant, cooperative behavior, 

[28:57] we assume it's going to add up into good  performance. And when we see chaos, we 

[29:01] assume it's bad. But when we run the  experiment, the kindergarteners win like 

[29:07] every single time. Their their towers  average 28 lines in height, the NBA are 

[29:12] seven, the lawyers are 14, and the CEOs  are 21. They beat them over and over 

[29:16] again. And it seems like an optical  illusion. You think, do it again. Do it 

[29:20] again. But it's not an optical illusion  because it's not about how smart you 

[29:24] are. It's about how safe you are. The  adult groups are doing what humans can't 

[29:30] help but do. Managing status. We manage  our status. In every social group, we 

[29:36] manage our status. It manifests as a  whisper in our subconscious mind saying, 

[29:41] "Is it okay to say that?" Like, "Who's  in charge here? Are we being graded on 

[29:45] this?" And that whisper slows  down iteration. slows down 

[29:50] creativity. It self-silences us, right?  Kindergarteners are safer. Nobody's 

[29:56] trying to be CEO of Spaghetti  Incorporated. They're doing a 

[29:59] complicated problem. And what better way  to do it than to try stuff and see what 

[30:04] happens and then fix that and then see  what happens and then fix that. They 

[30:08] don't win because they're smart. They  win because they're safe. And so every 

[30:12] great culture that I visited, I saw that  same pattern where they weren't trying 

[30:16] to be smart. They weren't trying to be  like the adults. They were trying to be 

[30:20] like the kindergarteners. They were  trying to create situations where people 

[30:24] could try stuff, fail, and learn  and try stuff and get hand overhand, 

[30:30] shoulder-to-shoulder, making mistakes  together and adding up to more 

[30:34] performance, to more experiments, to  more learning. And the way safety gets 

[30:39] delivered in human groups, if you're not  a kindergartener, is through belonging 

[30:43] cues. Belonging cues are simple, clear  behaviors, not just words. behaviors 

[30:49] that send a signal. I care. I see you.  We share a future. We are connected. 

[30:56] Tell you a story about how those work.  There was a there's a company named 

[30:59] Wipro. They were a call center. And  like many call centers, they struggled 

[31:04] with retention. It's a hard job. People  would leave. And so Wipro responded by 

[31:09] improving benefits, by improving the  campus, uh the call center environment, 

[31:15] by boosting salary. None of it worked.  People kept leaving until they did a 

[31:20] 1-hour experiment. And the experiment  was really simple. They took two groups 

[31:25] of new hires, group A and group B. Group  A received a 1-hour session where they 

[31:31] learned the history of Whipro. They met  a star performer and at the end they got 

[31:36] a fleece shirt with whipro written on  it. Group B, similar 1 hour except they 

[31:41] flipped it. In group B, the session  wasn't about whipro. The session was 

[31:45] about the trainee. They asked the  trainee, "Hey, tell us what happens on 

[31:50] your best day." Like, on your best day,  what's it like? Now, describe your worst 

[31:54] day. Like, tell me what your worst day  is like. And then they said, "All right, 

[31:58] thought experiment. We're on a desert  island. We're marooned for a month. What 

[32:02] skills do you bring to our survival?"  And at the end, group B got a 

[32:06] sweatshirt, but instead of saying  Wipro, it had the trainee name on it. 

[32:10] Then they let the clock spin 6 months.  Retention in group B went up 300%. 

[32:16] Not because of some magic chemistry, not  because they had something happen from 

[32:20] the inside out, but because they had  received a crystal clear set of belonging 

[32:25] cues. Simple signals that say, "Hey, I  see you. Uh, we're connected. We share a 

[32:30] future. I care." And those signals are  what allow you to relax and what allow 

[32:36] you to connect and what allow you to  bring your full self to the situation. 

[32:40] One of the places you can learn most is  by going to places that are the opposite 

[32:44] of safe environment that is exactly the  opposite of what the kindergarteners are 

[32:48] producing or what's happening in Wipro.  And one such example is the Minutemen 

[32:52] missiles, the nuclear officers that are  spread across the upper Midwest. And 

[32:56] their job is to take care of the  Minutemen missiles that are ready for 

[33:00] launch to have uh the possibility of  launch always over their head to always 

[33:05] be perfectly disciplined and drilled to  execute their performance. But for years 

[33:12] those crews were some of the worst  performing in the Air Force. There was 

[33:16] cheating on the test. There were all  kinds of drug scandals. It was one of 

[33:20] the worst performing crews. They were  losing missiles. In fact, they lost 

[33:23] track of one nuclear missile. And each  time they would have a mistake, they 

[33:27] would make the classic mistake of trying  to control people more, trying to put 

[33:32] more controls in, more carrots, more  sticks, force compliance. And they're 

[33:37] making the classic leadership mistake  is the more you control, the worse you 

[33:42] lead. That's a a pattern that we've seen  throughout the history of command and 

[33:48] control. And when they got a new set of  leaders leaders in, they sort of flipped 

[33:53] it similar to the Wipro example where  instead of being pushing pushing pushing 

[33:58] and transmitting, they actually set  about building community, building a 

[34:02] culture from the ground up, creating  psychological safety, creating methods 

[34:08] of feedback that brought problems to the  surface rather than pushing them out of 

[34:12] sight. We're tempted to think, oh, those  are some bad apples that that are the 

[34:17] problem. But in fact, it's a bad  environment. And the more you try to 

[34:21] control, the worse you lead. The cool  thing about building safety is that like 

[34:26] many of these changes to flip an  environment, you know, they're very 

[34:30] subtle and small. It's a small signal.  And a couple of my favorites. There's 

[34:34] the two-line email. It's an email you  send to people you work with, and it has 

[34:38] two lines. This is an idea from Laszlo  Bock, who ran HR at Google for some 

[34:42] time. You ask him, "What's one thing  you'd like me to keep doing? And what's 

[34:48] one thing you'd like me to stop doing?  Two lines. Very simple, very powerful 

[34:52] signal. I'm curious. Teach me. Help me.  We're going to be working together for a 

[34:56] while here. I want to get better. And  what you find is when you send that 

[34:59] email, it's a bit contagious. More  people will send that email out. It'll 

[35:03] become sort of a cascade. Another big  one that's really simple is it was 

[35:08] taught to me by a Navy Seal commander.  He pointed out that your face is like a 

[35:11] door. It's got two settings. It can be  open or it can be closed. We kind of 

[35:16] know what closed looks like, right?  We got our brow is down. Our jaw is 

[35:19] set. We're determined. We've got kind of  that Clint Eastwood. We're transmitting 

[35:24] some message to someone. Open. This is  your frontalus muscle. And it's probably 

[35:29] the most important muscle on your  body when it comes to communicating 

[35:33] curiosity, connection, you know,  energy, excitement, enthusiasm. 

[35:38] This muscle, it doesn't really have  much of an evolutionary function. Has a 

[35:42] tremendous social function. It might  be the most important muscle you have, 

[35:45] especially in a world where we're on  Zoom calls more than ever. The last idea 

[35:49] would say, "Embrace the messenger."  We're often told that we should not 

[35:54] shoot the messenger. That's a pretty low  bar. I think what I see great leaders 

[35:58] doing when they're be given bad news,  they actually celebrate that moment and 

[36:03] they celebrate the person who brought  them that bad news. It's not enough just 

[36:07] not to shoot them, to actually say, "I  know this is bad news and thank goodness 

[36:12] you brought it to me." It's almost like  this is the moment where we're going to 

[36:14] learn together. This is a moment where  we're actually going to grow, where 

[36:17] actually are facing a truth together.  I was at a meeting recently uh with a 

[36:22] major league baseball team. They were  about to make a big decision to hire a 

[36:26] new manager. And at the last minute,  there was one person in the room who 

[36:31] brought a passionate argument against  that. absolutely derailed the meeting, 

[36:36] stopped the action from happening, and  it was a really awkward finish to the 

[36:40] meeting because everyone thought we  were headed in this direction. The first 

[36:43] thing the leader did, the president did  after that was go straight over to the 

[36:47] person who had made the objection  and thank him for it. The person had 

[36:51] derailed the whole decision process. The  person had stopped what everyone thought 

[36:55] was going to happen from happening. And  the president said, "Thank you." And it 

[37:00] really had an impact on everybody in  that room. You know, it's not enough not 

[37:04] to shoot the messenger to actually say  thank you is is really uh an incredible 

[37:09] cultural signal. The second skill  of building culture is sharing 

[37:13] vulnerability. Now that we've  established this foundation of safety, 

[37:16] how are we going to face the truth  together? How are we going to build a 

[37:19] shared consciousness? And the way to  do that is to create these moments of 

[37:23] openness. And they feel really weird.  My favorite experiment with this is 

[37:28] something called the two-minute  experiment. You take a bunch of people, 

[37:31] you divide them into two groups, and  they each pick a partner, turn to the 

[37:35] person next to them, pick a partner.  Group A gets to pick a question, and the 

[37:40] questions are very kind of fact-based.  It would say, "Talk about your favorite 

[37:44] pop star or talk about the last pet  you owned." Group A talks about those 

[37:48] questions. Group B gets a different set  of questions. Questions are a little 

[37:51] more personal. The questions are like,  "When was the last time you cried?" Or, 

[37:56] "Is there something you've always  dreamed of doing? Why haven't you done 

[38:00] it? Questions like that. So, group B  talks about those questions. And what 

[38:04] you find when you do this is the energy  level on the two sides of the room is 

[38:08] radically different. Group A is  talking normally, exchanging facts and 

[38:12] information. Group B, they're turning  toward each other. Their voices 

[38:16] are getting raised. They're leaning  in. They're laughing. They're they're 

[38:20] animated. There's a device called a  sociometer that captures the texture of 

[38:24] social interactions. And if you had  a sociometer on each side, they'd be 

[38:28] radically radically different. The  energy on this level is completely 

[38:31] different. The question is why? Why does  that little personal question, when was 

[38:36] the last time you cried? When is there  something you've always dreamed of 

[38:40] doing, why haven't you done it? You  cannot answer those questions without 

[38:45] creating a moment of openness, without  creating a moment of genuine openness 

[38:50] and disclosure, without connecting.  And that openness is what creates 

[38:55] connection, what creates energy, and  what ultimately creates relationships 

[38:59] and trust, which is kind of crazy  because we're always taught and trained 

[39:04] that we have to build up trust  before we can be vulnerable. 

[39:08] The science shows we've got it exactly  backwards. Moments of vulnerability, 

[39:13] when shared, create trust, ignite  connection, ignite relationship. In the 

[39:18] original experiment, two strangers who  were in group B and began to talk about 

[39:23] those deep questions got married. So,  you got to be careful who you do these 

[39:27] questions with. And what's fascinating  about cultures is that they don't treat 

[39:31] those moments of vulnerability as  something just organically happens. They 

[39:35] actually engineer them. They treat them  more like a calisthenic. We're going to 

[39:40] circle up and we're going to talk about  the truth. We're going to we're going to 

[39:43] see what's going on here. We're going to  share and create a shared consciousness 

[39:48] around these hard things we're doing  together. Like a calisthenic, it burns. 

[39:52] It hurts, right? And like a calisthenic,  it makes you better. One of the guys who 

[39:57] is the best at explaining this was a man  named Dave Cooper. Dave Cooper commanded 

[40:01] the troops that got Bin Laden. And when  I had breakfast with him, he said, "The 

[40:06] four most important words a leader can  say are, "I screwed that up." Why is 

[40:13] that? That's kind of a remarkable  thing for a great leader of kind of an 

[40:16] invincible group to say, but when  you look at it through the lens of 

[40:19] vulnerability, what that is, it's an  invitation to say, "Yeah, we're all 

[40:23] going to talk about those things  together." The SEALs are really good at 

[40:28] it. They've operationalized it into what  they call an AAR, afteraction review. 

[40:34] Whenever they do a mission or finish a  training run, the first thing they do 

[40:38] before eating, before sleeping, is  they circle up and they ask three tough 

[40:43] questions. What went well? What didn't  go well? And what are we going to do 

[40:48] differently? Really simple questions,  really powerful questions. But in that 

[40:52] conversation, people are saying, "I  screwed up. I think you screwed up. What 

[40:56] I think that was ter I think that was  right." and they have this conversation 

[41:00] of real vulnerability where they create  a shared awareness of what they're 

[41:04] actually trying to do and get a little  bit better. It's almost like groups are 

[41:09] sort of they get stronger the same way  our bodies get stronger, which is by 

[41:13] enduring these moments of kind of a  test, right? We get stronger when we do 

[41:18] hard things together and groups get  stronger when they do hard emotional 

[41:22] things together. places that really do  this well, they tend to focus on small 

[41:28] group conversation. They'll do just  like the seals do with an AR. They 

[41:32] circle up and they talk about what  happened. And you see that same pattern 

[41:36] of taking action and then doing  something that's difficult for most 

[41:40] groups to do to pause and really assess  and connect. And those assessments often 

[41:46] are not led by the leader. They're often  led by people who are lower on the totem 

[41:50] pole. Why is vulnerability so important?  You know, that's a good question. Can't 

[41:54] we just sort of build safety and do  stuff and figure that the purpose of 

[41:58] creating a safe environment is not just  to make people feel safe. It's to give 

[42:02] people the courage to speak out. There  was a great moment in the NBA finals 

[42:06] back in 2015. The Golden State Warriors  were losing to the Cleveland Cavaliers 

[42:10] that nobody could defend LeBron. And so  the Golden State Warriors had a meeting 

[42:15] and they were saying, "How can we defend  LeBron?" and the video intern at the 

[42:20] meeting raised his hand with a  suggestion and it turned out to be a 

[42:24] really smart idea and they used it and  they defended LeBron better and they won 

[42:28] the series. The interesting part of that  story is not the moment the video intern 

[42:32] shares the idea. It's the million  moments before that gave him permission 

[42:38] to raise his hand. It's the how many  little interactions did he have with the 

[42:43] players, with the coaching staff that  he felt courage enough to raise his hand 

[42:48] and share that idea. Those moments are  where safety and vulnerability really 

[42:53] start to play. The purpose of safety  is to let people be vulnerable. So, you 

[42:58] can't have one without the other. And  that's why they're so powerful together 

[43:02] because that moment of safety, that  moment of connection lets you reach with 

[43:05] courage and step into uncertainty like  that video intern did, which makes you 

[43:10] feel more connected. And that's what  great culture is. Those moments of of 

[43:14] feeling so connected that you can speak  out and that deepens your connection. We 

[43:18] started with safety, the foundational  skill, then vulnerability, which creates 

[43:22] action. And now we've got a question,  how do we figure out our direction? And 

[43:26] that's the third skill, establishing  purpose. We see purpose sort of written 

[43:30] in mission statements and we see it on  the walls and we see it we see it as as 

[43:35] like these big statements, these big  north stars we're moving toward. What I 

[43:39] find in high performing groups is that  they're much more skilled at creating 

[43:43] the lowercase P purpose. What's our  purpose as this team right now in this 

[43:49] space? A lot of them will have these  moments where they will come together 

[43:52] and talk about why they're doing the  task right now. I've seen groups call it 

[43:56] process called teaming. The teaming  process begins with bring coming 

[44:00] together and talking about the why.  Talking about what's our ideal end state 

[44:04] here and why does this matter? Getting  personal about what we're energized by 

[44:08] and what we're deenergized by. And that  moment of bringing the team together to 

[44:12] talk about that stuff lets them create  their own sense of purpose for this 

[44:15] project. They're not doing it for the,  you know, that big how pie in the sky 

[44:20] long distance thing. They're doing it  for each other and they're doing it to 

[44:23] solve a problem together. And often  times from on the best teams, the 

[44:27] purpose often can end up being each  other, the relationships on the team. If 

[44:32] you talk to great teams about why they  do things, they will inevitably talk 

[44:36] about doing it to be a teammate, to be  a great teammate, to support the people 

[44:40] next to them. There's something about  turning toward hard problems with people 

[44:44] we like and admire that is addictive.  And I think great cultures tap in to 

[44:49] that feeling, that energy we get.  There's nothing like turning toward hard 

[44:53] problems with people that we admire.  And so finding spaces where people can 

[44:58] create those kind of cohesive teams is  really an important part of purpose. The 

[45:04] other thing about creating purpose  is that you can't talk about it too 

[45:08] much. I went into my research thinking  that purpose would be something kind of 

[45:13] in people's heart and they wouldn't  necessarily talk about it very much. But 

[45:17] what I found was the opposite. And a lot  of the high performing cultures that I 

[45:20] visited, they would talk about it all  the time. You know, at Pixar, they would 

[45:24] always talk about the culture. The Navy  Seals are always talking about the only 

[45:28] easy day was yesterday, and we shoot,  move, and communicate, and we're the 

[45:33] quiet professionals. Like, they actually  can't shut up about how quiet they are. 

[45:37] I'm reminded of a study they did where  they asked CEOs, "How many people can 

[45:42] name the top three priorities of your  organization?" And they thought about it 

[45:46] and they estimated. They estimated 64%  could name the top three priorities and 

[45:52] then they surveyed the people it turned  out to be 3%. 3%. So we routinely 

[45:58] overrate the clarity factor. And so  I think one of the reasons that these 

[46:04] cheesy mantras, these cheesy repetitions  always are brought in is because they 

[46:10] stick in your head and because they work  and because they they make it vivid in 

[46:14] in times where we're constantly being  pulled different directions. Having a 

[46:17] good cheesy saying like quiet  professional works. One of the best 

[46:22] stories about that that I know has to do  with Danny Meyer. Danny Meyer opened a 

[46:26] restaurant in New York. He now runs  Shake Shack. He's opened 22 restaurants. 

[46:30] He's um sort of the Pixar of the  restaurant world, I would say. He opened 

[46:35] his first restaurant, it was  successful. He opened his second 

[46:40] restaurant and they both started to fail  because he couldn't be in both places. 

[46:46] When he was in the room, you knew what  proficiency was. Everyone looked at him. 

[46:51] Everyone knew how to behave. Everyone  knew what mattered. But when he couldn't 

[46:55] be in both restaurants, they both  started to fail. And that's where he did 

[46:58] something really smart when it comes to  building a culture of proficiency. He 

[47:03] closed both restaurants and went on a  retreat. and he started building what he 

[47:07] called a mantra map which was distilling  the comp all the key behaviors of his 

[47:13] culture into a series of catchphrases.  They were really kind of cheesy 

[47:18] catchphrases. It was like the excellence  reflex. Mistakes are waves. Servers are 

[47:25] surfers of those waves. The road  to success is paved with mistakes 

[47:31] well-landled. Loving problems.  Those were all the kind 

[47:35] of mantras and those seem kind of cheesy  at first, right? Excellence reflex, 

[47:39] loving problems, athletic, hospitality.  But I was having breakfast with Danny 

[47:45] Meyer one day in in his one of his  restaurants and in the corner of the 

[47:48] restaurant, somebody dropped a tray of  glasses on the floor and Danny Meyer 

[47:52] stopped talking to me and he started  looking in the corner and I said, "What 

[47:55] are you looking for?" And he said, "One  of two things is about to happen. Either 

[48:00] this restaurant's going to come together  and they're going to clean up this mess 

[48:04] together and the energy level is going  to go up or there's going to be some 

[48:08] hint of anger and blame, resentment,  and the energy level is going to drop. 

[48:12] Litmus test. As it happened, they came  together, it went up, and it really put 

[48:17] a spotlight on how genius his mantra map  is. Culture doesn't happen when things 

[48:24] are smooth. Culture happens when there's  a moment of adversity. And when there's 

[48:28] a moment of adversity, it is very  helpful to have a compass. It is very 

[48:31] helpful to have a map of  mantras, athletic hospitality, 

[48:37] loving problems. The road to success  is paved with mistakes well-landled. 

[48:45] That's not cheesy. That's genius. And so  building that kind of language, language 

[48:51] is immensely powerful when it comes to  sending a lighthouse beam of clarity 

[48:56] around proficiency. And so creating  getting your team together and building 

[49:00] your own mantra map ends up being one  of the most powerful things you can do 

[49:05] because you already know what challenges  you are going to face. It's not a 

[49:08] mystery. If you're a trauma team, if  you're a high school teacher, if you're 

[49:12] a tech worker, you know what those  challenges are going to be. So why not 

[49:17] anticipate that? Why not talk about the  kinds of responses you think you should 

[49:20] have? Why not create a mantra with  your team? The other thing you do is 

[49:24] storytelling. Stories are so powerful.  Stories are the most powerful drug ever 

[49:29] created. Stories stick in your head 22  times better than data does. And so when 

[49:35] there is a story to be told, treating  that as a little nugget, as a little 

[49:41] piece of gold, as a little radio station  you can broadcast into your group. I 

[49:46] know a lot of tech groups that they'll  do an end of the week gathering and it's 

[49:50] called a CSWD meeting. Cool stuff we do.  And they're just sharing cool ideas that 

[49:56] they've heard. Cool stuff we do. Let's  have a CSWD meeting. Simple stories that 

[50:00] can be shared and that can help people  navigate. Stories are navigational 

[50:04] tools. Another one are symbols. Symbols  are important. Symbols capture things 

[50:09] that can't be captured in words. There's  a reason that every belief system in the 

[50:13] world uses symbols because they're  powerful. If you walk in to the 

[50:18] headquarters of the San Antonio  Spurs, one of the most successful NBA 

[50:22] organizations on the planet over the  last 30 years, you walk in and you see a 

[50:26] rock and a hammer sitting there behind  glass case. Just a big rock and a big 

[50:30] old hammer. It comes from a story that  the coach Gregg Popovich saw years ago. 

[50:36] It was about a granite quarryman who's  pounding on a rock with a sledgehammer 

[50:42] and someone comes along and says, "Why  do you keep pounding that rock?" And he 

[50:45] said, "When the rock splits, I will not  know if it is the last blow or all the 

[50:49] blows that came before that did it."  That's a story that he tells in the 

[50:54] group. And he makes that story come  alive every time the players come in. 

[50:58] Every time they leave, what do they see?  What's the mantra at the San Antonio 

[51:02] Spurs? Pound the rock. So, these things  turning our behaviors into language that 

[51:08] can be shared, that can be spotlighted,  that can be celebrated. And not just 

[51:14] good stories, by the way. The bad  stories matter, too. Telling stories 

[51:18] about the disasters that happened,  about the mistakes people made, that is 

[51:22] perhaps even more powerful in helping  us navigate. Because when it comes 

[51:26] navigating, knowing where to go is  really good. And knowing where not to go 

[51:30] is even better. So as you build safety  at the bottom, that's the connective 

[51:34] function. Safety. Do I belong? Do I have  a place here? Do I have a future? Do we 

[51:39] care about each other? Upon that, we add  sharing vulnerability. Are we telling 

[51:44] the truth? Do we have a shared  consciousness? Are we hiding and 

[51:47] avoiding or are we facing problems  together? And then finally, how do we 

[51:51] handle direction? We do that with a  really clear northstar of purpose. So 

[51:54] cultures are these living feedback  spirals that are moving in search of 

[51:59] some north star. So it's a set of living  relationships establishing safety, 

[52:04] sharing vulnerability, and  moving toward that purpose. 

[52:08] Chapter 3, flourishing and the  hidden rules of human connection. 

[52:12] >> We know that it's possible to perform  at a really high level and still have an 

[52:18] empty life. We see those examples  all around us. It's possible to climb 

[52:23] mountains and you get to the top and  you just see more mountains. It got me 

[52:27] interested in extending those ideas,  looking at the environments, looking at 

[52:32] the interactions of places that were  creating joy, fulfillment, connection, 

[52:39] deep places of flourishing. What does  it mean to flourish? It's joyful, 

[52:44] meaningful growth shared. That was  the piece that when you look at the 

[52:49] scientific definition of flourishing  that surprised me the most. Joyful, 

[52:53] meaningful growth. Okay, I got that.  Shared. Shared. That struck me by 

[52:57] surprise at first. But the more you look  around and when you begin to investigate 

[53:02] the phenomenon of flourishing, people  who are experiencing joyful, meaningful 

[53:05] growth, what you find out is  that all flourishing is mutual. 

[53:10] We become our best selves in and through  our relationships with other people. 

[53:15] There's nobody flourishing in a cave in  Switzerland by themselves. There are no 

[53:19] rugged individualists flourishing. We  need other people to do it. When we look 

[53:24] at it through that lens, it it gives us  some insight into two basic things. The 

[53:30] first is that, hey, this is a team  sport. It's not about me. It's about the 

[53:33] space in between us. And the second  insight is that we're pre-built to do 

[53:37] it. We're pre-built for this. Our  ancestors did not get here by being 

[53:43] rugged individuals. They got here  through their ability to form and and 

[53:48] thrive through community. And so because  we become our best selves in and through 

[53:53] other people. This idea that that it's  joyful mean of growth that we shared, it 

[53:58] really puts the question on what's that  sharing consist of? What does it look 

[54:02] like? How do we do it in our own  lives? And how do we do it in this 

[54:06] individualistic era that we're living  in? We get a great look into that by 

[54:11] looking at an example of unlikely  flourishing that happened in the bottom 

[54:15] of a Chilean mine in 2010. 33 miners  were trapped with very little hope of 

[54:22] rescue thousand feet below the surface  with 100 million tons of rock on top of 

[54:26] them. They spent 16 days in darkness not  knowing if they were going to live or 

[54:30] die. They emerged like brothers. They  emerged with this incredible bond. The 

[54:36] question is how did that happen? How did  they get through this period of time, 

[54:39] these 16 days with no idea? The early  stories that came out of the mine had to 

[54:45] do with charismatic leaders who led the  way and who told people what to do and 

[54:49] who organized the group. But some  studies that came later showed the 

[54:53] truth. What brought the group together  were not charismatic leaders. It was 

[54:57] when they circled up, surrendered  control, and opened up to each other. 

[55:02] The first moment happened shortly after  they were trapped. They circled up and 

[55:07] the leader of the group, a stern  supervisor named Luis Urzua, walked to 

[55:12] the center of the group. He had a white  helmet on, a supervisor's helmet. He 

[55:16] took off his helmet and he said, "There  are no bosses and no employees anymore." 

[55:21] Which stopped everybody. This wasn't  a statement of leadership. It was a 

[55:25] question. He was posing this question  to the group, creating this space. Few 

[55:30] minutes later, there was another moment  where they were counting heads and they 

[55:34] ended to be 33 minors. And one of the  minors, many of them were Catholic, 

[55:39] said, "That's the same age as Jesus  when he was crucified. Maybe there's 

[55:44] something bigger waiting for us  outside." Another question, not a 

[55:48] statement, not a direction, not a we  need to do this, a question. And what 

[55:53] brought that group together was that  moment of creating space when the group 

[55:58] could let go of control, circle up and  actually grapple with the situation that 

[56:02] they were in. And what that moment  did, what those questions did was they 

[56:06] sparked engagement. The people started  self-organizing into groups. One of them 

[56:10] organizing the sleeping space, one of  them organizing their meager stash of 

[56:14] food. They developed these rituals  around food each time, taking a little 

[56:18] sharing a little scrap of canned tuna  and they would sort of everyone would be 

[56:23] served and they would wait until  everybody's ready and they would say a 

[56:26] prayer and they would eat it together.  They developed these rituals around 

[56:29] playing games in the dark together. They  developed a guardian angels uh program 

[56:34] where when one would sleep, the other  would kind of watch over them. They 

[56:37] developed this sort of confessional.  When someone would make a mistake, 

[56:41] they'd have an opportunity to confess  that mistake to the group. They 

[56:44] developed an entire little civilization  in the worst environment you could 

[56:47] imagine. They were able to come together  so that when they were rescued, I mean, 

[56:51] there was no question that they were  thriving. When they were asked to go up 

[56:55] in the the final rescue elevator, they  kept deferring to others saying, "No, 

[56:59] you go first. No, you go first." The  transformative power of community 

[57:04] doesn't get created by people with  answers. They get created by people who 

[57:08] create space who create questions and  then who create space for people to 

[57:12] explore those questions together to  step into uncertainty together. All this 

[57:17] stuff when you talk about it sounds a  little soft. It sounds a little kumbaya 

[57:21] but the fact is over and over again we  see the same pattern. Leaders places 

[57:26] that are able to create that space where  people can make meaning together and 

[57:30] then people can build community  together. step into that uncertainty and 

[57:35] build something new. That's the process  of flourishing. Seen this way, like 

[57:41] flourishing isn't some magic thing that  happens to certain lucky people. It's 

[57:45] much more like a skill. And like any  skill, it's got two practices, two 

[57:49] pillars. The first is making meaning.  How do we stop and see what matters? How 

[57:54] do we stop and make meaning together?  The second one is building community. 

[57:58] How to create something new together?  How do we connect in ways and turn to 

[58:03] make something better together? That's  what community is. When people turn 

[58:06] toward each other to make their  situation better. So those two actions, 

[58:10] the first is like a pause that creates  energy. The second is action. So the 

[58:15] first they work together kind of like a  heartbeat you could say. You stop, you 

[58:19] see what matters, you make meaning  together, you have a deep connection, 

[58:23] you connect deeply. Then let's try  something. Let's do some messy project 

[58:28] together. let's take something on. And  that is the kind of ultimate thread of 

[58:34] human community throughout time.  Circling up, coming together, finding 

[58:40] meaning, and then using that energy  toward making their situation better. 

[58:44] And that's what community is in a  nutshell. And that's the heartbeat 

[58:47] beneath it. There's this neighborhood  in Paris. It was like any other 

[58:51] neighborhood. It was kind of um you know  little people buried in their phones, 

[58:56] upper middle class, people busy all the  time. There's a journalist there named 

[58:59] Patrick Bernard who got obsessed with  this question. He's like, "Does it have 

[59:04] to be this way?" And as a journalist, he  decided to do an experiment. He rented 

[59:10] 80 tables to create the longest table  in Paris. He closed off a street, got 

[59:15] permission to close off a street, and  then invited everyone for a potluck. 

[59:18] Bring your own dish. It's going to  happen on this day. longest lunch table 

[59:22] in Paris. His neighbors thought he was  kind of nuts and his neighbors called 

[59:25] him a teddy bear kisser, which is sort  of like saying, "You're a naive soul. 

[59:30] Bison," they call it. "Oh, you're a  teddy bear kisser. This will never 

[59:33] work." Of course, people are distant.  It's Paris. People are snobbish, you 

[59:37] know. Get over it. There wasn't a lot of  optimism going into it. But when the day 

[59:40] came, the whole neighborhood showed up.  The kids started turning the cones into 

[59:45] like giant megaphones. People were came  playing instruments. People brought 

[59:49] their own food. It was this immense  celebration. And then Bernard did the 

[59:54] next thing. He had them selforganize  into groups. He had them self-organized 

[59:58] into interest groups. Like if you're  into biking, here's where the biking 

[1:00:00] group's going to meet. If you're into  cheese, here's the cheese group. If 

[1:00:03] you're into history, here's the history  group. If you're into dogs, here's the 

[1:00:06] dog walking group. And those groups  gathered with only two rules. First is 

[1:00:11] no negativity, no politics. And the  second rule is you have to gather around 

[1:00:15] a joy device. a joy device, meaning  coffee, alcohol, food. You have to 

[1:00:21] gather around something, small groups.  And you go in that neighborhood today 

[1:00:25] and it feels like you're in a village.  There was an older woman who broke her 

[1:00:29] wrist. She got 15 offers of help to take  care of groceries. When an older person 

[1:00:34] goes into the hospital, there's a group  of people that selforganized to water 

[1:00:38] their plants and take care of their  dogs together. It feels like you're in a 

[1:00:41] different place. It feels like you're in  a village. What happened? It's the same 

[1:00:46] people. What happened was he tipped  the environment to create this sense of 

[1:00:51] meaning and presence. That table is not  just a table. That table like any ritual 

[1:00:57] is this pause where you can actually  connect and actually bring your gift to 

[1:01:02] the circle. Those kind of moments which  produce nothing useful. You know that 

[1:01:07] table produced nothing that you could  measure and that's why it worked because 

[1:01:11] you're putting people in a different  attentional state. We walk around in the 

[1:01:16] modern world focused with kind of this  narrow task attention turned on where 

[1:01:21] we're looking at things and figuring  out how to get from A to B to C to D. 

[1:01:25] Moments like that and tables like that  and environments like that, just like 

[1:01:29] with the Chilean miners, they're open  questions. They're spaces that allow us 

[1:01:33] to step into uncertainty alongside other  people and create meaning together. And 

[1:01:38] that's how we're pre-wired to behave.  That's where meaning comes from. The 

[1:01:42] meaning in our own life happens when we  stop, when we widen our attention, when 

[1:01:46] we surrender control, and when we  connect. And so creating environments 

[1:01:51] where that connection can happen is the  key move. We're taught our brains are 

[1:01:57] these problem-solving devices. That's  true. They're good at solving little 

[1:02:00] problems and analyzing. They're also  good at creating relationships. And so 

[1:02:04] creating spaces where those  relationships can take root and grow is 

[1:02:08] really the key move. All of these  places are like little green houses. 

[1:02:13] They're a little disorganized and  they're they're that's where that 

[1:02:16] aliveness comes from because you're not  quite sure what's going to happen. It's 

[1:02:19] almost like walking up to that potluck  and you're not sure what's going to 

[1:02:23] happen. Are people going to like my  dish? Am I going to like theirs? Who's 

[1:02:26] going to sit next to me? Who what's  going on over there? This atmosphere of 

[1:02:30] aliveness and uncertainty is the exact  opposite of the algorithmic world in 

[1:02:36] which so much of the modern world is  built on where it's about frictionless 

[1:02:41] certainty. What's happening over here  is friction-y uncertainty and that's why 

[1:02:46] it's powerful. That's how relationships  get built. They don't get built over 

[1:02:49] here. This is just function. But over  here you've got this sense of openness, 

[1:02:54] reciprocal openness and connection that  creates actual relationships. And that's 

[1:02:58] how we're built to make relationships.  This year, we've all seen the New 

[1:03:02] England Patriots go from being 4 and  13 last year to going to the Super Bowl 

[1:03:06] this year on that team. They have  incredible relationships. They've talked 

[1:03:10] about it all year. And the question is,  how' they do that? Well, the answer is 

[1:03:13] on the first day of practice, their new  coach, Mike Vrabel, didn't practice. 

[1:03:18] Didn't practice. He didn't do the  utilitarian thing. It made sense to 

[1:03:21] practice, but he didn't. He did this  thing that didn't make sense, which is 

[1:03:24] called the four H's exercise. You get  into small groups. You circle up just 

[1:03:28] like that French table. You circle up  and you get into these four topics. 

[1:03:32] Who's your hero? What's your  history? Where you from? 

[1:03:36] How'd you get here? What's your heartbreak? 

[1:03:39] And give me a hope. What's your hope for  the coming year? Super simple exercise. 

[1:03:44] Doesn't take long. 15 minutes the most.  But at the end of that exercise, what 

[1:03:49] you've created is you've taken these  relationships that were transactional 

[1:03:53] and you've opened them up. You've  energized him. You've created this deep 

[1:03:57] connection. And we often talk about  that as if it's just like this chemistry 

[1:04:02] thing like, "Oh, we had a good  relationship. We had a good talk." It's 

[1:04:05] like, "Well, yeah, and those things can  be engineered. Those environments can be 

[1:04:11] created. Those questions aren't actually  questions. They're spaces for people to 

[1:04:16] actually step forward and connect." When  we look at our attention systems, and 

[1:04:21] I'm using the plural there, it is  attention systems. We typically think we 

[1:04:24] just have one attention system, but when  you look at the neurology of this, we 

[1:04:28] have two attention systems. We have task  attention, which sees the world narrowly 

[1:04:34] as something to control. It evolved for  as the way that we spot food, categorize 

[1:04:39] it, and grab it. If your ancestors are  going to survive, they need to be able 

[1:04:43] to do that. You need to see something  and control it. But you also need to pay 

[1:04:47] attention to the wider world, which is  why we have the second attention system, 

[1:04:51] which is relational attention. It's  much broader. It catches the nuances of 

[1:04:55] things. It's how we connect to other  people, to groups. It's how we we sense 

[1:05:00] narrative. It's how we sense all  the things that aren't narrow and 

[1:05:04] controlled. And so that moment of  surrender and control, that moment of 

[1:05:08] stepping into uncertainty and saying,  "Oh yeah, I'll share with you my 

[1:05:11] heartbreak." Is that moment where our  relational attention is being lit up 

[1:05:15] like a lamp. It's where all of a sudden  we're going from this to this. And 

[1:05:20] that's what relationships are made of.  Those moments where you feel connection, 

[1:05:24] where you feel real, illogical,  irrational, non-informational, 

[1:05:30] just like meaning. It's like that guitar  string inside you gets plucked a little 

[1:05:35] bit and you feel a vibration.  Flourishing groups are really, really 

[1:05:40] good at creating those moments. They  don't treat them as accidental. They 

[1:05:45] treat them as part of the daily fabric  of life to get together and and create 

[1:05:49] those moments. And one of the people on  the planet I think who is the best at it 

[1:05:55] uh was Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers of the  the television show Fame. You know, his 

[1:06:00] show was almost cancelled a year after  it was on and they couldn't get a new 

[1:06:05] sponsor and they announced that the show  was going to be ending. And it's never 

[1:06:08] happened in the history of PBS that  angry mothers come to PBS stations and 

[1:06:13] pick it and and protest. In Los Angeles,  three pe 3,000 people showed up to 

[1:06:18] support Mr. Rogers, how did he create  that deep connection that because of 

[1:06:23] that support, the show has continued.  He's become the icon. All he did on that 

[1:06:28] show was create this attentional  architecture where he's continually 

[1:06:32] stopping, creating space. Every time he  spoke a word, he would pause and wait as 

[1:06:37] if the other person, the kid was on the  other end of the television was talking 

[1:06:40] to them. Continual awareness. He had a  little exercise that he did that brought 

[1:06:46] the that he did it in front of the crowd  at the Emmy Awards in the late 90s and 

[1:06:50] it just it was a very  

[1:06:51] simple exercise. It lasted 10 seconds. >> All of us have special ones who have  

[1:06:57] loved us into being. Would you just take along with me 10 seconds to think of  

[1:07:05] the people who have helped you become who you are? those who have cared about you and 

[1:07:14] wanted what was best for you  in life. 10 seconds of silence. 

[1:07:20] I'll watch the time. And the  whole crowd is is weeping at the 

[1:07:26] end. These people are all glamour glitzy  at the top of their profession. And 

[1:07:31] every bit of eyeliner in that room was  running. whomever you've been thinking 

[1:07:36] about, how pleased they must be to know  the difference you feel they've made. 

[1:07:43] >> 10 seconds he was able to awaken and  nurture the relationships that they're 

[1:07:49] that are in their lives waiting to  be awakened. And so that's what those 

[1:07:53] groups are good at doing. And it it  sounds soft. It sounds kind of, you 

[1:07:57] know, kumbaya and yet it's the most  elemental part, the most fundamental 

[1:08:02] part of building what human beings are  born to build, which is community. Why 

[1:08:08] do rituals exist? There was a there's a  an author a while back who wrote a book 

[1:08:12] about rituals and he offered readers if  they could find any human group that did 

[1:08:15] not do rituals, they would get the price  of the book back. He has received no 

[1:08:20] such offers because every human group  has rituals. We are absolutely built for 

[1:08:25] them. What is a ritual except a space  where the usual causal laws of cause and 

[1:08:31] effect do not apply. A ritual is  something that says, "I'm going to light 

[1:08:35] this candle. It's going to make me work  better at my desk today." A ritual is a 

[1:08:41] piece of a good luck charm or something  like that. They don't actually have a 

[1:08:44] cause and effect. They only work through  this sense of presence. They only work 

[1:08:50] through this sense of illogical  connection. When we see communities and 

[1:08:54] cultures, a lot of them are using ritual  to that exact effect. Why Iceland, for 

[1:09:01] example, has some of the closest  community cultures on the planet? Well, 

[1:09:06] they also happen to have these rituals  where they all take a hotring bath uh 

[1:09:12] once a week all together, the whole  community together. They will come 

[1:09:16] together in those rituals. Not there's  other ways they could get clean. There's 

[1:09:19] other ways they could achieve those same  goals, but taking the time to do that 

[1:09:23] ritual is what helps bring them  together. In the modern world, we focus 

[1:09:28] a lot on habits to automate our lives.  Habits to make things go quicker and 

[1:09:33] more efficiently so we don't have to  think. That's how habits are built, so 

[1:09:37] that we can automate. Rituals are so  we animate our lives. there. So, we can 

[1:09:42] actually slow down and pay a deeper form  of attention, whatever that ritual might 

[1:09:48] be. Maybe that ritual is prayer, maybe  that ritual is a good luck charm, maybe 

[1:09:53] that ritual is something else. But  finding rituals slow us down and they 

[1:09:57] infuse rather than automating our lives,  they infuse our lives with a new kind of 

[1:10:01] animation. Building community happens  through a process that I call group 

[1:10:06] flow. Group flow is the process through  which a group comes together to navigate 

[1:10:12] problems and to self-organize into new  shapes and patterns. It operates like 

[1:10:18] anything according to two rules. The  first rule is the rule of the beautiful 

[1:10:21] mess and the second rule is the rule of  surprise. The rule of the beautiful mess 

[1:10:27] says that disorder is not the obstacle,  it's the doorway. Now when I visited 

[1:10:32] these places, I kept encountering the  same scene. They would deliberately 

[1:10:37] design messes. The New Zealand All  Blacks, one of the best rugby teams in 

[1:10:41] the world, they have a certain period of  their season, a certain period of their 

[1:10:45] week where they will let the players run  practice. This isn't the smoothest way 

[1:10:50] to do it, right? The smoothest way to  run practice is to have coaches run 

[1:10:54] practice. That's not how they do  it. It creates all kinds of of 

[1:10:58] unpredictability, all kinds of messes.  But what does it also create? It allows 

[1:11:03] them to self-organize into these  problems. It allows them to create new 

[1:11:07] patterns. It gives them a sense of deep  agency and ownership. I saw the same 

[1:11:11] pattern. There was a an art teacher  named Linda Barry, and she would often 

[1:11:15] pair one of her master's art students  with a four-year-old. That's how she 

[1:11:20] would design it. Was it predictable?  No. Was it neatly designed? No. It was 

[1:11:25] messy. It was messy. Having a  four-year-old work with a master student 

[1:11:28] is a mess. But what happens in that  mess? The master student kind of 

[1:11:32] rediscovers the joy of creating art. The  four-year-old discovers like the power 

[1:11:37] of what they're doing. It's it's an  incredible moment. It's the same as what 

[1:11:41] the All Blacks were doing. They're  purposely creating a little bit of chaos 

[1:11:46] so that life is not like a machine, but  that it's more like a pickup basketball 

[1:11:50] game. And that's the rule of the  beautiful mess. You have to create some 

[1:11:54] disorder to create group flow. You have  to create some disorder to actually 

[1:11:58] create community. Community is not about  staying ordered. Community is about 

[1:12:03] creating and building together. And the  model of a pickup basketball game is 

[1:12:07] actually very powerful because there's  three factors that you need to have with 

[1:12:11] group flow. You need to have a clear  horizon. You need to have a basket that 

[1:12:16] you're shooting for. You need to have a  clear gradient that you're moving down. 

[1:12:20] You need to have some really clear guard  rails, sort of like places where you can 

[1:12:25] go and you can't go. And you need to  have agency. You need to give people 

[1:12:29] freedom to navigate. And so those  factors, that sense of ownership, that 

[1:12:34] sense of agency, that sense of horizon  is what we see in group flow. And it 

[1:12:39] turns leadership less into the question  of how do I tell them what to do? How do 

[1:12:44] I know the answer into a question of  what can you design that lets people use 

[1:12:50] their gifts? That lets people  self-organize through a problem together 

[1:12:54] in ways that generate new possibilities  and new solutions. We get a really vivid 

[1:12:59] example of the power of that in a story  of building 20. Building 20 was built in 

[1:13:04] the campus of MIT in 1942. It was  designed for the purpose of creating the 

[1:13:09] radar technology that would go on to win  World War II. But after that World War 

[1:13:14] II is over, it was left abandoned and  different groups sort of moved into it 

[1:13:20] kind of haphazardly. The building was  kind of junky. It's plywood walls, 

[1:13:24] exterior plumbing. Um there were no real  facilities. Uh it was freezing in the 

[1:13:29] winter and boiling in the summer. No one  really wanted to go there except people 

[1:13:33] who didn't quite fit in. But over time,  different groups came in there. And it 

[1:13:40] turned out that this place turned out to  be what was called the magical incubator 

[1:13:44] of MIT. Some of the first video games  were created there. The first completely 

[1:13:49] soundproof chamber was created there.  Some really important black hole 

[1:13:53] research was created there. Noam Chomsky  did some important linguistic research 

[1:13:57] there. It became this incredibly fertile  place. And the question is why? Why that 

[1:14:04] place as opposed to a nicer, neater  building and underneath the aegis of an 

[1:14:08] of a of a clear departmental structure?  And the answer is it was a beautiful 

[1:14:13] mess. The people there had to  self-organize. They had to self-organize 

[1:14:18] for their lunches. They had to  self-organize for their they would have 

[1:14:21] morning meetings and they'd bring people  together from different disciplines to 

[1:14:25] share what they had learned. They had a  sense of joy and exploration. They wrote 

[1:14:29] an opera together, the people of MIT.  There was a sense that they were sort of 

[1:14:32] the black sheep. They taught each other  how to swim, the ones who didn't know 

[1:14:36] how to swim. There was an engineering  student who once wandered down the hall 

[1:14:39] to the acoustics lab and started  messing around and that became Bose's 

[1:14:43] electronics. It became this incredibly  fertile place. Why? Because the same 

[1:14:49] thing is happening as in the as in New  Zealand all blacks practice. The same 

[1:14:53] thing is happening as in Linda Berry's  art class. Creating the conditions where 

[1:14:57] people can self-orgganize. Not where  they're obeying something else. Not 

[1:15:02] where they're being coerced, but where  they can notice things, where they can 

[1:15:05] build relationships, and where they can  experiment and try stuff together. And 

[1:15:10] that's how growth really happens. The  rule of surprise is really simple. It's 

[1:15:13] if if you know it's going to happen,  you're doing it wrong. If you know 

[1:15:18] what's going to happen, then you are  operating a machine. But if you're 

[1:15:21] actually trying to flourish, if you're  actually trying to create something new, 

[1:15:25] you shouldn't know what's going to  happen. A beautiful example of that, 

[1:15:28] there was a neighborhood in in the  Netherlands um and it was a very sort of 

[1:15:33] rundown old neighborhood and there were  two guys who used to sit on their stoops 

[1:15:36] in front of the neighborhood. Their  names were Patrick and Linder. They were 

[1:15:40] handymen who didn't really have a job.  But one day they got a little bit uh 

[1:15:44] bored and for some reason they looked  at their street and it didn't have any 

[1:15:48] flowers on it. So they decided to build  a flower box. They pried up the bricks 

[1:15:52] of their street. They arranged it as a  flower box. They plunked in some flowers 

[1:15:56] and then their neighbors noticed and  their neighbors said, "Could you build 

[1:16:00] that for me?" And then they taught other  people how to build it. And pretty soon 

[1:16:03] there's a hundred flower boxes on these  streets. And then somebody notices that 

[1:16:08] and they say, "Oh, um, we're in a  knitting club. Why don't we knit a 

[1:16:12] really long scarf to go around the  lamposts of all the neighborhood?" And 

[1:16:16] then someone else noticed an empty lot.  Oh, why don't we build a playground on 

[1:16:19] this empty lot? And then there was some  debate over refugees. Some communities 

[1:16:24] in the Netherlands were rejecting them  and this neighborhood wanted to accept 

[1:16:27] them. And so around the refugee house  that they donated for the cause, they 

[1:16:32] wrapped a scarf and they said, "What  better signal to our new neighbors of 

[1:16:37] welcoming than to warm than to give them  a hand knitted scarf that we all made." 

[1:16:42] The neighborhood was revived and no one  could have identified a plan by which 

[1:16:48] that happened. That happened because  one thing led to another. Each thing 

[1:16:53] generated a new pattern that everyone  could notice and respond to. the 

[1:16:57] flowers. Everyone sees that and then  that leads to the scarfves and that 

[1:17:02] leads to the playground and that leads  and that's how growth actually happens. 

[1:17:07] Mathematicians call them attractors.  They're when you change the energy of a 

[1:17:11] system, it generates new patterns.  And so those new patterns are what 

[1:17:16] flourishing groups are really skilled  at creating. And I think it spotlights 

[1:17:20] something even deeper. We tend to think  of groups as these fixed things. We tend 

[1:17:24] to think of groups and communities, but  in fact in practice they operate more 

[1:17:29] like rivers. What's happening in these  cases of this neighborhood? What's 

[1:17:34] happening in these cases of like  building 20 is that the energy and the 

[1:17:38] relationships are being sort of funneled  and moved towards some horizon. And just 

[1:17:44] like when you tilt a river, you get  new patterns swirling up. People aren't 

[1:17:48] machines. As a group, we operate more  like rivers. And as parents and as 

[1:17:54] business leaders and as teachers, one  of the most powerful things we can do is 

[1:17:59] create that gradient, meaning spotlight  a north star someplace we're going to 

[1:18:03] create a spe a clear space for  exploration sort of this this and not 

[1:18:07] that we're not we're only going to  explore in here and then give people 

[1:18:10] agency to do whatever they want. That's  what happens in in conditions like 

[1:18:14] building 20. There was clear boundaries.  We're in this building. There was clear 

[1:18:18] gradient. Invent something new. try  to create something that's never been 

[1:18:21] created before. And then there was total  agency. When somebody wanted to create 

[1:18:26] something new in their lab or enlarge  their lab, they got out their their saw 

[1:18:29] and they cut a hole in the wall. When  they wanted to run wire, they ran it 

[1:18:33] themselves. When they wanted to do  something, they didn't have to ask 

[1:18:36] permission. And so this combination of  agency, guard rails, and horizon is a 

[1:18:41] really powerful toolkit for tilting the  river of an organization. And that's 

[1:18:46] where the rule of surprise comes in  because if you know what's going to 

[1:18:49] happen, if you're predicting it and  controlling it, then people aren't 

[1:18:52] really free. You don't really have that  kind of exploration that does lead to 

[1:18:57] something new. The rule of surprise  changes the way you think about the 

[1:19:01] future. We tend to think about the  future as if it is kind of this fixed 

[1:19:05] destination that we're going toward. The  future is going to be the future. But 

[1:19:08] over and over I keep encountering places  and if we reflect on our own life I 

[1:19:13] think we still see this pattern that the  future we're creating is a result of a 

[1:19:18] series of explorations that we're  making. We're creating our own future in 

[1:19:22] a deep way in the same way those people  in building 20 in the same way that that 

[1:19:27] rugby team in the same way that that  neighborhood in the Netherlands did. 

[1:19:31] making these explorations, stopping,  noticing what happened and building on 

[1:19:36] those things. That's how community gets  built. It's when people turn toward each 

[1:19:40] other and they say, "How can we make  this better?" and they try something. 

[1:19:45] That's the moment. That's the moment  that happened on that street in Paris, 

[1:19:48] creating conditions where people can  turn toward each other and say, "How can 

[1:19:52] we make this better?" When we think  about our our relationship to the 

[1:19:57] future, I think we sometimes take a  fearful stance. We're sort of hoping 

[1:20:01] things work out and it sort of feels  like a gamble. But I think the lesson 

[1:20:06] that these flourishing communities teach  us is that the future isn't something 

[1:20:10] that's fixed. It's something you're in  conversation with. You can't control it, 

[1:20:14] but you can nudge it and you can  influence it and you can change it in 

[1:20:18] profound ways by turning toward the  people next to you and asking, "What can 

[1:20:22] we do to make this better?" After  studying all these groups, there's some 

[1:20:26] really clear differences. is it becomes  very stark between groups that become 

[1:20:30] more than the sum of their parts and are  able to create flourishing and groups 

[1:20:34] that become less. I think of it in  mostly in three different categories. 

[1:20:38] The first one is a sense of fun. The  groups that add up to more that really 

[1:20:45] flourish are places where there is a  presence of joy and delight. Delight for 

[1:20:51] no reason. Delight just in the mere  presence of each other. Delight in the 

[1:20:55] in the failures. delight in the imperfections. 

[1:20:59] The second thing they have is this sense  of forgiveness. There's this sense of 

[1:21:04] imperfection is okay. You know,  there's a saying that my kids taught me 

[1:21:08] recently. The saying is annoyance is  the price of community. And I love that 

[1:21:14] because I saw that at these places. They  weren't doing things the most efficient 

[1:21:17] way. You know, there's probably, you  know, more efficient ways to organize 

[1:21:21] people than Patrick Bernard did at with  that long table. And there's definitely 

[1:21:24] more efficient ways to organize  laboratories than MIT did. But it ain't 

[1:21:28] about being organized. It ain't about  being efficient. These inefficiencies 

[1:21:34] are just evidence that we're human  beings. And they're evidence, you know, 

[1:21:37] everyone is a little bit annoying. And  that friction, our modern world treats 

[1:21:41] it as something that is almost sort  of toxic and should be removed from 

[1:21:45] everything, but actually welcoming that  friction and forgiving that friction. 

[1:21:49] Being forgiving that annoyance and  knowing that we're also annoying. And 

[1:21:53] the third thing that I saw was that  there's sort of a lack of fear. There's 

[1:21:57] this security that they have within  their community. The security that these 

[1:22:03] groups have that allows them to make  these daring explorations. There's a 

[1:22:09] saying that all of life is a series of  daring explorations from a secure base. 

[1:22:14] And that's what these places embody.  this idea that when you have that deep 

[1:22:19] connection, that deep meaningful  connection with people that you can make 

[1:22:24] these kind of fearless moves. You know,  in moments of adversity, we're often 

[1:22:28] told, you know, oh, everything will be  okay. Everything will be okay. But in 

[1:22:32] these flourishing groups, I heard a  different message. I heard a message 

[1:22:36] that was more like nothing's going to be  perfect and you'll never be alone. That 

[1:22:41] was the message that you would hear in  those groups. the that the security of 

[1:22:44] that attachment, the me the deep  connected meaning of that attachment. 

[1:22:48] It's not about saying everything's going  to be great. It's about saying nothing's 

[1:22:51] going to be great actually and that's  okay cuz we're going to be together. 

[1:22:54] That to me embodies the sort of the  mindset and kind of the heartset of of 

[1:23:00] flourishing communities. I think if  there's one key takeaway from all of 

[1:23:04] this, I can tell you one thing. It does  not show a straight line story. I keep 

[1:23:07] telling the story of these sort of messy  spirals, spirals upward, these spirals 

[1:23:13] that these communities, these  individuals are making, high performing 

[1:23:17] cultures are making and and different  communities are making. If we're going 

[1:23:21] to have tools to navigate that shape,  and I think if you take a pen out on a 

[1:23:24] and a blank piece of paper and map the  story of your own life, you won't be 

[1:23:27] drawing a straight line. You'll be  drawing a very squiggly sort of spiral 

[1:23:32] hopefully upward, but there's going to  be all kinds of turns where you're going 

[1:23:35] to be going the wrong direction and  you're going to realize it. You're going 

[1:23:38] to fix it and then you'll be going the  wrong direction again. And then you 

[1:23:40] realize it, you're going to fix it.  And it's a story of resilience and 

[1:23:44] reinvention. And that's what natural  systems are really good at. You know, if 

[1:23:48] you look out your window at a at a tree  or a vine or moss or a mushroom, living 

[1:23:54] systems are really really good at  resilience and reinvention. I think it 

[1:23:59] shows when by identifying that in our  own life and kind of letting go of the 

[1:24:03] straight line story, the straight line  illusion that every day is going to be a 

[1:24:07] clear A to B, that our life or our  career, our relationships are going to 

[1:24:11] be A to B. It's seeing this twisted  curving spiral and thinking about what 

[1:24:19] tools are going to help me navigate that  with other people. What relationships 

[1:24:23] are going to help me navigate that with  other people? What thoughts are going to 

[1:24:26] help me navigate with that other people?  What modes of attention are going to 

[1:24:30] help me navigate that with other people?  It's a deeper, bigger, and I think a 

[1:24:34] better story than kind of the story of  straight lines. It's messier. Uh it's 

[1:24:40] more challenging in some ways. It's  slower. It's more frustrating and it's 

[1:24:44] also more authentically human and I  think richer and more rewarding in the 

[1:24:48] end.

Big Think
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Talent is predominantly shaped by environment and deep practice, not innate ability. Coyle's research on talent hotbeds worldwide shows that elite environments with immediate feedback, deliberate practice, and strong relationships generate excellence. The mystique of the "self-made" genius obscures the ecological forces—mentors, communities, and systems—that actually develop skill.
Deep practice is the fastest path to skill development. This means deliberately practicing at the edge of your ability, making mistakes, immediately sensing them, and adjusting. The key is creating tight feedback loops—environments like skateboarding or music training where mistakes are instantly visible and correctable, rather than passive learning where feedback is delayed.
High-performing groups are built on psychological safety and vulnerability, not polish or individual brilliance. The best teams treat failure as information, model vulnerability from the top, and circle up to discuss what went wrong. Coyle found that kindergarteners actually outperformed CEOs in a problem-solving task because they treated failure playfully and learned faster.
Vulnerability actually comes first, then trust follows. When a leader or team member admits mistakes without shame—saying "I screwed that up"—it signals that failure is safe and humans are expected. This permission ripples through the group. Simple rituals like asking "What's one thing you'd like me to stop doing?" make vulnerability the normal operating procedure.
Flourishing is a state of joyful, meaningful, connected living. It happens when fundamental human needs are met: belonging, a sense of place, a future, and moving together toward something. These conditions are built through creating safe environments where vulnerability is modeled, mistakes are treated as learning, and people feel genuinely known and valued.
Talent hotbeds share common features: they're often Spartan or unglamorous (not luxury spaces), they create tight feedback loops for learning, they model a healthy relationship with mistakes, and they foster strong relationships and mentorship. By engineering these conditions deliberately—chunking practice, randomizing difficulty, building rituals—any environment can become a place where talent emerges.

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