Transcript
[0:08] [music]
[0:12] [music]
[0:18] >> Namaste. Welcome friends.
[0:22] I often reflect on a friend, a
[0:24] palliative caregiver who
[0:27] described the
[0:29] greatest regrets of those she had
[0:31] accompanied
[0:33] on their deathbed.
[0:34] And they came down to the sense of I
[0:36] didn't live true to myself.
[0:39] I was driven by expectations, by
[0:40] judgments. I didn't live true to my
[0:42] heart.
[0:44] And what I've seen is it's not just the
[0:47] dying who have that regret or
[0:50] that sense of disappointment in their
[0:51] life. Many people feel
[0:54] that they're not showing up as the
[0:56] person they want to be,
[0:59] the person we know we are deep down.
[1:01] So I want to share a talk from the
[1:04] archives that centers on a very
[1:06] powerful meditation connecting us with
[1:09] who we really are.
[1:11] And it's called our future self and it
[1:13] has to do with
[1:14] connecting with our evolutionary
[1:16] potential, who we really are.
[1:19] And although I use the word future
[1:21] because that has to do with linear time,
[1:23] it's really connecting with the wisdom
[1:26] and love that's always here and is
[1:28] available
[1:30] and that we can experience.
[1:32] So we might call on what we term our
[1:35] future self and it helps us access the
[1:37] full
[1:39] intelligence, creativity, open
[1:41] heartedness that's right here. It helps
[1:42] us wake up from a trance of a limited
[1:45] self and so many have found this
[1:48] reflection helpful that I really wanted
[1:50] to share it with you. So
[1:52] I hope it serves.
[1:54] Thank you.
[1:58] So I'll begin with a cartoon just saw
[2:01] where there's a praying mantis who's
[2:03] lying on a psychiatrist's couch.
[2:06] And he's saying honestly doctor I tried
[2:09] to keep the lines of communication open
[2:12] but I just it was easier just to eat
[2:14] him.
[2:15] [laughter]
[2:19] Praying mantis praying mantis you know
[2:22] um
[2:23] it so captures the predicament that
[2:26] really in a way we all regularly face
[2:29] which is instant gratification in some
[2:32] way the relief that comes when we shoot
[2:34] off that defensive email or go to get
[2:37] that other second helping of ice cream
[2:41] you know continuing to obsess and plan
[2:43] versus if we actually can pause and
[2:46] deepen attention.
[2:48] And I think of this as really being at
[2:51] the cross currents of two
[2:53] our two evolutionary forces.
[2:56] And one is really the evolutionary force
[2:58] if you think of the perspective of time
[3:00] that's from the past which is
[3:03] that the path of least resistance it
[3:05] gives us the most immediate
[3:06] gratification satisfaction relief is
[3:09] what we go for.
[3:11] And this is the conditioning from our
[3:13] the early parts of our brain the
[3:14] primitive brain the survival brain.
[3:17] [snorts]
[3:18] The second current of our pull really of
[3:22] evolution is what in in if you think of
[3:25] it in terms of time it's towards our
[3:27] future being our future self.
[3:30] It's towards uh
[3:32] the fullness of our potential we're
[3:34] being pulled towards that. And that's
[3:36] the pathway of increasing integration
[3:40] and wholeness and of inhabiting loving
[3:43] awareness.
[3:45] So in this talk what I'd like to do is
[3:49] investigate how our future self which is
[3:52] really our evolutionary potential is
[3:54] calling us
[3:56] how it's drawing us towards it
[3:58] and how we can be more available and
[4:01] responsive to call.
[4:04] And
[4:05] I we explore this really, this evolution
[4:08] of our of our hearts and minds for the
[4:10] sake of
[4:12] our what feels like our personal
[4:14] freedom, but it's really the evolution
[4:16] of the species and it's really the hope
[4:18] of of our world, this capacity to keep
[4:21] on waking up.
[4:23] Okay? So tonight's talk, the future
[4:25] self.
[4:27] And
[4:28] we see these pulls not just in our
[4:30] individual life. We could track through
[4:32] a day and see how, you know, we we ended
[4:34] up being caught up in something when we
[4:37] could have paused.
[4:40] We see it society wide all the time. If
[4:42] you open up the newspaper, you'll see
[4:45] more the emphasis on the survival brain.
[4:47] It's really limbic news, right? I mean,
[4:49] that's what we mostly see. But there's
[4:51] other news, too. So while we might see
[4:53] on the headlines, you know, the
[4:55] devastation of the planet, climate
[4:57] warming, what's happening,
[4:59] racial injustice and violence,
[5:02] we'll also know that there is a growing
[5:06] number of small groups doing what we
[5:09] call sometimes white awareness work,
[5:11] looking at racial bias, trying to wake
[5:14] ourselves up.
[5:15] Or we'll see how I'm thinking of in
[5:17] Washington right now, a group I'm
[5:20] involved with called Minds has reached
[5:22] over 7,000 children in the school
[5:25] systems
[5:27] teaching them mindfulness.
[5:29] This is the evolutionary pull of the
[5:31] future. This is us waking up.
[5:34] So I also want to say it's very easy to
[5:36] sense these evolutionary pulls of the
[5:39] past is bad,
[5:41] the limbic system's bad, and the future,
[5:43] which is correlated with the frontal
[5:45] cortex and wakening consciousness is
[5:47] good.
[5:48] But it's not that way.
[5:51] I mean, if you actually think of the
[5:52] brain, the
[5:55] primitive brain is embedded in the
[5:57] evolving more the more recently evolved
[6:00] frontal cortex. We need our fear, we
[6:03] need our anger, we need our
[6:06] So it's not to get rid of,
[6:08] it's that instead of being identified
[6:12] and reacting out of the limbic brain,
[6:17] we sense a larger sense of our being and
[6:19] that part of our brain alerts us.
[6:23] It's a it's a servant. It doesn't
[6:24] dominate us. It doesn't identify us.
[6:27] So that's where evolution is going and
[6:30] that's where meditation and spiritual
[6:32] life comes in because not only are we
[6:36] designed to keep on evolving, we're
[6:39] designed to facilitate our own evolution
[6:43] by training ourselves to pay attention.
[6:46] And that is how evolution designed us to
[6:48] wake up,
[6:50] that we can learn to pay attention
[6:53] to how we're caught in reactive patterns
[6:55] and judging and jealousy and
[6:57] defendedness and learn to pay attention.
[7:02] So a story that I like to share now and
[7:05] then that to me is
[7:07] uh a great illustration of this evolving
[7:12] is uh from a it's a mythological story
[7:15] from Scandinavia
[7:17] and it takes place in a little kingdom
[7:19] where
[7:20] uh the king and queen realize that they
[7:22] have run into very dicey financial
[7:24] times. They're having a really hard time
[7:27] keeping up and maintaining the castle
[7:29] and so on and they'd love to have a
[7:31] little help from the dragon's hoard. He
[7:35] has got a lot, but they have to make a
[7:37] deal and it's a kind of
[7:39] difficult deal, but they have to trade a
[7:41] lot of the dragon's gold for um
[7:44] their daughter, her hand in marriage.
[7:47] And she doesn't like this at all, but
[7:50] she's a resourceful princess, so she
[7:51] goes out to a very wise woman who has,
[7:54] you know, 20 grandchildren and so on
[7:57] ourselves and says, look, what am I
[7:58] going to do? I'm I'm betrothed to the
[8:00] dragon. How do I deal with this?
[8:03] And this wise old woman has a really
[8:06] good idea and she whispers into her ear
[8:08] and tells her what to do.
[8:10] Okay. So,
[8:11] the bridal, the wedding day comes and
[8:13] it's a little difficult. Everybody in
[8:15] the court and big celebration and here
[8:18] she is with her new beloved, the dragon.
[8:23] And then they retire to the bridal
[8:25] chambers and um the dragon turns to her
[8:28] and says, well dear, um isn't it time to
[8:30] uh
[8:31] consummate our wedding, you know? And
[8:34] and she says um
[8:36] oh yes dear husband, but first I I have
[8:38] to do something. I have to remove one of
[8:40] my wedding gowns.
[8:42] Isn't that so? And he goes, oh
[8:43] absolutely, please. And so she does
[8:46] that, but it turns out
[8:47] uh and she says to him, as I do that I'd
[8:49] like one favor from you.
[8:52] As I remove my wedding gown, I'd like
[8:53] you to remove some of your scales.
[8:56] He says, sure fair deal, we could do
[8:58] that. So she takes off wedding gown. He
[9:01] takes off scales, but she's got another
[9:02] gown under it. It turns out she's done
[9:04] this layered fashion thing.
[9:07] And and she's and and so she says, well
[9:09] um
[9:10] can I if I take off this one, you'll
[9:12] take off some more scales, won't you?
[9:13] And he goes, but of course my dear. And
[9:16] he does that. Well this goes on and on.
[9:18] He notices that it was the second of 10
[9:20] wedding gowns that she has on. Each one
[9:23] she takes off, each each time he's, you
[9:26] know, taking off his scales and
[9:30] four, five, six, his dragon claws had to
[9:33] dig deeper and deeper into his own flesh
[9:35] and skin.
[9:37] Peeling off other layers, the eighth,
[9:39] the dragon's down to taking off parts of
[9:41] himself that were stuck.
[9:44] Then his form begins to change. Ninth
[9:47] gown comes off. It changes even more
[9:49] remarkably. And then when she takes off
[9:52] the 10th gown, by that time the dragon
[9:54] has pulled off so much of his
[9:57] dragonness as that is is true in many of
[9:59] these tales. What's left is, as you can
[10:02] imagine,
[10:05] a handsome prince, right?
[10:07] Okay.
[10:08] Um
[10:10] and so she took the advice of the old
[10:11] woman from far beyond the marketplace
[10:13] and had a very blissful wedding night.
[10:17] Now,
[10:21] So this in a way describes
[10:24] the practice of paying attention.
[10:27] That we're learning to pay attention to
[10:29] the scales of the coverings. And as we
[10:32] pay attention in a wise way, uh they
[10:35] dissolve or become increasingly
[10:37] transparent until the the light that's
[10:40] within us really shines through and we
[10:41] get that we weren't those scales, we're
[10:43] that that light, that essence.
[10:47] If we look a little more closely at what
[10:49] happened in the story,
[10:52] his motivation to start taking off
[10:54] scales was love.
[10:57] You know, it was for the love of the
[10:58] princess. The princess in a way you
[11:00] might think of as
[11:02] the the the word in Buddhism,
[11:04] bodhicitta, the awakened heart. She was
[11:06] the awakened heart that was calling him,
[11:07] saying, come dear, just take off yet
[11:09] another set of scales and yet another.
[11:12] Come on dear, just So she was inviting
[11:14] him to de dragonize himself and come
[11:17] home to his true light.
[11:21] A way that I like to think of this
[11:23] sometimes, you might imagine our
[11:25] awareness as this big circle and there's
[11:28] a line that goes through and what's
[11:30] below the line is what we're not aware
[11:33] of.
[11:33] And what's above the line's what we're
[11:35] aware of. And awareness by nature wants
[11:38] to include everything in awareness.
[11:41] Awareness wants to wake up.
[11:44] So awareness and love are guiding the
[11:47] dragon to keep on taking off his dragon
[11:49] to so less and less is unconscious, more
[11:52] and more is in awareness.
[11:55] [snorts] And so it is that as we look
[11:57] more closely, our process too
[12:01] is waking up to where
[12:03] the scales of confusion and delusion and
[12:07] grasping and hatred and so on are
[12:10] blocking us.
[12:14] Now there's a quote from Rumi that I
[12:16] share often. And I shared it recently
[12:20] out on the West Coast. And uh a man
[12:23] who's very involved with the Sufis and
[12:25] with Rumi poetry said, ah, but there's
[12:27] one more piece to the quote.
[12:30] So I'm going to read it to you.
[12:32] Your path is not to seek for love, but
[12:36] merely to seek and find all the
[12:38] barriers,
[12:40] scales within yourself you've built
[12:42] against it,
[12:44] and to love them.
[12:48] Okay? So we're not just
[12:50] identifying, oh, there's my addiction to
[12:53] such and such and that's getting in the
[12:55] way or there's my tendency to judge or
[12:58] dragon us, we're not just identifying
[13:00] it.
[13:01] We're actually bringing our hearts to
[13:03] it.
[13:05] And that makes all the difference.
[13:10] We're going to come back around to that.
[13:13] But what we are getting from this kind
[13:15] of evolutionary take is that the scales
[13:18] are just a natural part of our
[13:20] evolutionary heritage to protect
[13:23] ourselves, fight, flight, freeze, try to
[13:26] seek rewards.
[13:28] And we get caught in them and if we
[13:29] don't keep on waking up, that's a
[13:31] developmental arrest and then we are in
[13:34] suffering.
[13:36] And there's our potential calling us
[13:38] saying, pay attention with love to
[13:41] what's here.
[13:43] Now as you know, there are challenges we
[13:46] all encounter. I mean everyone of us is
[13:48] on this path of recognizing the scales
[13:51] and letting go and discovering the light
[13:54] that's there. We're all on that.
[13:56] But the challenges are very real. And
[13:59] one of the challenges is those scales
[14:02] come from underneath the line. So
[14:03] they're usually unconscious.
[14:06] We don't even notice half the time that
[14:09] we're actually playing out our personas.
[14:14] You know the word personas from Greek
[14:16] theater. It's a mask that we wear.
[14:20] We're not even aware of it a lot of the
[14:22] time how we make little exaggerations or
[14:25] lies to impress people in a certain way.
[14:29] Sometimes we tell people oh how hard
[14:31] things are, how hard we're working or
[14:34] you know we or how much we've
[14:35] accomplished or things that make us look
[14:37] good.
[14:38] So many moments
[14:41] what we are expressing to another is
[14:44] contrived to have a certain response.
[14:48] It's not spontaneous
[14:51] but it's such a unconscious habit we
[14:53] don't even notice that we're presenting
[14:56] a certain persona.
[14:58] So we start noticing that
[15:01] a lot of the times things are happening
[15:03] and um we're not really being truthful
[15:06] or honest.
[15:08] And
[15:09] even uh
[15:11] even when we do
[15:13] they're defending our interests in a way
[15:15] that it's just a reflex almost to be
[15:19] defensive. It's a reflex to grasp.
[15:23] Story of two guys with a dog with dogs
[15:26] and they're talking and one says hey
[15:27] let's go across the street and get some
[15:29] get a cup of coffee at that cafe.
[15:32] And the guy says you know we can't we've
[15:33] got dogs. They had one Chihuahua, they
[15:36] had a Doberman.
[15:37] And the guy with the Doberman says oh
[15:39] that won't be a problem. Don't worry
[15:40] about that. Just do what I do. So he
[15:42] puts on pair of really dark glasses and
[15:44] he goes across the street to the cafe
[15:46] and the waiter says sir we don't allow
[15:48] dogs. And he says it's a seeing eye dog.
[15:51] You know it's a it's a it's it's a
[15:53] Doberman.
[15:54] Wait a minute. Dobermans aren't usually
[15:56] seeing eye dog. This is an experiment.
[15:58] It's working. You know so he shows him a
[16:00] seat. The other is across the street and
[16:02] he's very nervous but he decides okay
[16:04] I'm going to pull it off. I'm going to
[16:05] do it. So you know that he wanted what
[16:06] he wanted. He wanted a cup of coffee. So
[16:09] puts on his sunglasses and he walks in.
[16:11] Sir no dogs are allowed here. Ah but
[16:14] this is a seeing eye dog.
[16:17] But sir that's a
[16:18] Chihuahua.
[16:20] What? They gave me a Chihuahua?
[16:23] [laughter]
[16:28] [laughter]
[16:29] I want to say uh on the record that that
[16:32] one came from my husband Jonathan Faust.
[16:35] [laughter]
[16:36] We accuse each other of taking each
[16:38] other's material, so I thought I'd honor
[16:41] [laughter]
[16:42] Okay, so the influences that make it
[16:44] challenging, unconscious, this reflexive
[16:49] behavior, the limbic responds way way
[16:53] more quickly to situations than the
[16:55] frontal cortex. So before we even know
[16:57] it,
[16:58] we've lashed out in blame, or before we
[17:00] even know it, we've been begun defending
[17:02] ourselves in some way.
[17:06] The other piece that makes uh
[17:08] makes it really challenging is that it's
[17:11] just these these scales are such deep
[17:14] habits in our nervous system. If you
[17:17] think of neural pathways, we've run
[17:18] these pathways over and over and over
[17:21] again, and we've used our anger over and
[17:24] over again. By the way, even though in
[17:27] an evolutionary sense
[17:29] our scales don't serve us,
[17:32] you know, until we wake up to them,
[17:35] in the short term they feel better. They
[17:38] we feel the we feel protected, we feel
[17:40] gratified in the short term. And that's
[17:42] why they stay being habits. So we're
[17:45] attached to using our anger to get our
[17:47] way or to overconsume to soothe or to
[17:51] appear a certain way. We want to appear
[17:53] a certain way in order to impress or to
[17:56] attract others. So we're we're we're
[17:59] very caught in these habits. And again
[18:03] uh by illustration,
[18:05] there are two priests that, as you know,
[18:08] normally do wear habits, but they were
[18:10] on this vacation in Hawaii and decided,
[18:12] you know, let's have some fun. Let's
[18:14] take off our habits and just be like
[18:16] like everybody else. So they land, they
[18:18] buy some actually some outrageous kind
[18:19] of shorts and sandals and
[18:22] sunglasses and so on. Next day they're
[18:24] on the beach
[18:26] in their tourist garb, kind of excited
[18:28] about it, presenting that, you know,
[18:29] another who they are to the world. These
[18:32] two very lovely looking women go passing
[18:35] by with bikinis and they're staring, but
[18:37] then right as the blonde passes them she
[18:39] smiles and nods and says, Good morning,
[18:41] father. Good morning, father.
[18:45] How in the world did they know we were
[18:47] priests? You know, so the next day they
[18:49] go back to the store and they buy even
[18:51] more outrageous garb. I mean they look
[18:54] like up to the tea tourists, hats, the
[18:56] whole deal.
[18:58] So they're they're sitting there and
[19:00] once again these same two come by and
[19:03] soon as they walk by then they go, Oh,
[19:05] good morning, father. Good morning,
[19:07] father.
[19:08] So they couldn't stand it. They said, So
[19:10] so we're priests, you're right, and
[19:13] we're proud of it actually, but I have
[19:14] to know how did you know that we were
[19:17] priests?
[19:18] The young woman replied, Father, it's
[19:20] me, sister Angela.
[19:23] [laughter]
[19:27] Father, it's me, sister Angela. I don't
[19:30] know why I love that one. [laughter]
[19:35] Different kind of habit, right? But
[19:38] anyway we get very hitched to them.
[19:41] The last thing I want to mention on the
[19:43] challenges of
[19:45] letting go of our our covering
[19:49] and and really opening to the evolved
[19:53] expression of what we are
[19:55] is that we hate our covering.
[19:59] In other words, not only do we have all
[20:01] these habits of pretending and trying to
[20:04] seek approval and over consuming and
[20:07] defending and aggressing,
[20:09] we hate
[20:11] the scales. We don't like our
[20:13] dragonness.
[20:15] That's what we refer to as second
[20:17] arrowing,
[20:18] adding the second arrow, and that's what
[20:21] actually solidifies the scales. It's
[20:24] like a scale to a scale, so it gets
[20:27] really pasted on very, very thick.
[20:32] So then the question is, you know, what
[20:34] really serves us in evolving? How do we
[20:38] on purpose
[20:40] turn towards
[20:42] the awakened heart mind?
[20:44] How do we love our self into healing?
[20:48] Cuz remember, you cannot rip off the
[20:50] scales. You can't hate the scales and
[20:53] judge the scales into falling off.
[20:56] So the good news is that our future self
[21:01] or our evolved beingness
[21:04] that that bodhichitta perceives where
[21:06] there's blocks,
[21:08] perceives the blocks. There's something
[21:11] in us that knows, oh,
[21:13] by not forgiving, I'm staying small.
[21:17] Or by spending my time grasping after
[21:20] this addiction, our defending,
[21:23] our lashing out at at somebody I care
[21:26] about, there's something in us that
[21:28] knows
[21:29] beyond the fact that we don't like it,
[21:32] just knows in our hearts that it keeps
[21:35] us from being who we can be.
[21:37] That is our awakened
[21:40] heart mind.
[21:41] That's our future self calling us.
[21:45] So
[21:46] this is really where the practice of
[21:49] rain comes in because rain or any And by
[21:54] the way, when I say rain, it's the
[21:56] weaving of mindfulness and compassion.
[21:59] Bringing together mindfulness and
[22:01] compassion is what ends up calling us
[22:04] back
[22:06] to really inhabiting the fullness of who
[22:08] we are.
[22:11] I'll give you an example of how it
[22:13] really is kind of our future self
[22:15] calling us home. And I thought I'd share
[22:19] a story from my own life. I I might have
[22:22] shared it a few years ago, but it was a
[22:23] very
[22:25] uh
[22:25] for me it was a very
[22:28] powerful learning.
[22:30] Um the background is that when I first
[22:33] met my husband Jonathan [snorts] um
[22:37] say I think I was uh about this is about
[22:38] 13 years ago.
[22:40] I was running five days a week and very
[22:42] very active and you know very into being
[22:45] outside and physical.
[22:48] And within two years of living together
[22:52] um I could barely walk up inclines. I
[22:54] couldn't swim. I was in this downward
[22:56] spiral. So all the things that when we
[22:58] first got together we celebrated and
[23:00] loved doing you know the boogie boarding
[23:02] in the ocean and whether it was biking,
[23:04] hiking
[23:05] we couldn't do it.
[23:07] And I remember coming back from a
[23:09] particular time where we had taken some
[23:11] time off on Cape Cod and I hadn't been
[23:13] able to participate. We had friends
[23:15] visiting us and they all would go off
[23:17] and do things and I couldn't participate
[23:19] and when I got back here to Washington I
[23:23] was feeling very depressed. I was
[23:25] feeling distanced from him, not
[23:27] connected. I was feeling irritable.
[23:30] Um
[23:31] I was judging both of us.
[23:34] And I remember one afternoon uh kind of
[23:37] lying on our hammock and I was just uh
[23:40] feeling this wave of sadness and
[23:43] underneath the sadness was this this I
[23:46] missed our connection.
[23:49] And that was like that was the voice of
[23:52] bodhichitta the heart the more awake
[23:55] heart mind saying oh there's something
[23:56] sweet that's here but you're missing.
[24:00] And so that was an invitation to deepen
[24:02] attention.
[24:03] So that's when I started
[24:05] attending to the scales. The scales were
[24:08] my judgment and my distancing and my
[24:10] blaming and so on.
[24:12] And so I the recognizing and allowing of
[24:16] rain many of you are familiar if you're
[24:18] not it's an acronym that's pretty
[24:20] simple.
[24:21] Recognize and allow was was really
[24:23] recognizing how cut off and depressed I
[24:26] was and just letting those feelings be
[24:28] there as the allowing.
[24:30] And then when I was investigating,
[24:34] what is it I'm really not
[24:36] wanting to feel?
[24:38] I felt this kind of sinking ache and
[24:41] fear and this vulnerability that really
[24:43] had to do with shame.
[24:45] And the shame was and the the belief was
[24:47] that um I'm not the woman he married.
[24:51] You know, it's like uh you know, I'm
[24:53] pulling his life down. I'm getting old
[24:56] and infirm and not lovable and
[24:59] that was really hard to feel. That was
[25:01] the investigating. It's this shame about
[25:04] who I was becoming as a sick person.
[25:07] And when I sensed that deep inquiry of
[25:10] how does this want me to be with it, it
[25:12] was really a a very uh
[25:16] a very full and tender and caring
[25:19] presence. So as many of you know, I I
[25:22] this is my practice of self
[25:25] metta or self-love is to put my hands on
[25:27] my heart and really offer in tremendous
[25:30] amount of presence and care. So this is
[25:33] really where the sense of um
[25:36] the my evolved future self, my my awake
[25:40] loving heart was really bathing the
[25:43] place of shame and insecurity.
[25:46] Okay? And the more that I sat there and
[25:49] held that place, the more I became that
[25:52] place of caring presence. Now a few
[25:54] comments on this.
[25:57] Well, first I'll share that
[25:59] back just so you get you know I don't
[26:01] leave you hanging on the relational
[26:03] piece that when I did go back, you know
[26:07] I felt like once I was live resting in a
[26:10] larger space of heart mind, I could name
[26:12] the vulnerability and be real with
[26:14] Jonathan and that let him name his own
[26:17] feelings of powerlessness and fear of
[26:20] what was happening and how could he do
[26:22] more and he wasn't doing enough and in
[26:24] that sharing of vulnerability,
[26:27] it actually brought us so much closer
[26:31] than we had been by me being in my
[26:33] scaled place and him being in his scaled
[26:35] place and feeling powerless and kind of
[26:37] covering it over with worry.
[26:40] But I want to
[26:42] make a comment on really how
[26:46] I was responding in an evolutionary way
[26:50] to whether you call it my future self or
[26:53] you call it bodhichitta, the awakened
[26:55] heart mind.
[26:57] That what even alerted me
[27:00] to deepen my attention to the scales
[27:04] was some
[27:06] tender, sad, loving place that wanted to
[27:09] reconnect.
[27:11] And we all have that longing in us.
[27:14] If we listen, in each of us there's a
[27:17] longing to love well, to not hold back
[27:19] our love.
[27:21] And that is the call of our future self.
[27:25] And then by paying attention to the
[27:27] scales, they started getting more
[27:29] transparent and I could reopen to
[27:33] inhabiting that that loving presence.
[27:37] So where I want to go to now
[27:40] is how we can facilitate that process,
[27:43] each of us, and when we run into
[27:45] suffering, more quickly turn to our
[27:48] evolved self.
[27:50] Not get so waylaid in being
[27:53] dominated by the limbic system,
[27:55] dominated by our fear, by our anger, by
[27:57] our jealousy.
[27:59] How can we more quickly remember the
[28:02] most awake, wise, loving place in us?
[28:07] And there's a really interesting
[28:08] question that I that I feel like we
[28:10] could start paying attention to, which
[28:12] is, you know, what evolutionary pole are
[28:14] we listening to at any moment?
[28:18] Are we listening to the voice of the
[28:19] past that's telling us what's wrong with
[28:21] us and others?
[28:23] Are we listening to that sense of
[28:25] longing and possibility and care?
[28:29] There's a uh
[28:31] friend that wrote a story and I want to
[28:33] tell you, read to you parts of it.
[28:36] His name's Logan Thomas and he's right
[28:38] now up at IMS, the Insight Meditation
[28:41] Society, working and so he wrote this as
[28:43] part of an article for a magazine. But
[28:46] he describes how he attending the uh
[28:50] I think it was a six-week retreat. No,
[28:52] it was a three-month retreat. Now that's
[28:54] a big deal. He went into a three-month
[28:56] retreat and he just says my first three
[28:58] weeks of the retreat were quite
[28:59] unpleasant to say the least. My mind
[29:01] constantly wandered, usually with the
[29:03] self-deprecating fantasies. It then
[29:06] berated me for not doing it right.
[29:09] And this was the theme for him that he
[29:13] was living with a uh kind of
[29:15] relentlessly critical mind, okay? This
[29:19] is the force of his evolutionary past.
[29:22] So he says I was meditating today. I got
[29:24] discouraged from the unrelenting
[29:25] thoughts. A voice then sounded in my
[29:28] head.
[29:29] It's okay. You're doing great.
[29:31] It takes a lot of courage to do what
[29:32] you're doing. You're not alone.
[29:36] The unexpected wise voice spawned a
[29:37] river of tears and the wondering if the
[29:39] kindness and goodness in the voice could
[29:41] really be coming from inside me.
[29:44] I began letting go into the meditation.
[29:46] I felt the observer, the watcher
[29:49] dissipate as I became immersed into
[29:51] bodily sensations.
[29:53] This letting go usually causes fear that
[29:55] I'll lose control and that something or
[29:57] someone will harm me. But I heard the
[30:00] wise voice saying so reassuringly, it's
[30:03] okay. It's okay.
[30:05] Let go. It's okay.
[30:08] I reluctantly trusted it, letting my
[30:10] guard down.
[30:11] The voice met my vulnerability with a
[30:13] mellifluous there. You're not alone
[30:16] anymore.
[30:18] I lost it. I cried my eyes out. I
[30:21] fearfully wondered if this wise voice
[30:23] would ever leave me. I promptly heard,
[30:26] I'm not going anywhere.
[30:27] I lost it again. The sheer kindness,
[30:30] wisdom, and support of the wise voice
[30:32] tapped the depths of my reservoir of
[30:34] tears. Then it hit me.
[30:37] Is this voice me?
[30:46] As part of his practice,
[30:49] it's really to listen to you and trust
[30:53] in a growing way that voice.
[30:56] And it's such a clear expression of
[30:59] evolution that the pull from the past,
[31:01] the force of the critical voice that
[31:03] still takes over and is incredibly
[31:05] convincing.
[31:06] And this pull from this evolutionary
[31:09] potential, the the future self, which is
[31:12] the wise voice.
[31:14] And so
[31:15] for each of us, there are different ways
[31:18] that we can begin to listen for and
[31:22] cultivate a relationship with and
[31:24] [snorts] respond to
[31:27] the most awake part of our being.
[31:29] Each one of you who's listening right
[31:31] now has that awakeness
[31:34] and can deepen your relationship with
[31:35] it.
[31:37] So I'd like to um lead you in a short
[31:40] guided practice
[31:42] that's called calling on your future
[31:44] self.
[31:45] And
[31:47] as you adjust how you're sitting,
[31:52] I'd just like to name that if
[31:54] the metaphor of your future self doesn't
[31:58] sit well for you,
[32:00] you can just say calling on your most
[32:02] awake
[32:04] loving heart,
[32:05] calling on
[32:07] bodhichitta, taking refuge
[32:10] in bodhichitta,
[32:12] in your awake heart mind.
[32:14] However you like to language it. So when
[32:17] you hear me use the words future self,
[32:18] please feel free to translate if that's
[32:20] helpful.
[32:22] But for many, you'll find [snorts] that
[32:23] it's actually a skillful and useful
[32:26] terms you might experiment.
[32:32] Okay, so finding a comfortable position
[32:35] and take some moments to on purpose
[32:38] relax.
[32:41] You might take a nice long deep in
[32:43] breath
[32:49] and then a slow out breath.
[32:52] Long slow out breath and feel the
[32:54] sensations of letting go, letting go of
[32:57] any tension or tightness in your body.
[33:02] And then a nice full deep in breath
[33:04] again.
[33:05] [snorts]
[33:08] And again with the out breath see if you
[33:10] can soften and loosen to the shoulders,
[33:13] the hands, the chest,
[33:15] the belly.
[33:19] Inhaling nice long deep in breath again.
[33:24] And with the out breath just letting go
[33:26] of whatever might not be necessary to
[33:28] hold on to. Letting go.
[33:31] Letting go.
[33:36] And letting your breath resume in its
[33:37] natural rhythm.
[33:44] You can imagine that you could journey
[33:46] forward in time
[33:49] that you're going to encounter your
[33:50] future self.
[33:52] Maybe 10 years.
[33:55] This is an older awake evolved version
[33:58] of yourself.
[34:03] If you're young you might imagine it as
[34:04] 20 years.
[34:07] And you might sense where this future
[34:09] self is living.
[34:10] Kind of the space
[34:12] that they're in.
[34:22] What they look like.
[34:29] And what the feeling of their presence
[34:31] is like.
[34:40] Let Let take that in. What's the feeling
[34:43] of your future self's presence like?
[34:56] You might let them know about something
[34:58] going on in your current life where
[35:00] you're aware of
[35:01] scales, barriers, some difficulty
[35:05] perhaps at work or
[35:07] relationships,
[35:11] something to do with your own behavior
[35:14] that's challenging.
[35:17] Just kind of put that forward and let
[35:19] that be included
[35:22] in the awareness of your future self.
[35:28] Sense their guidance.
[35:30] Sense how they perceive it and
[35:34] whatever
[35:36] whatever wisdom they might have to
[35:38] offer,
[35:41] whatever heart message.
[35:51] Just be receptive. Listen with an open
[35:54] heart.
[36:30] Before leaving, find out if there's a
[36:32] message your future self wants you to
[36:35] leave with.
[36:38] Something that will serve you in the
[36:39] moments of your current life.
[37:02] >> Take a moment to imagine the feeling and
[37:05] the wisdom in the heart of your future
[37:08] self filling you.
[37:12] Sense that energy and awakeness,
[37:15] kindness
[37:18] just filling you.
[37:24] The possibility of remembering what this
[37:26] is like, connecting with it during your
[37:28] daily life.
[37:38] Returning to this moment and sensing
[37:40] what you're carrying with you.
[37:45] Sense the
[37:47] presence and aliveness
[37:50] of your awake heart mind right here and
[37:53] now.
[38:10] [music]
[38:16] The poet Rumi says, sometimes you hear a
[38:19] voice through the door calling you.
[38:23] As a fish out of water hears the surf,
[38:27] come back.
[38:29] This turn toward what you deeply love
[38:32] saves you.
[38:36] This turn toward what you deeply love
[38:39] saves you.
[38:43] So this is the
[38:45] this is really the
[38:46] energy and vector of our evolutionary
[38:49] unfolding that
[38:51] the more we feel a sense of longing, a
[38:54] sense that that we really yearn to be
[38:57] all that we can be, to live from loving
[39:00] presence,
[39:02] the more we learn to turn towards that,
[39:05] to call on that,
[39:07] to listen to the messages from that, to
[39:10] respond to it.
[39:13] So it's like any other practice,
[39:16] the more you call on bodhichitta,
[39:19] your future self,
[39:21] the more you turn again and again
[39:22] towards it, listen, the more you're
[39:25] actually creating neural pathways in the
[39:28] brain that correlate with compassion and
[39:31] wisdom.
[39:33] You're going to be more awake.
[39:36] So in my own life over
[39:38] the last
[39:40] many months and so on, I've kind of been
[39:42] experimenting with ways of doing this
[39:45] and
[39:46] so I regular it's a regular practice
[39:48] that I'll be in some way sense some
[39:51] squeeze of
[39:53] um identifying as a separate self, some
[39:55] squeeze of small-mindedness where I'm,
[39:58] you know, circling in worry or I'm
[40:01] judging or whatever way caught. And I'll
[40:04] just say, okay,
[40:06] what's it like from the perspective of
[40:08] my more evolved being? And I actually
[40:10] imagine awareness like up in the corner
[40:12] of a room kind of looking down or in
[40:15] front of me looking down and at me and
[40:18] and just sensing, well, what's that
[40:19] perspective? And I'll sense the
[40:21] perspective that's perceiving this
[40:24] particular constellation of thoughts and
[40:26] feelings and not judging it, but just
[40:29] very aware, oh, these are the scales I'm
[40:32] identified with.
[40:34] And so as I sense that perspective, as
[40:37] I'm calling on that, you know, in a way
[40:39] I'll be listening for a message.
[40:41] And the message is almost always relax.
[40:47] Surprise, surprise.
[40:48] Be kind.
[40:50] Be here.
[40:52] Pretty much those three things.
[40:54] Relax, be kind, be here. You know, when
[40:56] dust is dust, none of this uh
[41:00] this circling in the brain matters. Just
[41:02] be here. Be kind. Relax.
[41:05] And then as I sense the message and as I
[41:08] sense that bigger presence, there is a
[41:10] natural releasing of the scales. We're
[41:13] really releasing the identification with
[41:15] the scales and a very spontaneous
[41:19] inhabiting
[41:21] that more evolved dimension of my being.
[41:24] But I do it over and over. And here's a
[41:26] couple of interesting pieces from
[41:28] cognitive science to encourage you,
[41:30] which is
[41:32] when you
[41:33] coach yourself or here in a guided
[41:36] meditation, the invitation
[41:38] to imagine something
[41:40] that you know about,
[41:42] to imagine your future self, to imagine
[41:45] the awakened heart mind, to imagine a
[41:47] pink elephant, for instance, okay?
[41:50] If I say imagine a pink elephant,
[41:53] it's harder not to perceive it than to
[41:56] perceive it.
[41:58] Once something's presented, imagine your
[42:01] future self, it's harder to move your
[42:03] attention away from that and forget it
[42:05] and try not to experience it because it
[42:08] exists. There's in reality an awakened
[42:11] part of your being.
[42:13] So cognitive science has shown that it's
[42:15] more work for the brain to not think of
[42:17] a pink elephant. So that's one thing to
[42:19] know about that I think is really
[42:20] interesting. And the other thing that
[42:22] we've that cognitive science knows is
[42:25] that you can imagine something and
[42:26] practice it in your mind and it will not
[42:29] only change neural pathways, it'll
[42:31] change your physiology and your
[42:33] psychology like if you want to practice
[42:36] your tennis serve.
[42:37] How many of you have tried this out with
[42:39] sports? Is anybody where you imagine a
[42:42] move?
[42:43] Well, if you visualize the perfect
[42:45] tennis serve over and over again, you're
[42:47] actually training your nervous system to
[42:49] do it.
[42:51] If over and over again you take refuge
[42:54] in bodhicitta, in the awakened heart
[42:57] mind,
[42:58] you actually are training yourself to
[43:01] come home
[43:02] to your full potential being.
[43:05] So a couple more words to say about
[43:09] that. One is that
[43:11] it's really natural that we will keep
[43:14] being tugged by the primitive wants and
[43:16] fears and all the ways they express
[43:19] themselves.
[43:21] So it's part of evolutions
[43:24] kind of design
[43:26] that we can begin to imagine and
[43:29] repeatedly reach towards what's
[43:31] possible.
[43:33] The poet Rilke puts it this way.
[43:38] God speaks to each of us
[43:41] as he makes us, then walks with us
[43:43] silently out of the night.
[43:45] These are the words we dimly hear.
[43:48] You sent out beyond your recall,
[43:52] go to the limits of your longing.
[43:55] Embody me.
[43:57] Flare up like a flame and make big
[43:59] shadows I can move in.
[44:02] Let everything happen to you, beauty and
[44:05] terror.
[44:06] Just keep going.
[44:08] No feeling is final.
[44:11] Don't let yourself lose me.
[44:14] Nearby is the country they call life.
[44:18] You will know it by its seriousness.
[44:21] Give me your hand.
[44:26] So we begin to hold hands more and more
[44:31] with the awakened heart mind,
[44:33] to listen to its wisdom,
[44:36] to be guided by its wisdom,
[44:39] to actually feel that heart space
[44:41] holding us.
[44:43] Finally, my
[44:45] does it really belong to us?
[44:48] Again, when we investigate, there's not
[44:50] nothing to own it.
[44:52] It's just here. In fact,
[44:54] what we perceive as my future self is a
[44:57] field of awake, tender awareness that
[45:00] your future self and your future sound
[45:02] and yours, it's just a field that's
[45:05] available and living through and the
[45:07] source of all of us.
[45:11] So,
[45:13] I'm offering a phrase and a guided
[45:15] meditation that's called by the Buddhist
[45:17] a skillful means. It's really useful
[45:20] when you're stuck in kind of everyday
[45:22] mind and feeling somewhat limited and in
[45:25] your story. Then my future self, wow,
[45:28] okay, there is something more.
[45:31] And then as you deepen in your sense of
[45:33] it, you discover it's always already
[45:36] here.
[45:39] Finally, to say that uh
[45:42] it's here in all of us, no matter how
[45:44] stuck we are,
[45:46] no matter how lost we feel.
[45:49] I remember some years ago a story Rachel
[45:52] Raymond
[45:53] get told about she's a physician, a wise
[45:56] woman, and she described uh how a man
[46:00] named Tim's had his father had
[46:02] Alzheimer's
[46:04] and it had been for 10 years of his life
[46:06] and despite the devoted care of his
[46:08] mother
[46:09] he had deteriorated and wasn't able to
[46:12] to speak or do much.
[46:14] And um
[46:16] and so so one Sunday Tim's mother was
[46:19] out doing shopping and his brother he
[46:23] and his brother, they were 15 and 17
[46:24] were watching football and his father
[46:26] was nearby in a chair and she writes
[46:28] this, suddenly he slumped forward and
[46:30] fell to the floor.
[46:31] Both sons realized immediately that
[46:33] something was terribly wrong. His color
[46:35] was gray and his breath uneven and
[46:37] rasping.
[46:39] Frightened, Tim's older brother told him
[46:41] to call 911. Before he could respond, a
[46:44] voice he had not heard in 10 years, his
[46:46] father hadn't spoken for 10 years,
[46:48] a voice he could merely remember
[46:50] interrupted,
[46:52] don't call 911 son, just tell your
[46:54] mother that I love her, tell her I'm
[46:56] right.
[46:58] And Tim's stepfather died.
[47:00] So Tim's a cardiologist and they they
[47:03] did an autopsy and so on. They his
[47:05] entire brain had been destroyed by a
[47:07] disease and yet
[47:09] bodhicitta was there.
[47:12] Consciousness, awareness was there. And
[47:15] this is the mystery that we can be in
[47:18] any state of mind. We can be reactive,
[47:21] we can be angry, we can feel small, we
[47:23] can feel hateful.
[47:25] Bodhicitta is the life that lives
[47:28] through us. The consciousness and heart
[47:30] is always there and always available.
[47:34] And you can begin this practice in any
[47:37] moment
[47:39] of just saying, okay, right now, and I
[47:41] invite you to check it out right this
[47:43] moment, even as you're listening, just
[47:45] to close your eyes and say right now,
[47:47] this moment.
[47:49] And from your sincerity,
[47:52] please may I sense
[47:55] that awakened heart mind, my future
[47:58] self,
[48:00] the evolved, wisest,
[48:02] most loving part of me.
[48:05] May I sense that presence right here.
[48:21] And to the degree that you feel that
[48:24] sincerity and you bring your full
[48:26] attention,
[48:28] you find it there.
[48:31] And you also find that you can open your
[48:33] eyes if you'd like.
[48:35] This shines through spontaneously
[48:37] regardless of calling on it. I think of
[48:39] children and I think of the light that
[48:41] shines through children and I'll read
[48:43] you just a a few
[48:45] um
[48:46] responses children gave to the question,
[48:49] what does love mean? These are four to
[48:51] eight year olds, okay?
[48:53] One little girl said, when my
[48:56] grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't
[48:58] bend over and paint her toenails
[48:59] anymore.
[49:01] So my grandfather does it for her all
[49:02] the time, even when his hands got
[49:04] arthritis too. That's love.
[49:08] Another one. When someone loves you, the
[49:11] way they say your name is different. You
[49:13] know that your name is safe in their
[49:16] mouth.
[49:18] Another one. Love is what's in the room
[49:20] with you at Christmas if you stop
[49:22] opening the presents and just listen.
[49:27] When you love somebody, your eyelashes
[49:29] go up and down and little stars come out
[49:31] of you.
[49:36] When you tell someone something bad
[49:38] about yourself and you're scared they
[49:40] won't love you anymore, but then you get
[49:42] surprised cuz not only do they still
[49:44] love you, they love you even more.
[49:48] You really shouldn't say I love you
[49:50] unless you mean it, but if you mean it,
[49:52] you should say it a lot. People forget.
[49:58] So we'll close now um with just taking a
[50:02] few moments again
[50:05] to reconnect.
[50:19] As you come into stillness,
[50:22] and feel this body breathing.
[50:35] Sense in these moments that you're again
[50:38] calling on your future self,
[50:41] most awake expression
[50:45] of your heart and mind.
[50:53] Your heart when it's full and not
[50:55] holding back love, just really open,
[50:58] tender.
[51:01] Bring to mind a dear one, someone you
[51:02] care a lot about.
[51:13] And as you look through these eyes of
[51:15] wisdom and with this open heart, just
[51:17] sense
[51:18] this person, how the light of
[51:21] bodhichitta, how their most awake heart
[51:24] mind lifts through them.
[51:28] You sense the aliveness and humor,
[51:31] intelligence,
[51:35] sensitivity, kindness,
[51:38] the expressions
[51:40] of their most evolved consciousness,
[51:43] how that lifts through them.
[51:59] And as you sense this, you might imagine
[52:01] in some way letting that person know
[52:05] being a mirror
[52:08] your experience
[52:10] of their awakened heart mind,
[52:12] what you love.
[52:24] Sensing how when we see the goodness and
[52:27] we acknowledge it, it makes it burn even
[52:29] brighter
[52:31] in both of us.
[52:50] And from that same awake heart mind,
[52:52] just experiencing the life that's right
[52:54] here that you call self.
[52:59] Sensing how
[53:02] this loving,
[53:03] this awakeness
[53:05] lifts through in this moment.
[53:16] Sensing how this
[53:18] heart of bodhichitta
[53:20] is vast and inclusive.
[53:24] She sense all those
[53:27] who are listening right now to this
[53:30] here and around the world.
[53:33] All those that feel that longing
[53:37] to really manifest
[53:40] their fullness.
[53:42] All those who that longing is still
[53:44] unconscious
[53:46] but in their depth want to wake up.
[53:50] Behold sensing all of us, all beings
[53:53] everywhere in this
[53:55] awakened heart.
[53:58] All species
[53:59] sensing that you can hold the earth
[54:02] our mother in your lap and all beings
[54:04] everywhere in this heart.
[54:09] And we close with the simple prayer that
[54:11] all beings
[54:14] awaken to the loving presence
[54:17] that is our shared source.
[54:21] That all beings might live from that
[54:23] loving presence.
[54:26] May there be peace on earth and peace
[54:28] everywhere.
[54:31] May all beings everywhere awaken
[54:34] and be free.
[54:39] Namaste and thank you.
[54:46] >> [bell]
