Transcript
[0:00] In 52 days, everything could change.
[0:04] >> Today on the Mel Robbins podcast,
[0:06] [music]
[0:07] the one, the only Dr. Eric Thomas.
[0:11] >> You have [music] more control
[0:14] than you think you have.
[0:15] >> For somebody who's feeling exhausted,
[0:17] [music] discouraged, they just want the
[0:19] year to be over, what do you want to say
[0:21] to that person?
[0:22] >> You are the greatest common denominator.
[0:26] Life is not about proving they're wrong.
[0:28] Life is about making things right for
[0:30] you. I'm daring somebody today to let
[0:33] the best version of you take over. 52
[0:35] days. Isn't it exciting? Let's go.
[0:46] >> [music]
[0:49] >> Dr. Eric Thomas, welcome to the Mel
[0:50] Robbins podcast.
[0:51] >> Thank you for having me, Mel. And how
[0:53] you feeling?
[0:54] >> I feel fantastic cuz you're here.
[0:56] >> Thank you. And I feel the same way
[0:58] because you're over there and I'm here.
[0:59] So, thank [laughter] you. Something
[1:01] magical is going to happen.
[1:02] >> Magical. Um, you know, you say that you
[1:05] can change your life in 52 days. When
[1:08] this conversation
[1:10] airs, there will be 52 days left this
[1:12] year.
[1:14] I would love to have you explain to the
[1:16] person who is listening right now how
[1:18] much could change about their life in 52
[1:20] days.
[1:20] >> Everything Everything could change. In
[1:23] 52 days, everything could change. And
[1:27] more importantly, everything you want to
[1:29] change can change in 52 days. You can
[1:33] end this year better than you've ever
[1:36] ended a year, and you could start the
[1:39] new year better than you started any
[1:41] year. It's up to you. You have the
[1:44] power. You literally have control. I'm
[1:47] telling you everything you want,
[1:49] everything you want to be, everything
[1:51] you want to do can happen in 52 days.
[1:55] So, do me a huge favor. You got to
[1:57] finish strong, all right? So, we got 52
[2:01] days to make the rest of our lives the
[2:04] best of our lives. 52 days.
[2:07] ISN'T THAT EXCITING? LET'S GO.
[2:09] >> I think it's really exciting because
[2:11] even if you're listening to this, you
[2:13] know, in the future, you can take on
[2:16] you're going to teach us how to do this
[2:18] a 52-day challenge. Now, tell me the
[2:20] origin of 52 days for you.
[2:23] >> This was a tough year for a lot of
[2:24] people.
[2:25] >> Yeah.
[2:25] >> This was a tough year. You know, this
[2:27] was one of those years where, you know,
[2:29] people just felt that they were their
[2:31] best self. They didn't feel, you know,
[2:33] their community, the gas prices, the
[2:35] groceries. Like, this was just a tough
[2:37] and you got to understand, I'm in
[2:39] Michigan. So, Michigan is like blue
[2:41] collar. You know, this is blue collar.
[2:43] It's like people rely on um the
[2:47] industry. It just was a tough year.
[2:49] People weren't where they were used to
[2:50] being. I said to myself, "Okay, you got
[2:53] to help them. You know, you got you got
[2:56] to give them hope." Right? Because when
[2:58] people start to lose hope and people
[2:59] start to lose faith, they become an
[3:02] uglier version of themselves and they
[3:04] start behaving in a way that's just not
[3:06] healthy and they can't get to their
[3:08] expected outcomes. And so, I was just
[3:10] sitting there and I was just praying. I
[3:11] was like, "Okay, okay, what story can I
[3:12] tell?" And I remember my boy Linton, he
[3:15] ran a prayer group and in the prayer
[3:17] group, he talked about Nehemiah and how
[3:20] in that particular time of that region,
[3:22] the the wall was torn down for like a
[3:23] hundred and something years, 140 years.
[3:26] And they rebuilt it in 52 days. And I
[3:28] was like, "Yo, I need that story right
[3:29] now." because people have been going
[3:31] through it 365 days or however many days
[3:33] they've been going through it. And I was
[3:34] like, "Yo, what can I say?" And you know
[3:37] what was so crazy? This is the first
[3:38] time and people said to me, "Eric, you
[3:40] have never done anything before where
[3:43] you made it easy for us.
[3:45] Like, you've never done that. That That
[3:46] was like, "This isn't you." Like, you're
[3:48] the grind. You're the get up, don't
[3:50] sleep guy. This is the very first time
[3:52] you ever told us
[3:54] where I'm not asking you to get to a
[3:56] place you've never been. I'm just asking
[3:58] you to get back to your best self. Like,
[4:00] whatever that was in 1990, 2001, 2005.
[4:05] Like I just want you to get back to the
[4:07] time where you woke up and you were
[4:08] excited about life. That you were
[4:10] excited about your family, you're
[4:11] excited about your your opportunity. And
[4:14] so I was like, let's just get back to
[4:15] that and and let's let's do it in 52
[4:16] days. Let's not try to do it in 7 days,
[4:18] let's not try to do it in 14 days. Let's
[4:20] do it Let's do it in 52 days. Take our
[4:22] time. Whatever you can do, just do that.
[4:24] And when I started telling people to do
[4:26] it and I started to see people light up
[4:28] and I started to hope coming back and
[4:30] the joy coming back. I was like, that's
[4:31] it. Don't focus on the 140 years where
[4:35] the wall's been down. Let's focus one
[4:37] day at a time that by the end of these
[4:39] 52 days, less than 2 months, we can feel
[4:42] good again. And then once we feel good,
[4:44] then we can go after it. What What Once
[4:46] there's hope, then we got But let's not
[4:48] try to tackle everything at one time.
[4:50] Let's just get our hope back. Let's get
[4:51] our dream back. Let's get clarity back.
[4:53] Let's get a sense of direction back.
[4:55] >> Well, you know, I'm so excited to talk
[4:57] to you because you are one of the most
[4:59] inspiring
[5:01] and empowering. You are like human
[5:05] rocket fuel.
[5:06] And it's infectious. And when I thought
[5:09] about when this episode was going to
[5:11] release,
[5:13] I looked at the calendar and I was like,
[5:15] wow, when we're dropping this episode,
[5:16] there's 52 days left in the year.
[5:19] >> Wow.
[5:20] >> And so our amazing producer Amy, who is
[5:23] working on this episode Yeah, amazing
[5:25] Amy, called you and said, okay, I want
[5:28] to get you in the mindset, Dr. Thomas,
[5:30] that there's going to be 52 days left in
[5:32] the year when this episode goes live and
[5:34] you're like, wait a minute, 52. Are you
[5:36] kidding me with the 52? But 52 has a
[5:38] personal meaning for you. So explain why
[5:41] 52 matters.
[5:42] >> Well, first of all, 52 matters because I
[5:43] just did it.
[5:44] >> What do you mean you just did it?
[5:45] >> I just went through a 52-day
[5:49] personal challenge. Now, I'll be honest,
[5:52] I did a 52-day challenge with everybody
[5:55] in my ecosystem, but before
[5:59] I asked them to do 52, I did 52. And I
[6:02] did 52 do I looked at my life and I said
[6:05] of the five pillars, four of them you're
[6:07] dominating but one you suck in. One you
[6:11] you you've lost. One is embarrassing.
[6:15] And so I said E, you got to take the
[6:17] principles from the other four and you
[6:18] got to bring that you got to bring that
[6:20] fifth one up. And so for 52 days mine
[6:23] was health. Now we'll talk about weight
[6:25] but it really wasn't about losing 30 lb.
[6:28] It was about
[6:30] pre-diabetes. It was about
[6:32] pre-hypertension. It was about mild
[6:35] sleep apnea. It was like E, where how
[6:37] could this happen to you? How did you
[6:40] get here? I woke up one day Mel was like
[6:42] E T? Like how did you get here? You
[6:45] wouldn't think Eric come on the hip hop
[6:47] preacher. And so it was an area where I
[6:50] was failing, where I was losing and I
[6:53] shouldn't be losing. And I was like you
[6:55] got to do something about it. And I
[6:56] decided before I brought the community
[6:59] in, I decided that Eric, you need to do
[7:01] it first to see if it really works.
[7:03] >> So let's go right to what happened
[7:06] because you and your wife Deidra had
[7:08] something to do with this but I want you
[7:10] to share for the person listening kind
[7:12] of that moment where you're like, oh my
[7:14] god, like this weight's embarrassing.
[7:17] >> I started with a goal that I was going
[7:19] to lose 20 something pounds and I was
[7:21] going to get well it was about 25 30 and
[7:24] I was like I got to get back to that
[7:25] like 215. And it was funny I was the
[7:28] book Greatness Is Upon You that I I
[7:30] wrote I looked at the book and I looked
[7:31] at that guy and I was like I had like
[7:33] the weight that that guy I liked the
[7:35] size of that guy but I hadn't been him
[7:37] in four or five years and I just kept
[7:39] saying to myself he's you're never going
[7:41] to get back to that. You're never going
[7:42] to get back to that. And one day I woke
[7:44] up this year and I said, you know what?
[7:46] You owe it to yourself to get back. And
[7:48] here's the cool thing about the 52 days.
[7:51] I wasn't trying to do something that I
[7:53] had never done before. I was just trying
[7:55] to get back to the best that I've ever
[7:58] been before. That and and that was
[8:00] different for me because before it was
[8:01] like, you know, I you know, work hard
[8:03] and grind and I was like no E, don't do
[8:05] that. Just get back to the best version
[8:07] you've ever been. And I was like 215
[8:09] lbs. And so I made a commitment to
[8:11] myself in 52 days I'm going to make the
[8:15] sacrifice. I'm going to make the
[8:17] commitment and I'm going to get back to
[8:18] that guy. And I remember the first 10
[8:21] days, uh my boy is like, "Get on the
[8:23] scale." I said, "I'm not." He said, "Get
[8:25] on the scale." I said, "No." He said,
[8:27] "Why won't you get on the scale?" I
[8:28] said, "Cuz I don't want to see if it's
[8:30] working or not."
[8:31] I I because if I get on the scale and
[8:33] I'm not where I want to be, I'm I'm I'm
[8:35] going to stop. I'm going to be
[8:36] discouraged. I'm going to quit. He said,
[8:37] "No, get on the scale." And I got on the
[8:40] scale and I had only lost 3 lbs and like
[8:42] 10
[8:44] days, 14 days. And it was like, "No, no,
[8:45] no, no, no, no."
[8:46] "E, you can do it, but whatever you're
[8:48] doing is not working." And I'm telling
[8:50] you, I changed my diet, I changed my
[8:51] mindset, I got on the treadmill, I was
[8:54] doing resistance, I was in the sauna.
[8:57] And in 52 days, and it was so funny,
[9:00] man. I remember the the the uh the suit
[9:03] that I wore when me and DD did our 21st
[9:06] year uh vow renewal. And I put it on,
[9:09] couldn't fit it. Couldn't put it on,
[9:10] couldn't fit it. Every day I would put
[9:11] it on. And then one day I could button
[9:13] it. And then one day I could button it
[9:15] with a shirt on. And then one day it
[9:18] fit. And then one day I had room. So I'm
[9:19] saying, in 52 days, if you make the
[9:22] commitment, you can change. And so for
[9:24] me, it wasn't about anything but getting
[9:26] back to my best self. So I did it. I
[9:29] lost the weight, I put the clothes back
[9:31] on, I started grabbing outfits that I
[9:33] couldn't wear in three or four years.
[9:35] And it just felt so good to make a
[9:37] commitment to myself and keep it. I've
[9:39] done it before. I've made a promise to
[9:41] myself before that I didn't keep. This
[9:43] was the first time that I made the
[9:45] promise and I kept the promise. I don't
[9:46] know if it was the weight or if it was
[9:49] the promise I kept to myself. But in 52
[9:51] days, I got back in that large uh when
[9:54] you want to succeed as bad as you want
[9:55] to breathe shirt, and it felt
[9:57] phenomenal. And let me tell you what was
[9:58] the most exciting thing, rewarding thing
[10:01] about the 52 days. My mother called me
[10:03] every day and was like, "Son, I'm doing
[10:05] the 52-day challenge."
[10:07] And my mother was having this like
[10:09] overthinking thing. You know, my mother
[10:11] was in a funk, you know, my mother
[10:14] wasn't like her best self, like the
[10:15] mother that I knew growing up working at
[10:18] Ford and you know, doing her thing and
[10:20] and my mom called me and was like, "Son,
[10:22] I got it, son." She like had a aha
[10:24] moment. So, for me it was like, "Yo, I
[10:25] changed in the 52 days, but my mom like
[10:28] my mom knows me inside and out." Like
[10:30] it's nothing I can say to my mom that's
[10:31] going to be like, "Oh, that's
[10:32] inspirational. Oh, that's I've never
[10:34] heard you say that before." But the 52
[10:35] days she said, "Son, you gave me a North
[10:37] Star."
[10:39] Like I I for whatever reason I retired
[10:41] and I didn't have a North Star. I I
[10:43] wasn't waking up with a sense of
[10:45] purpose. I I did My mom said I lost my
[10:47] identity and these 52 days gave me
[10:50] something to wake up for, something to
[10:53] go get, something to go to bed at night
[10:56] for. And not only can we end strong, we
[10:58] can actually start 2027
[11:01] in a way that we've never started a year
[11:02] before.
[11:03] >> That's so true and there are seven
[11:05] >> Yeah.
[11:05] >> 52-day blocks in a year.
[11:08] >> Now, stop and think about how crazy that
[11:09] is because there's seven days in a week.
[11:11] >> Yes.
[11:12] >> There's 52 weeks in a year.
[11:14] >> Yes.
[11:14] >> And there's seven of those blocks
[11:17] in the year.
[11:18] >> So, no matter when you're hearing this,
[11:21] there is an opportunity for you to
[11:24] experience a whole different version of
[11:26] you
[11:27] >> in a matter of 52 days.
[11:30] >> And so, I'm giving you something that I
[11:31] physically did, that my mother did and I
[11:34] know if you do the 52 days, you're going
[11:36] to end this year off feeling so good
[11:38] about yourself. And when you feel good
[11:40] ending a year, you're going to go into
[11:42] the next year in a way you've never gone
[11:44] into a year before.
[11:45] >> We are going to unpack
[11:46] >> Yeah.
[11:46] >> specifically
[11:48] how to set up the 52 days
[11:51] >> for sure. But where I really want to
[11:54] hover for just a minute with you because
[11:56] you said something that struck me. So,
[11:58] for the person that's feeling
[11:59] overwhelmed and exhausted because how
[12:01] could you not with the state of the
[12:02] world? How could you not with the what's
[12:05] going on in your neighborhood? How could
[12:07] you not given that you probably have a
[12:09] family member that's struggling, you
[12:10] might be struggling financially
[12:12] or maybe you're just worried about
[12:13] things. There's so much out of people's
[12:15] control. For somebody who's feeling
[12:17] exhausted, discouraged, they just want
[12:18] the year to be over.
[12:20] What do you want to say to that person
[12:23] about how they're going to feel by the
[12:24] time we end this conversation?
[12:26] >> You know, I I want to say to them
[12:30] you have more control
[12:32] than you think you have.
[12:34] And here here's Okay, so Mel, here's the
[12:36] crazy part about the 52.
[12:38] The crazy part part about the 52 is for
[12:40] the first time in my life I saw
[12:43] while you've lost control in this area.
[12:46] >> Okay.
[12:46] >> There other areas you have control in.
[12:49] Borrow from the areas that you are in
[12:51] control. There were areas in my life
[12:54] that I had not lost control and I needed
[12:56] to borrow
[12:58] >> Mhm.
[12:58] >> from the strategies and the techniques
[13:00] and the skills I was using in areas that
[13:02] was working and bring it over. I'm going
[13:05] to tell you one thing, Mel, that that
[13:06] changed everything for me in terms of
[13:08] like you said, it wasn't about health.
[13:09] It was
[13:10] How did I lose control? When I was in my
[13:12] 20s, I I wasn't going to the doctor and
[13:14] they were saying that. In my 30s, this
[13:16] is new to me. I've never been to the
[13:17] doctor before and the doctor told me
[13:19] that, you know, I I had blood high blood
[13:21] pressure and that I could stroke out.
[13:23] Like I'd never heard I'd never heard
[13:24] that language before. And so at first it
[13:26] was overwhelming until I said to myself
[13:30] from a speaking standpoint, Eric
[13:33] you have control. You're traveling the
[13:35] world. You I was outside the hotel and
[13:37] people was driving around stopping. ET,
[13:39] what are you doing on the street? Says
[13:41] I'm here TO SEE MEL.
[13:42] >> [laughter]
[13:42] >> I I GOT I GOT A PODCAST. AND SO but what
[13:46] I realized was in my health
[13:48] I was not intentional deliberate.
[13:50] >> Mhm.
[13:50] >> I did not have Diddy's on my schedule. I
[13:53] know exactly what time Diddy and I going
[13:54] to meet every day. I know for how long
[13:56] we're going to meet. I know how to get
[13:57] an A from Diddy. I know what a B is. I
[13:59] know what failing is like like I I I
[14:01] know. But in my health I never had
[14:04] working out on the schedule.
[14:06] I never had what are you eating? I never
[14:08] measured what I would eat when I would I
[14:10] I I didn't
[14:11] So so so for me it was no, this is going
[14:14] to be easy. Borrow from an area where
[14:16] you're already great, where you're
[14:18] already conquering, and just bring those
[14:21] same skill sets into a place where
[14:23] you've lost control. And when I start
[14:25] scheduling, when I stop compromising,
[14:27] when I stop negotiating, I said, "Look,
[14:28] you're going to work out every single
[14:29] day. It's not a It's not It's not
[14:31] optional. Like, you're going to get up
[14:33] and you're going to get up at 3:00, 4:00
[14:35] in the morning, and you're going to go
[14:36] get on the treadmill, and you're going
[14:37] to do resistance
[14:38] >> That sounds terrible.
[14:39] >> and you're going to sit in the sauna.
[14:41] Like, you're going to do that. And it's
[14:42] not It's non-negotiable. The same way
[14:44] you watch football every Sunday, the
[14:46] same way you sit down and watch Monday
[14:47] night football, you're going to take
[14:49] your health and you're going to put it
[14:51] in a category, and and you're going to
[14:53] watch it, and you're going to measure
[14:55] it, and then you're going to call your
[14:56] best friends, and you're going to tell
[14:58] them, "Hey, I'm working out today at
[14:59] this time. Call me to see if I really
[15:01] worked out. I'm going to send you
[15:02] pictures." And once I Once I start doing
[15:04] it, I got control back. And no, it
[15:07] wasn't visible until maybe the 48th day,
[15:11] but I got control back, man. As soon as
[15:13] I said, "This is what I'm going to do.
[15:15] I'm not taking no for an answer, and I'm
[15:17] going to conquer in this way." And I'm
[15:19] so excited because I use the same skills
[15:21] that I was using to win over here, I put
[15:24] them where I was losing, and guess what?
[15:26] 52 days later, I start winning again.
[15:28] >> Well, and you can use the skills of
[15:30] getting your kids to daycare on time in
[15:33] order to be on time for yourself. You
[15:35] can, you know, use the skills of taking
[15:37] care of everybody else to start learning
[15:39] how to take care of yourself. And we're
[15:41] going to get to that, but I because the
[15:43] person who's listening may not know the
[15:45] gift
[15:46] >> Yes.
[15:46] >> that is Dr. Eric Thomas.
[15:49] >> Yes.
[15:50] >> When you talk about the fact that you
[15:52] can change your life with a decision,
[15:54] that you can change who you are, you
[15:58] really mean it. And one of the reasons
[16:01] why you mean it is because you yourself
[16:05] have been homeless. You yourself have
[16:07] been discouraged. You yourself have been
[16:10] in a place in life where there's every
[16:12] reason in the world to either quit
[16:15] >> Yeah.
[16:15] >> or to say, "I have screwed this up so
[16:17] much there's no turning back."
[16:18] >> Yeah. Can you put us at the moment that
[16:20] changed your life?
[16:21] >> So I'm going to sound like a weirdo when
[16:23] I say homelessness [snorts]
[16:24] was the best thing that ever happened to
[16:25] me.
[16:26] >> What do you mean by that?
[16:27] >> What I mean by that is before homeless,
[16:30] everybody else was the reason why my
[16:33] life was messed up. Like so I have I had
[16:36] mom like mom was like number one. It's
[16:38] like ma, I can't read, I can't write.
[16:41] Mom, uh um you know, I'm getting in
[16:43] trouble with the law. Mom, everything
[16:45] that's going wrong in my life is because
[16:47] you got pregnant as a teenager.
[16:49] Everything number two was my biological
[16:52] father. I had him right under mom. He
[16:54] probably was number one, but because he
[16:55] wasn't around, I didn't get to blame him
[16:57] as much, but I got to just mom throw
[16:59] darts at mom, make every excuse,
[17:01] everything that ever gone wrong, mom,
[17:03] mom, mom, dad, dad, dad. And and and
[17:06] Mel, this is crazy. I was probably 16,
[17:09] maybe I could have been 17 cuz I was
[17:11] working at McDonald's on Fenkell and
[17:12] Wyoming in Detroit. And uh we got pulled
[17:15] over by the police. It was probably
[17:16] about
[17:18] 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. My boy had
[17:21] stolen Well, I don't know if you want to
[17:22] call it steal, but he was into some
[17:24] activities where the person didn't pay,
[17:26] and so he kept their vehicle. And so I'm
[17:28] in the car with him, and um we got
[17:30] pulled over by the police. I tried to
[17:32] explain to police I had nothing to do
[17:33] with any of this, nothing to do with the
[17:34] stuff in the car, nothing to do with the
[17:36] stolen car. Like I got on a McDonald's
[17:37] outfit. What do you
[17:39] He didn't believe me, so we went to
[17:40] jail. And it was in jail. I was by
[17:43] myself, and it hit me, Mel, your mom's
[17:46] not in prison
[17:48] or in jail. Your dad's not in jail. Your
[17:50] mom's somewhere going to work. Your
[17:51] dad's somewhere in Chicago going to
[17:53] work. You're You're homeless and you're
[17:56] in jail. And that was the day I realized
[17:59] my mom doesn't know the police officer
[18:01] who pulled me over. The police officer
[18:03] doesn't know my counselor who kicked me
[18:04] out of school. The counselor doesn't
[18:06] know my
[18:07] I I could go And I was like, Eric, who's
[18:09] the common denominator? And I said, Eric
[18:12] Thomas is And so that was the first time
[18:14] I was by myself, and I couldn't point at
[18:17] my mom, and I couldn't point at my dad,
[18:19] and I couldn't point at where I was
[18:20] born. And I couldn't point and it was
[18:22] like, Eric, you know everybody in the
[18:24] story, but everybody in the story
[18:26] doesn't know each other like you are the
[18:28] greatest common denominator. And it was
[18:31] at that point that I realized where your
[18:33] focus goes, your energy flows. Your
[18:35] focus has been on your mom. That's why
[18:37] your life hasn't changed. Your focus has
[18:39] been on your dad. That's why your life
[18:40] hasn't changed. Eric, your focus not
[18:43] needs to be on you. What are your
[18:44] strengths
[18:45] and what are your limitations and how do
[18:48] you fix them? Because again, now you can
[18:51] easily say I'm homeless because it is.
[18:53] You can say every reason why you're in
[18:55] the state you're in. It's not going to
[18:57] get you out of the state. And I was
[18:58] like, Eric, I don't want to be homeless
[19:00] for the rest of my life. I don't want to
[19:01] be 30 homeless. I don't want to be 30
[19:03] broke. I don't want to be 30 in this
[19:05] environment where somebody's putting me
[19:07] and like you know what it feels like
[19:08] that somebody put handcuffs on you. You
[19:10] know what it's like for somebody to put
[19:11] you in the back of a car. You know what
[19:13] it's like to put some put you in jail
[19:15] and you got to eat the food and there's
[19:16] a toilet in the middle. This is the
[19:18] first time in my life. I was like, what
[19:19] did you do? How did you get yourself in
[19:21] this mess? And I heard something say,
[19:24] the same guy that got you in it can get
[19:25] you out of it. He's the same dude.
[19:28] You're okay. Don't it's don't be
[19:30] alarmed. Don't don't don't fear. The guy
[19:33] that got you in this, if his focus
[19:35] changes from mom, dad, the teacher, the
[19:37] school system, if his focus changes to
[19:39] Eric Thomas,
[19:41] you can get yourself out of this. And
[19:43] that was the day that I said, there's
[19:45] nothing I can do about
[19:47] where I am,
[19:48] but if they let me go
[19:50] and I don't know what happened, but my
[19:52] boy said he had nothing to do with the
[19:53] car. He had nothing to do with the
[19:55] substance in here. I just picked him up
[19:57] from and they let me go. And I love my
[19:59] mom cuz they called my mom and my mom
[20:01] said, I'm I'm definitely not bailing him
[20:02] out. I don't go to work every day to
[20:04] bail him out of jail. He's not He
[20:05] shouldn't even be in the situation. He
[20:07] comes from a good home. He shouldn't
[20:08] even be in it.
[20:09] I I don't know what he's going to do,
[20:10] but he's going to have to figure it out.
[20:12] And they let me go two and a half three
[20:13] days later and I walked out of there
[20:16] with no cab fare, no bus fare, but I
[20:19] walked out that day and I said, Eric,
[20:21] you owe you.
[20:22] You owe you to get yourself together and
[20:24] stop making these crazy decisions and
[20:26] stop blaming and being a victim and
[20:29] become a victor.
[20:31] >> I want to thank our new sponsor ADT
[20:34] because they know that you can't control
[20:36] everything that happens in a day and
[20:37] trying to well, that'll get you nowhere.
[20:40] But the one thing you can do, get
[20:42] yourself an ADT home security system to
[20:44] give you more peace of mind and make
[20:46] sure you, your family and your home are
[20:49] all protected. With ADT you can choose
[20:52] what's best for you. Professional
[20:53] installation or do it yourself with ADT
[20:56] blue. And then boom, you got 24/7
[20:59] professional monitoring with pros ready
[21:01] around the clock when the alarm signal
[21:03] comes in and plus they also have an app.
[21:05] It's called ADT plus and it's going to
[21:08] let you keep an eye on things from just
[21:10] about anywhere and you know I'm always
[21:11] doing that. Join the 15 million plus
[21:14] people who trust ADT with their home
[21:15] security because again, you can't
[21:17] control everything but you can feel
[21:18] better about protecting what matters
[21:20] most. Visit adt.com and call
[21:23] 1-800-ADT-ASAP
[21:26] to get started today. When every second
[21:28] counts, count on ADT.
[21:31] So let's unpack the blaming thing. So
[21:33] where your focus goes, your energy flows
[21:37] and a lot of people
[21:39] are spending a lot of time blaming,
[21:41] blaming the government, blaming the
[21:43] their past, blaming this, blaming that
[21:45] and look, there's lots of moments in
[21:48] life where someone else or something
[21:50] else is to blame and it's not fair and
[21:53] your point when you say you owe you is
[21:57] what?
[21:57] >> So so
[22:00] and I'm just saying this cuz I know
[22:01] somebody's listening you're like, "Eric,
[22:03] you don't know."
[22:04] And I don't. You're like, "You don't
[22:06] know what they did to me." And I don't.
[22:08] I know what they did to me.
[22:10] But here's the deal.
[22:12] If they were intentionally and
[22:14] deliberately trying to destroy me, I'm
[22:16] not going to give them fuel.
[22:19] So like if that was their whole point
[22:21] like we going to destroy you. Like we
[22:22] going to make sure you're not happy.
[22:24] We're going to make sure you're not
[22:25] successful. If that's what they were
[22:27] attempting to do, I'm not going to aid
[22:29] you in that. So, you're absolutely
[22:31] right. There are certain things that
[22:33] happened to me that should not have
[22:35] happened to me.
[22:36] But, at the end of the day, I've got to
[22:39] do what I need to do to make sure the
[22:41] story doesn't end with me going to jail.
[22:44] The story doesn't end with me being a
[22:45] high school dropout. Yes, you're right.
[22:48] They were wrong. But, life is not about
[22:51] proving they're wrong. Life is about
[22:53] making things right for you. And so, I
[22:55] could go on and on about who's wrong and
[22:57] how I got in the predicament I get in
[22:59] and whose fault it was. But, at the end
[23:01] of the day, I want to hold the power. I
[23:05] want to control my own life. And by
[23:08] making better decisions, I went from GED
[23:10] to PhD, from homeless to to owning real
[23:13] estate. And so, I'm saying to everybody
[23:14] that's out there, you're right. Which
[23:16] side do you want to look at? Do you want
[23:17] to look at the side that they were
[23:18] wrong? And guess what? You would be
[23:21] totally right to say they were wrong.
[23:23] You have every right to say what they
[23:24] did to you. You're right. I'm just
[23:26] saying you're giving them the control
[23:28] when you do that. And I want the power.
[23:30] I want to control. I made up in my mind
[23:33] that is not going to be my reality. So,
[23:34] do me a favor. You're right. You can
[23:36] talk about everything they did wrong, or
[23:38] you can look at your strengths, and you
[23:39] can look at your
[23:40] opportunities, and you can put all your
[23:42] energy in that, and you can sit
[23:44] somewhere different 52 days from now uh
[23:47] 52 weeks from now 52 years from now. You
[23:50] could be in a better state. So, for me,
[23:52] absolutely, they're wrong, but I'm not
[23:54] going to focus on their wrong. I'm going
[23:55] to focus on my right.
[23:56] >> Well, you said something I want to make
[23:58] sure we take a giant highlighter.
[24:00] >> Because you said, "Even if
[24:03] somebody is treating you wrong,
[24:05] >> Yeah.
[24:06] >> I am not going to aid you
[24:08] in that."
[24:09] >> I'm not going to aid you.
[24:09] >> And it sent just a chill down my spine
[24:13] because I think about how much time I
[24:16] wasted
[24:19] being all upset and spending lots of
[24:21] time yep yep yep yep yep talking about
[24:24] how they wronged me and this that and
[24:26] the other. And when you do that,
[24:29] you are aiding them
[24:31] in the power that they have over you.
[24:33] And when you instead just start where
[24:36] you are and you say, you owe you.
[24:39] From this point forward, I can take
[24:41] responsibility and make a decision that
[24:43] where I'm at right now does not define
[24:46] where I'm going.
[24:48] When when you're in a moment in your
[24:50] life where there's so much out of your
[24:51] control,
[24:52] what can you actually control and where
[24:55] do you want the person who feels out of
[24:57] control right now to focus?
[24:59] >> Yeah, I say perspective and decisions.
[25:02] I feel like those two. So so I'm going
[25:03] to be honest.
[25:05] Before I made the change, mail to be to
[25:08] be totally transparent,
[25:11] I didn't want to do the work.
[25:14] >> [laughter]
[25:14] >> I'm
[25:15] Guys, I
[25:16] I'm I owe my mother such an apology. And
[25:18] you know, we talked. My mom said to me,
[25:20] um it's it's it's probably last year.
[25:22] Which you know, you know how it is, man.
[25:24] You open up and you start, you know, you
[25:25] do the therapy and just stuff comes out.
[25:27] My mom was like, "Yo, I was so hurt
[25:30] how how you framed me. Like the picture
[25:34] that you painted of me with everybody."
[25:36] And you know what? I did not want
[25:39] opportunities. I wanted attention. I
[25:41] wanted an audience.
[25:43] >> want opportunities. I wanted attention.
[25:45] >> I I didn't want to change. I didn't want
[25:47] better. I just wanted an audience. I
[25:49] just I just wanted a group of people to
[25:52] understand how much she hurt me.
[25:55] I don't even know if she hurt me the way
[25:56] I thought she hurt me. That's why I say
[25:57] you got to change your perspective. But
[25:59] I felt like she hurt me by not telling
[26:01] me who my biological father was. And I
[26:04] just wanted everybody to be on my side.
[26:06] I didn't want to change. I didn't want
[26:08] to grow. I just wanted everybody to say,
[26:11] "She was wrong and you're right." And as
[26:13] long as I was in that mental state, as
[26:15] long as that was my aim, that was my
[26:17] focus. Again, where your focus goes,
[26:20] your energy flows. So my focus was, she
[26:22] wronged me. My biological father, he
[26:24] wronged me. So nothing changed in my
[26:25] life. Nothing happened for me. No,
[26:27] actually it did. I got what I I
[26:29] I got attention. I didn't want growth. I
[26:31] didn't want change. I didn't want to be
[26:33] better. I just wanted to say, she did
[26:35] it, he did it, and if she didn't do it
[26:37] and he didn't do it, I wouldn't be where
[26:38] I am. And then what when I was in in in
[26:41] in jail and in homeless, homeless was
[26:43] beautiful cuz homeless I got to spend
[26:45] time alone.
[26:46] >> Huh.
[26:46] >> Here's the beautiful thing about
[26:47] homeless. I couldn't say it was my
[26:49] mother's fault anymore. Like I finally
[26:51] had my life in my hands and I kept
[26:54] messing up. I had my I got I got fired
[26:56] from McDonald's. It was the best job I
[26:59] ever had in my life. Now listen to me,
[27:00] McDonald's was great because I worked
[27:02] from 5:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. so I didn't
[27:04] have to have a hotel. I didn't have to
[27:05] have a place to stay. I was one of the
[27:07] best there. It was more than a job. It
[27:10] It was the to stay off the streets, to
[27:12] say I lost my job telling an elderly
[27:15] lady, I'll spit in your food.
[27:17] My manager said to me, Eric, you're the
[27:19] best that I have. I wouldn't I would let
[27:22] it go. I would just tell you don't ever
[27:24] do that again. But the owner told me I
[27:27] had to And when I when he I gave him my
[27:29] my ribbon and I turned in all my stuff
[27:32] and I walked away and I said, your mom
[27:33] didn't do this.
[27:34] Your biological father didn't tell
[27:36] nobody was going to spit in their food.
[27:37] You said you was going to spit in their
[27:38] food. You lost your job cuz of your
[27:40] mouth. You lost your job because you're
[27:42] hurt and you're taking that hurt
[27:44] everywhere you go and it doesn't matter
[27:46] if you go to college, it doesn't matter
[27:48] if you get another job. That hurt shows
[27:50] up everywhere you go and it destroys
[27:52] everything you do and that hurt is not
[27:54] your mother's hurt, it's not your That's
[27:56] your hurt. And so forget the audience.
[27:58] Forget if everybody claps and if
[28:00] everybody affirms you. So first of all,
[28:01] why do you want to be affirmed? Cuz my
[28:02] biological father wasn't in my life.
[28:04] Okay, deal with that. Say it out loud.
[28:06] Talk to your therapist. Your mom got you
[28:08] a therapist. You don't even want to talk
[28:09] to the therapist. Open your mouth and
[28:11] tell the therapist, I'm hurt. It It It
[28:13] It It pains me to see other kids
[28:16] at sporting events with their fathers.
[28:19] It hurts me to go to the parent-teacher
[28:20] conference and they have their
[28:22] biological father. It hurts to see the
[28:24] older males pictures of three
[28:25] generations and you don't have pictures
[28:27] with your biological father. You don't
[28:29] know who your grandpa Just say it hurts.
[28:31] But stop walking around masquerading
[28:33] like you're this tough guy. You're not
[28:34] fighting because you're tough, you're
[28:36] fighting because you're hurt. You're not
[28:38] hard because you you're hard? You're not
[28:41] hard, you're hurt. And so I had to say,
[28:43] "Eric, this has nothing to do with your
[28:46] mom. This pain has nothing to do with
[28:48] your dad. This is you. And you owe you
[28:52] to fix it, to be honest and transparent
[28:55] and fix it." And so 1,000% mail, that
[28:59] that was the thing that that I would say
[29:01] to somebody who's sitting here, you have
[29:03] control. Everything that is ailing you,
[29:06] you can deal with it, you could be
[29:07] transparent, you can get help. Or you
[29:10] can continue to blame. I'm telling you I
[29:12] blamed and it didn't bring me to it I
[29:15] didn't attract the male Robins in the
[29:17] world when I attracted the police
[29:19] officers and other people who weren't
[29:21] who didn't have a north star, who had no
[29:23] clarity, who were hurt.
[29:24] >> You're right. If you're focused on all
[29:26] the excuses, if you're focused on all
[29:28] the reasons, if you're focused on all
[29:29] the hurt in the past, if you're focused
[29:31] on the people that did you wrong,
[29:33] >> you literally attract more of that.
[29:36] >> Absolutely.
[29:36] >> When you focus on making a decision
[29:39] to change yourself because that's the
[29:41] only thing you can control,
[29:44] now your energy is moving in a forward
[29:47] positive direction and it starts to
[29:49] build. Was there a moment when you
[29:53] remember making a decision like this is
[29:56] the turning point? This is I am
[29:59] changing.
[29:59] >> Yeah. I I I remember
[30:02] it has nothing to do with church, but it
[30:04] has everything to do with an individual
[30:07] at church or individuals.
[30:09] And I was fortunate enough to at that
[30:11] time
[30:13] um
[30:14] be in the proximity of Didi who's now
[30:17] was my girlfriend, became my wife. And
[30:19] there were others
[30:20] there who were going to college. And
[30:23] Didi pulled me to the side. This is why
[30:25] proximity is so important.
[30:26] >> Huh.
[30:27] >> And I remember Didi saying, "Hey, I'm
[30:28] going to college. I would love to have
[30:31] you go with me, but if you don't, I'm
[30:34] leaving and I'm never coming back." And
[30:35] so it was the one positive place or
[30:39] thing in my life and I said, "Eric,
[30:41] you've messed everything up. You can't
[30:43] mess this up. Like you have one good
[30:45] thing going for you." And so for me it
[30:47] was just a moment of
[30:49] "Eric, this is the defining moment. You
[30:51] can keep going down the path you're
[30:52] going
[30:53] or you can take the help." And often
[30:56] times, Mel, the first greatest decision
[30:59] we can make is to say, "Help." It's not
[31:01] us doing anything. And that's why people
[31:03] get overwhelmed because they feel like
[31:05] the change that needs to be made, I have
[31:07] to make it. Mel, I didn't get here
[31:10] because I made all the right decisions
[31:11] and make I was with people who made good
[31:14] decisions. I was with people who had
[31:16] hope, who had clarity, who said, "Let us
[31:19] help you." And that was the first
[31:21] decision I made. I said, "Pastor, you
[31:23] know what? You've been talking about
[31:24] GED. You've been talking about night
[31:26] school. How do I sign up? Didi, you've
[31:29] been talking about me going to college
[31:30] and following you. I'm about to go to
[31:31] night school.
[31:32] Uh Bob, you've been talking about
[31:34] getting in this youth program and coming
[31:36] here regularly. You know what? I'm going
[31:38] to take advantage of these three great
[31:40] opportunities and those three turned
[31:41] into six and those six turned into 12
[31:43] and those 12 turned into 24 and then one
[31:46] day I woke up I was on the Mel Robbins
[31:47] podcast. [laughter]
[31:50] Come on, y'all. Come on.
[31:51] >> Well, well, you know what I love about
[31:53] you is first of all you're very lovable.
[31:55] Second, you're extremely smart. Third,
[31:58] you have just a gift with words.
[32:01] And
[32:03] because you've lived it.
[32:04] >> Yes.
[32:05] >> This is not something you've read in a
[32:07] book and you're just like spitting it
[32:09] back. This is the lessons and the truths
[32:12] that you have learned the hard way.
[32:15] And
[32:16] what's interesting is that you know how
[32:19] much work it takes to resist the
[32:22] positive. You know how much work it
[32:24] takes to
[32:26] make excuses and to blame everybody
[32:30] else. And it's kind of surprising when
[32:33] you make a decision that you want your
[32:35] life to feel better
[32:37] how when you're finally ready for that
[32:39] to happen
[32:41] it happens pretty quickly. You know, you
[32:44] say [clears throat] excuses soften the
[32:46] pain.
[32:46] >> Yeah.
[32:48] >> What does that mean?
[32:49] >> Excuses just make you feel so good, but
[32:51] here's the challenge. You still got to
[32:53] get up the next day with the
[32:54] consequences.
[32:56] You still got to get up the next day
[32:57] knowing that you blew it. You know, you
[33:00] still got to get up the next day knowing
[33:02] that nothing changes for you. And so,
[33:05] that's when I started realizing while
[33:07] excuses may feel good,
[33:09] they don't help. And and Mel, I want
[33:12] people to hear me. You got to hear this.
[33:14] The greatest error I've ever made in my
[33:17] life is me deciding to take the hand
[33:20] that was dealt to me
[33:22] and come up with all the negativity in
[33:24] the hand. I never saw the big Joker that
[33:27] was there. I have a gift I've been God
[33:29] gave me a gift. Like I've been speaking
[33:31] before I even knew what I had, I had it.
[33:33] I've always been a people person. I've
[33:36] always loved on people and took care of
[33:37] people. I've always been that person.
[33:39] I'm the oldest in my family. I've always
[33:42] took taken care of my sister. I've
[33:43] already taken care of everybody on the
[33:44] block, but I always looked at what I
[33:46] didn't have. And the day I started
[33:49] looking at that same hand, but seeing
[33:51] what I had and started playing what I
[33:54] had, oh, my whole life changed. I'm
[33:57] sorry, Mel. I said the same mother, the
[33:59] same father. I I didn't grow any taller
[34:02] as you could see.
[34:04] There was a lot like nothing like
[34:05] happened, but I changed what I was
[34:08] looking at and where my focus went.
[34:12] My energy started to go in there. Next
[34:13] thing I know, I'm with Didi. I got my
[34:15] GED. I'm with Didi in college. I married
[34:17] after our freshman year. We have a
[34:19] beautiful family. I started speaking. I
[34:21] become known in the city. I leave, go
[34:23] back to Michigan, get a master's, a PhD.
[34:27] >> [laughter]
[34:27] >> I become ET the Hip Hop Preacher. I just
[34:29] everything changed when one thing
[34:31] changed. I looked at my hand different
[34:33] than I looked at it before.
[34:35] >> Oh, so
[34:38] insanely powerful and true.
[34:40] Cuz if all you do is complain about the
[34:42] hand you've been dealt,
[34:44] >> Yeah.
[34:44] >> you will lose.
[34:45] >> You will lose.
[34:46] >> You will lose. But you can win with any
[34:48] hand.
[34:49] It's all how you play it.
[34:50] >> It's how [laughter] you play it, man.
[34:51] >> It's how you play it.
[34:52] >> Yeah, if you haven't played cards, you
[34:53] know what she's saying.
[34:54] >> if you're from Michigan, you play a lot
[34:55] of [laughter] cards.
[34:56] Yes. And so, that is a huge takeaway. I
[35:01] want you to grab that and stick that in
[35:03] your pocket and start doing that today.
[35:07] I am so excited that Hyundai is a new
[35:09] sponsor of the Mel Robbins podcast
[35:12] because, you know, winning an award over
[35:14] and over again takes a real commitment
[35:17] to being the best. And that's exactly
[35:18] what Hyundai has done. Hyundai has been
[35:21] named America's best SUV brand for 2026
[35:24] by US News and World Report. Now, that's
[35:27] the fifth time in 6 years. So, they're
[35:30] on a roll and they're award-winning and
[35:32] they're consistent in doing it. So,
[35:34] whether you're driving the kids around
[35:35] town or heading out on a road trip,
[35:37] Hyundai has an SUV for you. There's the
[35:39] Tucson Hybrid packed with technology for
[35:41] your everyday life, the Santa Fe Hybrid
[35:43] built for that fun adventure that you
[35:45] want to go on, and the Palisade Hybrid
[35:47] with premium features and class-leading
[35:50] interior space. Plus, with available
[35:52] HTRAC all-wheel drive, up to an
[35:54] EPA-estimated 619
[35:57] miles of range. View US News Best Cars
[36:00] at cars.usnews.com
[36:02] and call 562-314-4603
[36:06] for complete details.
[36:08] You know,
[36:09] I knew you would convince us that you
[36:12] can change.
[36:14] And I want you to coach me and the
[36:17] person
[36:18] who is listening
[36:20] who is saying to themselves, "All right,
[36:24] Dr. Thomas, you convinced me.
[36:26] I do not want to stay where I am. I do
[36:28] not want to be this version of myself.
[36:30] There are things about my life I've been
[36:32] making excuses around, whether it's the
[36:34] job or the weight or the relationship or
[36:37] whatever it may be.
[36:39] What do we How do we apply this 52-day
[36:41] thing? Like, how do you How do you like
[36:44] pick something that you're going to
[36:45] shift for the positive
[36:47] and actually stick to it?
[36:49] >> So, I would say this first. I would just
[36:50] say, "Whatever you pick, we're going to
[36:52] walk through it."
[36:53] >> Walk me through it. Yes.
[36:54] >> Yeah, but but I I do want you to pick
[36:55] something that you're going to get the
[36:57] greatest return on your investment. So,
[36:59] I don't want you to pick something that,
[37:01] you know, it's going to change, but it's
[37:02] not going to do a lot for you.
[37:04] >> Mhm.
[37:04] >> So, so me
[37:08] changing high blood pressure, that's
[37:10] that's a great return on investment. Me
[37:12] losing 25 lb, great return on
[37:15] investment. Um not snoring, and so Diddy
[37:18] can get some sleep at night, right? Um
[37:20] not eating after 6:00 anymore. I was
[37:22] doing some intermittent fasting, and
[37:24] that was helping the body, right? So,
[37:26] blood pressure down, everything's going
[37:28] to be down. So, I want you to pick
[37:30] something that you can get a return on
[37:32] your investment. But, here's the first
[37:34] step I want you to take.
[37:35] And and nobody this Listen to me. Don't
[37:38] ask anybody because when you start
[37:40] getting people's opinions, it Don't do
[37:41] that. Don't ask anybody for permission.
[37:43] You don't need permission. But, let me
[37:45] tell you what the first thing I did. I
[37:47] took a picture of where I wanted to be,
[37:49] and I put it up.
[37:51] It's the first thing I want you to do.
[37:52] And do me a huge favor. I did not pick,
[37:55] you know, that picture the Michael B.
[37:57] Jordan in Creed 3.
[37:59] >> [laughter]
[38:00] >> Shout out to my boy Michael B. Jordan. I
[38:02] did not pick that picture and put that
[38:03] picture on the wall. I That's not I I
[38:06] just wanted a better uh dad bod.
[38:09] I literally picked the picture that I
[38:11] felt when I spoke
[38:13] in that season was the best version of
[38:16] Eric Thomas at that time. I didn't pick
[38:18] anything that would be overwhelming,
[38:20] that's out of reach. I didn't want to
[38:21] start in the deficit. Don't do that.
[38:23] Don't put $6 million. Don't don't do
[38:26] that.
[38:27] Put, "I don't want to be in debt." 52
[38:29] days later, I want my credit score to go
[38:31] from 559
[38:33] to 600, whatever. First thing I want you
[38:36] to do,
[38:37] where your focus goes, your energy
[38:39] flows. Most of you need a North Star.
[38:41] You just need some clarity in your life.
[38:43] You just need something to go to to to
[38:45] and wake up to. And so, for me it was
[38:47] like, Eric, this is actually
[38:48] embarrassing. To be 242 is actually
[38:51] embarrassing. Like, come on, Eric. To to
[38:53] to be the number one motivational
[38:55] speaker in the world, you know what I'm
[38:56] saying? To write a New York Times
[38:57] best-seller, to be in a blissful
[38:59] marriage, to do Eric, this does not even
[39:02] reflect you. This is embarrassing. Like,
[39:04] the one area in your life So, I would
[39:06] just say to you, pick that area where
[39:08] it's like, you know better than this.
[39:10] It's not bringing you a return. It's It
[39:12] doesn't make you look good. It's not
[39:14] attractive on you. It doesn't feel good.
[39:16] And I'm telling you, putting the shirt
[39:18] on and
[39:19] There would be times I would do a video
[39:21] and I was like, do me a favor. Don't I
[39:23] wouldn't tell them, but I wanted to tell
[39:24] them, don't get a side angle. Like, the
[39:27] gut, you know what I'm saying? Don't
[39:28] just keep straight in front. Like, we
[39:29] just want to say I'm only wearing black
[39:31] all black shirts, right? And I got to a
[39:34] point where it was like, Eric, it's
[39:35] embarrassing at this point. So, I'm
[39:36] saying to you, yes, you know, but I just
[39:39] want you to turn that camera. Just do me
[39:40] a favor. Take the camera, flip it, turn
[39:42] it on you, look at you in the mirror and
[39:44] say, this is embarrassing.
[39:46] I I should be doing better. I know
[39:48] better. This has nothing to do with the
[39:49] the reward on the other side. Let's just
[39:51] start with this not even me. This is not
[39:54] Like, I don't even know how I got I
[39:55] don't know how I got Well, I do know how
[39:57] I got to 242. But, you know what I mean?
[39:59] Like, I don't know how I got to 242.
[40:02] Like, I don't even feel com- Like, I
[40:03] don't like wearing double X. I'm I'm not
[40:05] 6'6. I shouldn't be wearing a double X
[40:07] shirt, right? And so, that's what I
[40:09] would say to you. Look at the area in
[40:11] your life where you're like, I know this
[40:13] is not reflective of me. I know this is
[40:15] not who I am. I know this is not the
[40:17] best of me. Turn that camera on that
[40:19] person
[40:21] and look at that person and say,
[40:24] I'm firing you.
[40:26] You're no longer needed. You're no
[40:27] longer healthy. You're no longer
[40:29] productive. You're no longer needed in
[40:32] my life. You are a menace to where I'm
[40:34] trying to go.
[40:36] No more pink slips. You're out of here.
[40:39] So, that's what I would say. And then,
[40:40] do me a favor. Let's just take Don't
[40:42] even do 24 hours at a time. Don't do
[40:44] that. That's overwhelming. I don't work
[40:46] out 24 hours. I say, Eric, do me a
[40:49] favor. When I first started, I said,
[40:50] "Bro, give me 30 minutes." If you can
[40:52] give me 30 minutes on the treadmill
[40:54] at two speed, two incline, three
[40:57] incline, just give me 15 minutes. Just
[40:59] do enough for your body to like, "Okay,
[41:00] I like this." And put your body in a
[41:03] situation where it's muscle memory.
[41:05] That the first week you do it every day,
[41:07] you do something light, that the second
[41:09] week the body is like, "Are we doing
[41:11] that again?" So, just do me a favor. Put
[41:13] the picture up. I want the picture in
[41:16] your bathroom. I want the picture in
[41:18] your living room. I want the picture on
[41:20] your car. If you If you have a ceiling
[41:22] that you can get to, put the picture on
[41:24] your ceiling, so when you go to sleep at
[41:25] night and wake up, you see it. Like, I
[41:27] want a picture of what you want to be
[41:29] everywhere. I want you to see it
[41:32] everywhere you go. And then, do me a
[41:33] favor. Every day, we're just going to do
[41:35] a little bit, not too much, and then
[41:37] we're going to keep adding to that till
[41:38] 52 days later, you're going to look up
[41:40] and go, "Did I do that?
[41:43] Did I become that?"
[41:44] >> You really believe you can change in 52
[41:46] days?
[41:46] >> do believe you can change your mindset.
[41:49] And once you change your mindset, the
[41:50] results may not all come in 52 days, but
[41:53] the mindset will come in 52 days, and
[41:56] the results always follow the mindset.
[41:58] >> Here's one other thing that struck me as
[42:00] you were talking.
[42:02] When you have the courage
[42:05] to admit that you're embarrassed,
[42:07] you're embarrassed by how you're showing
[42:09] up at work. You're embarrassed by how
[42:11] you're eating. You're embarrassed by how
[42:14] you've let your health go. You're
[42:15] embarrassed. I'll I'll give you the one
[42:16] that I have. I have been so overwhelmed
[42:19] that I feel at times like my stress
[42:24] and feeling frustrated, it feels very
[42:27] similar right now to how I used to feel
[42:30] when I was a young mom.
[42:32] And
[42:33] it is embarrassing to me
[42:35] that my work stress has gotten to me the
[42:39] way that it has. And I can say that
[42:42] because I don't like that. And when you
[42:45] can admit to yourself that there are
[42:46] parts of you, whether it's your
[42:48] jealousy, or maybe your spending is
[42:50] embarrassing. Maybe it's embarrassing
[42:52] that you work really hard and you spend
[42:54] all your money buying stuff or leasing a
[42:56] car cuz you want people to think a
[42:58] certain thing about you, but you're
[43:00] embarrassed that you don't have any
[43:02] savings cuz you're so busy spending it
[43:04] all to prove something to people you
[43:05] don't even care about. When you can
[43:07] admit that,
[43:10] I want you to understand something
[43:11] powerful.
[43:12] The new version of you, the true version
[43:15] of you, actually showed up.
[43:17] That version of you is already in there.
[43:20] That's why you're embarrassed.
[43:22] And now it's about taking on this 52-day
[43:25] challenge
[43:27] of acting like the new version of you,
[43:30] even if it's just for 30 minutes a day.
[43:33] >> Yeah. You
[43:33] >> Yeah, I started a transcendental
[43:35] meditation practice because I had to
[43:36] look into what do I need to learn as a
[43:39] skill
[43:40] to help me manage the very real stress
[43:44] of building a company like this cuz I
[43:47] don't want to take it out of my family.
[43:48] It's embarrassing. I don't want to be
[43:49] upset about stupid things. It's
[43:51] embarrassing.
[43:52] >> Yeah. He he said something powerful.
[43:55] I didn't add that as a part of the
[43:58] steps.
[43:58] >> Yeah.
[43:59] >> But maybe that that maybe that
[44:00] embarrassing inventory is kind of where
[44:03] you start before you even get the
[44:05] picture. It's like, let's do an
[44:06] embarrassing inventory and let's audit
[44:08] all the areas where either I'm
[44:11] embarrassed or I should be embarrassed.
[44:13] [laughter]
[44:14] Cuz maybe maybe like maybe some of the
[44:16] areas you you you're not taking
[44:18] ownership that you actually should be
[44:20] embarrassed.
[44:21] >> It's that simple. Can you give another
[44:23] simple example of a 52-day get-it-done
[44:27] plan? Like, what are some of the daily
[44:29] non-negotiables for you? Like, how
[44:31] you're coaching people through this?
[44:33] >> number one, schedule it.
[44:34] >> Okay.
[44:35] >> Like it for real. If it's not if you
[44:36] don't write it down and you don't give
[44:38] it a time,
[44:39] it's just not going to happen. So, that
[44:41] that's [clears throat] number one. Like
[44:43] actually schedule it. And and okay. Now,
[44:45] Diddy's going to kill me for this one.
[44:47] Diddy's going to kill me for this
[44:48] >> want to get in trouble with Diddy.
[44:49] >> Yeah. Yeah. Diddy's going to kill me for
[44:49] this one.
[44:51] Not only do you need to schedule it, you
[44:53] need to make you a priority. So, here's
[44:56] Diddy's thing, right? And I don't know
[44:57] where Diddy got it from, but she watched
[44:59] too much TV. So, so when we would go on
[45:02] a trip and we would be in the hotel, I
[45:04] wouldn't exercise, Mel, until she got
[45:07] up.
[45:08] Because Diddy felt like, I don't want to
[45:10] be in the room.
[45:11] >> Mhm.
[45:12] >> Like, you're working out, you know, if
[45:14] if people here with keys, anybody could
[45:16] come into the room. And so for a long
[45:17] time, Mel, I wasn't working out. And
[45:20] Diddy would get up, but by the time she
[45:21] got up, but it's like we're retired. So,
[45:23] we're doing worship together, we're
[45:25] going out to eat, she's going shopping.
[45:27] I never got to it. It's like, Eric, your
[45:30] non-negotiables are not Diddy's
[45:32] non-negotiables. For years, I would not
[45:36] get up and go work out because of her
[45:38] fears. They weren't even my fears, and
[45:40] it wasn't even true. So, number one,
[45:42] schedule it. Number two, non-negotiable.
[45:45] Once you make up in your mind you're
[45:46] going to work out or do whatever you're
[45:47] going to do, your wife, your husband,
[45:49] your kids, you can't let somebody else's
[45:52] fear or somebody else's reality consume
[45:55] you to the point that you're not doing
[45:57] what you're supposed to be doing. Number
[45:58] three, take it light. Don't do anything
[46:02] that's going to overwhelm you and make
[46:04] you stop and make you quit. Number four,
[46:07] tell somebody else you're doing it.
[46:09] Be held accountable. I don't know what
[46:11] it is, Mel, it might just be me and I
[46:13] feel uh silly saying it, but sometimes I
[46:17] would rather work out because I told you
[46:19] than work out because I because I said I
[46:21] was going to work
[46:22] >> There's nothing silly about that at all.
[46:23] I will meet you
[46:25] at 5:30 in the morning because I
[46:28] promised you I would be at that class
[46:31] and I will not meet myself.
[46:32] >> I'm just I I don't know what it is, Mel,
[46:34] but there's times where I just won't
[46:36] meet myself. But if I tell you I'm going
[46:38] to do it and you say, "AE, where is the"
[46:41] And some Oh, Mel, it feels so good when
[46:44] I do the hour, you know, uh treadmill
[46:47] and I do the 30-minute weight and I do
[46:49] the sauna and I send the whole thing.
[46:50] And my boy CJ go, "Go, E, let's go." I'm
[46:53] like, "Was it the workout?"
[46:55] >> [laughter]
[46:55] >> OR WAS IT HIM SAYING, "GO"? That was You
[46:58] know, and so I think that's important
[47:01] too because
[47:02] you can let yourself down sometimes
[47:04] quicker than you can somebody else.
[47:06] >> You know what I think you should do is
[47:07] you should take this episode and copy
[47:10] the link and text it to your best friend
[47:12] or to your sister or to your brother or
[47:14] someone and say, "I am so inspired to
[47:17] take on a 52-day challenge. Let's do it
[47:20] together. Let's each pick something."
[47:21] And I want to share with you, Dr.
[47:23] Thomas, and with you as you're listening
[47:26] the team that's producing this episode
[47:28] is listening to our conversation and
[47:30] they're feeling so inspired and here
[47:32] things that they're going to be taking
[47:33] on for the next 52 days. "State of my
[47:36] home embarrasses me.
[47:38] >> [laughter]
[47:39] >> I need to organize it. I'm embarrassed
[47:42] that I don't work out. I'm going to take
[47:44] on a 52-day challenge to start working
[47:47] out again. I'm embarrassed by how much I
[47:49] complain. So, I'm going to take on a
[47:51] challenge around that. I'm embarrassed
[47:53] by my lack of knowledge. So, I'm going
[47:55] to take on a challenge around reading.
[47:57] Um here's a note. I'm embarrassed by my
[47:58] posture. And so, I'm going to take on a
[48:00] 52-day challenge to start stretching
[48:02] more.
[48:03] I'm embarrassed by not knowing how to
[48:07] cook. Multiple people on our team are
[48:09] saying this and so I am going to spend
[48:11] 52 days learning the skill of cooking.
[48:14] I'm embarrassed by the amount of debt
[48:15] I'm in and so I'm going to spend 52 days
[48:18] making and sticking to a plan.
[48:21] And so, you can see that we like you
[48:23] need to take that embarrassment part
[48:25] because I think there's a lot out there
[48:27] about hitting rock bottom. Right? Like
[48:30] it's got to be really horrible in order
[48:32] for you to muster up the motivation
[48:35] intrinsically to say I'm so sick of
[48:37] myself that staying here is worse than
[48:41] actually doing the thing that I'm
[48:43] avoiding. But embarrassment
[48:46] is a way for you to access the truth
[48:49] that you're living in a way that's not
[48:51] aligned with your true
[48:53] values and who you truly know yourself
[48:57] and know your know you want to be.
[49:00] >> Yeah.
[49:00] >> For somebody that's really
[49:02] in it with us and it is
[49:05] has has has admitted this thing that's
[49:07] embarrassing. They're having their own
[49:08] personal reckoning. What what do you
[49:10] want them to know the good news?
[49:12] >> want to say congratulations.
[49:14] Like no for real, congratulations. And I
[49:15] say congratulations because I deal with
[49:18] so many people every day
[49:21] who know that they're not their best
[49:24] self and they quit. And they give up and
[49:27] they surrender. So I just I I honestly
[49:28] want to say to you, congratulations.
[49:30] Like I don't know if you know how big it
[49:32] is to say, "I'm embarrassed by this or
[49:36] that." Most people hide. Like most
[49:38] people aren't transparent. And you'd be
[49:40] shocked that the actual secret to
[49:42] success is really transparency. It's
[49:44] really owning up to it and saying, "Yo,
[49:47] I'm I'm not happy." And guess what?
[49:49] People who hide, they they they're
[49:52] they're never discovered. They never
[49:54] discover They never explore. They never
[49:56] Once you hide, that's it. But the person
[49:59] that says, "I got on the scale, y'all."
[50:01] That No, I'm being honest with you. That
[50:03] was the reason why I never lost.
[50:06] Now I know Mel would say, "You know you
[50:07] were big." I did, but I didn't know how
[50:09] big. And I didn't want to know how.
[50:12] Okay? I didn't want to know how big I
[50:13] was. Why? Because I knew once I got on
[50:16] the scale, guess what's going to have to
[50:17] happen? I was going to have to do
[50:18] something about it. So most of us are
[50:20] running from our scale. We're running
[50:23] from the real number, the real truth.
[50:27] Right? And so Mel was like, "You just
[50:28] get on the scale." And I got on the
[50:30] scale and I said, "Whoa, you in the
[50:33] You're in the 240." Now I got to be
[50:35] honest, it was 242 like a week or two
[50:38] when I was like, "You got to get on the
[50:39] scale." So I think I kind of pulled
[50:40] back. I might have been bigger. If I
[50:42] would have got on the scale and then
[50:43] that was in the morning too and like dry
[50:45] weight. That wasn't like in the middle
[50:46] of the day when I had, you know,
[50:48] something to eat. So but when I saw the
[50:49] 242, guess what? While it was
[50:52] embarrassing,
[50:54] it was the beginning of 219. It was the
[50:58] beginning of 219. Like cuz 215 Didi
[51:00] like, "You too small. I don't like you
[51:02] at 215, 219, 220. She like I still feel
[51:05] I you know, I got something to hold,
[51:07] right? And so I was like E, 219. But
[51:10] listen to me, the day you see 242 is the
[51:14] day 219 comes alive. It's the day it
[51:17] comes alive. The day you see your worst
[51:19] self is the day your new self was
[51:21] peeking in saying, I told you.
[51:24] I told you. And just I all I need you to
[51:27] do is just tag me in. And then and the
[51:29] 219 dude said, just tag me in. Just turn
[51:32] on the treadmill. Just give me a shot at
[51:34] the treadmill. I just dare you to go in
[51:36] there and be by yourself and listen to
[51:38] your own thoughts, Eric. I dare you. And
[51:40] I did it for a week and then my body was
[51:42] like, I dare you to do it 2 weeks in a
[51:44] row.
[51:44] I dare you. Just give me a shot. And I'm
[51:47] telling you that 219, which is you know,
[51:50] figuratively. I'm not I don't know what
[51:51] we're not talking about weight. But that
[51:53] person is daring you to tag them in.
[51:56] They're daring you to give them control.
[51:58] Give me the keys. I just told a group of
[52:00] kids in school. I was at a high school
[52:02] in Flushing, Michigan, which is right
[52:05] next door to Flint. And the kids was
[52:06] like, I hate my teachers. I hate the
[52:08] counselors. I hate school. I said, do me
[52:10] a favor. Take the keys then. Go make
[52:13] your own curriculum. Go study yourself.
[52:16] I dare you to take the keys. Go talk to
[52:17] your counselor. I dare you to go to
[52:19] college. Like I dare you if you don't
[52:20] like what your teacher's doing, you
[52:22] don't like the way the school is, take
[52:23] the keys and go start writing your own
[52:25] paper. Start doing your own research. Go
[52:27] meet with your teachers and find out
[52:28] what books they read when they were in
[52:30] college. I dare you to take the keys.
[52:32] And so I'm daring somebody today to let
[52:34] the best version of you take over cuz
[52:36] the worst one has.
[52:38] And I'm telling you, don't wait another
[52:40] day. Start the 52 right now.
[52:42] I don't know if you're at optimal, below
[52:44] I I don't know. But let's start right
[52:45] now and for the next 52 days, let's just
[52:48] operate at optimal and let's give our
[52:50] best self a chance. And then I'll see
[52:52] you January 1st. I I promise you if if
[52:54] you don't like it,
[52:56] call Mail. If you don't like [laughter]
[52:57] it, call Mail. And you don't have my
[52:59] contact, but call me Mail. And uh yeah,
[53:01] that's that's how I feel about the
[53:03] 52-day transformation.
[53:05] >> You know, we're not going to end I'm
[53:06] going to have you send this.
[53:07] >> Okay.
[53:07] >> Send this, meaning send the person into
[53:11] the next version of themselves. Dr. Eric
[53:14] Thomas, what are your parting words?
[53:16] >> You owe you. You owe you to do what? You
[53:19] owe you to look at the hand that you've
[53:21] been dealt and play it. And so, study
[53:24] your hand. That's all I would tell you.
[53:25] Study it, and then when you study it and
[53:27] you learn it, play it to the best of
[53:28] your ability. So, you owe you. Nobody
[53:31] else owes you. If they help you, that
[53:33] would be great. But, I promise you if
[53:35] you help yourself
[53:37] and you get rid of that victim's
[53:39] mentality and you become a victor, I I
[53:41] guarantee you you too can be sitting
[53:43] next to whoever you want to sit next to.
[53:45] You could be on whatever podcast you
[53:47] want to be on, whatever stage you want
[53:48] to be on, whatever magazine you want to
[53:50] be on, whatever you want to do. I
[53:51] guarantee if you handle you,
[53:54] people will see how valuable you are and
[53:56] they'll start to bless you the way you
[53:57] bless yourself.
[53:58] >> Well, Dr. Thomas, you are a blessing.
[54:01] >> Thank you.
[54:01] >> And this structure of 52 days
[54:04] >> Yeah.
[54:05] >> and the invitation to get embarrassed
[54:08] >> Mhm.
[54:09] >> by
[54:10] uh where you're at
[54:11] >> get around the right person?
[54:12] >> You know what I'm saying? Like, it do
[54:14] you do not have to have your whole life
[54:16] fall apart to change. You can just be
[54:18] honest about what you're embarrassed
[54:20] about and you can [clears throat] make a
[54:21] decision
[54:22] >> Absolutely.
[54:22] >> going to spend the next 52 days doing
[54:24] something about it.
[54:26] Yes, that's how you roll, Dr. Thomas.
[54:29] So, Dr. Thomas, thank you. Thank you.
[54:31] Thank you. Thank you. And thank you.
[54:33] Thank you for making time and spending
[54:35] it with me and Dr. Thomas. Now, stop
[54:37] listening and do something about it. You
[54:38] take the link, you send it to a friend,
[54:41] you create a 52-day plan just like I've
[54:44] done, you challenge yourself to make
[54:47] your life better, to feel better about
[54:49] yourself, and I promise you, just like
[54:50] Dr. Thomas did, January 1 rolls around
[54:53] or 52 days from now, you are going to be
[54:55] a different you because you're the one
[54:57] who made that change happen. And in case
[54:59] no one else tells you as your friend,
[55:01] I'm going to tell you that I love you.
[55:03] I bet
[55:04] Dr. Thomas wants to say that, too.
[55:05] >> Absolutely. Love you. Love you. Love
[55:08] you. And I pray that you would learn to
[55:10] love yourself.
[55:12] >> Oh. And this conversation
[55:15] it is my hope that it helps you do that
[55:17] because you can create a better life but
[55:20] learning how to love yourself, you
[55:21] better follow everything Dr. Thomas said
[55:24] because that's how you do it. And you
[55:25] owe you. I'll see you in the next
[55:27] episode. I'm going to welcome you in the
[55:28] moment you hit play.
[55:30] And thank you for watching all the way
[55:32] to the end. I really love being here
[55:34] with you. Wasn't that extraordinary?
[55:36] Thanks for being so generous with that,
[55:37] [music] for being a subscriber. All
[55:39] right, I know because he just lit you
[55:41] up, you want to watch another episode
[55:43] [music] of the Mel Robbins podcast.
[55:44] You're going to love this one next and
[55:45] I'm going to welcome you in the moment
[55:47] you hit play.