Teaching on relationships
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
Epictetus
Epictetus

The Company We Keep: A Stoic Reflection on Uplifting Relationships

Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, offers us a profound insight when he states, "The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best." This assertion invites us to examine the relationships we cultivate and their impact on our personal growth. In a world where distractions abound and negativity can seep into our lives, the choice of companions becomes a pivotal factor in our journey toward wisdom and fulfillment.

To engage with this quote is to recognize the weight of influence that others have on our lives. The people we surround ourselves with can either inspire us to reach our highest potential or drag us into mediocrity. Epictetus, who transformed his own life from slavery to philosophical prominence, understood that the right company fosters resilience and nurtures virtue. Thus, the stakes are high; our relationships can either illuminate our path or obscure it.

The image / the metaphor

At its core, Epictetus's quote paints a vivid picture of companionship as a garden where only the most nourishing plants are allowed to grow. The verbs "keep company" and "uplift" evoke a sense of active choice and intentionality. This is not a passive observation but a deliberate act of surrounding oneself with those who inspire and elevate. The imagery suggests a dynamic interplay, where the presence of others can either enhance or diminish our own light.

Diving deeper into the metaphor, we can see that the act of choosing our companions is akin to selecting the right soil for our growth. Just as a plant requires specific conditions to thrive, so too do we need the right environment—one filled with encouragement, positivity, and wisdom. The uplifting presence of others acts as sunlight, nurturing our aspirations and helping us to flourish in our endeavors. This metaphor extends beyond mere social interaction; it speaks to the essence of our shared human experience and the collective journey toward virtue.

In the speaker's tradition

Epictetus's wisdom is deeply rooted in the Stoic tradition, which emphasizes the importance of virtue and the cultivation of a good character. Central to Stoicism is the concept of eudaimonia, often translated as flourishing or living well, which is achieved through the practice of virtue and rationality. In this context, the relationships we choose are not merely social preferences but essential components of our moral development. The Stoics believed that our external circumstances, including our companions, can significantly influence our internal state.

Moreover, this idea resonates with the Buddhist concept of sangha, or community, which highlights the importance of surrounding oneself with those who support one's spiritual path. Just as the Stoics sought to cultivate virtue through wise associations, so too do practitioners of Buddhism recognize that the company of fellow seekers can enhance one's journey toward enlightenment. In both traditions, the emphasis is on the transformative power of relationships in shaping our character and guiding us toward our highest selves.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: imagine a workplace filled with negativity and gossip. In such an environment, it becomes increasingly challenging to maintain a positive outlook and perform at one's best. By consciously choosing to engage with colleagues who uplift and inspire, one can create a supportive network that fosters collaboration and growth. This choice not only enhances individual performance but also contributes to a healthier workplace culture, demonstrating the profound impact of uplifting relationships.

In a more personal context, think about a friendship that has become toxic over time. Perhaps this relationship once brought joy and support, but now it feels draining and critical. By reflecting on Epictetus's teaching, one might recognize the need to reassess this connection. Choosing to distance oneself from negativity can be a powerful act of self-care, allowing space for new, more uplifting relationships to flourish. This practice of discernment in our relationships is essential for nurturing our well-being and personal growth.

A reflection

As we contemplate Epictetus's wisdom, we are invited to ask ourselves: "Who in my life uplifts me, and how can I cultivate more of these relationships?" This question encourages a deep reflection on the nature of our connections and their influence on our journey. By actively seeking out those who inspire us, we can create a supportive environment that not only nurtures our growth but also enriches the lives of those around us.

Epictetus
AuthorEpictetus

Greek Stoic philosopher born into slavery. His Enchiridion teaches that freedom comes from focusing only on what we can control.

Got Questions?

Frequently Asked Questions

Epictetus meant individuals who inspire you to reach your highest potential through their presence, encouragement, and example. These people see your capabilities even when you don't, creating an environment where growth feels natural and excellence becomes attainable.
Positive influences leave you feeling energized, hopeful, and motivated to improve. They support your goals, challenge you constructively, and model the qualities you want to develop. Time spent with them enhances rather than depletes your emotional and mental resources.
Stoicism teaches that our companions significantly influence our character development and life outcomes. Since we become like those we spend time with, choosing virtuous, growth-minded people is essential for our own moral and personal development.

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