Transcript
[0:01] [sighs]
[0:02] It's Saturday, October
[0:05] 17th,
[0:07] 2026 by Gary Monastery.
[0:12] And
[0:13] I feel quite tired right now, but in a
[0:15] good way. A full day of practice
[0:19] and just uh during the work period this
[0:22] morning setting up the ordination
[0:24] platform
[0:25] for the 108 Itipiso chanting and then
[0:29] doing that from about 1:00 p.m. to
[0:32] roughly 3:45.
[0:35] And that felt quite good to do that and
[0:38] then
[0:40] thank everybody for
[0:41] who joined us. It's a good turnout and
[0:45] it was uh
[0:46] the
[0:48] near the very end, kind of in the last,
[0:51] probably at about
[0:53] in the last third, the very last
[0:55] section, the speaker ran out of battery
[0:58] power, but there was enough [snorts]
[0:59] enthusiastic chanters that we didn't
[1:01] really need a speaker.
[1:03] So, uh we're probably at about
[1:07] maybe uh in the 80s somewhere.
[1:11] our Itipisos.
[1:14] And it was nice to have the Sangha there
[1:17] and nice to have Luang Por there for the
[1:19] first 36 of them.
[1:23] And afterwards, I was just feeling like,
[1:25] "Oh, yeah, I've done this a number of
[1:27] times and it is a bit of a challenge to
[1:31] get into it or plan it or decide to do
[1:34] it, but then the result is always good."
[1:37] And then afterwards, also just
[1:39] feeling a lot of gratitude in the
[1:42] community and what we have here, and
[1:43] feeling very held by the community
[1:47] and knowing that we're just surrounded
[1:48] by good people. Not just in the
[1:50] monastery, but I mean, we have [snorts]
[1:53] neighbors who are friends of the
[1:54] monastery who've moved close to the
[1:58] monastery, so we're surrounded by good
[2:01] people.
[2:03] And then also we're
[2:05] supporting each other, so it's not just
[2:07] that the senior monks are supporting
[2:09] people, but we have Kalyanamitta and
[2:11] friendships in the monastery.
[2:14] So just seeing people supporting each
[2:17] other brings a lot of gladness to my
[2:20] mind.
[2:21] And so there's a lot of things that
[2:23] we're doing and talking about Dhamma,
[2:25] studying Dhamma.
[2:28] So a lot of Dhamma activities and
[2:31] wholesome activities that are happening
[2:33] here. So it's a
[2:36] very nice. There's a lot
[2:38] to be grateful for.
[2:40] There's not that much to be ungrateful
[2:43] for.
[2:44] So it's a Gratitude is really
[2:48] one of the foundations of practice. So
[2:51] it's a help, it helpful for gladdening
[2:53] the mind, seeing
[2:55] what types of goodness are we surrounded
[2:57] by and what can we be grateful for. And
[3:00] if we
[3:01] are feeling unhappy, or the mind isn't
[3:03] feeling glad, or we feel that
[3:05] maybe there's a lot of bad things
[3:07] happening in the world and we feel bad
[3:09] about that, we...it gets us down. That's
[3:12] natural.
[3:14] But then shifting the focus to we can
[3:16] even sit down with a pen and paper and
[3:18] list what good things we have in our
[3:19] lives and things that kindnesses people
[3:23] have done for us or
[3:24] times that people were generous with us.
[3:27] Or times that we were able to be kind or
[3:31] generous and we can be grateful for our
[3:33] own good actions as well.
[3:36] And that is also one of the hallmarks
[3:39] that sometimes people will ask, "How do
[3:42] I know my practice is working?
[3:44] How do I know I'm making progress in the
[3:46] practice?" And gratitude is
[3:50] one of those hallmarks, one of those
[3:53] signposts.
[3:54] Because if it wasn't working, then we
[3:56] wouldn't be grateful. But if we're
[3:58] grateful, then that shows that it's
[4:00] working because we can't force the
[4:01] gratitude like, "Oh, well, I should" We
[4:03] can't We won't We're not going to become
[4:05] grateful just by telling ourselves, "I
[4:06] should be grateful." Or we're certainly
[4:08] not going to feel grateful if some our
[4:10] friend comes up to us and says, "You
[4:12] should be grateful. You have so many
[4:14] things that pe-people have been doing
[4:16] for you. You should be grateful." But
[4:17] then we we really won't feel grateful if
[4:19] we hear that.
[4:22] But that was uh sometimes there's these
[4:24] It's the wisdom of these senior monks.
[4:27] Sometimes it's just they'll say
[4:29] something, "Oh, yeah, it's so obvious."
[4:31] But some I thought, "Oh, didn't really
[4:34] think of that." I remember Luang Por Vee
[4:37] Luang Por Veeradhammo visiting one time
[4:38] and saying, "I know my practice is
[4:40] working cuz I'm grateful. If it wasn't
[4:42] working, I wouldn't be grateful." Oh,
[4:44] right. Yeah.
[4:46] That makes sense.
[4:48] And you know, Luang Por Chah we had so
[4:51] many teachings from Luang Por Chah that
[4:53] are
[4:54] like that as well.
[4:56] So, a lot of the time the the insight or
[4:58] the wisdom is obvious.
[5:01] But it's too obvious, so we don't see
[5:03] it. So, it's it's too close to us, so we
[5:06] don't see it.
[5:08] It's too apparent here and now. And it's
[5:11] too the way things are. It's It's too
[5:14] who and what we are. So, we we miss it.
[5:16] We don't see it. Or we might think, "Oh,
[5:19] well, I need to learn all these things
[5:22] to have insight. Need to practice for
[5:25] years and learn all of these
[5:27] methods of practice and develop them for
[5:30] years, decades, even lifetimes, many
[5:32] lifetimes
[5:34] before I might be able to
[5:36] gain this wisdom that the Buddha's
[5:38] talking about in the suttas.
[5:40] It all comes back though to just here
[5:43] and now, what is our experience like and
[5:45] what is causing us to
[5:48] experience dissatisfaction or disease
[5:51] and what is
[5:54] causing us to experience ease and
[5:56] well-being,
[5:57] happiness.
[5:59] So, you get that
[6:01] this wisdom from Luang Por Chah like
[6:03] he's saying letting go of love and hate,
[6:06] allowing things to be. This is all I do
[6:08] in my own practice. So, he's just
[6:10] keeping it simple.
[6:12] So, it comes back to and
[6:16] in this same teaching of Luang Por Chah
[6:17] he said,"Yeah, there's many techniques,
[6:20] samatha, vipassana, many ways to train
[6:24] the mind, but it all comes back to just
[6:26] let it all be."
[6:29] And so, it's this sense of cooling off
[6:32] and nibbana, which is the Pali version
[6:36] of the Sanskrit word nirvana. So,
[6:39] nibbana means just to become cool, to
[6:42] cool off.
[6:44] The rice would you couldn't eat the rice
[6:47] yet cuz it hadn't nibbanad, it hadn't
[6:49] cooled down.
[6:51] So, there's this sense of the Buddha's
[6:54] teaching us to
[6:56] chill,
[6:57] to cool off.
[7:00] And the hint, that's what's implied, is
[7:03] that
[7:05] the heart is burning, [clears throat]
[7:07] burning with different fires that are,
[7:09] that are
[7:10] hot and suffering burning us:
[7:13] burning with the fires of greed, the
[7:15] fires of hatred, the fires of delusion,
[7:17] the fires of birth, aging, sickness and
[7:19] death, sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief
[7:21] and despair. That's in the
[7:23] the fire sermon.
[7:28] To the fire the teaching that the Buddha
[7:30] gave to the thousand fire ascetics led
[7:33] by the three Kassapa brothers.
[7:37] It's
[7:38] the
[7:39] teaching where the the most people
[7:41] reached arahantship
[7:43] in a single teaching: thousand
[7:46] people,
[7:47] they all
[7:49] attained full enlightenment after that
[7:51] teaching.
[7:53] So, that teaching of the burning and
[7:55] then the cooling off,
[7:57] walking meditation, selfless service for
[7:59] the community, chanting memorizing,
[8:02] chanting
[8:04] all of these activities just so we can
[8:06] have a sense of ease and well-being.
[8:09] And
[8:10] it might
[8:12] be like,"Oh, like yeah, I'd like to go
[8:14] live in the forest and just
[8:16] just live a quiet life in the forest,"
[8:20] but anyone who tries that and, it's not
[8:21] so easy,
[8:23] it's not that
[8:24] straightforward. Try to go live a quiet
[8:27] life in the forest and the mind's going
[8:28] crazy;
[8:30] it takes training.
[8:33] It's not that easy to have ease and
[8:36] well-being.
[8:38] So then, in the in the community, we do
[8:41] these we do these different practices
[8:43] where we support each other. And just as
[8:45] an anagarika, helping look after the
[8:48] kitchen,
[8:49] being the head cook and,
[8:52] driving they do a lot of driving. And
[8:55] then as a novice, as a samanera,
[8:57] learning how to put the robe on,
[8:58] learning how to wear the brown robes,
[9:01] perhaps feeling
[9:03] out of place or a sense of
[9:06] not
[9:07] not feeling worthy, not feeling worthy
[9:09] of the robes
[9:11] these are normal experiences for people
[9:14] who take on these trainings.
[9:17] Or just feeling like all this
[9:20] confinement in the precepts and not
[9:22] feeling happy at all, feeling a lot of
[9:24] dissatisfaction:"Why can't I just
[9:27] go to the refrigerator and make a
[9:29] sandwich for myself? Why can't I just go
[9:33] have a glass of orange juice at 3:25
[9:36] p.m.?"
[9:37] Now,
[9:38] we're our we're very limited in these
[9:40] things. We We have a
[9:42] a breakfast that's put out a certain
[9:44] time, and we have the the main meal
[9:45] that's put out at a certain time. We
[9:47] have the tea and allowable things in the
[9:50] afternoon that are put out at a certain
[9:52] time. And outside of those times, then
[9:55] we have to endure.
[9:57] And sometimes we might feel hungry.
[9:59] Sometimes we might feel lonely.
[10:02] And the path of the practitioner,
[10:03] especially the the path of the monastic
[10:06] monk means one who walks alone. So, it's
[10:09] a different paradigm than the lay life.
[10:12] And it's not to say that it is the best
[10:15] for everybody.
[10:16] So, sometimes in America, what people do
[10:19] is we we might see somebody doing
[10:21] something with their life and think,
[10:22] "Well, that's
[10:24] implicitly they think they're the best.
[10:26] They think that's what everybody should
[10:27] be doing."But, that's not the case with
[10:29] the monastic community. It's not the
[10:31] case that we think that everybody should
[10:32] be monastics.
[10:34] In fact, there are a lot of people who
[10:36] probably shouldn't be
[10:38] monastics. And some people might have
[10:40] something they can offer to the world
[10:42] in some way. It's not really the right
[10:45] time.
[10:46] So, but for those who do join the
[10:48] monastery, then monk can contemplate the
[10:51] word monk, which means the one who walks
[10:54] alone, the one who doesn't take up
[10:57] partnership [snorts]. So, that is How do
[11:00] we actually succeed in that? How do we
[11:02] do that?
[11:03] And so, this it ends up a lot of it ends
[11:06] up being trying to find the fulfillment
[11:08] that we would find through partnership,
[11:10] say as lay people. Trying to find that
[11:12] fulfillment, but as a single individual.
[11:15] Although we do live in community and we
[11:17] have communal activities, we spend a lot
[11:18] of time alone.
[11:20] And then we might come up against these
[11:22] feelings of loneliness,
[11:24] which is a very common thing.
[11:27] But, loneliness is also kind of a
[11:29] misnomer because
[11:31] I know for myself, like I the I felt the
[11:34] most loneliness wasn't when I was alone.
[11:37] It was when I was in groups of people
[11:39] but didn't feel a sense of connection.
[11:41] So, that feeling that I would call
[11:42] loneliness is more like alienation.
[11:45] So, how do we get that sense of
[11:47] connection for ourselves?
[11:50] So, if we if we aren't able to connect
[11:53] with ourselves, then we're going to end
[11:54] up seeking that connection from somebody
[11:56] else or something else.
[11:59] So, a lot of the practices seeking that
[12:01] sense of connection with ourselves.
[12:04] And that's acquiring a taste for
[12:05] solitude. In the afternoon, we might
[12:07] spend time alone at our dwelling places.
[12:10] Uh either engaging in some form of
[12:12] meditation or
[12:14] extracurricular work for the monastery.
[12:18] Whatever we're engaging in, whether it's
[12:21] movement or stillness, it can still be
[12:22] solitude.
[12:24] So, a lot of it is
[12:27] acquiring a taste for solitude. And
[12:28] solitude is so useful because we start
[12:32] to see how do we act when nobody's
[12:35] watching. What kind of actions
[12:38] What kind of thoughts do we have when
[12:39] we're not really acting for anybody
[12:42] else? We're just with ourselves.
[12:44] And we're within the bounds of the
[12:45] precepts. So, what do we do? How do we
[12:48] act? What are we developing? What are we
[12:49] cultivating?
[12:51] And that's really going to show us
[12:53] where we're at.
[12:56] We can take retreats. We might be
[12:58] meditating with a group of people during
[13:00] a retreat. That's a very good thing to
[13:02] be doing.
[13:04] But a sense of solitude of just being
[13:07] with oneself, it's more like the vision
[13:10] quest where you really are with
[13:12] yourself. And we do these 2-week
[13:14] retreats during the summer period where
[13:17] we trade off. Right now is the last 2
[13:19] weeks of the Vasa period, the rains
[13:23] retreat. Although in America here, it's
[13:25] very much the hot season, the summer
[13:26] season
[13:28] coming into autumn now.
[13:30] But we follow these vinaya
[13:32] rules of the Buddhist discipline. Cuz in
[13:35] in Southeast Asia,
[13:37] this is the rainy season time and
[13:39] there's the rules around having a katina
[13:41] and so on afterwards. So, during this
[13:44] period we
[13:45] we do honor this
[13:47] season by everybody getting a 2-week
[13:49] retreat. And so there's
[13:52] three people on solitary retreat right
[13:54] now. And that's a really great time to
[13:56] see what the mind does in solitude.
[14:00] So, I for myself, I like to take my meal
[14:04] up at my kuti, my dwelling place. And so
[14:07] I would uh
[14:08] you know, come down, get some food from
[14:11] the buffet table, walk back up. But this
[14:14] year I've
[14:15] I've I guess I've developed enough merit
[14:17] that I was able to have a novice deliver
[14:19] food to me. I didn't even walk down.
[14:22] So, uh
[14:24] just being on my own
[14:26] and connecting more with the forest,
[14:28] the foxes, the birds, you know, watching
[14:31] them wander around my dwelling place.
[14:35] And then because I've I've acquired a
[14:37] taste for solitude, so I
[14:40] I can feel fairly content and just
[14:44] sitting out on the front deck and
[14:46] watching animals or at night time
[14:48] watching the stars or just closing my
[14:51] eyes from time to time and and
[14:54] meditating.
[14:56] And so this is uh
[14:58] in the beginning things would
[15:00] like when I was starting out, things
[15:01] would really the mind was like a storm,
[15:05] all sorts of memories and desires and
[15:07] fears.
[15:09] Then over time it just seems to cool
[15:12] off. [snorts]
[15:13] And
[15:15] I don't know if I Yeah, there is there
[15:17] is
[15:18] things I've done to make that happen,
[15:20] just kind of trying to keep the practice
[15:22] going but I think mostly it's it's like
[15:24] planting a tree
[15:26] and it's just tending to it.
[15:29] And maybe there's been times when I've
[15:30] tended to it improperly and some of the
[15:32] branches fell off but then the tree was
[15:34] still alive so could keep tending to it
[15:36] and it keeps growing and eventually it
[15:39] does it does grow up. The tree grows up.
[15:42] And it takes a long time.
[15:45] For most people it takes a long time but
[15:47] if we keep fertilizing it, watering it,
[15:49] tending to it
[15:51] it will grow. It will it will survive.
[15:54] It's not there's not really anything we
[15:56] can do to make it grow faster.
[15:59] Again Ajahn Chah would say like we we go
[16:02] to the tree and we we're pulling on it
[16:04] saying come on come on.
[16:06] I want it to bear fruit now.
[16:09] It's just going to grow at its own pace.
[16:13] Incidentally uh
[16:15] as an aside when I look after plants now
[16:18] they seem to survive.
[16:19] Um
[16:20] I know when I would look after plants
[16:23] especially flowers they would die if I
[16:25] tried to look after them in the past and
[16:28] it seems like something there's
[16:29] something about
[16:31] maybe
[16:32] reaching about the age of 40 suddenly I
[16:34] know how to look after plants.
[16:37] So I don't know if that's connected or
[16:38] not but uh like I I like plants do well
[16:41] now when I look after them but they used
[16:43] to actually yeah especially especially
[16:46] flowers if I tried to arrange flowers or
[16:48] look after flowers like they would
[16:50] either wilt if wilt or
[16:53] die all together.
[16:56] But plants growing is something that
[16:57] happens slowly and imperceptibly so it's
[17:00] not really
[17:02] something we can force.
[17:04] We just have to protect it protect the
[17:07] tree protect it from the deer
[17:09] uh protect it from insects make sure it
[17:11] has enough water make sure it has enough
[17:13] sunlight and it'll grow.
[17:17] So mindfulness is a big part of this as
[17:20] well.
[17:21] These basic things we train ourselves in
[17:23] each day. So, I I find more and more
[17:27] I have a hard time describing
[17:28] mindfulness, but I can
[17:31] I can demonstrate it.
[17:32] It's It's hard to describe, but I can
[17:34] demonstrate it. So, I can demonstrate
[17:36] mindfulness to somebody by going up to
[17:38] one of our buggy vehicles and say and
[17:40] close This is how you close the door.
[17:42] You close the door so it doesn't swing
[17:44] open again. That's mindfulness.
[17:47] If you just jump out the door
[17:48] automatically and run off, that's not
[17:50] mindfulness. If you If you exit the door
[17:53] and
[17:54] turn around,
[17:56] latch the door. Is it Does the door open
[17:58] or close? Check it.
[17:59] Oh, it still opens. Oh, well, try to
[18:01] latch it another way. That's
[18:03] mindfulness.
[18:05] Mindfulness has to do with memory, but
[18:07] it's also has to do with attention.
[18:10] So, if we're just acting on automatic,
[18:12] just
[18:14] jump out the door, don't check, slam it
[18:15] behind you, that's not mindfulness.
[18:18] The development of mindfulness is really
[18:20] really really important for our sense of
[18:22] well-being and ease long-term.
[18:24] Or putting on
[18:26] our robes, say, in the monastery, say,
[18:29] like uh
[18:30] we can do it in a slapdash way, or we
[18:33] can pause and do it with mindfulness, or
[18:35] putting bowls away, we train this.
[18:37] Washing dishes, washing dishes in the
[18:39] kitchen.
[18:40] We can just be on automatic. Just, oh, I
[18:42] do this every day. So, I just
[18:45] just kind of spraying and throwing the
[18:47] dishes to the side.
[18:49] But they might still have some food
[18:51] specs on them. We didn't really check.
[18:53] So, mindfulness is that which checks.
[18:55] Mindfulness is that which checks has it
[18:57] been done properly.
[19:00] Walking through doors, it's a good way
[19:02] to train mindfulness. Whenever we walk
[19:04] through a door, pause.
[19:07] What's our speed going through the door?
[19:09] Are we just
[19:11] kind of barreling forward or
[19:13] or what what is what's going on.
[19:16] Well, the more we check in with
[19:18] ourselves like that, the more we'll
[19:19] develop that sense of connection with
[19:21] ourselves.
[19:23] If it's all just
[19:24] barreling forward on automatic,
[19:27] then
[19:28] alienation's going to be the result.
[19:32] So, even even if we're
[19:34] doing a lot, if we're really putting our
[19:36] heart into all the activities of the
[19:38] day,
[19:39] uh the practice certainly is not just
[19:40] about sitting and walking meditation,
[19:42] although those things are indispensable
[19:44] and very important. Whatever work we're
[19:46] doing with cleaning [snorts],
[19:49] we can clean with mindfulness or without
[19:50] mindfulness.
[19:52] With mindfulness is when we look back
[19:54] and check, did the cleaning actually get
[19:57] the dust off the floor?
[19:59] Is it actually clean?
[20:02] Or we can
[20:04] after the meal time, the
[20:07] the monks, novices, and anagarkas, we
[20:09] all they all engage in bowl washing and
[20:12] and putting the bowls away. There's a
[20:14] way to put the bowls away with
[20:15] mindfulness or without mindfulness.
[20:18] Without mindfulness is just on
[20:19] automatic, slap dash. It's not really
[20:22] done that well, just quickly throw it in
[20:24] the cubby hole, move on to the next one.
[20:27] Mindfulness is where it's done with a
[20:30] sense of putting one's heart into the
[20:32] activity. Is it straight or not? Is it
[20:34] even or not?
[20:36] Or the cubbies where the bowls go might
[20:38] be full of dust. Is it clean or not? Put
[20:41] the finger on the wood, see if there's
[20:42] dust on your finger.
[20:44] That's mindfulness.
[20:46] There is a sense of fastidiousness to
[20:48] it, but it it's not
[20:50] over the top.
[20:52] It's just uh try to make it just right.
[20:56] Or speaking, how is our how is our
[20:58] speech affecting people?
[21:00] There's a way to speak with mindfulness
[21:02] and there's a way to speak without
[21:03] mindfulness.
[21:05] Without mindfulness is when our speech
[21:06] is just on automatic,
[21:08] going with our old habits.
[21:11] And this is
[21:13] this can be illustrated somebody, you
[21:16] know, say a lot of people grow up just
[21:19] cussing a lot.
[21:20] That's normal for a lot of people.
[21:23] And not even necessarily bad. I mean,
[21:25] it's just people insert those
[21:27] cuss words in
[21:29] to sentences. May sometimes every
[21:31] sentence.
[21:32] And
[21:34] I've actually noticed
[21:36] when people who normally cuss a lot come
[21:38] to the monastery,
[21:39] it ends up becoming less.
[21:42] And it just it just gets kind of
[21:45] less and less cut off. It it gets more
[21:47] cut off because
[21:49] that's the energy of mindfulness in the
[21:51] monastery. It's like,"Oh, what am I
[21:53] saying? Right.
[21:55] I don't have to insert the F word into
[21:58] every other sentence."
[22:01] It's pretty amazing to see.
[22:03] It's like nobody told them to do that.
[22:04] Like,"Hey, no cussing in the monastery."
[22:07] We didn't tell people that. I guess we
[22:10] would if
[22:11] maybe one of the monks started cussing a
[22:13] lot. We haven't had that problem yet.
[22:17] They got really Yeah, really suddenly
[22:19] very very coarse in their speech in that
[22:20] way, but uh
[22:22] all people are pretty good here.
[22:25] So, these are there are these ways to
[22:27] check and see how are we
[22:30] are we practicing with mindfulness? It
[22:33] comes out in our these just our actions
[22:36] of body and speech through the day.
[22:38] Sometimes there's
[22:40] pitfalls to practice. There's things
[22:42] that can happen when we're very sincere
[22:44] that uh
[22:45] might end up being hindrance to
[22:47] hindrances or obstacles to us. So,
[22:50] sometimes when people have practiced
[22:51] very very sincerely,
[22:53] meditating a lot, doing a lot of sitting
[22:55] meditation, a lot of walking meditation,
[22:57] studying a lot, studying the discipline,
[23:00] and studying the suttas a lot, uh the
[23:02] mind can get hyper-focused on just one
[23:05] or two little things.
[23:08] And
[23:09] so when that happens, it's important to
[23:13] try to expand awareness, broaden the
[23:15] focus. So we might think like,"Oh, I
[23:17] stepped on an insect.
[23:19] It wasn't intentional."Or I stepped on
[23:21] an insect.
[23:23] And our mind can't let go of it.
[23:26] There's all these other things happening
[23:27] in our lives and we're cultivating all
[23:29] sorts of things, but I accidentally
[23:31] stepped on this insect and the mind
[23:32] can't let go of it sometimes for days.
[23:35] I remember being on retreat and there
[23:36] was this I was actually at the
[23:39] Toyon Kuti, the Kuti near the the mob,
[23:43] near the monks'utility building. And I
[23:45] was on this two-week solitary retreat.
[23:47] This was probably like five or six years
[23:50] ago. And I was doing walking meditation.
[23:52] There's a really good long walking
[23:54] meditation path at that Kuti. And there
[23:56] was a mud wasp that had a hole. So this
[24:00] this wasp had a hole on the walking
[24:01] meditation path and I would watch this
[24:04] this wasp come and go into the hole.
[24:06] Then it would come out of the hole and
[24:07] fly off and then later on it would come
[24:09] back into the hole.
[24:11] And one day I
[24:13] I was uh
[24:14] sweeping leaves off the walking
[24:16] meditation path and I accidentally
[24:18] filled in the hole
[24:20] of this wasp. It's this little hole.
[24:23] It's one of these black wasps that uh
[24:25] flit its wings. Uh
[24:27] and they're kind of uh they're like a
[24:29] solitary creature.
[24:31] And then uh
[24:32] this wasp came and it was looking for
[24:34] its hole.
[24:36] It couldn't find it. So I was doing
[24:37] walking meditation. I was watching this
[24:39] wasp just just kind of like
[24:44] It's kind of It was seemed like it was
[24:45] distressed. It couldn't find its hole.
[24:47] And then I started thinking,"Oh,
[24:49] it's probably got
[24:51] young in there
[24:52] that it's that This is probably the
[24:54] mother wasp and it's got young in there
[24:56] in that hole."So I started feeling very
[24:58] bad for it. I got it got a bit
[25:00] emotional, actually. So, this is what
[25:02] can happen on retreat. It's like my mind
[25:04] was just focused on this Oh, no. What
[25:07] did I do?
[25:08] So, I did up getting down on my hands
[25:09] and knees and trying to uncover this
[25:12] hole for it. [laughter]
[25:14] If somebody was to come and what what
[25:16] are they doing?
[25:19] So, that can happen when you're on your
[25:20] own on retreat.
[25:23] And I don't think I ever found its hole
[25:25] like it was filled in enough that I
[25:27] couldn't I couldn't find it and then
[25:29] this thing this wasp just kept coming
[25:31] and couldn't find it and I felt I felt
[25:33] worse and worse and then I think after a
[25:35] couple days I forgot about it, but it
[25:37] was I did suffer over that. It's so
[25:39] interesting what can come up in the mind
[25:41] during retreat. I also remember being on
[25:43] retreat at Phu Chom Gom for a couple
[25:45] weeks and a very kind monk bringing me
[25:47] food 1 hour up every day to this cave
[25:50] that I was I was in the tea cave where
[25:52] there's a walking meditation path. It's
[25:53] like a big rock overhang. Remote part of
[25:56] Eastern Thailand and
[25:58] and [clears throat] uh
[25:59] yeah, it was kind of a
[26:01] kind of a similar thing. There was uh
[26:06] yeah, you start to notice just the
[26:08] insects and the bugs and everything that
[26:10] are around. And also you start to notice
[26:13] like what needs to be improved. So, I'm
[26:15] in this cave there's a little It's not a
[26:17] real cave.
[26:19] It's like a big rock overhang.
[26:22] But, it gets you sheltered from the rain
[26:24] and so on. Really nice space and start
[26:28] noticing okay, what needs to be improved
[26:30] in here? So, I had a whole list of after
[26:32] my retreat I was going to go to the
[26:34] hardware store and all this thing needs
[26:36] to be improved and this thing needs to
[26:37] be improved and this floor needs to be
[26:39] improved in this way and
[26:41] and this uh and the list got quite long
[26:43] through the course of the retreat. So,
[26:45] okay. Well, I'm just going to keep
[26:46] writing these things down cuz if I don't
[26:48] write it down my mind isn't going to be
[26:49] able to let go of it. So, by the end of
[26:51] my 2-week retreat I had this really long
[26:52] list of of okay, what the improvements
[26:56] needed for this cave. And
[27:00] I mean, the cave was fine, but there was
[27:03] all these improvements I was thinking
[27:04] of. And then,
[27:06] after I was off retreat, I looked at the
[27:08] list and it was it was like
[27:10] it was it like didn't make any sense
[27:12] actually at when I was off retreat.
[27:15] It's like, that's none of this is
[27:16] necessary at all.
[27:18] Just threw it away.
[27:22] It's like not a single thing was
[27:23] necessary. And not even not necessary,
[27:26] but just like not even should be done.
[27:29] It was ridiculous.
[27:31] So, but the mind gets hyper-focused in
[27:34] those ways. So, it's good to be able to
[27:37] develop that skill of stepping back and
[27:39] taking a broader view, seeing what's
[27:41] what's actually happening here.
[27:43] It's also big part of practice. So,
[27:46] yeah, just
[27:47] just uh trying to connect with
[27:48] ourselves. The whole path of practice is
[27:51] like growing a tree and uh
[27:54] being able to develop mindfulness in our
[27:56] daily actions, just kind of noticing how
[27:58] we do things. [snorts] Are we putting
[28:00] our heart into things or in what areas
[28:02] of our lives are we just working on
[28:04] automatic? How can we actually put our
[28:06] heart into those activities more? How
[28:07] can we develop more mindfulness, connect
[28:09] with ourselves more? This whole process
[28:11] of learning is what we can use the
[28:14] Buddhist teachings for.
[28:16] So, I'll offer that as a reflection this
[28:19] evening.